Sublime Wreckage (8 page)

"You worthless piece of shit. Can't you do anything right? I told you to do the damn laundry because I needed ALL of my clothes washed! Now I can't find the one thing I wanted to wear! And where were you? Out prancing all over town having a good time? Probably spreading your legs to the first guy to show you any attention. You've probably slept with half the town already! You stupid whore. I don't even know why I had you. You think you are so damn perfect. No wonder Amanda is your only friend. No one else can stand you! Where the hell where you? Huh? Answer me!"

I pull my hands away from my head just enough to answer her question. I try so hard to keep her from hitting me in the face. I can cover bruises on my body easily but my face is another story. "I was at work. I'm sorry I didn't get the laundry done. I will do it all now. I will find what you were looking for. I'm so sorry I wasn't here to help. It won't happen again." Tears are running down my face from the pain shooting through my body as I plead with my mother, my flesh and blood, to stop. "Please, please. I'm so sorry." I will do anything to get her to calm down. I tilt my head just enough to get a view of her eyes. Whoever said eyes are the window to the soul didn't know just how true that statement was. Her eyes are wild, darting back and forth from me to the mess on the floor. She is panting from the excursion of kicking me repeatedly while spewing her hatred for me in the form of words. She is deciding whether I've had enough or if she should keep going. This is the time to stay as quiet as possible. Anything could set her off again. So I lay on the floor, curled in my protective ball, praying she is done. The only thought going through my mind in this moment is please, please be done.

"You better get this place cleaned up! NOW!!! And find my damn purple dress with the black belt. If you can't find it there will be hell to pay!"

I quickly get up from the floor taking shallow breaths in an attempt to alleviate some of the pain. "Yes Ma'am." I keep my head down as I begin picking up all the clothes. I will have to rewash everything tonight. She won't just let me hang her things back up in the closet. I know better than to do that. She wants me to suffer. After I have cleaned up all her clothes I start the washing machine. The next several hours are spent doing every little thing I can to please her. I clean every inch of our house leaving nothing untouched. If I stop or sit down for even a second she will start throwing punches again. I finish with all her laundry. While I'm hanging her clothes back in her closet I see the dress she was looking for. It was hanging behind her robe. I want to scream or cry or both. I want to fall to the ground and mourn the life I should have had with my father. My life wasn't supposed to be like this. I know it in my gut. I was meant for something better. But I don't give into temptation. I will not let her see me break. She WILL NOT break me. I made that promise to myself a long time ago.

She watches me like a hawk the entire evening never relenting from her evil glare. I serve her whatever she demands. It's like walking on egg shells when she has an explosion of this proportion. A few days will go by before she goes back to her baseline hatred of me. It absolutely terrifies me when I see that much anger in her eyes. Does she really hate her own daughter that much? That's a question I don't think will ever be answered.

It's just after 2:00 in the morning. I am so tired. My body aches from all the abuse it's suffered tonight. She finally told me I could go to my room. I don't dare get ice from the freezer for my injuries for fear of getting hit again. I can't handle any more damage to my body tonight. I softly close my bedroom door. I sink into my bed face down wanting to disappear but something hard is poking my thigh. I reach down into my pocket and pull out my cell phone. Just as I'm about to turn it off I see a text message.

I hope you are having sweet dreams. Glad you made it safely home. See you tomorrow.

I immediately decide to make his contact permanent in my phone. I even give him his own ringtone. That boy just put a smile on my face when I felt devastated. I might not have much in this world but it looks like I just made a new friend.

I roll to the right side of my body hoping it will give me some relief from the throbbing pain pulsing up and down my left side. I hold back my tears refusing to give in to self-pity. I will not be that person. I'm stronger than that. I have survived that woman this long, I can endure a few more months. At least I hope I can.

