Surviving Love (Surviving #2) (16 page)

I swallowed back tears. “He became a national hero as well as your hero.”

He lifted his head to look at me. “What?”

“Sorry, that was lame.”

“No...no it wasn’t. I just never thought of it that way before.”

I smiled.

“God you’re beautiful,” he whispered, reverently staring at my lips.

“I—”

“I pushed you away because I’m not right for you, I spoil things, I make good things turn bad. Every time I get close, something happens and I can’t bear the thought of something happening to you. I want you, so much I ache with it. But I cannot risk hurting you. That first time you kissed me was amazing, but equally as scary. I can’t lose you, Lou.”

“You won’t.”

“Yes...yes I will. I’m jinxed. Everyone I love gets hurt. Look at Eve.”

My heart soared and then plummeted at the reminder his heart belonged to my sister.

“Eve getting hurt wasn’t your fault. Elliott was a fucking psycho.”

“But she was fine until I came into her life and made her go to the police.”

I shook my head vehemently. “No, she wasn’t. She was
surviving.
It was bound to happen, and had you not been there she would be...we would have lost her forever. You are
my
hero.”

He pulled away from me and his gaze searched my face.

“You saved her. You gave her the strength to fight back. You’re a hero. Just like Ryan.”

He stood up so abruptly he startled me. He lifted his hands to his hair and pulled
hard.

“Johan?”

“Don’t say that okay? Please don’t say—”

I stood before him and cupped his face. “Hey.” When his blue eyes focused on me I wanted to crumble with the pain shining back at me. “Ryan would be so proud of you. Of the caring, beautiful man you are.” I held my hand over his heart. “In here is the most amazing, caring heart. When you allow it to love, it is the most courageously loyal and purest love ever known. And the people lucky enough to receive your love are the luckiest people in the world.” I don’t know where those words came from but I meant every single one of them.

He pressed his forehead against mine. “I can’t lose you, Lou. Don’t leave me.”

“You won’t lose me. I swear it.”

His breath fanned across my lips.

“Be patient with me,” he whispered before his lips pressed against my forehead. It was a chaste, closed mouth, gentle kiss to my brow. But it was the most erotic experience I had ever had. Marilyn Monroe was right: ‘
The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space.
’
He truly was a dangerous man to my heart.
Johan was finally letting me in, he was opening his security gates and beckoning me forward. He pulled away and I slowly opened my eyes to look at him.

He ran his index finger across my bottom lip and smiled. His dimples nipped in and transformed his handsome face from attractive to devilishly sexy.

“I have a feeling I won’t survive you,” he whispered.

“
Bear Grylls
couldn't survive me, moonbeam.” I smiled sweetly.

His loud roar of laughter lightened my heart. I had a feeling breaking into the enigma that is Johan was going to take some doing. But by God I was going to try.

***

The next day at work I decided to forgo eating in the staff room; it would be safer for my sanity to sit in my car. I couldn't be arsed going into town and finding parking, so I grabbed my phone and my bag and ran to the car avoiding puddles the wretched rain was causing. Luckily the carpark was a short distance from the school’s main entrance. I could see my car as I opened the door. I noticed Johan standing beside it with my huge rainbow coloured umbrella. 

“What?” I shook my head and dashed towards him. I stood close to him to gain refuge under the umbrella. “What are you doing here?” I asked breathlessly, looking up into his sparkling blue eyes. His dimples dipped into his cheeks making me smile.

“I came to have lunch with my woman, thought her and my love child would need sustenance.” He grinned.

I turned to make sure no one was out here. “Ssh, don’t say that.”

“Come on, you’ll get wet.” He opened his mouth to say something else and shook his head mischievously. 

“You were going to say something dirty then.” I pointed my finger at him.

“Yep, but I value my balls too much,” he joked. He opened my car door for me once I unlocked it and ran around the car and got in the passenger side. It was such a lovely surprise to have him here.

He held up a brown bag I hadn’t noticed him holding. “I know you brought lunch with you, but these are the best subs around and Eve swears by the carrot cake muffins.” He leaned into me and looked around the car park as if he was sharing secret information. “I think the carrot cake is responsible for Eve and Dominic getting together, they spent enough time at the dinner table eating together.”

I laughed and pushed him away. “I think those two were destined at birth to be together.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right, although I still think she was hot for me. She’s simply in denial.” He winked and I laughed.

“So why are you here?”

“I just told you, the carrot cake is to die for and has some magical matchmaking qualities. A guy has to try everything in his arsenal to get a girl to notice him.”

