Authors: Leah Banicki
“Yes, Hannah told me everything, about how they passed on sharing the hotel room on the air but an hour
after the date Anthony snuck up to her room. She said that he told her he was officially going to propose and
wanted her to know. She said it was so passionate and special. She told me it was her first time.” Chrissy blushed. I
took a deep breath and let it out slowly. My brain was spinning in a few different directions.
What in the world had gotten into Chrissy? Why was she making these things up? Oh my gosh, this was on
National television!!! She just lied and said I was pregnant on national television. I took another deep breath.
“Pause it for me Dad.” I rested my head in my hands and felt my heartbeat jumping around. I have always
been a private person. I have always been a person who believed in a pure reputation.
I can’t think about this. It’s too
much.
“How much worse does it get?” I muttered through my hands. I was not certain I wanted to know.
“Worse…” My mother said softly. Her arms were rubbing up and down my back. It was comforting. I took
a few more slow breaths and sat up straight.
“Ok, let’s do this.” I nodded to my dad, whose face was rigid and his eyes were hallow.
Back to the show…
“I am confused, Hannah maintained at the final show of
Soulmate
that she was still saving herself. What you
are saying contradicts that. I am still trying to understand why she didn’t call Anthony out if she truly was
pregnant.” Beverly asked.
“Well the day before she left for New York, only five days ago, Hannah told me about her plan to get
Anthony back for dumping her after he took her purity. She said she was going to get an abortion in New York
and then tell Anthony after it was done. Anthony really wants a family and she felt that would crush him.” The lies
just kept rolling on as I watched Chrissy try out her acting skills. Some part of me a little impressed.
“Oh my!” Beverly said. Then let Chrissy continue.
“I was desperate to get the word to Anthony and try to talk to Hannah before she left. She got angry
when I tried to talk her out of the abortion. I don’t believe that the baby should die, no matter how much Hannah
is hurting from the breakup.” Chrissy squeezed out a tear and Beverly handed her a tissue.
“I went with her to the doctor’s office two weeks ago. She was definitely pregnant. We snuck over to the
neighbors and used their car to get away from the paparazzi.” Chrissy sniffled and I wanted to puke. She had
covered all the bases. It’s all just her word but without any proof I look like a …. I tried to stop the thought
process.
“Do you think she went through with the abortion in New York?” Beverly asked, as concern washed over
her face.
“I just don’t know… she won’t answer my calls.” Chrissy did a convincing sniffle into her tissue and they
panned to Beverly Thomas.
Beverly turned, faced the camera and announced the commercial break. “We will be back in a few
moments with Christina Parker. What everone is wondering is if Hannah is still carrying Anthony’s child? Would
he change his mind if he knew? Back in a few moments.” The screen switched to a commercial. My dad hit the
pause button again.
“Wow!” I said. I know it was an understatement but I was still absorbing it all. My mom had stopped the
sniffling and was quiet. We all were… What to do?
“Ok Lord, we need some help down here.” I said finally out loud. I feel like I had been praying since my
dad woke me up from my nap in an inner whisper for mercy. Perhaps my strange inner quiet was the result.
My dad grabbed his Bible off the coffee table. He flipped through the pages for a second than stopped.
“Luke 6:28 - Bless those that curse you, pray for those that mistreat you.” My dad’s voice sounded the
same as it did every time we studied our Bible together. He loved to quote a verse then let it sink in. This one felt
different somehow.
“God show us how to do this right.” His voice crackled a little. His heart was breaking, and mine did once
I realized what had just happened. I was betrayed, by my own flesh and blood. My father’s brother’s child just lied
on television about me. His own daughter betrayed by his own niece.
I started to sob; it just boiled out of my chest, not for me but for my family. How would we handle this?
I held my mother’s hand across my chest and slid off the couch and cried in her lap like a child. I prayed as
I cried.
God please help us
. It was all I could say.
Sometimes there were no words to pray you just had to put your bleeding heart into God’s hands.
