Shattered (28 page)

I'm Dallis O'Brien. I can't disappoint.

Until next time….

The lull of Grayson's chest moving with each breath he took abruptly came to halt as he squeezed me a little tighter. "I always thought you were strong, babe, but this just solidifies my thinking. Has anyone else read this?"

"Nope. You're the first. Consider yourself lucky."

Grayson sat up, moving me up along with him.  "Shit, Dallis. This is a good amount of time that this façade of yours has been in play." He ran his fingers through my hair. "Where was your boyfriend? And how the hell did I break through all of this?"

"Colby was around, helping in his way. Keep reading. You'll figure out how you broke through all of this." I lightly smiled as I turned the pages and lay back down on his chest, forcing him back down onto the couch.

Colby

My boyfriend. My friend. My rock. My pain in the ass. The love of my life. My biggest regret.

So many titles come to mind when thinking about the man that had helped me through so much, yet had pulled me down through it all as well. Colby was the picture perfect alternative to basking in everlasting sadness after Dad's passing. The earlier notions that he was nothing but a stick in the ass, stuck up rich kid, were quickly washed away as compassion filled him from root to tip. He was what any decent human being would have been in that situation. I should have chalked it up to that, given my gratitude, and moved on with my life.

But I didn't. I fell in love, and for the greater part of a year and a half, that love filled me. It erased some of the void that I often times felt with the loss of Dad.

But where did that love go? Complacency embedded its evil claws into our relationship and even when I tried to chalk it up to being stuck in a routine, I couldn't. I tried for too long to deny myself of the true feelings that I'd felt. Colby and I were oil and water, day and night, rain and sunshine. We didn't belong together, but obligation is a powerful bitch and can make you feel things that even the toughest mind can't break free from.

The night we broke up felt like a release…a release from the mundane existence that we had been living in. Constant marriage chatter and uppity, non-retractable statements had begun to erode the fragile foundation that our relationship stood on.

Now, my only problem is, I'm beginning to feel something for him. Could it be the tugs of familiarity? Is anyone better than no one at this point? Whatever it is, it can take a flying leap because I refuse to break down my ego to go back. No. I'm better off. I'm better of alone… alone with work, my thoughts, and Miranda. Yes… that's a much better place to be.

My face flushed red as I felt the end of Grayson's reading. My inner most thoughts about the man who had occupied my heart just before him were laid out on paper and he read them… he felt them. Turning around to look into his eyes, I was met by a surprising smile that stung my heart. Was this his way of masking his anger? Was he pleased with my thoughts? I couldn’t be sure of either, and mind reading was an annoyance of mine, so I released a deep breath as I fixed myself in his lap. "Are you going to say anything, or are you just going to sit there smiling at me?"

Grayson slowly allowed the smile to fade away. "I'm just wondering… if you felt all of that, what the hell I'm going to get?"

I laughed. "Oh, are you ready to find out?"

"As I'll ever be."

I turned the pages and stopped on his name. He shifted his gaze from the papers, over to me, and back over to the papers again. My heart beat just a tad bit faster as I lay back down, awaiting his completion of my inner most thoughts about him.

Grayson

What the hell? Is this the work of the Gods playing tricks on me? Why the hell would you thrust such an incredibly sexy guy in my path just when I feel myself coming into my own? I don't need anyone else right now… hell, I don't want anyone else right now. But that damn coffee shop guy is occupying all of my thoughts, and in a sick mixture of pleasure and pain, I'm liking it.

His tattoos are all over the place. Nefarious thoughts of wanting to trace my tongue from his fingertips to his chest fill my head in a way that has never happened to me before. When did I become attracted to tatted-up bad boys? And those eyes… those gosh damn ocean blue eyes. I hate what they do to me. I love what they do to me. Ugh… those damn eyes.

I'm quickly finding out that he is no bad boy. He is, in fact, my polar opposite. While I'm the stick in the mud bitch, biting everyone's head off, he's the calm and collected one, putting my earlier inclinations to shame. Can I really open up and let him in? Do I want to, is a better question. In a weird way, I feel like this is another Colby situation. Is he just going to fill the emptiness left behind? Will I bore of him like I did with Colby? If my intuition is telling me yes, then it's best to stuff those lustful desires back where they belong… back in the bottom of my heart and my mind.

<3

Update. The sexy ass walking piece of art is now, irrefutably, mine. Dare I say it? Surprisingly, I feel no trace of filler when it comes to him. How did this happen? Where were my guards? They were broken down. Broken down by his persistence. Broken down by his genuine nature. Broken down by his love…

FINALLY, a ray of sunshine clawing its way through the everlasting shadow of the black cloud that had occupied the space above my head. Pinching myself helps to make sure that this is real, and that the Gods won’t come and snatch this bit of happiness away from me like they seem to love to do. How the hell did I get so lucky? Dallis O'Brien… the most unlucky girl I know. I don't know, but I love it.

But sadly, I do wait every day for my reality to come and take this all away from me…..

Grayson dropped the journal and turned me around to face him. "Those gosh damn blue eyes?" he questioned, smirking in my direction.

"Yes… these gosh damn blue eyes," I said, lightly poking at them.

Grayson smiled. "Well, me and my gosh damn blue eyes aren't going anywhere. You can claw, kick, scream… hell, you can run me over with that fuckin' Jeep of yours. I'm here to stay."

A smile curved on my lips. "I drive the shit out of that thing. You sure about that?"

