Seer: Thrall (17 page)

"And the last group?"

"The last group wants to, and I quote, 'Take our rightful place as rulers of the world'. You can imagine what it would be like to be human in that world."

"Food."

"Yes, and if you thought your dreams were horrible, imagine what they might do if they could do what they wished, openly and with impunity. Imagine if they were the overlords, and it was their right to own all of humanity. Vlad the Impaler was not a vampire, but a great many vampires would happily follow his example."

"That's the group we're fighting."

"Not directly," she said. "We're not fighting any groups. We're fighting against the war itself, and it takes humans and vampires together to make war. Those last vampires are deemed crackpots. Dangerous crackpots, but crackpots nevertheless. The biggest danger from them is when they grow careless, which rarely happens."

I pulled away while I thought about it. "Solange, I might argue that when vampires allow humans to be treated that way, the war has already begun. And I will tell you this as well. I will not help you protect people like that."

She clasped my chin and turned me to face her. "You promised your loyalty to me."

"So you would have me protect a monster who viciously preys upon other humans? Is that the choice you would have me make, Solange?"

She studied my face. "No, I wouldn't," she said eventually, "but at the same time you must understand we may need to allow lesser evils to prevent greater ones."

She continued to study my face while I considered her words. Finally I nodded once. Solange smiled briefly and released my chin, her fingers caressing my cheek as she did so.

"Don't do that," I said quietly.

"Don't do what?"

"Don't treat me like a lover. We're not lovers anymore, Solange. You saw to that."

She winced, but it was her turn to nod once.

"You took a year of my life, Solange," I went on. "You introduced me to these horrors besides, and before this is over, I think you're going to take far more than the year you've already stolen. I have no faith I'm going to live through it."

"Sidney..."

"Shut up," I said. "A year is nothing to you, but it means a great deal to me. My life meant a great deal to me, and you've taken most of it. You dole out bits and pieces to keep me complacent-"

"Sidney..."

"I said shut up!" She bristled at my tone, but she closed her mouth. "The only reason I'm not fighting you about all this is because my dreams made it clear I have a part to play, and it appears that part is your pet seer. But I haven't seen a whole lot of sacrifice from you to make up for what I've sacrificed. You do not get to treat me like a lover. You do not get to treat me like I'm your property, either."

She waited until she was sure I was done. "What do you want, Sidney?"

"What do I want? I want my year back! I want my life back! I want to go back to believing you're just a really good lawyer, that vampires are myths, and that there aren't any monsters that go bump in the night!"

In other words, I wanted the impossible, and we both knew it. And so we both looked away at the same time.

"I can't give you any of that," she said quietly. "I wish I could." She paused. "Do you want to leave?"

"The war will come."

"It may not."

"My dreams said the war will come if I don't play my part. You'll die. Aubree will die. Dolores will die. Why will Dolores die?"

"Maybe now she doesn't," Solange said.

"Well, I don't believe I've done whatever I have to do so that you and Aubree live," I replied. "I don't want either of you to die."

"If it weren't for the war, would you want to leave?" she asked. We still weren't looking at each other.

I thought about her question. "I don't know."

"Why don't you know?"

That was when I turned to face her. She saw the movement from the corner of her eye and turned her own head to face me. "Because no one has ever made me feel the way you used to, and I keep hoping I'll forgive you. I want to feel that way again."

We stared at each other for a while before she asked, "What do you want right now?"

"I want to sleep. No dreams." I paused. "Solange, I think my role is more than your pet seer."

"Oh?"

"I think maybe I'm also the only voice of humanity you're really listening to."

Her eyes widened. "Maybe you are."

"I want us to go after them, the ones that treat humans as lower than animals. I want to take them down."

Her lips tightened. "That's a dangerous course of action." I thought it interesting she used my phrase from a few minutes earlier.

"If a mere human is willing to take that risk, are you?"

"I won't throw everything away foolishly, Sidney."

"What's the matter, Solange? Got more to lose than I do?"

"Frankly, yes," she said. "You're risking yourself. I'd be risking everyone in this household as well as the other vampires that belong to me along with their households."

"Aubree..."

"Sidney, every lawyer in my firm is a vampire."

"You made them?"

"Most of them. The rest are, well, grandchildren might be a good word, along with the paralegals."

"You're a vampire queen?"

"A minor queen, I suppose," she said. "But I have little territory. There are five others like me around the Twin Cities. None of us is so powerful we could dominate the others, but if any of us were to try, the rest would ally to prevent it and probably destroy the aggressor."

I thought about it. "Then perhaps you need to discuss this with your vampires, because as far as I'm concerned, we're going after those monsters."