A giddy feeling fluttered around my stomach, making me all gooey inside.

“Thank you.”

“Anyway, my little buddy needs feeding more than the pathetic salad you brought.”

I couldn't help it; tears stung my eyes and my lip trembled. I turned to look out of the window before he could see but he noticed immediately.

“Hey.” He dropped the bag between his feet and gently turned my face with his hand. “What’s wrong? I can go if me being here is too much hassle.”

“No, no, it’s not that.” I wiped my cheek with the back of my hand. I looked directly into his gorgeous, captivating eyes. It was so wrong for a man to have lashes as thick and dark as his. “Why are you so good to me? I’ve been nothing but a bitch to you.”

“Lou.” He cupped my face in his hands. “Apart from the fact I seem to incite the
bitch
in mostly everyone I meet, when I needed you, you were there. Your sister was in the hospital but you stayed with me. You comforted me. I’ve not felt that
safe
for such a long time, but you did that for me. You held me, you were there for me, I’m returning the favour.”

I tried to smile, but it came out as a grimace because I wanted it to be more than a
favour.

He must have noticed my crestfallen expression because he continued after taking a deep breath and swallowing audibly.

“And...it’s quite possible that...” He ran his fingers through his hair nervously. “Eight hours is a long time to go without seeing you. I...missed you.” His cheeks reddened and this time my smile was genuine. “I hated you being upset last night because of those people in there.” He pointed across to the school.

I reached over and laced our fingers together. “I kind of missed you too.”

“Kind of?” He asked in mock offence. “Woman, I’m the man of your dreams, don’t play coy with me. You saw me standing by your car and you immediately wanted to play hide the—”

“I take it back. My blood pressure needs the eight hour break.”

His dimples came out to say hello and I fought my body’s reaction.

“Oh shit!” He jumped out of the car into the rain, reaching up onto the car roof before slumping back into the seat holding two take away cups. “I brought you a hot chocolate, with whipped cream, and no before you ask you are not smearing it on my delicious body.” He laughed. I blushed brightly, because how the hell could he read my mind.

“Thank you,” I said in a breathless whisper and wanted to slap myself.

“You’re more than welcome.”

“Not just for the food.”

“We are a team, you and I, no thanks needed for anything more.” He grabbed a sub out of the bag and handed it to me.

“Come here.” I pulled at the lapel on his jacket, then pressed a kiss to his cheek just above where his dimples appeared. I  whispered in his ear. “Thank you.”

He pulled away slightly and we stared into one another’s eyes, the electricity between us ramping up. The hairs on the back of my neck tingled; I shivered watching his eyes glaze over, turning iridescent. This close I could see the water droplets of the cool rain nestled neatly on his lashes.

“Lou?” He looked down at my mouth, the heat of his stare searing into my lips. He leaned over the handbrake and pressed his mouth to mine; I sighed happily at the contact. His lips parted, taking my top lip between his. I closed my eyes and a soft moan escaped at his gentle coercion to control the kiss. He cupped my jaw, holding me to him, his thumb adding slight pressure to my chin to open for him. I parted my lips and my brain failed to work when his tongue slipped inside, teasing my own into play. He tasted of coffee and the cool rain. His skin felt chilled from the crisp air. I moaned against his mouth, pressing into him, moulding myself to him. He gave a few playful licks of his tongue before pulling away. The cold air blasted between us. I slowly opened my eyes to see him staring at me.

“You are so incredibly beautiful.”

His lips were a deep red, and glistened with moisture. I ran the pad of my thumb over them, desperately wanting to feel them again.

“Lou, please stop looking at me like that. I’ll end up getting arrested for indecent behaviour in a school parking lot.”

I blinked as his words penetrated, and I pulled back immediately scanning the area for any peeping toms.

He chuckled beside me.

I turned to glare at him.

“I’m sure they think we have done more than kiss, especially seeing as you’re carrying my love child,” he joked.

“That’s not funny.”

“Eat your lunch.” He grinned. I tried to glare at him but I couldn’t be angry at him when I saw his happy smile.

And yes, the carrot cake muffins
did
have magical qualities to them. 

Boston Massachusetts

I woke up on the bed and saw Ane wasn’t asleep next to me. I’d stopped sleeping on the floor and now slept on top of the bed and Ane stayed here with me every night. She read me stories and sang me to sleep. I liked when she stayed here with me, we had fun together. We even went in the pool sometimes; she would sit in her clothes on the side of the pool dangling her feet in the water while I splashed about. Will had gotten me some awesome shorts and water wings, and when he and Ryan came home they would get in the pool with me and we would have races to see who could get to the other edge first.

