Pretending Hearts (20 page)

I forced myself to refocus. At the moment, I couldn’t think about Levi. I had to decide what I was going to do about the three positive pregnancy tests I had thrown out in the bathroom garbage the night before. I located the number for Planned Parenthood and called to set up an appointment. I told the receptionist my pregnancy test had come back positive and I needed to make an appointment to discuss options.
Options
was such an inept word.
Options
suggested I had a lot of different ways to handle an unplanned pregnancy. In actuality, I only had three choices and all of them were flawed.

The clinic was able to fit me in before my classes on Monday. I almost wished I could put off the appointment longer, but from my understanding, the longer I waited, the fewer choices I’d have. Besides, I was going to be climbing the walls for the rest of the weekend while trying to make sense of how I could’ve gotten pregnant.

After realizing I wasn’t about to fall back asleep, I climbed out of bed and got dressed. I thought about researching adoption and abortion on the computer, but I couldn’t persuade myself to go through with the task. I didn’t want to hear about the process or be forced to visualize myself heading down either path. But I had to admit, the idea of being a mother—raising Wyatt’s child—wasn’t making me feel any better.

I may have lost my mind, but I decided I was going to confront Wyatt. Wyatt coasted through life without any accountability. I wanted to know how the hell I winded up pregnant. My own paranoia may have distorted my thinking, but I dreamed up scenarios Wyatt could’ve pulled in order to slip off the condom without my noticing.

I had deleted his number after we broke up and I wasn’t sure how to go about retrieving it. Besides, there was a high likelihood he’d ignore my calls and texts. He was egotistical enough to believe my reaching out to him would be about getting back together. 

The soccer team’s schedule was online and I discovered his home game had started about an hour earlier. If I rushed, I could probably catch him at the field before he left. I reasoned seeing him at the college was a better plan than showing up at his apartment. Seeing Georgie answer his door would be voluntarily choosing to return to a nightmare I never planned to revisit. At least, I knew Georgie never usually attended the soccer matches.

Before I could second-guess my decision, I was out of the apartment and driving Blake’s Chevy in the direction of campus. I hadn’t dreaded the ride since the very first week I left campus. I had been excited about my classes and even if I had breaks in between courses, I hung out in the library or student center. I no longer worried about seeing Wyatt and Georgie because they had become insignificant. But now I had something that could bind me to Wyatt for the rest of our lives.

Pulling into the campus parking lot, I let out a frustrated groan as I noticed the soccer field and bleachers were already emptied out. There were a few people lingering by the athletic building, but I didn’t see Wyatt among them. I took a look around the parking lot and spotted his car. I put my car in park and hurried over to his parking space. I took a seat on the hood and resolved to stay put until his sorry ass came out of the locker room.

Fifteen minutes later, I wondered if the plan wasn’t my smartest one. I had come to the field on the whim and I still didn’t know how to approach him about my pregnancy. Wasn’t I inviting his input by telling him I was pregnant? Besides answers on how the pregnancy happened, Wyatt wouldn’t be the one to offer solutions. Having a love child with a felon’s daughter would definitely not make his bucket list.

Finally, I spotted Wyatt in the corner of the parking lot coming in my direction. While undetected, I studied the man I had dated and dug deep to see if any of the feelings from before still existed. There was nothing there. Not even the smallest spark. Moving on was easy for me. Especially when Levi could cause me to combust with one smoldering look.

Wyatt looked about as thrilled to see me as I him. His indifferent expression transformed into extreme irritation. I didn’t assume he’d be delighted to find me waiting for him, but he didn’t have to look as if I were a bug on his windshield that he needed to wipe off.

“What are you doing here?” he demanded, stopping in front of me. His gym bag fell to the ground and he crossed his arms in front of his chest. His expression was a stony mask as he regarded me. There was no hint of the intimacy we once shared.

I hopped off of the hood and faced him. “I deleted your number and I need to talk to you.”

“I can’t think of anything we could possibly say to each other.” He leaned back and when he smirked, I had the desire to smack the look off his face. “Does your janitor boyfriend know you’re here? He hasn’t been satisfying you and you’re here to beg for another chance?”

I snorted. “You think you left me satisfied? I’ve had more satisfaction after a pint of Ben & Jerry’s than with you.”

Wyatt’s brown eyes darkened with malice. “Then move along,” he said and made a shooing gesture with his hands.

I took a deep breath and tried to not start pummeling him with my fists. I had to let go of my violent urges and try to have a rational conversation with him. “I don’t want to fight, Wyatt. I have to talk to you about something. Could we grab a cup of coffee or something?”

Wyatt shook his head. “I don’t know what you want, but just tell me already.” He lifted his wrist to check the time on his platinum watch. “I have plans to meet Georgie in less than an hour.”

I stiffened at the sound of my former roommate’s name, but I forced a neutral expression. I scanned the parking lot to guarantee we would be having a private conversation. “I took a pregnancy test yesterday and… it was positive.”

His head snapped up. “What?”

“I’m pregnant.”

“And?” I hated the way he phrased the word. He sounded irritated, but otherwise unaffected.

“Don’t try to act like you’re not involved. Obviously, I’m coming to you because it’s yours.”

He pursued his lips in a tight line. “How do you know that?”

“Because I wasn’t sleeping with anyone else. You’re the only guy I’ve been with since coming to Cook,” I insisted. I was loathe to admit the fact. I didn’t want him to think my sex sabbatical had anything to do with him.

“Is this some kind of sick game? Because—”

I didn’t let him finish. “God damn, Wyatt. Do you think I would make something like this up?”

“Delia, you weren’t honest with me about a lot of things when we were dating. You kept who your brother was a secret. And what a fucking disaster it was to learn about who your father was,” he countered.

