Silent Scars (Surviving #4) (19 page)

“I wasn’t cold,” she muttered before turning towards her parents and the police officers.

After two hours of police questions and them scoping the grounds and taking evidence, they dispatched. I had shown them the camera footage of a guy, medium build dressed all in black, enter the property. He fussed the dog before going through the house. He plastered the photos on the doors before turning to wave at the camera outside the patio door. The fucker knew they were there, and he was playing us. The bizarre aspect, he arrived shortly after we left for the club, and returned before we came home to add the photos he had clearly taken of us at the club. I stood facing the doors that were now clear of images, as they had been taken as evidence. Forensics had photographed the scene. The footage was in their possession too.

“I want you out of this house and off of my property,” Graham demanded from across the room. Sally grumbled, rolling her eyes at Graham’s outburst. Aloura slumped down on the sofa and placed her head in her hands. I couldn’t take my gaze from her even though the insensitive prick wanted a showdown now.

“I am talking to you,” he snapped and stalked towards me. Slowly I lifted my head and glared at him. I gritted my teeth and fisted my hands. There was no way I would start shit in front of Aloura and her mom, but the fucker had another thing coming if he thought I was leaving Aloura here.

“Graham, calm down.”

“Do not tell me to calm down, Sally. How the hell did they get this close to her? You were supposed to be protecting her.”

“They weren’t close,” I replied calmly. “The reason they only managed to get photos of her was because I was there as her security detail.”

“I don’t think so. You failed to do your job.”

“I failed at nothing. She was safe with me. No one touched her. But they sure had easy access to her home, a home
you
live a hundred yards from.” Sally flinched at my tone. Even to my ears, it was deadly.

“Who the hell do you think you are?”

“The man you paid to protect her.”

“Protect her, not maul her. What you thought she was a cheap –”

“You finish that sentence, and
I
will slap you,” Sally said, pushing at Graham’s chest. “Stop being a neanderthal and
think.
In every photo
he
is by her side. She is never alone because
he
was there, keeping her safe.
That
is what we pay him for. What our daughter decides to do personally is entirely up to her. She isn’t a little girl anymore Graham, so stop being an idiot.”

“I warned him.”

“Oh, shut up. If you had listened to your parents, you would be shacked up with boring Brian the bell-end botanist.”

I opened my mouth to interject when manic laughter from the lump hiding under the blanket startled me. We all turned to stare at the shape shuddering under the blanket. Concern swamped me when she sounded like she was crying more than laughing. Her mom was the one to step forward and go to her daughter. She squat down in front of the blanket and tugged it over her head so they were both hidden underneath. They spoke in hushed tones for a few moments. My gaze never left their huddle, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t feel the cold hard stare of her father. In my peripheral vision I saw him glaring at me, with his hands cocked on his hips. I understood his anger. I was angry at myself for getting in the situation.

Did I regret touching her? Yeah.

Why? Because I wanted to be the one under that blanket holding her. I wanted to touch her so much my hands ached for it. I desired her with a desperation I had never owned before. My control was slipping, and I needed to rein that shit back in. Clearing my mind, I stepped back, but there still wasn’t enough space between us. She was the type of perfection someone like me would never be able to have. I glanced across at her father. Seeing the disgust in his face crippled me. Shaking my head, I focused to see Graham’s lip curl in anger.

He saw
me
.

He
knew
.

I stumbled back again, bracing my hands on the wall behind me.

Aloura lifted the blanket and offered me a gentle smile. Her mom stood and headed to Graham. She said something to him, but he shook his head and continued to glare at me.

“Dad, it was me that kissed him. He never so much as touched me. Those photos show the moment he pushed me away. He isn’t interested. Are you?” She spun to face me. Her eyes widened at whatever she saw, but just as quickly her expression cleared, and her attention went back to her parents. “Dad, I was drunk, an idiot, and he was a gentleman. I know what it looks like, but the truth is he never touched me. Ask Harry. He was there.”

“But –” Graham started, but Aloura cut him off by throwing her arms around him and whispering something to him.

I was on the edge of a cliff ready to fall. I couldn’t hold on much longer. Shakes overtook my body, and my vision blurred. My chest tightened. I couldn’t breathe. Everything inside me screamed at me to go to her, to wrap her in my arms and never let go. But the
noises
were laughing, calling out truths, heckling me. I waited for the moment for them to see inside me. To see the horrors that were hidden beneath my skin.

The darkness is inside you boy.

You are one of us

Graham headed to the door and cast me a final warning glare, but whatever Aloura said placated him enough. Her parents were leaving her with a monster. I screwed my eyes tightly shut and lifted my fist against the side of my head. I yanked my cap down, trying to cover my ears. Shaking my head, a growl escaped me.

Dirt runs in your veins.

Boys like you are nothing but toys.