Chapter 16
A haze covered me as the night passed. My brother and his wife came by and brought a pizza and a movie,
for the girls. The girls were oblivious to the trouble and it was a lovely distraction for a little while, pretending
nothing happened. After a round of tickles the girls were shuffled into the playroom for pizza and a movie, while
the grown ups talked.
“Has anyone talked to Chrissy yet?’ My brother, Joe, asked. He kept reaching out to my dad and squeezing
his shoulder. Men have no idea how to handle a crisis. All us girls kept hugging and crying. The guys played by
different rules.
I didn’t get it.
“Her phone goes straight to voicemail.” My mother said. “I am almost relieved. I don’t have any idea what
to say.” She was back to sniffling. I hated this, everyone upset over this stupid show again. When would this end?
“Guys, I want to apologize again.” I repeated my speech. They all shushed me immediately.
“Hannah, knock it off.” My dad said gruffly and managed a smile. “Other people survive their fifteen
minutes of fame. We can too.” I liked his way of shutting me up and making me smile in the same second.
The phone had been ringing non-stop ever since the show aired. My dad turned it off. I had my cell phone
on for family and the few people who had the unlisted number. I was surprised when during the family meeting it
rang and buzzed in my pocket. I was so used to it being silent. I had shut a lot of people out lately.
I was hoping it was Allison. I was startled in my heart to see the name Anthony Capriccio flash across my
screen. It rang three times before I picked up, I don’t think I breathed.
“Hello” I stammered.
“Hi Hannah,” He sounded breathless and amazing, I thought. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
“Did you see it?” I asked suddenly, knowing he had.
Dear Lord, can this get much worse?
“Yes, I don’t even know how to start. I know I messed up but…Hannah. What is going on?” Anthony
sighed and I could hear the frustration I had been feeling for weeks coming from someone else.
“My parents are so angry, I can’t tell you how much respect I lost when I confessed to messing up with
Desiree. Right now I don’t even know…” Anthony stopped talking. He had messed up but, honestly, he didn’t
deserve this either.
“I am sorry but I have no idea what is happening with my cousin. She won’t answer her phone or email. I
haven’t seen her since I left for New York. I have no idea what to do.” I was at my wit’s end. What can you do to
protect against lies on television? I wondered.
“I can go on television and maybe do a press conference.” I offered. Knowing it was going to sound lame.
What proof can I offer? It reminded me of a history book I read once, when a princess had to verify her virginity
with crowds of people around her as the court physician examined her. How does that translate in modern days? I
wanted to crawl into a hole.
“I don’t know if that would help. If you could get her to … this situation is so stupid.” Anthony set his
phone down and I heard some rustling. I could hear voices in the background. There were some raised voices. It
sounded like a heated discussion. I wondered if Anthony meant to hang up. Time dragged and it felt like an eternity
passing by.
“Are you still there, Hannah? I need to let you go. My father is coming unglued…wait. No Dad!…” A
scuffling noise was loud in my ear and someone was breathing into the phone.
“Is this Hannah?” An angry male voice was yelling.
I don’t think this is going to be pleasant.
“Yes, Is this Mr. Capriccio?” I asked. I heard a grunt that I assumed was a yes.
“Do you think you can get a muzzle on your cousin?” He said through gritted teeth.
“I can try, sir.” I said sarcastically. I hated knee jerk reactions from people.
What good is yelling at me gonna do?
“So do you have any other friends or relatives ready to sell you out again or is this a one time
occurrence?” Mr. Capriccio’s words were forced. He still had a little steam left. This was not the same pleasant
father of the groom, “to be” I had in my head from my daydreams. He wasn’t the man I met on the family visit that
took place on the show, all glossy and gentle, for the TV cameras. This was Anthony’s dad trying to protect his
son. Just as my own father was struggling to do for me.
My feelings were hurt but I could see his perspective. My emotions won out and I responded.
“Well Sir, I really can’t say. I don’t seem to be too lovable at the moment for anyone in your family either.”
