Authors: Leah Banicki
“Who is your roommate?” He asked.
“Nope, no way. Won’t tell. That goes beyond my boundaries. You will find out when you watch the show.
It’s already strange enough without adding roommate weirdness with you, too.” I gave him a stubborn grin and he
nodded in agreement. It was fun to be in control for a half of a second.
“Well, are you ready to just hang out tonight? I am told we will have a beautiful view, a delicious dinner,
you can rest and we get time alone together with the world watching of course.” His chuckle warmed me up. I
snuggled into his side and just enjoyed the ride.
The evening was everything I could hope for, almost a normal date. We never had any dull moments and
thoroughly enjoyed each other’s company. Dinner was elegant and stunning with our table facing the city lights on
the river Thames. The Palace was in view and made us both speechless. When the boats passed with their
shimmering lights, it was fairytale time. For me this was magical. His gentle hugs and kisses that night made all my
troubles float away. It was a perfect night with my man.
* * * * *
The next day was the date card ceremony and I had to say goodbye to Janette and a few other girls. I was
devastated. We received our date cards and watched as three girls left the show.
Janette was full of gracious smiles, her long red hair swirled as she looked around for me. Bravely, she
kept a smile on her face until she got to me and then a few tears escaped after I said goodbye. We promised to
keep in touch. I planned to talk to her often. She was a one-of-a kind girl.
Later, I opened my date card and learned it was a group date, but I was still happy. It was for New Year’s
Eve so I was already hoping for a kiss to “ring it in!” Silly me, I was such a dreamer. I spent the evening organizing
my luggage, a little heavy-hearted. Two large bags were moving forward without me and just a carryon and small
bag were traveling with me for my trip back home. I prepared ahead of time and had all my Christmas gifts, more
clothes sent to my parent’s home in Granger, Indiana. The show had promised to take care of my things for the
week that I was home. We got another run through of our confidentiality agreement and what that means to our
friends and family at home. What we can say, what we can’t say. Basically, keep your trap shut about the show. We
were “happy and thrilled” to be part of
Soulmate
, anything else and we walk the plank!
* * * * *
Christmas at home, with my parents, completely recharged me. The week was spent leisurely. I
downplayed my injuries by calling it an accident. Everyone bought the story and we moved forward with our
holiday plans. Allison flew over to Indiana to spend two days with me and we escaped to the mall, along with my
cousin, Chrissy. A few fans recognized me when we walked in. I felt so strange having to run back to our cars to
escape the crowd before they caught up with us. It was surreal and we laughed the entire way home. From that
point on the holiday was slow and I kept to low-key activities. My parents told me that I had looked good on the
show and everyone in town was talking about me in glowing terms. ‘Elegant and beautiful,’ everyone was saying. It
was better than everyone hating me.
Three days after Christmas I flew out. My body felt better again, my bruises faded and I was ready to be
with Tony, once again.
Dear Hannah,
Thanks for the encouraging note this week. I got so discouraged after having the two girls go on their single
dates with me. I do not like telling someone they aren’t my Soulmate, (probably as much as they don’t like hearing
it.) I am sorry that the New Year’s date was such a bust, again, so much drama in one room. It was very upsetting
watching those two girls fight and argue through the countdown. I think the show’s pressure is getting to everyone.
You’d think you would be on your best behavior when the cameras are rolling, but you suddenly start losing your
mind and stop caring that the cameras are present. I hope this week in Madrid has kept you entertained. I hate it
that we have had no time alone with each other. You are the person here that keeps me sane. The date card
ceremony is tomorrow and I have to let two girls go home. I hope you are not worried. You are the one who has a
special place in my heart. I cannot wait until I can tell you how much you matter to me. Thanks again for your kind
letter and all your prayers and encouragement. You are my rock.
Affectionately,
Tony
I read the letter and felt satisfied. Madrid has been a strange reality. One group date and I got very little
time with him. Two of the girls were fighting in the hotel and yelling everywhere they went. The mood in the hotel
was thick with their venom for each other. I thought they were friends but my guess was something happened, or
indeed as Tony said, maybe the show was getting to them, too. I was hanging on by my fingernails. The letters from
Tony were the only sanctuary the show had to offer, and I was pretty sure they were breaking the rules with how
much he told me. He was never supposed to make promises about a date-card ceremony or tell me he cared for
me. On other shows it was always interesting to see how the people falling for each found sneaky ways to say, “I
love you.” Like ‘I am falling for you’ or ‘my heart leaps and bursts when I am around you’. My thoughts go back and
forth from thinking the stupidest things to the best feelings I have ever had. I decided to write Tony back before I
left for the day, on another sight-seeing bus trip around Madrid. It was something to do besides think about my
Tony on dates with the other girls.