“No.” I lifted my fists and pounded them against my temples. I sucked in air. I couldn’t breathe. I placed my hand over my chest. I was choking. I glanced around the room; the air was so thin. Slurred voices called out to me, but they were far away.

I needed space. I couldn’t breathe.

I staggered towards the stairs. Something restrained me, grappling hands.

Hands everywhere, mouths, touching...so much touching.

Choking out a frightened sob, I pressed my palm against my captor and pushed.

Our toy.

My feet wouldn’t work. It was like trudging through sludge. I used my hands and clawed up the stairs; stumbling, I cracked my knee on a solid step. The pain didn’t register, only the screaming noises and echoed voices.

“Ryan?”

Blood...so much blood but it was never mine...

“Ryan.”

Voices echoed around me. my vision blurred. And I slumped against the wall. I pressed the heels of my palms against my eyes and willed the images and noises to back away, to give me space to breathe.

“Ryan.” That voice, again, reverberated through me. That gentle melodic tone reaching into the darkness to protect me. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms over my head because I knew it had to be an illusion. There was no saviour. The shadows came and swallowed you whole. My chest hurt like a motherfucker because I was holding my breath.

“Ryan, breathe, honey.”

Their blood will be on your hands. You will fail, boy.

“No,” I gasped, rocking forward and back as my father’s voice pulsed through me.

“Ryan –”

“Don’t touch me,” I growled when hands pressed against my knees. Immediately the touch was gone.

A soft voice whispered through the darkness. I felt like I was chasing them down a tunnel. I clutched my chest and pressed against the wall. I was having a damn heart attack. I opened my eyes and saw Aloura crouched before me.

“Hey.”

“I shouldn’t have been there. I was hiding. They’re dead because I’m a coward,” I panted, sucking air into my lungs. I was dying. And panic clawed at me. “It was
my
choice,
my
fault. I enlisted to fucking hide.” I yanked at my hat and gripped tightly to my head. “I don’t deserve to be home; they do. They all do. I failed. He said I would.”

“What can I do?”

I glanced up at the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.
She
was the voice chasing me. Her brown eyes held understanding not blame. She was imploring me to let her help.

“Tell me what I can do,” she said.

“I don’t know.”

“Ryan, I need you to breathe. In – out.” She sucked in a breath and released it.

“I know how to fucking breathe,” I snarled. She never flinched. She continued to breathe slowly, and I found myself copying her.

“Tell me what you need,” she asked firmly.

I fixed my eyes on her mouth, watching as she inhaled and exhaled. My chest loosened. My pulse slowed.

“I don’t know.”

I covered my ears when the
noises
started screaming again. They attacked when I was weak. I couldn’t be this pathetic.

“The noises.”

“Noises?” she asked quietly, no accusation. There was silence from her, but the voices in my head were escalating, screams; vile twisted hateful words echoed around in my skull.

“Ryan, think of the music. Remember when you came to the music room? Think of...me...playing. Can you do that? I was playing ‘
Fly
’ by
Ludovico Einaudi
. Do you remember?”

I sucked in a breath, trying to concentrate on her words. I watched her lips as she spoke softly to me, trying to protect me. That wasn’t her job. I wasn’t worth protecting. People like her deserved that, needed that.

“I shouldn’t be here. I’m not fit for this.”

“Concentrate on remembering the music, Ryan. I have what I need. No one is replacing you, so unless you want me on my own, you stay. No one
can
replace you.”

“Aloura.” My voice was a breathy plea. She needed to realise I was a dangerous man. I couldn’t even control my own body. My mind belonged to the shadows of my past. I couldn’t be what she needed. Her soft hand cupped my cheek. When I lifted my gaze to her chocolate eyes, I knew the stubborn woman wouldn’t let me go.

I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes. “You’re a fool.”

“No, you are the fool if you think I can let you go.”

God, she was going to be the death of me.

His confused gaze almost brought me to my knees. I could only surmise that what had just happened was a panic attack. Not having seen one before, I didn’t know what to do other than talk to him. I was so glad I was able to usher Mum and Dad through the door before they noticed anything. Dad’s scepticism about Ryan was at an all-time high. Witnessing that would surely have pushed him over the edge, but there was no way I was continuing this bodyguard business without Ryan. I trusted him. He acted a little strange, but I couldn’t and wouldn’t turn my back on him.

“What?” he croaked; he glanced around the hallway again. It had been painful watching him stumble and crawl his way up the stairs. When I followed, he was cowered against the wall, hugging his head and muttering. Then he held his chest and gasped for breath. It was terrifying. More than once I tried to get to him, to wrap my arms around him and hold him, but he was catatonic.

I’d assumed the other night he had said those things about the noises to ease my nerves. I never for one minute thought the
noises
were really plaguing him.

