“So you sold out.” Her voice was sharp as an arrowhead on a steady trajectory.
“I compromised.”
“You gave up an essential part of your dignity for this guy.”
“I did not!” Suddenly, Hugo was pissed. “Kevin didn’t force me into anything. Not once. He gave me plenty of chances to get out. He never lied about it. Never. He told me immediately about Tricia, and I told him he should go out with her, go to homecoming with her. Sure, the silence sucked when that happened, but to be honest, I was so involved with my dad I really didn’t have the time to be thinking with my cock. My dad was more important. If we had been together then, it probably would’ve gotten fucked to hell because of everything I was dealing with anyway. I needed a friend then, not a lover. And that’s exactly what Kevin was. Besides, that’s not the point.” Hugo was flustered, not wanting Summer to hate Kevin for no good reason. He was just as much a part of their decisions as Kevin had been, even if they hadn’t been the best decisions.
“We were kids. We were new to relationships. We didn’t even have the vocabulary or emotional maturity to have a decent discussion at the beginning, and we certainly had no experience laying out ground rules. It was far from perfect when Tricia first entered the picture. When you’re gay, you hide. It eventually becomes natural to hide, until you come out. When you’re straight, you don’t have to do that. It was easier for Kevin to play straight and not have to hide, until he no longer could. In the end, it was a choice we came to together, and one we talked about whenever either of us had worries or fears. Pretty soon we got really good at talking. And there were times we’d talk and debate for a week at a time, trying to make sure we both felt good going forward or like we had an escape route if we needed it. “
Summer glared at him but took a sip of her coffee and allowed the temperature of the room to lower by a few degrees.
“But you told me you loved him.”
“I did. And from what he said the other night, he loved me too. I don’t think either of us will deny that.”
“If he loved you, he should’ve given up this Tricia girl.”
Hugo shrugged, knowing why Kevin had a hard time doing that on his own. “I hate to keep bringing up his dad, but I’ve never seen anyone be so affected by his father besides people like me who either lost their dads or had absent fathers altogether. Or abusive or alcoholic fathers. I don’t know how far his dad would’ve gone, and I’m glad we never had to find out. Beyond that, I guess I understood his need to please because I wanted nothing more than to make my own dad proud. I knew I’d never get the words or the physical strokes after he died, but I got an inexplicable feeling inside when I knew I’d done something he would’ve approved of. I worked harder in school than ever before and took my job so seriously my boss had to force me to take days off.” Hugo withdrew his hands from Summer’s side of the table and took a few sips of his own coffee.
“Our dads are powerful men whether they’re absent or present,” Hugo said thoughtfully. “Sometimes we just can’t shake their influence, and it becomes our mission to either confront those demons, ignore them, or roll over. Kevin chose to roll over in high school because if he hadn’t, his life would’ve been made a living hell. I don’t begrudge him that, and to be honest, I don’t want you to judge him too harshly because of it, Summer. Do you understand me?”
Summer had the wherewithal to look remorseful, and Hugo was glad. She still had her father, who was a wonderful man. Of course, that may have been why she had such a hard time finding a man she was willing to settle down with; in her eyes, her dad was still practically flawless. No one could measure up to that.
“And he did give up Tricia,” Hugo continued after taking a few deep breaths, voice calmer. “They gave each other up. They were
together
until right before she left for college. I even got used to their public displays of affection, which were remarkably toned down. Kevin did this thing where he’d lean in really close to tell her something. Everyone thought Kevin was sucking on her earlobe, and he was teased about having an ear fetish, but he was really just telling her his whereabouts for the night so they’d have their stories straight if their parents talked.” Hugo smiled at the memory and shook his head.
“She used Kevin just as much as he used her,” he shared. “They both got to spend time with their boyfriends and still please their parents, keeping them out of trouble and able to have the freedom they wanted. Kevin and I double-dated at prom. He took Tricia, and I took my friend Becca. We had a good time, but there were no typical prom night antics. I had Becca home by two, and he had Tricia home about the same time. Then he came over to my house, and we fucked for the first time.”