I grabbed my big purse and headed out. Glad the two prize fighters in the group are now on their way
home. They were let go by Anthony during their dates. He really had not been impressed by their snotty
behavior, obviously. He didn’t even make it to dinner with the first one. He said goodbye in the first 20 minutes of
the date. It seemed sad to waste a date and I would have loved to spend that time with him.
In the date card ceremony he actually kissed me as he handed me the card. It was only a peck, but it was
on the lips. I could not believe he did that! It was very bold and I heard a gasp from every girl there. Desiree stared
me down with daggers as I got back in the line next to her. I did not care in the slightest. I opened the card and
read.
I was giddy the entire plane ride to Sydney. I wondered what was ahead for me. The days needed to move
faster while I was waiting to be see him and needed to last forever when I was with him. I ended up praying for
patience every hour or so.
The turquoise-green water greeted me before we reached Cairns, Australia, along with the white sandy
beaches. What a stunning transition from the European cities we just came from. The private hotel and beach
were serene and the water uncluttered by the masses.
This was the most beautiful beach I had ever seen. The salty breeze and the calm waves helped me ignore
the other women. When we caught a private jet from Sydney to this reserved spot of scenic coastline, I could see
signs of a nearby underwater reef. I was hoping beyond all hope that Anthony and I would go snorkeling together;
it was a lifelong wish to see a coral reef. Seeing it with him would truly complete that dream. My heart was light
today, knowing that I had a date with him in two days. I planned on relaxing and enjoying this haven. I had my own
room and planned to avoid as much drama as possible.
Tempers flared at dinner and I excused myself. Desiree had a hissy fit about her personal assistant assigned
to her by the show staff. She accused her assistant of laughing behind her back. I found myself smirking as I left,
wondering what she would have to say about that!
No amount of trying had allowed Desiree and me to form any kind of bond. We had successfully avoided
each other for most of the trip. I fully planned to keep it that way.
The next day I had a good book to read and a sunny spot to ease my mind. A little swim in the clear water
was perfect. The warm water was calming as it lapped against my feet. I thought about the journey so far, and
hoped that tomorrow's date would be ideal.
I returned to reality when Desiree crowed about her date, snorkeling on the reef with Anthony, and I
wanted to lose my dinner. She shared about how well he kissed and that he told her that she was beautiful and
sexy.
My jealous flags were flying and suddenly my heart did a two-story drop. I could not rely on anything she
said as the truth, but it scared me. This show had its moments where it took your breath away thinking about the
futility of us all living together and dating the same man.
What was I thinking
?
I left the common area again feeling like the anti-social moron of the whole show. I always seemed to be
running off and hiding from everyone.
Perhaps I cared too much for Tony to hear about the competition, even if I believed he cared for me. He
still kissed the other girls, but he probably had to so the show would continue. Six girls remained and we all felt a
bit of ownership of him. I had seen the show. The broken hearts were starting to line up.
Being on the other side of the camera, it was harder to guess
who
was next to go. At home people were
probably talking about who their favorites were, and I played the game, too. Just last season I was routing for
Anthony because he was so charming, sweet and good looking. He was the catch, I thought, but he was third
runner up, and he seemed pretty devastated when he left the show. He thought there was a spark with him and
the bachelorette of the show. It shocked him to know that it wasn't strong enough for the bachelorette to keep
him.
Now it was my turn to play the guessing game.
Was this all just for the show? Was he keeping me to make his
mom happy? The nice Christian girl? Argh
... the stress was beginning to creep in and I promised myself that I wouldn't
torture myself this way. It was just Desiree crawling under my skin and driving me batty with her stories. Perhaps
they were only just stories, nothing more. I guessed we would find out soon enough.
All night, my sleep was interrupted by doubts. I needed to see Tony, my Tony. He would make it all right
again.
* * * * *
The date began. We had a helicopter ride together around the scenic landscape. When we landed there
was a jeep waiting for Tony and I. Another Jeep loaded with two camera guys followed next to us, as we traveled
along a dirt road. We ignored the cameras and just enjoyed the sunny day. We were alone, finally, with no
interruptions. I was told to dress for hiking. I was ready to do anything to spend time with Tony, hiking, swimming,
or mud wrestling, just give me a date!
He had a nice tan from all the sunny locations and his dark hair showed signs of the sun lightening a few of
the edges. It did things to me…
The landscape got denser and we finally came to a trail sign by a picnic area. We skipped past the table and
started hiking the trail. We went a few miles and I was thrilled to get out and have some fun. They let me bring the
point-and-shoot camera along under strict rules that it would not be uploaded until after the show had aired. I was
just thrilled to have a chance to get shots of us together. We were in Australia!