"You will do nothing without my permission!" Solange said firmly. "You gave a pledge of loyalty, Sidney, and whether you like it or not, you are mine as much as the rest. More than the rest."

"I'll give you a week to agree we're going after them," I said.

"What happens after that?"

"If you haven't agreed? I stop drinking from your wrist. And then the fighting starts."

"You agree you will not act without me?"

I nodded. "I agree."

"No matter what, Sidney. Your oath of loyalty is unconditional."

"Loyalty does not mean forgiveness. Loyalty is not synonymous with obedience. Loyalty does not mean we don't fight." I paused. "I won't act without you."

"Thank you," she said. She sighed. "We have a lot to work out."

I nodded, looking down into my lap. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," she replied. "I think we've fought enough tonight."

"This wasn't a fight. It was barely a squabble. I don't think I'm capable of fighting with you right now." I paused. "I want a small taste, and then put me to bed. Just a little tiny bit."

"Why?"

"Because it will soothe both of us and give us happy memories for the morning." I paused. "Or you can take a little from me."

"That's awfully close to treating you like a lover," she said, "or a possession." She gestured. "Turn around."

I rotated on the sofa, then moved backwards until I was lying in her arms. I lifted my head so I could watch her face. She was looking down at me.

"This is treating you like a lover, too," she observed.

"Life between us is complicated," I admitted.

She smiled, and I watched her fangs grow.

"What do you think about to make them do that?"

"You know what I think about, Sidney." She caressed my neck.

"Is this torture for you?"

"No." She lifted her wrist and bit, wincing for a moment, then lowered her bleeding wrist to my mouth.

Instinctively I grabbed it and held, closing my eyes and sighing in bliss as the first drops hit my tongue.

"Only a little," she reminded me.

I swallowed, and the warmth immediately began to spread through my body.

I had intended to drink very lightly, but as soon as her taste was in my mouth, I turned ravenous, and I sucked strongly, my body craving what she offered. I sucked hard three times.

The full pleasure hadn't fully hit yet. Her blood entered my blood stream very rapidly, part of the magic, I supposed, but it still took time to be pumped everywhere. It took time to be pumped into my brain and give me the full bliss. But still, she said, "That's enough, Sidney. Can you release me willingly?"

I whimpered, sucking hard once more, then I pressed my tongue against the wound. I held her like that, a little of her blood seeping around my tongue into my mouth. I whimpered again then slowly willed my hands to release her. It was hard.

She pulled her wrist from my mouth. I was full of her taste, and then the bliss reached my brain, and I moaned with the pleasure.

"Good girl, Sidney," Solange said. "I wasn't sure if you were strong enough to do that."

"Feels so good," I whispered.

We stayed like that for a while.

"You're so patient," I said several minutes later.

"Shhh," she said. "I'm basking."

That's what I was doing. I didn't mind lying like this, not right now. And so it was probably five minutes later before I opened my eyes. Solange was watching me.

"Am I too heavy to carry?" I asked.

She smiled and shook her head. We didn't need to exchange words after that. I stared into her eyes, and it took only an instant for my mind to be wrapped inside hers.

"Sleep, Sidney," she said to me.

And I slept.

"Good morning, Sidney," Solange said. I opened my eyes. She hadn't been waking me in the mornings for some time, so I was surprised to see her.

"Did I oversleep?" I stretched.

It had been five days since I'd dreamed of the vampire factions. I hadn't had a seer dream since. The break was refreshing, and I'd been sleeping very well.

"No. I hoped we could spend the day together. There are a several things I would like to discuss with you."

I was torpid, my brain still largely asleep. I wasn't one to wake quickly. But I knew this about myself, so I also knew I shouldn't agree to anything when first waking.

"Let me throw something on," I said noncommittally.

I waited for her to leave, but she simply stepped back and waited, as if she intended to escort me downstairs herself.

"I'll be down in a few minutes," I added.

"I can wait."

"You can leave so I may have some privacy," I replied. It was said a little testily.

She stiffened. "Oh," she said. "Of course. My apologies." Without another word, she turned on her heels and headed for the exit. Once the door closed, I rotated out of bed.

It was my bed, finally, the hospital bed being returned to wherever it was needed. It was nice to sleep in my own bed between my own sheets and under my own covers. Now I just wish it were my own house, but I'd let Solange sell it for me. Well, she bought it; I wasn't sure if she'd sold it again or not.

I found Solange fifteen minutes later. I hadn't dressed yet; I wasn't sure what she wished to do first. She was waiting for me in the kitchen, a fresh pot of coffee waiting for me. I eyed it dubiously as she poured me a cup.

"Did you make that?"

