Silent Scars (Surviving #4) (13 page)

“This is really good,” she mumbled as she stuffed another piece of bread in her mouth.

“She was in the same grade as Kyle, so really I should have known she wouldn’t be interested in me,” I said, staring into my soup. “Although, for some fucked up reason everyone assumed I was older than him. I was bigger, but still...” I trailed off, leaving the rest unsaid. I had to admit it pissed me off no one
knew
me enough to care I was younger. And responsibilities I had faced were not mine to take.

I lifted my gaze when Aloura remained silent. She watched and waited. She wasn’t going to push. A surge of something fierce raced through me at her quiet acceptance. I didn’t know how to handle that. People always demanded something from me. But her, she simply accepted what I wanted to give.

Why? My chest cracked when thoughts seeped in. She wanted what the rest of them desired. I gritted my jaw and scowled at her. She was just taking the stealth attack to get it.

“I’m not having sex with you.”

She gasped and spluttered before releasing a loud bold burst of laughter.

“My God, it would take more than a bowl of soup to get in my knickers. Stop being a bellend. If you don’t want to talk about it, I already said I’m fine with that. I swear to you, I’m simply curious, nothing more sinister than that.”

I dipped my chin in a jerky nod. Why was I getting so angry with her? I was acting like she was begging for this shit.

“So you have more brothers?” Aloura asked.

“Yeah. Five.”

“Five. Wow. Older or younger?”

“Both. Chase and Kyle are older, the twins, Tate and Gray are younger, and Jace is the youngest. He’s the same age as Jo.” Her eyes widened when I mentioned Chase and a look of confusion marred her brow. I stirred my soup aimlessly; it had been forever since I’d seen them. I
knew
about them. I’d never truly let them go. But they had let me go. It had taken a year for the visits to stop with the twins and Jace. Kyle never really wanted anything to do with me, so I made an excuse not to see him. Really I was desperate to see him, but I didn’t want to put him through that shit if he hated me so much. I glanced up in time to see her frown at me.

“Jo and Will younger or older?”

“Will isn’t –”
Fuck.
What an idiot. I had well and truly opened that can of worms. “Will’s family adopted Jo when he was a kid. Jo is my nephew, son to my eldest brother Chase.” I scrubbed my hands through my hair; my pulse was racing. “A lot of shit went down when we were kids, and we were all separated. Jo, who was called Chase Junior back then, came to live with us. His dad, Chase, is in prison for murder. The others don’t – we don’t talk.”

“So Jo isn’t your brother? He’s your nephew.”

“Yeah, but he’s more like a brother. And that’s what we call one another. He was brought up as one of us.”

“Why don’t your other brothers talk to you?”

“Because I fucked up, and they hate me,” I choked. No matter what pain I’ve suffered, hurting them always causes a suffocating ache in my chest.

“Where are they now?”

I shrugged like I didn’t give a shit. “Don’t know.”

She released a small huff and placed the bread onto the counter. “Tell me to shut up or that you don’t want to talk. But don’t lie.”

I closed my eyes tightly. Her gentle patience was pulling the truth from me, but strangely I wanted to share it with her. “Kyle is married, has two boys. He was recently promoted in the county sheriff’s department. Tate moved into an apartment in New York with his girlfriend. Gray has a house down in Florida with his wife, no kids yet. And Jace works in the same station as Kyle I believe. As far as I’m aware, he’s single. But it’s been a while.”

“How do you know all this?”

“I have ways.” I shrugged. She didn’t need to know what I would do for my family.

“Why do you check on them?”

“They let me go. But I don’t know how to let them go. How do you make your heart stop loving someone?” My throat closed. Agony wrapped around my heart and squeezed. I rubbed at my chest, trying to loosen the grip.

“You don’t have to. They are your brothers regardless of distance.”

“They fucking hate me,” I roared, and felt like a monster when Aloura flinched. “Why aren’t you asking why they hate me? Why are you avoiding that question?”

“Because you will tell me when you’re ready.”

“Is this some mind trick?”

“When you feel you can trust me, you will tell me. No timescale, I’m not here to open old wounds, Ryan.” She headed over to the sink to put her empty dishes away. I could only stare in confused silence. Why wasn’t she demanding more? Insisting on knowing the depravity within me?

Last night after our ‘chat’ in the kitchen. Aloura had all but begged to go out and leave the house, do something different. At such short notice I wasn’t comfortable taking her anywhere I hadn’t scoped out but she was feeling penned in. Cabin fever had set in, and she was beginning to drive me insane. So I had agreed to take her to the park. But unfortunately as we were driving in that direction, the rain started falling. I decided I would take her somewhere else, where I trusted the people with my own life. I repeatedly glanced in the rear-view mirror and checked no one was following us. I’d taken a super extended route which had added twenty minutes onto our drive. But I needed to be sure we weren’t being tailed. As I pulled into Jo’s drive, Aloura turned to face me with an expectant look on her face. I existed the car.