Summer dropped her jaw and shook her head. “Oh my God! I’ve been trying to get the story of how you lost your virginity out of you for years. All this time I thought it was because it happened in some crazy-ass way you were too ashamed to admit, but here you were protecting a guy you loved. How sweet. But prom? That’s so…
stereotypical
of you!”
Hugo laughed at the look of mock disgust on Summer’s face. “I guess I felt like I’d lost my virginity with Kevin during the summer, but if you want to use straight definitions, the stereotype loss of virginity happened, but with two guys fucking, not a guy and a girl.”
“So you eventually worked out who would top?” she asked because she clearly wanted details.
“I did the first time.”
“Wow. The power bottom tops,” she teased.
“I’m not a power bottom,” he rejected. “I’ll go wherever I’m needed. I’m a very versatile guy,” he reminded her.
“Not with Michael, you weren’t.”
Hugo conceded with a shrug. Summer was right. He had bent over for Michael in nearly every way he could. That’s why he’d waited so damn long to even consider doing anything with a guy since. He wasn’t ready to end up someone’s emotional whipping boy again and certainly not a fuck toy.
It wasn’t surprising it was Kevin who got him to break his dry spell. Kevin had always had a special place in his life and in his heart. But Kevin had been so much more than he’d ever expected him to be even after he’d broken up with Tricia before senior year.
They had found a rhythm, an easy rhythm where both boys knew how to read each other in a crowded room, letting the other know that
Yes, I’m fucking horny and I need you tonight
or even
I need to talk.
Their sex life was always passionate and freeing, both giving each other the permission and freedom to ask for anything they wanted to try. And they tried
a lot
more than typical high school boys who fucked each other, Hugo had later found out when meeting other gay men in college. That was due to Hugo and Kevin being together for so long. How many graduating seniors could say they’d been with the same person for that long?
The love they had for each other was noticeable by nearly everyone around them at school, even if most people interpreted it as a really close friendship and less than how Charisse or Hugo’s mom would describe it. “You guys glow when you’re together,” Charisse had told them, joking. “If I didn’t know you were both guys, I’d think you were pregnant.”
It was a horrific thought, but in a way, she was right. They both looked content when in each other’s presence because they truly were. Even Kevin’s mom had noticed a difference, which meant Kevin’s dad had surely seen changes as well, since he was überobservant. He had planned a few more vacations for senior year, but Kevin wasn’t barred from spending time with Hugo, which was a relief to both of them. Tricia’s continued presence on her college breaks and all her letters and phone calls had really helped keep Kevin’s dad off his back.
“By the time I left for college at the end of summer, we’d been together for more than two years. We knew each other so well. We were both optimistic things would continue, that we’d get together on weekends and maybe he’d have the strength to tell his father he was in love with me. But it didn’t happen that way. We just gradually quit talking, getting involved in our new lives at our different colleges, and we never really found any opportunity to ever get back in contact with each other. Or never took the opportunity.”
Summer looked out the large window overlooking the lake and gazed off into the distance. She released a mournful sigh. “It’s quite tragic, isn’t it?”
Hugo shrugged. “I suppose if it had happened in such a condensed way like I just told you, yes. It’s sad. Maybe a cautionary tale for some, but I was lucky, I think. I got to feel what love really was about when I was still young and optimistic, not jaded. I learned how to communicate in a relationship. Kevin and I got to explore and experiment with each other in ways—innocent, safe ways. When I first got to college and started dating, it was nothing like I had with Kevin. It was drunken one-night stands and completely anonymous sex with men who I didn’t know if they were straight, bi, or gay, and it didn’t matter because I had no desire to see them after I’d shot my load.”
Summer shook her head at his vulgarity but apparently chose not to comment because she was very used to it, just not in such close proximity with discussions of being really and truly in love.
“Plus, the guys I actually dated in college had no clue how to be in a relationship. They knew how to fuck, and that’s about it. None of them knew how to communicate or work through problems. You know, now that I think back over all our history, it’s not surprising I slept with Kevin the other night. It just sorta easily fell into place, and I see why. At least the physical part was easy. I’m not so sure how the rest will go, if there’s even a chance for it to
go
.”
“So I’m meeting this guy?” she asked, her face basically asking,
What do I need to do to make this go well and not fuck it up for you by being overprotective?