"There's nothing wrong with my coffee," she replied defensively. "You should at least try it before you denigrate it."

"Oh," I said, "big words this early in the morning. I didn't
denigrate
it. I only asked if you made it."

She cocked her head. "Your attitude is a little unexpected this morning, Sidney."

"There's nothing wrong with my attitude." I took the cup from her, added cream, and took a sip. It was actually pretty good. I hopped up onto one of the stools.

Solange cocked her head the other way, watching me. She looked like a bird, cocking her head this way and that. I may have smiled, but I didn't share the image with her.

"Are you feeling ill?"

"No. Are you feeling hypersensitive?"

"You seem a little fractious this morning."

"Huh," I said. "I wonder if I have a reason for that." I cocked my head this time, intentionally imitating her. I cocked it the other way. Then I pointed at her and snapped my fingers twice. "I wonder if it has anything to do with being imprisoned in your house against my will. Or maybe I was only thinking about my failing business, a business I worked very hard to build, a business I gave up a very good woman over when I paid too much attention to it and not enough to her." I cocked my head the other way. "I wonder what she'd say now, knowing I haven't taken care of any of my clients in over a year."

Solange's lips tightened, but she didn't respond. Instead she turned away, then walked to the window and stared outside. I let her and returned my own focus to the coffee.

Ten minutes later, my coffee finished, I climbed off the stool and went digging through the pantry for something to eat. I found bagels, so I popped one into the toaster, poured another cup of coffee, and settled back to stare at the toaster until it relinquished my breakfast.

"I thought the blood would keep you from turning bitter," she said.

"Do I have anything to be bitter over?" I countered. "Living in this fine house with nothing to do but stare at the toaster."

I heard her move closer, but I didn't turn to look at her.

"I believe an explanation is in order, Sidney."

"Are you suggesting I have no cause to be... what was the word you used? Oh, right. Fractious. Are you suggesting I have no cause to turn fractious some mornings?"

"My blood shouldn't let you. Are you becoming resistant?"

"Not that I can tell," I said. I turned to her. "I've been weaning myself."

Her eyes widened. I was surprised she hadn't noticed. I put a hand on my hip. "You're not very observant. It's your wrist I drink from. Can't you tell how hard I suck? I mean, I've gone from sucking to slurping over the course of five days. At this rate, I'll be down to barely licking by next Saturday."

"Why?" I thought she wanted to ask more, but that was all she got out. I was pleased to have surprised her.

"Because sometime in the next two days, you and are going to have a big fight, and I wanted to be able to hold up my end of the conversation." Then I looked down. "And I'm tired of feeling stupid all the time. Your blood makes me stupid."

"Oh Sidney," she said. "Only a little."

"Enough you won't let me work," I countered. "I think it's a whole lot more than 'only a little'. I almost won the booby prize against last month, and I think the only reason I didn't is because people are going easy on me. In fact, I think Dolores is cheating when she counts the final score."

Solange looked away, and I knew I was right.

"God damn it!" I exploded. "Did you ask her to?"

"No."

"God damn it!" I said again. "I've been making people accept booby prizes for five years, but now I'm playing poorly and they let me out off the hook? I'll never be able to award another booby prize again."

"That's a little bit of hyperbole," Solange said, turning back to me.

"I've been 'home from the hospital' for months. I'm fully healthy. There's no reason to continue to give me your blood except to keep me complacent. And there's no reason anyone has to continue to coddle me."

"We're having our conversations out of order," Solange said. "But this was something I wanted to talk about. I'm not upset you've been weaning yourself. I'm upset with myself I didn't notice. I was going to talk to you about cutting back."

"I thought you liked me complacent."

"I don't like fighting with you. I don't like bearing the brunt of your anger. I don't like hearing how much you hate living here. But I don't want you complacent, Sidney." She paused. "Besides, I'm going to need your brain."

"Oh, I see. So now it's convenient for you to let me think again?" I asked, getting my back up further.

She held her hands up. "I have a favor to ask."

"I don't owe you any favors."

"No, but I'm going to ask anyway."

"Fine."

"I really, really would like our conversations to be somewhat calmer today. I would like you to give me the benefit of the doubt today.'

I stared. "That's your request?"

"Yes."

"What's in it for me?"

"The ability to make decisions with a rational mind instead of one clouded by emotion."

"What decisions?"

"I'm not answering that," she said. "We're having calm conversations today or no conversations."

"Your one-week deadline is almost over."

"That's one of the conversations."

"Conversations? Not an edict passed down from my vampire overlord?"

"Damn it, Sidney," she said. "That's what I'm talking about. How can we talk about anything if you suspect everything I say? I have never done anything to cause you to distrust me like this."

