Surviving Love (Surviving #2) (2 page)

“I said—” he started but Ryan interrupted him.

“Here, you can have mine, I should cut out the cobbler seeing as I missed practise.” Ryan slid his plate across to me.

I looked up at Ryan completely shocked. He had never done anything nice for me before.

“Good boy, makes me happy my boys are getting along,” Grandpa said, and Ryan closed his eyes.

“Thank you,” I whispered to Ryan.

He opened his eyes and looked at me. He grinned slightly before nodding and turning his attention back toward what Kyle was saying. I continued to stare at the back of his head, shocked he would smile at me.

***

I liked bedtime, it was my favourite part of the day because it was the only time I got to see my momma, she always came to me in my dreams. I never wanted to wake up when she was there. Usually I slept down in the basement on a cot in the corner. It was cold and dark and when I first slept there I was terrified. Nothing scared me more than Ryan, so I started to like going down there because he never came into the basement. But today Grandpa said I could have a room upstairs with everyone else. Tonight I got to sleep on the top bunk in Jace’s room. It felt pretty awesome to be in his room. I would have to thank Grandpa tomorrow. He said when he put me to bed that we would have a
special walk
tomorrow where only friends go.

I went to sleep with a smile on my face that night and for the first time since momma went away I felt happy.

“Run, Chase, don’t let him catch you,” Momma shouted as I ran through the trees. I could see the water at the side of me.

“Chase, run,” she screamed louder but I couldn’t see her or who was chasing me. I could hear him, his angry grunts and loud breathing, but I couldn’t see him. Maybe it was a monster. Momma sounded so scared. What if daddy was chasing me?

I ran as fast as I could, the trees went on forever, I couldn’t get to the house because it just kept getting farther and farther away.

“Chase!” Momma screamed. I fell when I turned to see if she was with me. I crashed into the ground but it didn’t hurt. I rolled onto my back to see if Momma was here. But she wasn’t. I could hear her crying and pleading with me to hide and run away. But I stayed where I was, I couldn’t move. The monster came closer, I could hear him, his shadow came out of the woods. The huge monster walked toward me but I couldn’t see him, he was too dark. I crawled away and tried to run but his hand landed on my shoulder—

“Ssshh.” A hand was over my mouth as I struggled. I stared at the dark shadow in my room with wide eyes. “Come on,” he whispered, but I knew that voice. It wasn’t my dream monster, it was worse, it was
Ryan
. He lifted me from the bunk and carried me out of the room. He smelt funny, his breath had a horrible smell to it. Like when Grandpa drank that golden juice.

Ryan carried me silently through the house out of the back door and into the trees near the water. He still held his hand over my mouth. I shivered when the cold night air hit me; my jammies were not warm enough to be out here without a sweater. Ryan only had a vest on so I stayed quiet because he would say I had to be a man.

I was scared in the dark, I was scared going outside in the dark, but I was terrified going outside in the dark with Ryan. I shivered again and Ryan pulled me closer to him and wrapped his big arms around me. It felt nice but I started to cry because I didn’t want Ryan to hurt me again and I knew that was what would happen. 

“Don’t cry, buddy, I’m not gonna hurt ya,” Ryan said softly.

I shivered again because it was nice he said
buddy
but I knew Ryan wasn’t nice, so I kept crying.

He stopped at the edge of the water and stared out into the darkness. I could hear the water lapping at the shore. Ryan lifted a bottle to his mouth and gulped his juice down. He made a coughing noise and threw the bottle into the water, making a loud splash.

“I fucking hate it here,” he said. I gasped because that was a bad word and momma said boys should never say that word. Daddy said it all the time.

“I thought I was helping you, I thought—” He growled like a scary animal. “It’s all been fucking pointless.” He sat down on the ground with me still in his arms. I tried not to move so he would forget I was there.

“I didn’t want to hurt you, little man, but it was the only way I could think to get you out of here.” He let out a long smelly breath and tightened his arms around me. “I thought if I hurt you enough times, the hospital would take you away. I thought they’d say it was unsafe for you to live here with us, but they fucking believed
her
every time. I mean come on, how stupid are they, a kid don’t fall that many times.” He laughed but he didn’t sound happy. “I saw it, I knew the day you arrived the sick fucker would make you one of his
special boys
. I didn’t want that for you. I couldn’t let it happen. I tried to get you out of here. But I can’t hurt you no more, it ain’t right and I’m sorry. I don’t hate you, kid, I need you out of here. It’s fucked up what he does. I’m sorry I hurt you, buddy, but one day I hope you will see why I did it. I wanted you away from this place.” He spoke so quickly I had trouble understanding what he was saying.

He turned to look at me in the moonlight I could see Ryan had tears rolling down his face. I leaned back, a little shocked he was crying.
Men don’t cry
. I lifted my hand and wiped his face with the sleeve of my jammies and he laughed.