We were still in the hallway in the upstairs landing. He was sitting against the wall with his massive legs bent and his arms rested over the top. I was sitting opposite with my legs crossed, watching him, waiting for him to gather himself and hopefully explain what had just happened.

“He wasn’t in any of those photos. Everyone from our group was in at least one, except him. He arrived late and he left early,” Ryan mused with a frown marring his features.

“Who?” I asked, not following. I wasn’t sure if he was still in a semi-daze.

“Harry. He was at the club when those photos were taken, but he isn’t in any of them.”

“You cannot be serious.” I laughed at the ludicrous accusation.

“Deadly. He also has access to this house and grounds. “

“So has Alec. Is he next on your hit list?” I snapped.

“Where is he tonight?”

“Unbelievable.” I raised my hands and let them fall to my sides. “He’s at a conference in Ireland remember? You can call his hotel if you like.” Alec would have been here with Dad. He was just as protective of me. He wasn’t seriously giving any consideration it could be Alec or Harry, was he?

“He wouldn’t do this to me.”

“His club is about a ten minute drive. His house is approximately fifteen. He had time to get to each of those locations in the allotted time.”

“How the hell do you know that?” I gasped.

“It’s my job.”

“No, your damn job is to stop this idiot. It isn’t to snoop on my friends.” Ryan simply stared at me unperturbed. “You
know
him. He wouldn’t do this. Not to me.”

“Then it won’t hurt to eliminate him as a suspect, will it?” Ryan said bluntly.

“This is bloody ridiculous.” I waved my hand to dismiss him and headed to my room. I would not be a part of this. Harry would not do anything to hurt me or Dad. The fact Ryan could conceivably believe he would have anything to do with it hurt so much. I paced up and down my room seething. This would devastate Harry.

I’d just changed into my pyjamas when my phone alerted to a text.

Dad: G’night Princess.

I considered telling him about what Ryan suggested about Harry, but I really didn’t want to add fuel to the Ryan bonfire Dad already had. It would upset Dad to know Ryan suspected someone in our family.

Me: Night xxx

I placed my phone on the bedside cabinet, not trusting myself to hold it any longer and not spill everything to Dad. Agitated energy pulsed through my body, making me hyper alert. Ideally I could do with going out for a run, but knowing someone was serious about keeping track of me made me question leaving the house again.

Someone had been inside my home again.

They watched and had been close to me.

Worse, they had been near Ryan’s family, and that was entirely my fault.

My stomach twisted, and nausea clawed its way up my throat. Clutching my stomach, I darted out of my bedroom and ran to the bathroom where I emptied my stomach down the toilet. Coughing and as usual crying because I hated being sick, I felt large hands sliding into my hair to hold it back from my face. Then one was rubbing my back. I closed my eyes in mortification and slumped onto the floor and leaned my back against the bathtub. I buried my face in my hands and sobbed.

The toilet flushed, then a cool wet washcloth was held against the base of my neck. I pressed my hand against the cloth. That made him move his hand out of the way.

“You can go now. I'm fine.” My voice was broken as I choked out the words through my sobs. I stood beside the sink and pulled out my toothbrush. I didn’t lift my head to watch him go, but I heard his feet shuffling against the tiles, and the door clicked shut. Once I brushed my teeth, I sat back down beside the bath and buried my head harder against my arms and cried fiercely. I wasn’t sure how long I was there, but when the door opened again, I jerked my head up and wiped at my eyes. I caught the sight of mascara over the heels of hands and cringed. I must look a complete state and hated he was seeing me like this.

“I brought you some water, and I raided your first aid box for some paracetamol. Woman, you need to put it in a much more obvious place.”

“It’s under the sink.”

“How is that obvious?”

“Everything like that goes under the sink.”

He snorted and folded his massive frame to sit beside me. His long legs were cramped, making the bathroom seem small. He handed me the water and pills. I placed them in my mouth and took a hearty swig of the water. I couldn’t look at him. My cheeks heated at the thought of him seeing me in such a pathetic state. “Did you drink too much or is this an after effect of the shock?”

I sucked in a breath when I felt his finger against my forehead, moving my hair to tuck it behind my ear.

“I guess a little of both. I didn’t feel that drunk, but it could have hit me all at once.”

A comfortable silence descended upon us. I closed my eyes when his fingers combed through my hair.

“You should really go to bed, get some rest. The sun will be up soon.”

“I don’t think I can,” I muttered and leaned into his touch. Goose bumps speckled my flesh as his thick fingers worked a hypnotising path over my scalp.

“I’ll be here. Nothing can hurt you, Aloura.”

“I know,” I replied automatically. My head lulled forward, the weight too heavy to hold up.

“Aloura?”

“Hmm?” I mumbled, feeling myself succumbing to sleep.