My voice cracked and betrayed me. I took a moment and tried not to cry. A sniffle passed my defense system and
gave me away.
“That is not… I apologize. Bah…” Anthony’s dad lost his bluster and handed the phone back to Anthony.
“Hannah, I am sorry, we are all a little on edge. This roller coaster ride can end any time.” Anthony
sounded tired and worn out.
“I am sorry too, I don’t handle confrontations well.” I admitted.
“And another thing Hannah, you aren’t unlovable. Trust me.” Anthony said softly.
What was that suppose to mean?
“You aren’t allowed Anthony.” My voice was tight. I wanted to hear more,
tell me you love me and you made
a mistake and want to marry me and you never touched Desiree or she held a gun to your head or something…
“I know this is terrible timing but sometime we need to talk and break this up the way it should be done,
no cameras but just two people talking things out.” Anthony said softly, using the voice I missed from our dates.
Was it real?
“You want to get together to break up properly, sounds like a blast for me. It’s bad enough I was made a
fool of and broken hearted on television, twice. Now you want to get together one more time for closure. Not
biting…” I desperately wanted him to say the nice words but I was starting to realize it was really over. No do
overs – No changing his mind. I was going to have to truly let him go.
It felt like someone just punched me in the stomach. My hand actually went to my midsection and held on
for some strange internal protection. I might start sobbing, or throw up.
“I really want to talk to you. Now is a bad time. Desiree is in the other room… but you should know that
you are an amazing woman.” Anthony sounded like he was on the show again. A smooth operator.
“We aren’t on
Soulmate
anymore, you can lay off the fake accolades. You never were crazy about me. You
don’t do what you did to someone you actually care about.” I was getting angry again.
What right does he have to try
and butter me up?
“I am sorry, I don’t know what to say to make this better Hannah.” Anthony sighed again.
“There isn’t anything more to say. You said it already on that hill in the Bahamas. My family and I will do
what we can on our end to make this thing with Chrissy go away. Goodbye Anthony. Please let me be so I can get
over you in peace.” I heard him say a soft goodbye and I hung up. I ended the call and set my Iphone down as I
slithered to the floor. I rested there and sobbed a good few minutes – alone in my pain. My job was to feel it then
get over it. This might take awhile.
I went back into the kitchen to the family meeting but everyone was silent. I guessed that they overheard
my emotional call. I was sure my face was a blotchy mess. I only used a few dozen tissues, I probably looked only
partially trollish.
“That didn’t sound very friendly.” My dad said cautiously.
“The Capriccio family is up in arms.” I muttered as I laid my head on the table.
“I can imagine that this affects them, too. No matter how untrue it is, he looks pretty bad in public
opinion.” My dad was calmer now. We all were, it was a sad accepting calm that didn’t belong.
* * * * *
I am starting a new hobby,
sleeping
. It was such a pleasant past-time. While sleeping there are no exboyfriends, television shows or news reporters.
Betrayal was what I felt most. Betrayed by myself for going on the stupid show and not seeing what it was
going to do to me. I was so mad at myself I was not sure I wanted to even look at myself again. I felt like the
stupidest girl on the planet for falling for all of Anthony’s lies, but also for wanting him back so desperately. His
eyes and smile haunted me every waking minute. That was why sleep was so nice. I was not much of a dreamer, so
asleep I could just be numb. Thank goodness.
I felt betrayed by the show, too. I was pretty sure they trained Anthony in how to keep us all following
him along on the show. He was coached how to hold on to the females and we would fall desperately in love and
believe, until the last minute, that we were “the one” he was going to marry. It’s not about love; it’s about ratings
and money. Those commercials are the meal ticket. I just wanted to puke when I thought about the big picture.
I don’t know what to think about Chrissy. I could not even fathom what she was feeling right now.
Probably guilt mixed with a bit of gloating.
Now that’s not very generous, Hannah
.