Hugo loved Summer, not only for the protection she wanted to impart but also because she was more than willing to ask him what he needed rather than assuming she knew best in moments like this.
“And his kids,” Hugo reminded.
“Yes. His kids. Do you know much about his ex-wife?” she asked gently.
“No. And honestly, I’d rather not learn about the breakup of his marriage in front of his kids or with you interrogating him, so please, let me find out in my own time, okay?” Hugo pleaded.
Summer held up her palms in surrender and nodded. “I wasn’t going to do anything crazy, I was just wondering.”
“You were wondering because you already don’t trust him,” he challenged.
Summer shrugged, visually agreeing with Hugo’s assessment. “It doesn’t really matter what I think. What matters is what you think because, God knows, you don’t listen to a thing I say when you’re this determined,” she said with overplayed exasperation in her voice, interjecting humor back into the conversation.
“That’s right, because nothing you ever tell me is worth listening to aside from the makeup and fashion tips you’ve given Miss Cherrie Pop!.” Hugo smiled at her, showing she was forgiven.
“Does he know?”
“Know what?”
“That you’re a drag queen from time to time.”
Hugo shook his head as he laughed into his cup. “No.” The surface of the coffee reacted to his breath, sending ripples out from the center of the mug. “And I’m not so sure this weekend is the time for revealing those secrets, especially in front of kids I’ve never met.”
“How old are they?”
“Five and ten.”
“Oh, he does things in fives. Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five….”
“Stop! You’re off for the summer so stop teaching. You’ll get back to your kindergarteners soon enough.”
Summer couldn’t help but laugh. She knew how much her teacher antics, songs, and annoying rhymes drove Hugo crazy, yet she insisted on tormenting him.
“Okay, so five and ten. I can do that. Grade school is easy. It’s teenagers I have issues with. A boy and a girl, right?”
“Yep. I guess we’re basically going to go over to have supper. Kevin wants to fire up the grill and maybe go out on his boat or something before dark. It didn’t sound like it would last too long because he’s got to get the kids to bed. Nothing too serious, from what he said. He just wants to spend more time getting reacquainted, and I told him about you. He seemed really interested in getting more acquainted.”
“And he lives right next door to Myles, right?”
Hugo vigorously nodded. “Weird, huh? Small world.”
“What time are we going over?” she asked.
“Five, so we have the rest of the afternoon.”
Tiptoeing to Test the Waters
H
UGO
was wary as he introduced Kevin and Summer at the formal entrance to Kevin’s house, not the back door he and Kevin had used the other night. He knew his smile was tight and nervous, and Kevin seemed to notice, giving him an odd, questioning look as soon as Summer slipped in front of Hugo. He tried to brush it off with a look, but Kevin increased his intensity, causing Hugo to silently mouth,
Just nervous
, with a shake of his head. Then Kevin seemed to understand.
“Come on in and make yourself at home. I have several different options of meat and veggies to choose from. I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I basically bought a little of everything, and I’ll freeze the rest. But first, I thought we’d start with some wine.”
Kevin was welcoming and kind, seeming to impress Summer with his generosity. He allowed her to choose the menu, along with some input from Hugo, while he uncorked a few bottles of wine to suit everyone’s taste.
Hugo couldn’t help but notice how good Kevin looked wearing a loose white shirt with several buttons undone, slim-fit khaki chinos carelessly rolled up as if he’d recently been in the lake, and bare feet. Gorgeous bare feet, Hugo thought. He had to force himself to look away, or at least up, focusing on the short dark-blond hairs near the nape of his neck instead. He missed Kevin’s longer hair. It had always been one of his favorite things with its slight wave near the ends, but now it seemed straight and thick, carelessly pushed back from his forehead to look sexy as hell. Hugo had grown his own hair out later in college, going from a tame, small-town-safe pompadour to a longer cut, but he didn’t have any of the curl Kevin had back then, just a slight wave if the humidity was right, which was most of the time during summer in Minnesota. It was odd that they had basically swapped hairstyles as they aged, he thought. Hugo took a sip of red wine to try to get his mind back in the game and started asking what he could do to help prepare food for the grill.