Ryan came out of the hospital and now we lived here in the pool house. He would go to college and then at weekends he came home with Will and stayed with me, even Will slept here with us. Ane would come to cook us breakfast but she didn't stay the night with us like she did when I was alone. I still hadn’t gone up to the house to see it. I was scared to leave this place, my head felt funny when I tried to go out of the main doors.

“Jo?” Ane called up the stairs. “Breakfast is ready, sweetheart.”

“I’m coming.”

I used the bathroom and went downstairs. She had piled pancakes on my plate and set a place for us like always but today there was an extra place setting. I frowned then a giddy feeling hit me.

“Are Ryan and Will coming home?” I said, pointing to the empty plate.

She shook her head and gave me an odd smile. “No.”

She cleared her throat and looked out the glass door towards the house. I turned to look in the same direction and saw a tall man standing there, right at the top of the pathway. At first I thought it was Will and jumped down from my stool and stood staring at him. Then I realised the man was
older
, he looked taller too. I looked at Ane and back at the man. My heart started pounding,
she promised.
Tears came to my eyes as horrible fear hit me. I couldn't move as the man stared at me, my muscles locked and I wanted to run, I wanted to hide but I couldn't do anything. I felt warmth in my pants, then it started running down my leg. I looked down to see a dark stain on the front of my pants.

“Sweetheart. Oh sweetheart...” Ane whispered as she came up behind me and wrapped her arm around my waist and knelt beside me. “That’s my husband Will, he’s Willem’s father. He wanted to meet you. But I said he had to wait outside until you said he could come in. He promises never to come into the pool house unless
you
open the door.”

I shook my head. I didn't want him to come in here.

“I’ve told him all about you, how smart you are, how strong and brave you are. And how fantastic you are at swimming. Will used to be on the college swim team, he’s really good too. Maybe he could teach you how to swim without your wings?”

I shook my head again, that would mean I had to go near him and let him touch me, I didn't want him to touch me. The man stood in the same spot staring at us. He never came any closer, just stood with his hands in his pockets watching us. He looked so much like Will, it was scary, because I didn't know
this
man. 

“He won’t come in here unless you tell me he can. I swear it. And he doesn’t want to scare you, honey.”

I stepped toward the door and stood behind the glass. I slid the bolt across the door locking it tight. The man didn't move he just watched. I lifted my hand and placed it on the cool glass. The man smiled and waved; I frowned and looked behind me at Ane. She had her hand over her mouth watching me. “You promise he won’t come get me?”

She nodded. “I swear it.”

I let out a long breath and turned to watch the man. He was like a colourful statue in the driveway watching me, watch him. I pressed my head against the glass. The man took his other hand out of his pockets, pulled the material of his pants up and sat down on the ground so he was level with me.

“See, sweetheart. He’ll wait, he won’t make you do anything you don’t want.” I jumped when she spoke because I didn't realise she was standing so close.

“He looks like Will,” I said quietly.

She chuckled and hugged me to her. “Yeah, it’s remarkable how alike they are.”

“Is he nice like Will?”

“Yes, sweetheart. He’s the kindest man I’ve ever known. He loves his son something fierce. If you like we can ask Will this weekend when he gets home.”

“Why is he sitting there?”

“Because he wanted to see
our
new boy. He wanted to meet the new addition to our family. I spoke to your grandma; she has agreed to sign custody of you over to us. Will has instructed his lawyer, dealing with the papers, to make it happen as quickly as possible.”

“What does cus-tard-y mean?”

She chuckled. “
Custody
means once your grandma signs the papers you will be mine and Will’s son. We will be your guardians or parents if you like. It means we will protect you.”

“Why does
he
want me?” I nodded to the man sitting on the floor. I knew what men wanted, and they hurt me when they took what they wanted.

“Because...he has a big heart, Jo, and there was a space that needed filling by a brave little boy who has no family, but deserves all the love in the world.”

I didn't believe Ane, it made me sad not to believe her.

“I wet my pants.”

“I know, sweetheart, shall we go change them?”

I nodded and tried the lock again to make sure it was secure.

“Would I have to call you
momma
?” I asked as we walked through the pool house.

She smiled and shook her head. “No, not if you didn't want to. Ane is fine.”

