Silent Scars (Surviving #4) (18 page)

“Because they either leave or abuse me,” he snapped.

The sudden fear shrouding his blue eyes was a clear indicator I had pushed and he had reacted without thought. For once his emotions overruled. I stepped towards him, but he backed away. The terror in his eyes caused a pain in my chest. I rubbed at the spot and softened my voice.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing. It isn’t important.” The shutters were coming down; he was closing me out again.

“No, Ryan... “

“Jesus, woman, you are infuriating. Stop pushing. I’m trying to be polite and turn you down. I’m not interested in you. You have a fit body I like looking at. I don’t want
you.”

I stomped down on the sick feeling in my stomach. He was fighting back, clawing for control. Well, for once I was taking it away.

“That so?” I asked and grinned at him.

“Look, I don’t want to upset you.”

I jumped at him so he had no other option to either wrap his arms around me or let me fall to the ground. I had enough confidence in him to catch me. Once his arms were around me, I cupped the back of his head and pressed my lips to his.

I never saw it coming. Why the fuck didn’t I see it coming?

My hands fisted in the fabric at the base of her spine, and I clung to her. She tilted her head, and her soft warm tongue peeked out and licked the seam of my mouth, seeking entry. My cock stiffened, desperate for her warmth. I craved to give in to her, to kiss her back, to take the pleasure she was offering. But then the taste of lipstick entered my mouth, and I fought not to gag.

Releasing my hold on her shirt, I wrapped my hands around her hips and pushed her away, with enough force to be free but with no intention to hurt her.

“I’m not fucking interested, Aloura. Cut that shit out, or I will quit this fucking job. Do not touch me again, or you will regret it.” I panted. Wiping my hand over my mouth to get rid of the lingering lipstick. Why the fuck she felt the need to wear that shit I will never know. I yanked my skull cap down low and glared at her. She stepped back and wobbled on her heels. Her cheeks flamed red so even in the dark I could see her colour change. She hugged her arms around her body. I noticed the slight tremble in her dainty hands and wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and apologise. She ducked her chin and jerked a nod.

“Okay. Sorry,” she said, and I hated the quiver in her voice. This was exactly why I couldn’t be with her. I would freak out and fuck up more and more. She didn’t need to deal with that. Intimacy, which is what she desired with me, was alien. Fucking, dirty, ugly and vile. Fucking was all my body and mind were built for. My father made sure of that.

I will break you, boy.

Now was not the time to hear this shit. I fisted my hands at my sides and made to move around her.

“I won’t give up on you.”

I closed my eyes and prayed for the patience I was lacking. Her perseverance was both amazing and really fucking annoying. I needed to push her away and make sure she understood I was a monster she didn’t want to engage.

“The taste of you on my mouth sickens me. I pushed you away before I gagged. I’m not the man you want. Trust me on that.”

Those beautiful doe eyes filled with so much pain I swear I felt it in my chest. I ached to reach out and hold her, apologise, and kiss away those tears brimming in her eyes. But I stood firm, held my ground, and destroyed the light she held for me.

She jerked her chin in a nod and turned to head back to the table.

Just as we reached the group, the cocky bastard headed us off. “I’m going home. Hey, what’s wrong?” He ducked his head to look directly in her face. His hands reached out and pushed her hair out of the way.

She offered him a bright smile and shook her head. “Nothing. I think I’ve had way too many shots.” She laughed, but even I could see it was forced. The cocky bastard glanced at me, and his brow furrowed. He wanted to challenge me. But her hand slid around his arm, and when she had his attention, she shook her head imperceptibly.

“I need to go, babe.” He glanced down at his phone and then around the club as if searching for a solution.

“I’m fine. Stop babying me.” She huffed out a small chuckle.

He leaned towards her and said something I wasn’t intended to hear. She bobbed her head and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. He glared at me over her shoulder. He had no idea how much I wanted to be holding her, to have the freedom of touching her when and where I wanted without the guilt clawing away inside of me. Because how could someone like me
dirty
her? How could I hold her without seeing the hundreds before her, the vile things I’d had done to me?

The cocky bastard pressed a kiss to the side of her head and released his hold on her. When she stepped around him and joined the rest of the group at the table, he came towards me.

“Keep your filthy fucking hands off her,” he snarled.

“Simmer down, twinkle toes. I have no intention of touching her.”

“Sticking your tongue down her throat, dancing with her, constitutes as fucking
touching
. Stay. away.”

I gritted my teeth and fisted my hands by my sides. Every instinct within me wanted me to fight. But when I caught sight of Aloura watching us with a worried expression, I jerked my chin in a sharp nod. The dickhead could have this round. I had no intentions of stepping over no man’s land into her warm embrace. She deserved someone without my mountainous baggage.

He shouldered his way past me. I joined the group, choosing to sit on a stool a little way back so I was on the peripheral. Will nuzzled Emily’s neck, and I knew it wouldn’t be long before they went home. Aloura smiled, but frowned when she sat on the edge of the booth as if gearing herself to leave. She pulled out her phone, glanced at the screen as if checking the time, and placed it back in her purse.

After an hour, the group disbanded. Aloura claimed she was exhausted and wanted to go home. Emily and Will were clearly needing somewhere private. I said goodbye to my family and we left.

The ride home was awkward. Aloura never spoke a word, but I could see from the reflection in the side window she wasn’t asleep. She just looked incredibly sad. My gut twisted at the thought of taking some of her light away. She had glowed for most of the evening. And after a stupid kiss, I doused it quicker than a tsunami.

It wasn’t a stupid kiss.

I fisted my hands because no, it wasn’t even close to stupid. It was the first time since I had felt the warmth of a woman’s lips on mine. The last girl I kissed was when I was sixteen, stupid and so fucking desperate to be loved I deserved her betrayal. That’s what she did. She tore my world apart and destroyed the faith I had. I learned that day the only one you can trust is yourself.