“I’ll try, buddy, to keep you safe, but other than killing the fucker I don’t know what to do,” he said.

I stared at his face, his blue eyes sparkling in the moonlight. We had the same colour eyes. 

“Will you still be mean?”

He laughed again. “No, buddy, I won’t be mean. But you have to do as I say and
never
tell Dad what I say okay?”

I nodded.

“He’s going to try to do...stuff...to you. We need to get you out of here before that happens okay, because trust me...it fucks you up real bad.” He hugged me to him again.

“Maybe if we got my momma to come back—”

“Fuck me! I would love to bring your momma back for you, little man, she’d take you away and keep you safe. But that ain’t never gonna happen. She’s dead, buddy, which means she can never come back. You had a sick fucker for a dad, even if he is my brother. You’re mom was a good woman for keeping you away from my sick fucker of a dad. I’m going to look after you though, kid, I promise we will make you into a man your momma would be proud of, okay? She’s up there in Heaven watching you and relying on me to keep you safe, but I need your help to do that.”

I nodded and looked up into the night sky at the twinkling stars, wondering if I would see her.

“Ryan?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s a whore?”

“Something your momma
never
was. It’s...you’ll find out when you’re older, kid. But your momma wasn’t one, I promise. Your dad never deserved her and our dad hated her for taking their son and
you
away from him. She was a fucking hero if you ask me.”

“Does this mean we can be friends?” I asked quietly.

“Yeah, bud, it does.”

“A
special friendship?”
I asked, smiling.

“No! He...fucking hell...he’s already done it. No, listen to me. I don’t want the same kind of
friendship
that sick fucker is offering. You stay away from him, okay? I want to be your real friend, he wants to hurt you but not the way I did. Not—” Ryan sounded out of breath even though we were sitting down. “He isn’t going to hit you but...
fuck!
Chase, listen. Your grandpa is a sick, twisted man. You think your dad was messed up, it ain’t nothing...” Ryan held onto my shoulders and pushed me away from him slightly to look at me. “Wait, did your dad ever...
touch
you?”

I shook my head. “Daddy didn’t like cuddles. He didn’t like me very much and Momma used to make me go to my room when he was home.” I stretched up to whisper in his ear. “I think I was naughty and that’s why he was cross all the time.”

“You weren’t naughty, buddy, the men in this family are fucked up. But I’m going to make sure you’re not, okay?” he whispered and pulled me into another hug. “You need to stay away from your grandpa. When he wants you, you hide under that boat there, where you hide from me, okay?”

I lifted my head to look at him. “You knew my hiding place?”

“Yeah, kid, who do you think put it there? Your daddy and I needed a hiding place once upon a time too.”

I smiled at him and liked this Ryan, he was much better than the one who hit me. He didn’t seem so scary anymore. He was my friend, and that made me happy.

C
hapter 1

Louise Beaumont

York, England

“Mrs. Beaumont, Mikey just take me pen off me,” shouted Polly.

“Mikey, what do we do if we would like something someone else is using?” I asked.

“Ask first Miss Beaumont,” Mikey replied sulkily.

“Good, now give the pen back to—”

“Good morning children.  Miss Beaumont, could I have a word please?”

I turned to see Joyce, the headmistress, beckoning me to follow her outside. I frowned because it was rare she would interrupt a class for a quick chat if it wasn’t highly important. I motioned
to Miss Dean I’d be outside. I followed Joyce out of class and when she continued to her office a sense of foreboding hit me.

“Lou, take a seat.” She motioned to the chair in front of her desk. “We’ve just received a rather distressed call from your mum. I was in the office at the time so I intercepted when it became clear the nature of the call was...alarming.”

I placed my hand on my chest. “What did she want, has something happened? Have they had an accident?”

"She phoned to say that your sister Eve has been taken to Leeds General Infirmary with severe injuries.”

I gasped and covered my mouth. “What kind of injuries?”

“She didn’t give me exact specifics but...” She paused and I hated that pause. “I believe her condition is critical and your mum asked explicitly if you would go straight to the hospital.”

“Oh God!” I covered my mouth. My skin prickled and my heart pounded with alarm.

“I’ll make sure Ellie is fine after school. If need be, I will take her to my house and you can collect her from there. She can play with James and Hetty, they’re inseparable at school so having her over for tea won’t be any hardship.”

I nodded but I hadn’t heard anything she said, all I heard was
critical.
“I don’t understand it, everything was fine this—” I gasped when I realised today was the day Elliott was being released. “He wouldn’t, would he?”

“Who?” Joyce asked, interrupting me.

I lifted my gaze to meet her confused stare, shaking my head. “Nothing. I better go.” I stood and before she could say anything else I left her office, went to the staff room, collected my bag with my car keys, and went in search of my sister. Today was the day Elliott, my sister’s demented ex, was being released from police custody after she made allegations of him abusing her in the most horrendous ways possible. But due to lack of evidence and some silly cow giving him an alibi, Eve dropped the charges.  I raced to my car and started the engine.