She only acted selfish sometimes and had been stand-offish since I moved to New York a few years back.
Actually, she had been mildly devastated. She begged me to stay but I was determined to go. It’s funny because
right now the city felt like a death sentence. Everywhere I went people recognized me. Sleeping was better. I
would just sleep.
* * * * *
I heard a thumping over my head. I knew instantly what it was and I sat up in bed, grabbed my nearby cell
phone, and clicked the front button. 3:32 a.m. Chrissy was home, trying to sneak into the house in the dead of
night! I could feel my stomach tighten up and my heart rate was starting to jump.
Here we go.
I was dressed in a hurry. This was going to happen now if I had anything to say about it. I could hear my
parents shuffling around outside my door. I opened it and scared my mother enough to make her jump. I giggled,
nervously.
“So I guess we all heard her coming in. Let’s do this now.” I said. My dad flipped on the kitchen light and
we all squinted and adjusted to the brightness.
“I will ask her to come down.” My dad pointed to the table, my mother and I sat. He headed out the front
door and I heard him walk up the stairs to Chrissy’s apartment. They came back down together after a few
minutes.
She walked through the door first, her face completely unreadable. My head was spinning with questions to
ask but I was not certain I wanted to ask any of them.
“Hi.” Chrissy sat down and said cheerily.
“Hmmmm.” I said, not sure what it meant.
“What does hmmm mean?” Chrissy now started to look defensive.
“I have no idea.” I said honestly.
The room was cold and quiet. No one was willing to break the silence.
The clock on the wall was ticking away and no one said a word.
“So, how much did you get paid? If I may ask.” I said, after a long silence.
“100 grand.” Chrissy blurted out, then had a haughty look.
“So that’s the going rate now, huh?” I thought about losing control of my temper. I was pretty close to the
line.
“You mean after you came home from being on the most popular show on television and didn’t tell me
you got dumped? It was like I was nothing to you. It felt like it was more important to move away to New York
than to stay here. You have always been like a sister to me.” Chrissy was crying and yelling.
“You are delusional. I signed a contract forbidding me to discuss the show with anyone. They could have
sued me for talking to you.” I yelled back. “And yes I totally moved to New York to hurt you, only it had nothing
to do with my career.”
“This is going well.” My mother said.
“Did you expect it to?” I asked and looked at her. My mother shrugged. I looked back to Chrissy and she
was staring at the table.
“Chrissy, I hope you are happy, because I have never felt this low in my life. Even when Anthony dumped
me I knew I had my family back home who loved me. I don’t even know what to do with this. You sold my
reputation for what, some money?” I started to cry and laid my head on the table again. This was starting to feel
familiar.
“I have gotten hate mail. People saying I should die because I aborted a fictitious baby. Which I would
never do, but how do I protect myself against slander, when it’s you who started this vicious attack? I love you.
Can I sue you?” I asked through my tears. My voice sounded strained and a bit weird to my ears.
“Anthony’s family asked me to muzzle you.” I watched Chrissy’s face react. “You have no idea how this
affects him too. Your lies affect people. My God Chrissy, what were you thinking?” I asked in despair.
Chrissy sat there, her eyes were glossy but she seemed unmoved. What did it take to betray your loved
ones for money, I wondered? I could not fathom it.
“It’s done. If you want I can stay with a friend for a while. I was tempted to leave tomorrow anyway. I
knew you would freak out.” Chrissy sounded cold and distant again.
“Chrissy, I don’t understand you.” My dad piped in. He had tears in his eyes and he spoke very slowly. “I
haven’t asked you to leave. I just am trying to reason why you thought this was necessary. We have every reason
to be upset with what you did and yet you seem to have no shame in lying about Hannah. Haven’t we all shared
enough love in this home to be open enough to talk this out?” My dad reached out to squeeze Chrissy’s shoulder
but she scooted away.
After a few minutes of talking in circles I declared I was tired. Everyone eagerly agreed to end the pointless
conversation and try to sleep.
Chapter 17