“Wyatt, I wish to god I was making this up. But unfortunately I’m not.” I bit on the inside of my cheek before asking, “You wore a condom, right?” I didn’t want to incite another fight, so I didn’t add I had a tendency to disappear inside my head during sex with him and may have failed to notice if he removed the condom.

“Yes,” he answered quickly. I raised a skeptical eyebrow at his tone. He added, “The condom broke one time.”

“What?” I screeched.

“I didn’t think it was a big deal,” he said hurriedly. “You didn’t say anything, so I thought you were okay with it.”

“I didn’t know about it!” I shouted. I lowered my voice before continuing, “You should’ve told me. I could’ve done something about it. I could’ve gone to the drugstore and got the morning after pill.”

Wyatt’s expression was defensive. “Well, if you went on the pill like I told you to, we wouldn’t be having this discussion either.”

Good god, I had actually considered having a future with the man-child in front of me. “Look, I needed to figure out how this could’ve happened and I have the answer. There’s no sense in blaming each other.”

“Fine, then what do you want?”

“What do you mean?”

Wyatt unlocked his car door and tossed his gym bag inside. He paused a beat before finally facing me again. His expression was indiscernible. “So, assuming you’re pregnant and the baby is mine. What do you want from me? Are you looking for money?”

“Money?”

“Don’t act like a dumb blonde, Delia. I’ve seen how calculating you can be,” he said with a weary sigh. “I’m from a political family. Lessons regarding blackmail were fit in between proper etiquette.”

“Why would you think I want or
need
your money?”

“I’m assuming you’re getting rid of it,” he said. “Although your brother pays for your college, he may draw the line at financing your abortion.”

His posture was unyielding—Wyatt was saying in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t the only one he considered disposable.

“First of all, fuck you,” I seethed. “Second of all, you have absolutely no say in what I choose to do.”

“So, what are you going to do? Keep it.” His laugh was bitter. “Is this your way to hitch a cozy life for yourself? Evidently, college isn’t working out for you and you’re running out of choices.”

“My brother—” I started.

“Your brother what?” he sneered. “Your brother is footing the bill while you waste time at college. You don’t even know what you want to major in and you've got no decisive goals for your life. Face it, Delia. You’re an ornament. Your best bet is to look good on the arm of some rich sucker. And you’re mistaken if you think I’m that sucker.”

I stood up to my full height. “Go to hell, Wyatt. You think you know me, but you don’t. You never did and thankfully never will.”

I spun on my heel and began to stalk away from him. “Get rid of it, Delia. You’re only ruining both of our lives if you don’t!” he called to my back.

I didn’t turn around and I didn’t respond. I hadn’t expected much from Wyatt, but I didn’t predict his hatefulness. Evidently, he still blamed me for not telling him earlier about who my father was. But just because I didn’t disclose everything about my family, it didn’t automatically mean I was a lying, money-grubbing bitch.

He had called me an ornament.
A fucking ornament
. Of all the insults he could’ve chosen, he knew where to hurt me the most. My worst fear was one day realizing the only value I had to offer the world was my looks. I didn’t know what I wanted to be yet, but I thought college was the time to figure it out. I thought the important thing was I wanted to be more than arm candy. I wanted to do something I loved.

I was tired of relying on men. I was done waiting for a man to swoop in and patch up my life. Life wasn’t a fairy tale and I should’ve known Wyatt was no Prince Charming. And although I felt a pull towards Levi, I wouldn’t be another burden. Ultimately, I had to make the best choice for me and not let anyone else make the decision for me.

I silenced my cell phone as I sat idly in the Planned Parenthood waiting room. My mother had been particularly persistent with her calls and she would continue trying until I picked up. Cassie Bridges didn’t take well to being ignored.

I usually checked in over the weekend, so my lack of communication had apparently alarmed my mother. For the moment, I couldn’t deal with my family. I needed space to get my head together. I didn’t want to hear about their problems when I had a pile of my own to deal with.

Ignoring Levi had proven harder. I hated blowing him off without a valid excuse. I kept telling myself he was better off without me in his life, but my heart kept fighting with my head. I was tempted to lean on him—because Levi was one of the good guys. He would be supportive and he’d help me make the right choice. But we weren’t a couple and he wasn’t the father of the baby. His responsibility to me was null and void.

After filling out the required paperwork, I waited for my turn to be called. The waiting room was small and cramped and I tried to play with my phone in order to avoid eye contact. I didn’t want to know the stories of the women in the room. Because I was sure I’d look up and recognize the same broken expression on some of their faces as they were probably seeing on mine. But maybe that was only the pessimist in me and most of the girls were only there for the free condoms.

My name was finally called and I jumped out of the chair. I didn’t like to be left alone with too much time to think. I had thrown myself into my coursework for the remainder of the weekend. I had papers to hand in before the Thanksgiving break and I chose to focus on my assignments. Periodically, Casey had checked in on me, but I told her not to worry. I made the appointment and I would make my decision after talking to a doctor. I hadn’t told her about confronting Wyatt. Nor about my secret hope that the Planned Parenthood staff would tell me I made a mistake and I wasn’t pregnant.

The nurse led me into one of the exam rooms and I took a seat on the bed. The paper made a loud crinkling noise as I shifted uncomfortably while she looked over my chart. “Hi, my name is Delores. What brings you in today?”

The nurse was plump with her hair pulled back in a loose bun. Her brown eyes appeared tired, but her smile was kind. I blurted in a rush, “I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. Well, actually three tests and they were all positive.” I added in a hopeful tone, “But maybe they were wrong? Can you do a blood test and make sure? I mean… I just really need the test to be negative.”

“The urine tests have a high level of accuracy. We test the urine as well to detect the pregnancy hormone. We can have you take another test now. Do you remember the date of your last period?”