“Shouldn’t we knock first?” she asked as we approached the house. After hours of watching her and Harry dancing, I couldn’t stand to be locked up with her either. Thoughts of his hands in places I wanted to touch her plagued me. We needed space, and plenty of it.

I’d cleared it with Will, and he had suggested having a guy track our movements and wait nearby. I was happy with that scenario. Extra eyes and ears were always a bonus. I couldn’t keep her a prisoner. And besides there hadn’t been any direct threats since I had moved in. I was beginning to think the guy had backed off.

“Nah, I never knock. The kid likes it if I sneak up on him,
commando
style. He likes to pretend he’s a Marine like Uncle Ry.”

Aloura chuckled. the sweet tinkle of her laugh had me wanting to back her against the wall and kiss the life out of her. I’d practically dragged her out of the house after she had changed from her dance session with the cocky bastard
.
Watching her body move, stretch, and look so damn tempting, I needed to get us somewhere open, somewhere I couldn’t just bend her over and fuck her stupid. Because in my gut I knew if I tried, if I took that leap and touched her, she wouldn’t resist. I could see the longing in those chocolate eyes of hers. And the desperation inside me to take her was increasing, and I couldn’t risk losing that control. She was worth more than a fast hard fuck.

I wasn’t worthy of her.

Opening the door, I crouched down. I’d done this a million times with Alfie. Usually he was upon me within seconds. I wasn’t so quiet that I terrified the poor kid, but I played along the best I could. Aloura’s hand rested gently on my back as we sneaked into the house. I heard a noise in the lounge and turned with my finger over my lips to tell Aloura to be quiet. She beamed at me, covering her mouth to stifle her giggle. The playful way she followed warmed my heart. I couldn’t imagine doing this with any other woman but her. More muffled sounds came from the lounge. When we reached the lounge door, I jumped up and let out a war cry, causing Lou to scream and my butt ass naked brother to jump up from the couch, his dick flying in the wind. Definitely not a sight I needed to see. Lou scrambled to cover herself with whatever was available. She let out a loud scream just as Aloura joined in the fun and gave a war cry of her own.

“What the fuck” Johan shouted.

Grabbing Aloura, I pushed her from the doorway and pinned her against the wall in the hallway with my body while covering her eyes with my hand. Nobody needed to see his naked ass, or dick for that matter, especially Aloura.

“I am so sorry. Did you see...
anything?”
I gasped, pressing my forehead against her shoulder. Her body started shaking, before she covered her mouth and was giggling. Lou was shouting deadly obscenities at Jo and me. She would definitely cut my balls off for this one.

“I said we should have knocked,” she gasped through her laughter. My hand was still covering her eyes. When she realised I’d brought a woman with me, Lou screeched a sound so high pitched that dogs from far and wide would hear her. And I hoped to God Jo had his dick tucked away before she got a hold of it and did what she was threatening to do. Because no man needed that.

“Oh God. I need to bleach my eyes,” I whispered against her neck. I was pressing against her, my body flush to hers. She had parted her sexy as fuck legs to let my thigh slide between those luscious legs. My lips grazed her soft skin, and we both froze at the intimate nature of the touch. I should pull away, apologise, and stand an ocean apart from her. But instead I opened my mouth and whispered, deliberately grazing my lips against her skin.

“I’m sorry you had to see that.” I purposely let my bottom lip keep in contact with the gentle curve of her neck. She shivered in my arms. And her creamy skin peppered with goose bumps. Her breath was coming out in short pants, her chest rising and falling, making her breasts press against my chest. I could see the pulse in her neck throbbing I wanted to press my tongue to it. My hand was still over her eyes. My other hand somehow made it to her hip, and my body was pressing into her harder. I needed to step away, so why the hell wasn’t I?

“Aloura,” I said, my mouth a hairs breadth from the corner of her mouth. Slowly, painfully slow, her tongue darted out and moistened her crimson lips, before she turning her head slightly towards me.

“Yes.” The breathy whisper was laced with so much longing my cock hardened against her thigh.

It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. Was she giving me permission to devour her mouth? Take what I desperately wanted?

What I
needed
.

I grazed her cheek with my lips as they sought out hers. Her hot breath fanned against my skin, her full breasts pressed against me. Lifting my hand from her hip to press my thumb against her bottom lip, I groaned out loud when her pink tongue snaked out to lick at the tip. Keeping my hand over her eyes, I slid the thick blunt tip of my thumb into her mouth and held her chin with my fingers. She immediately closed her mouth around it and sucked, pulling a groan from deep in my chest. I pinned her firmly against the wall, yanking my hand free of her mouth, ready to replace it with my lips. I leaned forward keeping my eyes locked on the ruby pout before me –

“Ahem.” My obnoxious brother cleared his throat dramatically, and when I turned to glare at the fucker, he grinned at me.

“Cock blocking is so
annoying,
isn’t it, Ryan?” Johan smirked.

When did he develop into such a cocky little shit?

“I know I’m a sexy beast, but using me to get your woman all hot is a little weird.” He guffawed when I growled, and Lou screamed at him to shut up.

