Seer: Thrall (22 page)

"No." She paused. "I would be willing to agree I am yours as much as you are mine."

"We don't have that kind of relationship anymore, Solange."

"Is that a permanent decision, Sidney?"

I turned away and walked to the window. I felt the tears collect in my eyes. "I don't know how to forgive you, Solange."

I heard her chair squeak, and then her hands were on my shoulders. I didn't pull away, and then she stepped closer until we were pressed together, her front to my back.

"Do you still love me?"

I knew the answer before she asked it, but I wasn't sure I was willing to admit it. Finally I nodded, and then I began crying in earnest.

Solange wrapped her arms around me and held me, and I let her.

"Damn it," I said finally, wiping the tears away. I pulled away from her and went in search of a tissue. No one said anything as I cleaned up. I turned to her. "What other requirements?"

"If we are largely weaning you from my blood, then in order to direct your dreams, I will probably need to maintain a certain amount of bond with you." She stepped up to me and reached out slowly. I didn't pull away as she caressed my neck, and I saw her fangs extend when she did it.

"Your blood," she said, as if I needed the explanation.

"How often?"

"A sample fairly often, maybe once or twice a week. A deeper amount less often. Not enough to weaken you."

"Would you make it feel good?"

"Yes."

"From my neck?"

"Yes."

"Will it make me stupid like your blood does?"

"Only while the bliss lasts. An hour or two."

"Will it cause me to make stupid decisions?"

"If I let you, yes. I won't let you or ask you to."

I stepped a little closer and looked at her fangs carefully. "Not in bed," I said. "In fact, you are not welcome in my bed until the rest of this is resolved. Somewhere else."

"All right," she agreed, "except when you have dreams, if you need comforting, I intend to comfort."

I nodded. "What other requirements?"

"We do it my way."

"You already said that."

"You may think I am being overly cautious."

"I trust your judgment as long as we agree on goals. What other requirements?"

"Household harmony."

"No fighting?"

"No stomping around as a royal bitch for days at a time."

"And if I do?"

"Then I will call you on it, and you agree I have the right to do so. And then you will either fix it, or I will, and you agree I have that right as well."

"How would you fix it?"

"My blood. Or yours. Either is likely to fix it, at least for a while."

"Put those away," I said, pointing at her fangs. "Maybe you're biting me tonight, but we haven't agreed to anything yet."

"I'm not sure I can," she said. "Try to ignore then."

I turned away and walked back to the window.

"Can we do it?" I asked. "Can we make them stop, or destroy them?"

"Not all of them. Some. Sidney, it would be one at a time, and I can't promise it will be fast. It will be cautious. That's the best you're going to get from me."

"It is my opinion these vampires are the ones most likely to precipitate the war."

"It is my opinion humanity will start the war. These vampires wouldn't survive if they start it. We would rise and destroy them."

"The damage would be done."

She didn't respond to that. "You've heard my offer, and you've heard my requirements."

"I will not tolerate being treated like a servant. I know I'm not your equal, but I expected to be treated like one anyway."

"No."

I turned to her. "Excuse me?"

"I said 'no'. I will treat you as an equal in our relationship. You are not remotely my equal in this war, and I am not going to pretend you are. You are an advisor, but the final decisions are mine and only mine. Nor are you an equal in managing the household. You do not order the staff, and you do not make decisions about the house outside of your own suite. Anything else you want is my final decision."

"All right. I guess I didn't mean any of that. But I'm not admitting I am your servant, either. Do you expect me to jump when you bark?"

"Probably, but I understand you're not offering that. But you are agreeing I may call you mine, and you'll stop trying to deny it. You won't kiss or cozy up to other vampires. You won't pursue a romantic relationship with someone else. You won't make decisions that affect me without discussing them with me. You will tell me where you will be and when you will be home."

"I'm not your child."

"No, but as a member of the household, it is polite. So, oh, I don't know. I don't rush home to spend time with you, only to find out you aren't here."

"I'll agree to those if you do the same."

She began to smile. "You're agreeing?"

"Any other requirements?"

"No."

I glanced at Aubree. "Do you have anything to say?"

"No," she said. "I believe you can guess my opinion."

I stepped back up to Solange, coming to a stop with only a small separation between us. I looked up into her eyes. Her fangs were still out. "Are you expecting to use these?" I reached up and brushed a finger along them.

"If you agree, yes, I am."

"With an audience?"

"This once, yes, there will be a witness."

I turned away and walked to another window. It was my turn to stare outside. Solange didn't follow me, but I knew she was watching me. I stood there for several minutes, trying to think.

"Your demands are unreasonable," I finally said. "Not all of them. But claiming me as property is unreasonable. I'm asking you to do the right thing, and frankly, I believe we have to do it to stop your war, anyway."

I heard a small sound, cloth moving against cloth, and I thought perhaps Solange shifted position at my words. Her tone was calm when she responded, and I recognized she had gone into lawyer mode to answer me. She was using the tone she had used in the past when we would have fought, but didn't.

"Which of my terms are reasonable?"

"Everything else," I said. I turned to face her. She had a hand on her hip and was scowling around the fangs. It was unsettling, but I stood up to her anyway. "I am not your property."

"I am not suggesting you are. But tell me, Sidney, what are you?"

"I'm a person with rights. Slavery is not legal in this country, Solange."

"What else are you? You are asking me to risk a great deal, Sidney. We have no evidence that destroying the monsters is critical to stopping the war. You are part of this. So tell me. What are you?"

I knew what she wanted, but I wasn't sure I was willing to give it to her. I turned away again, staring out the window. I heard her move closer; I didn't move away. From beside me, she asked, "Are you a member of this household?"

"Like you've given me a choice in that." It was said bitterly. I turned to her and screamed. "You hurt me! All I want is to be as far from you as I can run."