Five minutes into my journey I picked my phone up and dialled Dominic’s number; it immediately went to voicemail. I tried Mum and Dad but again voicemail. Then I tried the only other person I could think of who would have seen Eve that day.

“Hello.”

“Hi, it’s Lou...Louise...Eve’s sister,” I stammered, sounding like a buffoon. I don’t know why I felt the need to clarify who I was when we lived together. Johan lives with Eve and I. He also works with my sister and Dominic.

“I know who it is.” He chuckled and I couldn’t deny the tingles I got when I heard his voice.

“Do you know...have you heard anything about Eve today...it’s just that...”

“Lou, are you driving?”

“What? Yes!” I snapped.

“It’s dangerous to use your phone while driving. Where are you?”

“I’m heading to the A1, I’m going to the hospital. Eve’s—”

“Come home first and pick me up. I’ll explain what’s happened, I promise. Just...I don’t want you driving when you’re distracted.”

“Johan—”

“Please Lou.” The aguish in his voice shocked me, but also broke my determination, so I turned down the street that would lead me back home.

“I’ll be there in two.”

“Okay,” he whispered before hanging up the phone. I threw my mobile onto the passenger seat and drove toward our house.

I lived in a small semi-detached house in York with my sister Eve and her colleague Johan. Johan had moved overseas a couple years ago to work for the same pharmaceutical company his father was CEO of in America, but he didn’t talk much about where he’d come from and I never asked. Eve’s boyfriend Dominic also worked there, so the three of them had a lot in common as far as the workplace went. Sometimes I felt left out of the equation.

Eve had recently escaped an abusive relationship with Dominic’s elder brother Elliott. We thought she was safe, but the monster wasn’t ready to let go, and I feared the worst. Although he was annoying at times, Johan adored my sister; he’d encouraged Eve to come forward about Elliott’s abuse, and for that I was eternally grateful. With no family in the UK, he was alone, so we’d  adopted him into our crazy patchwork family.

Elliott and Dominic are my cousins; their mum, Jill, is my dad’s sister. My parents married when Eve was a baby, after her biological father ran off. Even though Eve and Dominic aren’t related by blood, only cousins by marriage, I still tease her about it when we’ve had a few drinks. And Ellie, our little sister, is adopted.

We’re a close family, but from the moment my parents moved next door to Jill, Eve fell in love with Dominic; the relation by marriage never once occurred to her, he was her true love in waiting. But Elliott got his nasty claws into her and refused to let go. And now she’s lying in a hospital bed and I have no clue whether she is okay or not.

As I turned the corner to enter the street where I lived, I gasped when I saw an array of emergency vehicles. An officer stood outside with a gorgeous Alsatian dog, there was a forensics van with a man and woman chatting next to it wearing...well, it looked like something from CSI, they had on these white boiler suits with hoods up. And one of them had a camera. There were at least four other uniformed police officers. Our front garden had blue and white tape cordoning it off, Johan’s car was parked haphazardly over the neighbour’s driveway. The street was lined with white police vehicles.

I parked the car as close as I could get, noticing there were two more police vehicles farther down the street. It was honestly like a scene from a detective programme. 

I hadn’t noticed him sitting on the neighbour’s wall but as I got out of the car Johan stood up. Covered in...
was that blood
?

“Johan, what the hell is happening?” I’m frantic, pointing at all the coppers. “And why do you look like an extra from
The Walking Dead
?” I pointed to his bloodied shirt. My spine tingled with fear, a ghostly sensation whispered around me as I walked closer to him.

His shoulders slumped and he stared at his feet for what felt like a decade before lifting his gaze to me, and what I saw near broke my heart.

“Johan, tell me she’s okay,” I whispered.

“He got to her.” He shook his head and turned to look at the house. “Elliott broke in and when she got home...” He cleared his throat and turned to look at me. “I was too late, I didn’t answer my cell when she called, I was too late,” he choked out.

“What do you mean? She’s okay, Johan, tell me she’s okay,” I begged, tears clogging my throat.

“Jill came out to see Dominic and said that—” He paused and looked around him. “She was already at the hospital, Dominic finally turned up after your mom got through to his office. But...Jill said when he got there it was time to say
goodbye.
I didn’t get there in time. I said I’d protect her, I’d help her, and I let her down, Lou. I promised her and I let her down.” He crumpled to the ground, hugging his knees. I reached out for him just as my phone started ringing. The pain in my chest forcing the wind out of my lungs.

I reached into my pocket and saw it was my dad phoning. I answered feeling a twinge of guilt for leaving Johan in such a desperate state, but I needed to know what was wrong with my sister.