I stepped back and removed my hand from Aloura’s face. She blinked and squeezes her eyes shut before blinking again.
Shit!
I glanced around the floor. I must have knocked her glasses off in my haste to stop her seeing –
that.
I swooped down and picked her glasses up, inspecting them for any damage before handing them to her. My cheeks were on fire. I felt such an idiot. One for being so rough with her, and secondly for almost being caught kissing her. What the hell was I thinking?

“A little hot under the collar there, Ry?”

“Where the hell are the kids?” I grumbled. Lou entered the hallway, informing me they were at their grandparents, and I stepped back out of range before she could strike at me. She glared at me before she spotted Aloura, then a smile brightened her features. Lou was an incredibly pretty woman, but so freaking scary. Jo is both a lucky and brave bastard. When I glanced at Aloura, it was her smile, her eyes, and stunning face that completely stole the breath from inside me. Pretty didn’t garner that reaction; only she could.

But first I had to get her out of the house without losing my balls to a mad little hobbit called Lou. Without looking at either my brother or the terrifying brunette, I backed Aloura towards the door. The colour in her cheeks was almost the same red as her lips.

Lips I wanted to suck and nibble on.

“Oh, Ryan,” Lou called in a honeyed voice. I cringed.

“Yes, my favourite sister-in-law.”

She tsked but smiled regardless. “Tomorrow we are having a barbeque to celebrate Will and Em’s engagement. You and your lady friend will be here.”

“But – “

“You just walked in on me stark bollock naked. You. Will. Be. Here,” she demanded before turning away from me, but not before I caught the huge fucking grin on her lips.

“She’s – “

“Wonderful,” Jo interrupted on a sigh like the whipped bastard he was.

I gave Aloura an encouraging shove and followed her out to the car.

“How the hell did I live through combat, but a five foot chestnut haired Yorkshire woman terrifies me with one glare?” I cursed into the sky.

Aloura giggled.

“I think she’s pretty terrific. I’d have been mortified.”

“Lou doesn’t do mortification. She’s too fucking scary.”

Again laughter bubbled out of Aloura and warmth spread through my chest at the joy in her gorgeous eyes. I could only stare at her, the light in her gaze, the freedom in her happiness. She was the most exquisite thing I had ever seen. Her face sobered, and she gasped, covering her mouth, and pointed at me.

“What’s that? Oh my God, Ryan on your face.” She looked so anxious even my skin crawled. I wiped my hands down my face, seriously expecting a tarantula or something to be there.

“What is it?” I asked, she stepped towards me with a frown knitting her brows, but her lips curled slightly at the sides.

“I believe it was a...” She paused for effect. “Smile.”

My jaw slacked, and I gawped at her. Was she mocking me? Without thought I grabbed for her, making her squeal. She turned to run away, but she didn’t make it far before I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her back flush against my chest.

“A regular comedian,” I joked against her ear before I held her to me with one arm and tickled her with my fingers. She cried out through her laughter, begging me to stop. My face ached I was grinning so hard against her shoulder.

“Lesson learned?”

“Yes,” she breathed, as her laughter subsided. “I promise never to mistake Mr Grumpy having a smile.”

The little...

I dug my fingers into her sides again, and she squealed, kicking out her legs. “Stop,” she choked through fits of giggles. “I promise to be a good girl.”

I stopped ticking, but my hand spread over her sides. Her shirt had risen, and my callused skin was pressed against the soft warmth of her waist.

“Let’s go home,” she breathed. Her chest was heaving, and I wasn’t sure whether it was from laughing or our close proximity. The last thing I wanted to do was release her, but I did and immediately felt bereft without her in my arms.

Home sounded great right now.

When did I start thinking her place was home?

Jesus I was in trouble.

***

I glanced behind us as I manoeuvred the car through the traffic. Yesterday was a complete bust, but I was determined not to stay trapped in that house with a woman my cock was rapidly becoming obsessed with.

“Honestly, Ryan, if you don’t want me to be there today, I can make an excuse not to go. I’m a wiz at coming up with unflappable excuses
not
to attend a function. Plus they are probably mortified after yesterday.” Aloura twisted her hands together in her lap. I glanced in the mirror to check the blue SUV that had tailed us from a mile back. I was about to turn from this highway and head back when the guys indicator flashed. He pulled off the road and the remaining vehicles were either parked or way ahead of us. My nerves eased when the familiar car of one of our guys rounded a parked truck.

“Sorry, it’s just this is a difficult situation.”

“You don’t have to explain. I get it.”

“What do you
get?”
I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. I dreaded the words falling from her mouth. Had she figured out I was thinking of her in the shower this morning when I’d jerked off, to images of her pinned against the wall. Did women detect that crap?

“It’s a little weird they invited me, instead of letting you invite a date.”

I snapped my head in her direction; her small squeal alerted me to the fact I was still driving and acting like a drunk. Righting the wheel, I tightened my grip. So not the words I expected to hear. Her chocolate button eyes watching me.