"Oh?" I asked. "I remember begging to talk about something before making some pretty drastic changes in my life, but you turned me down then. Or did you think I had forgotten?"

She turned away again, walking back to the window. She clenched and unclenched her fists several times. I turned my back on her.

My toaster had long relinquished my bagel. I pulled it out. It was already cool, so I decided to forgo adding anything to it. I began eating it dry.

"You're never going to forgive me," Solange said from her place near the window.

I turned towards her, then walked to stand behind her. She knew I was there, but she didn't turn around.

"If I weren't drugged by your blood but somehow weren't feeling fractious, would our conversations today be fights?"

"No."

"But given my mood?"

"There's little reason to talk if you are going to get mad every few sentences."

I sighed. "It is your choice, but if you offer enough of your blood to calm me down, I'll drink it."

At that, she turned around.

"Are you ever going to forgive me?" she asked.

"I'm trying," I replied. "I don't know how. Whenever I feel like I'm ready to forgive you, even a little, I wonder if it's your blood talking, and that gets my back up. When you left me in that place, I vowed I'd stake you, if I ever got a chance. I remember you coming to look at me. I thought it was with triumph. I hated you. Part of me still does. Part of me wants to know you understand what you did to me." I paused. "No, all of me wishes you understood. Part of me wishes I could do the same thing to you. I don't want to hurt you, but I want you to understand how much you hurt me."

I looked down. "And I'm ashamed."

"You shouldn't be ashamed. Revenge is a human emotion."

"I don't want revenge!" I spun around, storming away from her. "I didn't say a thing about revenge. I just told you I don't want to hurt you. God! Don't you listen to me at all? I used to think you understood me better than I understood myself."

She moved towards me, but I put the island between us.

"You're right," she said. "I would want revenge. Tell me again, Sidney. I'll try to understand."

I turned back. "I can't forgive you if I don't know that you understand what you did to me. I can't forgive you as long as I believe you think what you did was inconsequential." I changed my voice, trying to indicate I was speaking as her. "Sidney's just a human. She doesn't matter. It was just seven months. That's a blink of an eye. She should stop wallowing. We have a war to fight. Besides, it was her fault for betraying me, anyway." I paused before spitting out the last words. "She got what she deserved, and she should be a lot more grateful I let her out at all. And besides all that, she should recognize her place, kneeling at my feet."

"I have never said any of that!" she said.

"You blamed me. You said it was my fault. I think you still believe it was all my fault."

She took a breath, holding it, then exhaled. "Sidney, I would like you to drink from me. Then we'll go for a long, long bike ride. This afternoon, once you're down from the high, we can talk. I suspect we'll talk into the evening."

I nibbled at the bagel while considering what she said. "Are you going to let me go after those monsters?"

"We're going to discuss that rationally."

"Is that your way of saying, you want me complacent so I won't fight when you explain what a poor idea it is?"

"No. Discuss means discuss."

I eyed her carefully. "Seriously?"

She nodded. "But I don't want to just take the edge off. I want you to, well, suck."

I smiled a ghost of a smile. "All right. You owe me."

"I know."

I finished the bagel, washed up, then turned to her. "Where?"

"Right here." She didn't wait. She picked me up and set me on the island. I squeaked in surprise, but she tore her wrist open and offered it to my mouth, standing behind me and cradling my shoulders and head. I latched on and began to drink.

I drank slowly at first, savoring the taste. This is how I'd been weaning myself, drinking more slowly and practicing restraint. I let the taste flood my mouth first. At some level, I knew her blood tasted like blood. It shouldn't taste good. But my mind interpreted the taste as the sweetest honey, thick and wonderful.

I swallowed, and it was a little like good whiskey without the burn. The warmth filled me and began to radiate out.

I continued to drink as slowly as I could, letting the blood bubble into my mouth rather than sucking hard on it.

I could feel her blood entering my own bloodstream, and then I felt when it reached my brain.

That was when I moaned with the pleasure.

But I'd been drinking slowly, and she healed so quickly that the wound had sealed. This was as much as I'd been taking for several days. But this time, Solange was paying more attention.

"That's what you did," she said. "I didn't think you'd have that kind of control." She pulled her wrist from me and tore it open again. "Drink your fill, Sidney."

With the bliss hitting me, I had less control, and I clamped my hands around her arm and my lips around the wound in her wrist. I sucked harder and moaned again.

"There you go," Solange said gently. "Drink now, Sidney. This is good. This is right. It feels so right, doesn't it?"

I made an "mmm" sound of agreement.

Twice more she opened her wrist for me, making sure I took far more than ever I had before. I was long past the point I was out of control, and I took as much as she gave me.