I'm not sure when I drifted off to sleep but it feels like it was just five minutes ago. I haven't been this tired in months. The first time I try to sit up sharp pain shoots up my left side. I immediately lay back down and take several slow, even breaths. Then I gently ease myself to a sitting position on the side of my bed. Somehow I manage to make my way to the bathroom. I turn the water to hot hoping for some relief from the pain. As I start to wash my body I see the bruises beginning to form. The most prominent bruise is right under my breast on my rib cage where she punched me. Damn that woman hits hard. I only notice two other smaller bruises further down my body. I am so thankful she didn't have shoes on last night or this would be a whole lot worse. I get dressed slowly because raising my arms above my head hurts like hell. I barely get a brush through my hair before deciding it's best to put it in a ponytail. My concealer not only has to cover dark circles under my eyes but the redness from the slap I endured the other night. Thanks goodness for cover-up.

"Hey Amanda." I can't hide the fact that I'm sleep deprived and injured from her. She knows me too well. She also knows what happens behind closed doors. I used to share the details with her until I saw the effect it was having. She feels my pain so much that I couldn't keep inflicting that on her. I told her that it hurt me too much to relive the events so we just accept the reality of my life. She saw enough first hand when we were younger to last her a lifetime. I stopped having anyone over shortly after my mother lost her parents. That's when things started to get a whole lot worse.

"Rough night?" I just nod in return. "I know you don't have any other options but I wish you did. I wish there was something I could do."

"We've been down this road. Foster care isn't going to be any better than living with her. We both know the only people in this town willing to foster teenagers are just looking for a paycheck. You remember that girl Amber who ended up in the hospital because her foster dad beat her to a bloody pulp? Well, I'd rather take my chances with someone who might have some feeling left in her cold heart for her only child. Wishful thinking I know."

"What about your Grandpa?"

"He's in his seventies. I can't ask him to take care of a teenager. Besides, he lives two hours away. I don't want to change schools my senior year. I've worked too hard to get the classes I want and need for college. Just sucks that I don't have any other family." My dad was an only child and my mother has a brother who lives overseas. I haven't seen him since I was like 9-years-old. Both of my mother's parents passed away about six years ago. My Grandpa is the only connection I have left to my father. I try to visit him whenever I can but without a car it's just not as often as I would like.

"That sucks. I'm really sorry Maggie. I wish I could be a better friend for you. I wish I could get you out of this situation."

"Amanda stop. Please don't ever doubt our friendship. I know you would do anything for me. We have been friends far too long for you to start pitying me now. I'm fine. It was just a bad night. I will get past this just like I have with all the other bad nights. One day at a time. Right?"

"Right. Sorry. Let's change the subject. I heard a strange rumor going around that Vincent Moreno gave you a ride to work yesterday."

"OMG! How does this crap get around so fast? Unbelievable. Does everyone know about this?" I throw my hands up in the air then bring them back to my side exasperated.

"Yeah. Pretty much. So it's true?"

"Yes it's true." I say after releasing the biggest sigh of my life. When you live in a small town rumors fly around like crazy. "He gave me a ride. Big deal. He seems like a nice guy. I already told him that I'm not looking for anything romantic. I don't have time for a boyfriend. So he said he is willing to be friends." The next 10 minutes are pure torture. Amanda drills me for every single detail until we have to part ways in the hallway.

"I'm so not done talking about this. You are not getting off the hook that easily." She flips her hair over her shoulder as she smiles wickedly.

"I can't wait." I say with annoyance. I can't blame the girl. I haven't so much as looked at a guy since Sam. I guess I haven't been a very good friend in that respect. I never gossip about boys with her. In fact, I have a talent for tuning her out when that subject comes up.

The minutes seem to be crawling by today. I have to be very careful not to breathe too deeply or make any quick movements. I'm going to have to skip swim practice today. There is no way I can take physical activity right now. It just hurts too much. You aren't allowed to miss practice unless you have a damn good reason. I'm going to have make something up. I hate lying. I kind of suck at it so coming up with something believable is going to be hard. I decide to opt out of skipping it all together. I can go and tell couch I'm having horrible cramps. That sort of thing makes him super uncomfortable. More than likely he will let me sit out today.