There were several babbling brooks that teased us along the trail for an hour or so; I caught a frog in the
middle of the trail. I kissed the frog for the camera crew, who cheered when I gave it a big smooch, before getting
squeamish and jumpy. I laughed and then wiped my mouth. The crew left us alone most of the time. They usually
talked to us when we were quiet or they had an idea for us to do. We stopped and shared a bite to eat at the first
waterfall, as it roared pleasantly, behind us.
We reached the second waterfall an hour later. It was a welcome break to dive in and cool off in the pool.
The thin stream of water cascading over a cliff’s edge was about a foot wide. It wasn’t too forceful to discourage
us from jumping under it and letting it splash on our heads. It was very invigorating, but at the same time, chilly. I
was ready, after a few minutes, to dry off in the sun. We lay down on a blanket in the sun, he held my hand, and
we were wordless for a while.
My eyes were closed and I enjoyed the warmth of his hand. It was a lovely, sleepy
activity. I woke up with something crawling across my arm. I jumped and smacked at a beetle that was making his
way to my shoulder. My movement woke Tony and we had a good laugh after our nap.
“We certainly are exciting today!” I said with a big smile.
“I don’t care how exciting that was for the television crew, it was lovely.” He turned to one of the camera
crew that was hovering in the shade, looking bored. “How long did we sleep?”
“About 30 minutes.” One guy said, grumpily. He looked sweaty and bothered. I wondered to myself why
they didn’t jump in a cool off in the water.
It’s not like we owned it.
“Thanks.” Tony said and then grimaced at me. I think he sensed the camera guy’s impatience.
We got dressed and I spent a minute brushing out the wet tangles of my hair, I didn’t want to be too vain,
but I was aware that I was on television. I had enough sense to brush my hair and throw on some lip-gloss, at least.
I was thankful for the waterproof mascara as I glanced in the compact mirror. I handed my bag back to the camera
crew and thanked them.
Anthony and I both chugged down a half a bottle of cold water and continued our hike. Tony held my hand
as we made our way over a mossy log. The show provided me with some very nice hiking boots and the traction
on the rocks, roots and mossy undergrowth was pretty good. Moment number four thousand twenty three of this
show was when I wished I had my good camera. The darkness in the denser parts of the landscape was not light
enough to get good shots with a point-and-shoot camera.
“You are handling yourself well today, Hannah.” Anthony had sincere praise in his eyes and I enjoyed his
gaze.
“Well, Mr. Death-by-Trainer whipped me into shape to get me on the show.” I gave him a wink. “The
things we do for love.” I blushed, after having said the ‘L’ word out loud. Kind of taboo by the show’s rules but it
had slipped out, no take backs.
“Indeed.” He said after an awkward pause. I had no idea what he was thinking.
He took my hand and pulled me up from my sitting position on the log. He was inches from my face and
gave a nod with his chin to point behind me. My gaze followed his and I saw what caught his attention.. A group of
multi-colored butterflies had been disturbed and were swirling around each other. It was a lovely dance of nature
and my heart beat contentedly as we watched it for several minutes in silence. Then the last of the butterflies
settled back into the wild tangle of the underbrush.
Still in Tony’s arms I turned back to face him. I wanted to say thank you but I did not want to break the
silence. The forest date hadn’t been my first choice for today but suddenly, I could not think of a single place in the
world I would rather be. We stared into each other’s eyes for far longer than we should have, while still
maintaining sanity. I saw something there, words unsaid, a promise of more than a flirtation. My heart was jumping
inside me, but no one would ever know from my outward stillness. What was happening here? Was it love?
“Hannah?” Tony said softly. His voice was rough and with signs of emotion behind the word.
“Yes Tony?” I said, quickly.
“I hope you know what I want to say.” He said, a look of pain crossed his forehead.
“I…don’t know…you can say anything to me, Tony. You don’t have to be anything but you around me.” I
said in confusion and a tiny spark of hope.
“I am falling, Hannah. I cannot say anymore. But I want to. Please stay with me on the show.” His eyes said
everything he felt.
“I will stay, Tony, don’t be afraid, I am falling too.” I said it – he said it. It wasn’t just a figment of my
imagination.
His kiss was passionate and hungry and I felt my heart tip over the edge of the cliff as I finished my free fall,
into the dangerous water that love keeps us in.
After our moment of passion we continued our hike and stopped many times to smile and stare at each
other. I knew what he said, and he knew what I said, we never said the words but we were falling in love.
Chapter 11