Rely on yourself to survive.

When I finally pulled the car into the space beside her house, she jumped from the vehicle. Following, I glanced around the vast land, catching sight of the red lights showing me the cameras were in operation. The gravel crunched under our feet as we neared Aloura’s home, and we could hear the rat yapping. For the first time in the past hour, Aloura’s lips curved in a gentle grin. When she unlocked the door, I stepped inside and disarmed the alarm. The rat fussed around her, jumping around our legs and barking his excitement.

“Okay, baby, Mummy’s home.”

I hit the lights and reached out, grabbing Aloura and hauling her to me as we both gazed around the room. I pulled out my cell and dialled the police. I held Aloura against me so tight she huffed out a breath. There was no way I was letting her go. Ice chilled my veins as a cold shiver crept down my spine. Her body trembled against my side as she stared at the patio doors.

Someone had been in her home.

Without activating the alarm.

You failed.

After I called the police, I alerted the main house and woke her father. Obviously he was frantic, and said he would be here in a few moments. I still hadn’t let Aloura out of my arms. We stood just inside the doorway. Her gaze hadn’t moved from the collage of pictures covering the glass doors.

“The police won’t be long,” I reassured her quietly. She didn’t answer. “Aloura?”

“How did they get in?” Her voice trembled, and my stomach twisted. I wrapped both my arms around her and held her close to me. She buried her face in my chest and released a long shuddering breath.

The alarm was never activated.

The dog knew this person.

She knew them.

You failed.

I opened my mouth to speak when the door flew open. I pushed Aloura behind me and stood ready to tackle whoever it was. When I registered it was Graham, I relaxed slightly. He had clearly ran from their house because he was panting, closely followed by her mom. He was dressed in striped lounge pants and a white t-shirt. His silver hair was mussed, and his eyes were groggy with sleep. Her mom was clutching at a black silk robe. Her hair was braided in a thick plait.

“Baby,” she said, going straight to her daughter and taking her in her arms. Graham’s attention went to the collage.

Slowly he headed over to the images. I glanced at Aloura, closed and bolted the door, and followed Graham. The images were all of Aloura. But more worryingly – they were of her in her home.

“What the hell is that?” Graham snarled and pointed to a group of photos in the centre. All were pretty dark and incredibly incriminating. A cold chill raced down my spine. I stiffened and glanced over my shoulder at Aloura. Her mom had her arm around her as they came across the room to join us. They both followed Graham’s finger, and Aloura gasped at the images displayed.

They were taken tonight while we were at the club. In most of them Aloura was sitting beside Lou laughing and drinking. But the ones that had Graham’s hackles rising were the ones I had my arms around her while we danced, and when we were in the secluded corner –
kissing
. It was nothing more than a moment in time, but the image showed a very different picture. I could see from Graham’s perspective how passionate of an embrace it appeared.

You failed.

“Dad.”

She was interrupted by a call from the main gate.

“Don’t touch anything,” I snapped, pointing at them as if they were under suspicion. I ran upstairs to watch the monitors, two police cars at the gates. I pressed the button to allow them in. Then I scrolled through the camera feeds.

Movement on the screen caught my attention. I watched as the police cruisers pulled up outside the house. Two officers from each car got out. Two headed around the house, and two came to the door. I padded out of my room and raced down the stairs. Graham was heading across the room to answer the door.

“It’s the police.”

He bobbed his head but made no attempt to look at me. I glanced at Aloura, but her attention hadn’t swayed from the images. There must have been a hundred.

All of her.

Slowly, I navigated my way past the furniture and stood by her side. “You okay?” Never in all my life had I wanted to put my arms around someone as much as I wanted her in my embrace. I needed to keep her safe. I wanted her close.

“Why would they do this?” For the first time since entering the house she looked at me. Those big brown eyes blinked; tears shined in them. I reached out without thought and brushed my thumb over her cheek. “Why would they want to hurt him this way?” she whispered. I was captivated by her. My thumb traced over her creamy skin, rough against smooth. Her complexion was flawless – that’s when her words hit me.

“Hurt him?”

“My dad. That’s what, whoever did this, was aiming for right? To hurt my dad?”

“No, honey. This is a personal attack at
you
, not your dad,” her mom interrupted.

Aloura’s eyes gazed at me as if waiting for my confirmation. I stepped into her space and spoke in a low tone.

“I’m here to keep you safe. But your mom is right; this is directed at you. I think their plan has changed.”

“Why?” Her tone was so deflated I could almost see her slipping into shock. I needed to touch her.

“People are fucked in the head. Evil has no reason for existing. There are people out there who will attack the good to make their pitiful lives more meaningful.”

“How? You secured the place.”

“I have no idea how they got in. I can only apologise about that. But I will never leave your side. I swear it.”

You failed her, and them.

She huffed out a breath and leaned into me, burying her face in my chest. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and held her to me. She was shaking, but I knew she wasn’t crying. When I lifted my gaze, her mom was watching us with a look of concern and bewilderment. Graham wanted to cut my balls off and feed them to the rat if his vicious snarl was anything to go by. And being the sick twisted bastard I was, I held Aloura tighter.

“The police will need to talk to us,” I whispered against her ear. She shivered, and I glanced around for a sweater or something. I rubbed my hands up and down her arms, trying to generate some heat when she shivered again.

Over the back of the couch I noticed a throw blanket. Holding her close, I moved us over to it. Opening it up, I draped it around her shoulders.

“What’s that for?”

“You were shivering.” I tucked it tight around her and held it together at her chin. Her small hands clasped the fabric and hugged it close to her.