"As sure as I am that we were put in each other's lives for a reason. I'm not a filler, Dallis. I'm taking my rightful spot." He stopped and held my cheek in his hand. "Don't try to remove me because I won't go easily. I won't give in to those wicked thoughts swirling around in the back your mind. You deserve happiness, and dammit, I'm going to give it to you."

Leaning down, I took Grayson's bottom lip in my mouth and sucked gently. His hands latched onto my hair as his lips quickly overtook my own. The feeling of love encompassed us both as we lay thrashing our mouths into one another with a new found level of passion that seemed to build from the second Grayson had laid the journal down.

I fixed my body to lie flat against his as I tightened my grip on his beautiful locks. Our chests moved in succession, rising and falling against one another, cementing the fact that we were, in fact, becoming one. No traces of apprehension could be felt as the realization that I had unmistakably allowed him in hit me. Grayson had successfully broken through the fortress that I had built around my heart, in hopes of avoiding any more unnecessary pain.

"I need your ass in my bed," Grayson said as he pulled away, panting with lust in his eyes.

I stood and he quickly wrapped his arms around me. "I'm yours. Do as you like."

A devious gleam went off in his eye as he wrapped his arms tighter around me and rushed us off to his bedroom.

Chapter 18

The next two days went by blissfully. Grayson and I spent our lunches and nights with one another, never getting enough of each other, and never wanting to spend more time apart than we physically had to. The rapid speed in which my feelings had morphed for him did scare me every now and then, but after replaying his words over and over in my head, I brushed them aside and just basked in the love that he gave. Miranda said she noticed a definite change. Without giving away too many details of my soul baring night, I briefly filled her in on what had happened between us. Pretending to be all motherly, Miranda's eyes teared up as she held her chest. Laughter was all I could give her since she was being beyond ridiculous, but her happiness for me was appreciated and I made sure to let her know it.

"How are the wedding plans going?" I asked, hoping to shift the focus away from myself.

"What plans?" Miranda rolled her eyes. "I swear, I'm just going to drag him to the damn courthouse soon."

I giggled. "What's up your ass?"

"Well… for starters, my damn mother is driving me up the freakin' wall. I shouldn't be this stressed out planning what is supposed to be the happiest day of
my
life." She ran her fingers through her hair as her eyes rolled again. "Besides, I can save a shit ton of money by doing that."

"Oh come on. You're starting to sound like me now. You know you don't want to do that."

"My ass. If you had to deal with what I'm dealing with, you would have eloped already. I just don't have the balls like you do."

"You see. Yet another reason why I'm glad I didn't give in to the constant marriage chatter. I could never plan one. I'd have to get married like a week later."

"Speaking of which…do either of you ever plan on getting married?"

"You're seriously asking me this right now?" I asked, rolling my eyes at her this time. "I like where things stand with Grayson. I don't even think about marriage. It's just not a priority right now."

"Fair enough. But I'll tell you what. I do think one day your door placard will read
Dallis Rivera.
" Her eyebrows moved up and down, forcing me to frown at her while shaking my head.

Excitement bubbled within me as I left work and headed off to Grayson's house. Work had been surprisingly productive and thanks to past shoots, I had lined up a few high profile gigs that could catapult my small business. I'd talked Miranda's ear off about them, but found myself just wanting to sit down and share every part of it with Grayson.

I wasn't sure if I had completely parked my Jeep as I jumped out and ran up to the front door, using the key Grayson had given to me to let myself in. I found him lying back on the couch with a beer bottle in hand, wearing nothing but a pair of loose fitting jeans. My eyes immediately grazed over his beautifully tatted chest, but his smiling face was what I fixed on. Without even thinking, I bounded over to him and flung my body down onto him, completely taking him by surprise.

"Whoa! What's… that… for?" Grayson asked, trying to steady his beer bottle while speaking through my furious kisses.

"I just landed a killer gig," I said, straightening up so he could sit up with me.

"And it is?"

"The Sounders soccer team. I'm going to be a trial assistant for the lead photographer, and if they like my work, they might hire me to work for the team full-time."

"Holy shit, Dallis. That's amazing!" He sat his beer down on the table. "Let's get out of here tonight. Go downtown and celebrate."

"I haven't been hired yet. Nothing to really celebrate."

Grayson's eyebrows furrowed. "How many other photographers do you know that have been offered this opportunity?" I didn't answer his question…just simply shrugged my shoulders. "That’s right. None. It's worth celebrating, babe." He stood up from the couch and grabbed my hand. With his face half in his shirt he said, "Let's go."

Without argument, I followed after Grayson as we walked out to his truck. "You okay to drive?" I asked.

"Yeah. That was my one and only beer. And after your acrobatic skills in there, I didn't even get to drink much of it."

Smirking at him, I hopped into the truck as Grayson politely held the door open for me.

We stopped at a downtown Seattle dive bar by the name of Emeralds. Tattoo and piercing covered people with eclectic taste in hair color made up the bulk of the patrons. Normally, this would not have been my scene, but with Grayson by my side I felt surprisingly relaxed and took his hand as we walked into the bar.   

"What's up, Rivera?" an overly muscular, tatted up bouncer asked. He gave Grayson a guy hug and then turned his attention over to me.

"Steve, this is my girlfriend, Dallis. Dallis, this is one of the coolest guys you'll ever meet. Steve."

I shook his hand and nodded as he took mine and smiled warmly.

"What brings you in? I haven't seen you here in a long time."