Her lips twitched, and I thought perhaps I had scored a point. Somehow it didn't help me feel any better.

"I don't believe you," she said after a moment. "I think you want a great deal, but your pride is preventing you from asking."

"Oh?" I asked, moving a hand to my hip and raising an eyebrow. "And just what do you think I want?"

"I think you are deeply conflicted. I think you want to forgive me, but you don't know how. I think you want my blood. I think you want me to drink yours. I think there's a part of you that would like to just give up and let me take care of you. I think you're worried about Dolores, and that's the biggest reason you want to go back to work. On the other hand, you worry you'll be fulfilled. You're worried I won't respect you if you allow yourself to be kept." She paused. "I think you wanted me to bind you so you didn't have to make any decisions. Maybe it was a war, another conflict, but there was a part of you that found that path very seductive." She paused again. "I think running away is the last thing you want, but you don't know how to resolve everything else, and so you would run away because you don't know what else to do."

I stared for a moment, stunned by what she had said, then I turned away.

"You're wrong."

"Be honest, Sidney," she replied gently.

I didn't say anything, and we stood there in a standoff for a few minutes.

"Perhaps I'm right, but you're not willing to admit it," Solange said. "Perhaps I'm only right about part of it." She moved closer, standing behind me and putting her hands on my shoulders. "You don't flinch when I touch you." She moved her right hand and began to stroke my neck, right where she would bite, if she were going to.

I felt my body begin to respond, nearly immediately. She'd only bitten me once, but I remembered. My body remembered.

"Why aren't you pulling away, Sidney? My fangs are out, and you're not running in fear."

"You know why. Stop it."

She didn't. Instead she bent over, and I actually tipped my head to the side as she grazed me with her fangs. She didn't scratch. She didn't bite. She was playing with me, and I let her. I began to shudder, just a little, both in anticipation of the bite, and in conflict of what it meant.

"Part of you wants this, Sidney. A great deal of you wants it. But you have a great deal of pride."

"Please stop," I whispered.

She moved her lips to my ear. "I want you. But Sidney, I want all of you, including your pride. I don't want to take it from you. I don't want you to give it up. I'm trying to help you."

I couldn't think. I was trembling under her touch, and it wasn't from fear. "I can't think," I admitted.

"Work with me, Sidney. Please. Work with me."

"I can't think," I said. "You're confusing me."

She nipped my ear, and I almost sagged into her arms.

"I'm not confusing you. I'm helping you realize something."

"Stop," I said. "Solange, don't do it this way."

Behind me, she froze, not moving, and we stayed like that for a moment, then she said, "If I stop, part of you is going to feel rejected. It's not rejection, Sidney." She paused a moment, then she grazed my neck with her fangs again, and I found myself leaning backwards into her, letting her support me.

"Solange..."

"Shh," she said. "I'm going to tell you a few things. I'm right, aren't I?"

"I don't know. Yes. Maybe."

"But you're right about a few things too." I didn't ask what. She gave me a moment before she continued. "You're right in that I don't see your lost time as significant. I regret what happened, but it brought us to this point, and perhaps it was necessary."

"A necessary evil?" I asked.

"Yes," she said. "There was a price you paid, but for everything we discussed earlier, I believe you've been more than compensated."

"My business..."

"We're working on that, and you haven't suffered financially. Even in my anger, I knew I'd calm down, and so I made sure you didn't suffer financially. Somewhere inside of me, I knew I'd be letting you back out, and I did what I could to take care of you."

"I don't need you to take care of me."

"No, you don't. But it feels good, doesn't it?"

"Solange..." I whined.

"It feels good, Sidney. Just like my touch feels good."

"Please don't do this!"

"Admit it."

I spun around. "Yes!" I spat. "It feels good."

"Why does that make you angry?"

"You know why."

"Tell me anyway."

"I don't need you! I don't need anyone. I've never needed anyone. I can't count on anyone!" I spun around again and stepped away from her, but she pursued me.

"Everyone I ever counted on betrayed me, Solange."

"Your parents. Your uncle. Me."

I spun around again to face her. "Yes!"

"What do you want, Sidney?" she asked calmly.

"What do you want?" I shot back.

She smiled. With her fangs out, it was hauntingly eerie and beautiful. "I want a great deal. I want you to forgive me. I want you to be happy. I want us to be happy. I want there to be peace between humans and vampires. I would like to be out of the closet. I want you to feel fulfilled." She paused. "I want you to tell me you're mine."

"I'm not yours!"

"Aren't you?" she asked. "Not even a little?"

I looked around the room, trying to escape. My eyes settled on Aubree; I had forgotten she was here. "You're awfully quiet."

"Was that a request for my opinion?" she asked.

"What if it was?"

"You let her sell your house. You are living here and haven't once attempted to storm out the door. You haven't put up a real struggle about that. To me, that means you accept your position as a member of this household, a situation you don't expect to change any time soon."

"Like I had a choice."

"Oh?" she asked.

"If we're going to fight the war..."

"Is that the only reason?"

I turned away from her, from both of them, and stared out the window again. No one said anything for several minutes, and I didn't hear a single sound from the vampires, no shifting of weight, no breathing, no rustling of clothes. I was sure if I watched them, I would find them utterly still.

"I'm not your slave!" I finally said.

"You're a member of this household," Solange replied.

"I was," I said. "When I thought we were equals, more or less. But we're not, and we never will be, will we?" I turned around. "Before, the only real difference was the money, and that was hard enough." I shook my head, but I wasn't entirely sure what I was trying to deny.

"You're a member of this household," Solange repeated. "That doesn't mean you are less than I am. That doesn't mean you're agreeing I am free to order you about. It does not mean you are a slave, a servant, or some sort of property. It means you are an adult living in this household."