“I think it would make my momma sad if I called
you
momma, even if she doesn’t like me anymore.”

“Oh honey, your mom loved you very much. She didn't leave you through choice, bad things happened and she was
taken
from you.”

I nodded but I didn't really know what the difference was. She tightened her hold on my hand and paused in front of the bathroom.

“What about mama-Anesu.”

“Mamanansu.” I frowned because that didn't sound right.

She laughed. “Maybe that’s a mouthful for you.”

“Mama-su,” I whispered and she stopped laughing. Her eyes watered again.

“That’s perfect, Jo.” She hugged me.

***

Four times Will and Ryan had been to see me. That’s four weeks, Ane has been teaching me time and the days of the week. Every day she would come down to the pool house and bring more books and for hours we would learn different things. Every day Will’s dad sat outside and I locked the door. Some days he would sit on the driveway, sometimes he would come a little closer. When he wasn’t there Ane said he was at work.

Today Will’s dad sat outside on the porch beside the door, instead of on the gravel pathway. He huddled down into his coat; it was cold and rainy outside. I waved to him from the table while we ate pancakes and bacon. I felt real sad inside that he was out in the cold, I felt wretched for being cruel. I got down from the table and padded across the floor to the door. He was watching me but he didn't move. I sat and pressed my hand against the glass. He smiled, looked over my shoulder and then looked at my hand. He slowly lifted his and touched the glass, pressing his palm against mine on the other side.

“Hi,” I said and smiled.

“Hi, I’m Will.” He had the same smile and green eyes as Will. He had crinkles near his eyes though, and his top front tooth was a little crooked. His hair was the same golden yellow as Will’s but shorter and had grey bits in front.

We sat against the glass watching each other for a while. Then I stood up and turned to look at Mama-su who was watching us. She had a hand to her chest and one covering her mouth. I turned to look back at Will’s dad and he looked sad that I had moved away. I took a deep breath and walked back to the kitchen. Mama-su lifted her shoulders and shrugged to Will’s dad and smiled sadly at him. I took out a plate and a glass. I climbed up on the table and filled it with milk and put some pancakes on the plate. Mama-su sat down and loaded her plate up. I jumped down from my seat and walked slowly to the door. I watched Will’s dad sitting on the floor and waved again.

I reached for the bolt and twisted the handle. Mama-su gasped behind me and the man quickly got to his feet. He was so much taller than Will. He stepped towards me and I stepped back. He stopped and stared at me.

“Hi. I’m Will,” he said, I hadn’t heard his voice properly before. It was deep and friendly.

“Hi, I’m Jo. We’re having pancakes.” I pointed towards the table.

“They smell mighty fine.”

“They’re the best, Mama-su made them.”

He looked up at her and smiled. “Yeah, son, they are the best.”

“I got you some milk,” I said. He stepped forward slowly.

We sat at the table and Mama-su poured him some coffee, but he shook his head. “Jo got me some milk.”

I smiled, proud he wanted the milk I’d poured for him.

***

A few weeks later Ryan and I moved into the big house. We were allowed to share a room, so when he came home at the weekends, I would get to spend
all
weekend with him. He would spend all his holidays here too.

Will or my new dad, he said I could call him that, was real nice too. He never shouted or hit Mama-su, he didn't call her names or make her cry. He did kiss her a lot, and cuddle her, and made her smile a lot. Daddy Will never cussed at us or hit Ryan, Will, or me. He played football and taught me to swim without water wings. He owned a big company that made medicines in the city. He worked away sometimes and I missed him when he wasn’t at home; he said when I wanted to leave the house, Mama-su and I could travel with him. But I liked it at the house, I never left the house. When he did come home the first thing he would do was run into the house to cuddle Mama-su and me. He always said he missed us something fierce.

Ryan said they were good people and so far they really were. Dad had made sure Grandpa Chase stayed away. And Grandma Violet wasn’t allowed to come visit me either. Kyle and Jace had been to see us; a lady always came with them and we had to stay in the same room with her. They didn't live with Grandma anymore, neither did the twins. I wasn’t allowed to know where they lived. They all had new mommas except Kyle, he said he lived in a
group home
, I don’t know what that meant but he didn't get to have a new momma. He said he liked coming to see us and sometimes we were all allowed in the pool. 

I still had nightmares, they were less and less and no longer every night. But when they did happen Ryan, Will, or Mama-su would be there to hold me and make the monsters go away. I felt safe and loved. I didn't want anything to take this away.