“Alright, sleepy girl, we need to get you into bed.” He chuckled softly. I sighed and hummed out a response, but my limbs were too heavy and lax to move. I whimpered when his hand moved from my hair and left me devoid without him. But then strong arms slid around me, one going under my knees and the other around my back, before I was lifted against his chest. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and wrapped my arms tightly around him. I inhaled his masculine scent and sighed out my appreciation.

“I swear, I will not fail you, Aloura,” he whispered against my cheek. I shivered in his arms and tightened my hold. I hadn’t ever felt so protected and safe as I did with him. Yes, I knew something was going on inside his head, but his heart was as strong and as protective as a lion.

The distance between the bathroom and my room was far too short, and the coolness of my sheets was a disappointment compared to the warmth of Ryan’s chest. I wriggled myself under the covers and pulled them up over my shoulders. Ryan added another blanket. As he was letting go, I reached out and grasped his hand.

“Thank you, for everything. For being here, for looking after me. But most of all thank you for being you.” I yawned loudly, and my eyelids were so heavy I closed them as I muttered my last words before sleep could claim me.

His fingers threaded through mine, and I sighed happily. “I haven’t been myself for a long time, Aloura. I don’t know who I’m supposed to be anymore.”

“Just be yourself. There is nothing more perfect.”

“Okay, sleepy girl. Go to sleep.” He chuckled.

“I never want you to leave me,” I uttered around a yawn. I tugged his hand to my chest and hugged it. I don’t remember a moment in my life I had felt quite so content.

A persistent whining roused me from my sleep. “Hercules, lay down, shush.” I snuggled further into my pillows, refusing to wake up. The whimpering continued, and in my sleep foggy brain I didn’t recognise the sound. I groggily lifted my arm without waking and patted the bed beside me. Herc sometimes sat at the bottom of the bed and whined until I gave him permission to sleep with me. When nothing happened but the noises continued, I grumbled and pushed myself up onto one elbow and wiped my eyes. The room was light. It must have been late in the day. I had slept the morning away. The strange noise happened again and startled me.

I glanced at the hulking figure slumped in the chair beside my bed. He was asleep, but whatever was happening in his dreams was making him jerk and whimper as if he was hurt. Herc was crouched near Ryan’s feet keeping guard.

“Ryan.” I scrambled into a kneeling position and reached over, bracing one hand perilously close to the edge of the bed and the other I placed on his arm.

Big mistake.

He reacted so violently I lost my grip in the bed and face planted onto the floor.

“Mother-fluffer,” I grumbled. My chin exploded in a fiery burning sensation, and my lips stung like hell.

I untangled my limbs and watched as Ryan launched himself from the chair and fell to the floor. He scrambled backwards screaming incoherent words, almost like he was shouting orders, but the pitch in his voice was so high and terrified it hurt my ears. I clambered across the floor towards him. His eyes were open, but he was frantically looking around the room, screaming at things that weren’t there.

“Ryan,” I called out to him. I tried to touch him, but he jerked out of range or kicked out at me. Hercules ran to his basket growling and yapping at the chaos.

“Ryan, wake up,” I shouted, truly believing he was still asleep and having some kind of night terror.

“Man down, man down,” he screamed before jack-knifing in a contorted position and clutching his back as if something had struck him. He made a choking, gasping noise before going completely still. Sweat poured from his brow, and his t-shirt was soaked. The room fell silent, and his eyes were glazed. He made a gurgling choking sound as he panted out more incoherent words.

He stared straight through me, then scratched at his skin, wiping his hands down his face and spitting. I grimaced at first but then it became apparent he was choking on something.

“Ryan?” I shuffled towards him; my heart was beating so fast my hands shook with adrenaline. “Ryan, it’s me, Aloura.” I touched the very tip of his toe, too terrified I would send him into another blind panic. He was panting and rubbing at his skin, head, and hair as if he was covered in crawling ants or something.

He lifted his hands and slapped them against the side of his face and spitting out –
nothing
.

“It’s everywhere,” he growled.

“What is?”

“The fucking sand. I can taste it,” he spat again.

“There’s no sand.”

“I can
fucking
feel it,” he roared and scratched at his skin again. I reached out and touched his arm. He jerked back so violently I squealed.

“Don’t get it on you. Blood gets everywhere. It’s everywhere.” He yanked at his hat before scrubbing his fingers over his face. He coughed again and wiped the back of his hand over his mouth and glared down at it. Then the spitting all over again.

“Ryan, there is no –”

“I can smell them.” He leaned forward and whispered. His tone was flat, low and deadly. “They’re dead. I can smell their burning flesh.” He jerked, lifting his hands to his eyes, and rubbed.

“Ryan, you have to stop this.”

“It doesn’t stop.” He twitched and glanced at the corner of the room. I followed his line of sight expecting to see some unholy ghost hovering above my bed. He was behaving as though there was something in this room with us. My skin crawled with apprehension. The tingling sensation something was about to jump from under the bed and grab us was terrifying me.