“Dad?”

“Yeah.” He sounded worn out. He let out a long sigh. “You on your way to the hospital, kiddo?”

“Yeah...well, I was but I rang Johan to see what the hell was going on and he said he wanted me to pick him up from our house. There’s police every-
bloody
-where, Dad. What’s happened and how is Eve? Johan is a mess, he reckons...” I paused not being able to finish that sentence. “She’s okay isn’t she? Tell me she’s okay, Dad.”

Another long sigh. “They’ve finally stabilised her, but the doc said it’s likely they are going to have to medically induce a coma. Her injuries are so severe, she keeps fitting due to swelling on her brain and they think a coma will reduce the stress on her body. Give her time to recuperate, so to speak. I don’t fully understand the medical jargon, but that’s about it.”

“What the hell happened?”

“That
bastard
! It’s a good job that bloody tree finished him off because I swear to God I would have done it. I would have done life to put that shit in the ground.”

“What?”

“Elliott did this to her, and when I say he beat her, I mean unrecognisable, Lou. But the coward did a runner when the police showed up. He lost control of his car and smashed into a tree. He didn’t survive though, so Jill is in a state. She had no idea about Eve. She’s destroyed, she thinks we hate her, Dominic isn’t much better, he’s almost catatonic. He hasn’t spoken a word since he got here. His mum told him he had to say goodbye and the poor lad fell to pieces thinking she meant Eve. When he realised it was his brother, he went mental. Security threatened to kick him out of the hospital but we talked them ‘round and when he was given word about Eve he finally calmed down. But the lad is just sat there staring at the wall. I don’t even know if he’s aware of what the doctor said. Your mum is being the strong one, she’s bloody marvellous, kid.”

I sucked in a loud breath, fighting the tears threatening to spill.

“I’m coming down now. I was on my way but...” I looked over my shoulder at Johan crouched on the ground rocking back and forth. “Johan is pretty messed up too, Dad.”

“That boy saved her life, kiddo. Do me a favour?”

“Yeah?”

“Stay with him. Take him to our house; get him to have a shower and a stiff drink. I’ve a couple bottles of the good stuff at the back of the drinks’ cabinet. There isn’t anything but waiting here to be done and I promise to keep you updated. Lou that lad is—” Dad cleared his throat. “I’m certain without him, Lou, my baby-girl wouldn’t still be with us.”

“Really?” I whispered in gentle awe, the emotion in Dad’s voice almost sending me to my knees.

“Honest to God, sweetheart, we owe the lad.”

I glanced over my shoulder to look at Johan. He hadn’t moved from his crouched position; he curled into himself, rocking like a frightened child.

“I'm pretty sure he blames himself, Dad.”

“Stay with him, please, Lou. Oh shit, Ellie—”

“Joyce is going to take her to her house for tea. I’ll take Johan to your house then I’ll come to the hospital,” I said.

“There isn’t much point right now, only your mum and I are allowed in to see her. When they announced that I thought Dom was going to rip the hospital apart...” I heard dad talking to someone, he must have covered the mouthpiece because I could only make out muffled noises. “Lou, I’ve gotta go. Nothing to worry about, just your mum wants to go back in to see Eve and she hates being alone in ICU.”

“Keep me up to date.”

“I promise. Love you, Lou-Lou.”

“Love you too, Dad.” I ended the call, then placed my phone in my pocket and looked up at the sky, contemplating the best course of action. It felt wrong not to be at the hospital, but Dad seemed so emphatic I take care of Johan that I’d feel I was betraying his trust if I didn’t do as he asked. I let out a long breath and turned to face the man rocking on the grassy verge.

“Johan, Dad said you can take a shower at their house,” I said, but received absolutely no reaction. “Johan?” I called softly but again received no response. “Johan, that was my dad on the phone. Eve’s not...
gone.
They need...” I tilted my head when my words made no difference to his body language. “Johan, are you listening to me?” I moved toward him. He was sitting with his head tucked into his knees, rocking back and forth. He was pressing with the balls of his feet and manically rocking against the wall behind him. I crouched down in front of him.

“Johan?” No response. “G.I. Johan, I need you to get up.” I snapped, seeing if my usual bitchy attitude would get a response and I knew the nickname pissed him off.
Nothing.

I knelt on the floor and crawled toward him slowly. When I got nearer, I realised he was muttering something over and over again.

“
Don’t let them in, they can’t hurt you if you don’t let them in.”
He muttered over and over again. His voice strained with emotion. There was a desperate energy around him.

I lifted my hand and gently placed it on his knee. He immediately stopped rocking and scurried away from me as if frightened by my touch.

“Johan, its Louise. I...” I had no clue what to say. He seemed completely out of it, like he was drunk or worse...
high
. “I’m going to take you to Dad’s house, get you cleaned up, and then we can go see Eve. What do you reckon?”