At least Amanda was distracted by her new boy toy today at lunch. She didn't have time to ask me anything else in-between all her relentless flirting. It seemed to be paying off because the guy couldn't take his eyes off of her. I can't say I blame him. I have always thought Amanda was beautiful.

The last bell rings and I slowly head to my locker. I was able to sneak into the nurse's office during study hall to borrow an ice pack. It helped some but it would be nice to keep icing it. Maybe I can do that during my break at work tonight. The more I can tend to my injury the faster I will recover. I head outside to catch my bus but I accidently drop my swim bag. Just as I lean over to pick it up the pain returns a thousand times worse. I wince from the intensity stabbing at my rib cage. I stand back up as slowly as possible. Note to self, don't bend over. When I raise my head I see Vincent sitting in his car waiting for his little brother. He gives me a small wave with a tight smile on his face. I wave back and hurry onto the bus. I wonder what that look was for? He almost looked like he was in pain. I hope everything is alright. Just as I'm thinking the words he sends me a text.

Everything alright? You don't look so good. Are you sick?

Great. He noticed. Just one more person I have to lie to. This sucks.

I'm fine. Just female stuff. See you after practice.

I really hate that I just shared that information with him but I've learned one thing about lying. You tell everyone the same lie, you stick with it. When you start changing your story people get suspicious. That's at least one lesson my mother has inadvertently taught me.

My coach doesn't ask a single question as soon as I mention the word cramps. I decide to get some homework done while I wait for practice to be over. I can't seem to stop thinking about the look on Vincent's face. It wasn't pity. I would know that look anywhere. After I lost my father I got that look all the time. And I hated it. I have never wanted pity from anyone. It made me feel weak and small. But that's not the look Vincent had. It seemed more like anger. I don't know him well enough yet to decipher his facial expressions but I got the distinct impression he was trying to hide just how furious he was.

After staring blankly at my calculus homework for a solid ten minutes I decide to put it away. I need to call my Grandfather. His birthday is in a couple of weeks and I really want to celebrate with him. He is a retired air force colonel so he doesn't like any mushy business. It's going to take some convincing to let me spend his birthday with him but I can handle a challenge.

"Hello?"

"Hi Grandpa. It's Maggie."

"Oh Maggie! Hello! How are you? How is school going so far?"

"It's going pretty good. I have a friend who is helping me with my calculus and chemistry."

"You know if you ever need help with your school work you can always call me."

He might not like all the mushy talk but that man has always been there for me. I think he would let me live with him if I asked. But I can't put that burden on his shoulders. Especially after seeing the strain it put on him to care for my Grandmother. Caring for her full time seemed to age him at least ten years overnight. She died about seven years ago from lung cancer. I loved her so much. She would always hold my hands, rubbing them softly while telling me how much they reminded her of my father's hands. I treasured that she always compared me to my father and reminded me of what a wonderful man he was. I didn't used to be very close to my Grandfather, not until it was just the two of us left. After losing his wife he became increasingly interested in my life.

"Thanks Grandpa. I appreciate the offer. Listen, I wanted to come visit you in a couple of weeks. Would you mind coming to pick me up?"

"Of course not Maggie. I would love to see you. When were you thinking?"

"Ummm..." Here comes the tricky part. "I don't know, maybe around the middle of September? Like the second weekend?" I said all of this while trying to sound as casual as possible.

"Sure. I think that should work. I can pick you up on Saturday morning. I haven't been driving at night lately so we would have to head back Sunday afternoon."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just need to be more careful now that I'm getting older."

"Ok. As long as you are alright. I will let mom know we made plans. See you in two weeks!"

"Bye Maggie."

He never stays on the phone longer than absolutely necessary. He doesn't do long phone conversations. Now get him in person and he will talk your ear off! I soak up each and every minute I can with him. I know what it's like to think you have all the time in the world only to have it slip through your fingers. I'm so excited that he didn't seem to remember that is his birthday weekend. He would never let me buy him a single item so I usually make him something. I will have to rack my brain for something new.