Out of Sight Out of Mind (17 page)

Madison moved about the lab, humming a tune under her breath. When Jonathan wandered in he gave her a quizzical look. ‘For a woman with dark circles under her eyes, you’re sounding very perky this morning.’

‘Circles?’ She flew to the mirror that hung beside the door, then threw the cork from the top of a test tube at Jonathan. He caught it, grinning. ‘So, who was it interfered with your beauty sleep, sweet pea?’ He struck his forehead with his hand. ‘Silly me. I know who.’ He dragged out a stool and sat on it. ‘What I really mean is, how often?’

‘You are disgusting, Jonathan Ellis, and I wouldn’t tell you, even if I knew what you were talking about, which I don’t.’

Jonathan unravelled this with delight. ‘More than once then, goody.’

‘Goody?’ Madison gave him her best sneer. ‘What sort of an expression is that?’

‘I got a whole pack of them: bravo, tush, bother.’ Jonathan was unperturbedly cheerful.

‘Is there a purpose for this visit? Other than being annoying?’

‘No.’ Jonathan recognised, with regret, when the teasing had to stop. ‘Although, while I think of it – Mitch wanted to know if you were satisfied with the blood analysis that was done in the other test centre. If so, he’s going to make a case to he-who-should-be-obeyed-but-isn’t-if-we-think-we-can-get-away-with-it to give them the contract. The other lot didn’t show up again twice last week.’

‘I think they were okay.’ Madison tried to recall. She had a guilty feeling she’d shoved the blood test findings into her briefcase, with only a cursory glance. ‘Tell him a provisional yes, and I’ll let him know, soonest.’

‘No rush.’ Jonathan unwound long legs from the stool. ‘Mitch is off until next week. E-mail him when you have a moment.’

‘Jonathan guessed.’ Madison was sitting on the edge of the couch, monitoring Jay’s reactions to the drug she’d just injected.

‘Is that good or bad?’ Jay’s lids were drooping. His pupils had gone wide and dark. Madison made a note. ‘Bad, unless you happen to like heavy-handed jokes. You ready?’

‘Mmm. All yours.’

She sidled gently into Jay’s mind, and felt his welcome enfold her as intimately as his body had enfolded her for most of the night. The thought made her breasts tingle. She sensed an answering ripple of awareness in him, and stifled a smug grin. An increased pressure of her hand on his reminded them both to concentrate. Jay sighed, giving her a hot, hungry shiver of pleasure before he relaxed into the drug, compliant and passive, and let her work on unpicking the wall.

She’d been careful to limit her expectations, a long-learned skill, to avoid disappointments, and so she was pleased and encouraged by the results. Freed from the need to dissemble she was stronger and surer of what she was doing. The wall was still in place, but she knew that it was thinner and less resistant to her.

Something in Jay’s head was definitely shifting.

Jay turned on his back in the water, floating, looking up at the ceiling. It was painted to look like blue sky and clouds. His conscience was telling him that he should be feeling guilty for ignoring all its arguments, and making love with Madison. His body felt too damn good to care. He’d done what he’d promised himself he wouldn’t do, and the roof hadn’t caved in. Though maybe it should have. He still didn’t know who the hell he was, and whether what he was doing was right.

But it feels right, on so many levels. Hah! Since when did you have
levels?

After a moment puzzling that one, and coming up with the usual blank, he rolled over and began to power up and down the length of the pool. All he had was gut feeling, and Madison’s judgment. Which was as good as anything he knew. It was all he had to trust.

Madison stopped, attention drawn by the window display in the small boutique. She glanced guiltily up and down the street. She was meant to be in Amersham to use the cash machine, not to shop. The display of lingerie was as enticing as it was pricey. She fixed her eyes on a dark saffron camisole that was sheer, except for the heavily embroidered band across the breast. The matching panties lay beside it.

She could go in and ask. Maybe they wouldn’t have her size.

Forty minutes later she emerged from the shop with an embossed carrier and a much lighter wallet. She wandered along the pavement, swinging the bag. She was a woman, buying underwear, to please her lover. It felt … it felt as if something was opening up inside her, something that had been closed for far too long. She and Jay were finding pleasure together – it was a normal, human impulse to want that closeness. When Jay discovered who he was, then the world would come crashing in. They’d have to deal with reality, whatever that turned out to be, but in the meantime – they weren’t hurting anyone.
Except perhaps each other?

She shut her mind on the thought.

The minute she opened the door, she knew things weren’t as they normally were. The scent of something delicious came to meet her from the kitchen, closely followed by something that looked delicious, in a blue shirt and black jeans, with a glass of wine in each of his hands. She grinned when she saw the apron she’d bought in Florence, emblazoned with the city’s coat of arms, tied firmly around Jay’s waist.

‘Nice day at the office, dear?’ He came towards her.

‘Mmm.’ She reached up to kiss him, running her tongue over his lower lip. ‘You taste good.’

‘Thank you.’ He fended her off by putting one of the glasses into her hand.

She sipped, and considered him over the rim. ‘Playing hard to get, Jackson?’

‘I have something on the stove.’

‘I’m sure the thing has an off switch.’

‘No,’ he objected. ‘Eat first, then you can seduce me.’

‘Huh!’ She turned on her heel, heading for the bedroom. ‘You should be so lucky!’

‘I devoutly hope so.’

She was still giggling into her wine as she emptied the contents of the carrier on to the bed. She slithered out of her clothes at lightning speed, and into a wisp of dark green silk that had provocation sewed into every one of its embroidered seams. A two-minute search of the wardrobe produced a pair of spike-heel mules in almost the exact same shade. She slid them on, ran her tongue over her lips and sauntered out.

The effect, when she slinked into the kitchen, was everything she’d hoped for. Jay’s spoon completely missed the saucepan he was aiming for, and clattered to the floor. His jaw wasn’t far behind it.

‘Dr Albi!’ He didn’t have any more breath to protest as she backed him against the work top and fastened her mouth on his. Her hands were under the apron, undoing his belt. His were on the sensitive skin of her back, exposed by the low-dipping silk. Then they slipped lower to cup her buttocks. The groan, deep in his throat, quivered in her mouth. His erection ground into her, hard, as he clamped her against his hips.

She reached around him with her free hand, to turn off the master switch to the cooker, squashing her breasts against his chest.

‘Anything in here that’s going to overheat?’

‘Only me.’

Without warning he hauled her up and over his shoulder, barging open the kitchen door with one arm. She squirmed, upside down and dizzy, but loving the feel of his encircling arm and his back, powerful under her body. His palm was on her bottom, holding her firmly in place, hot and possessive through the silk. Then his fingers drifted into a tormenting caress, making her bite her lip.

‘We were supposed to be having a civilised, home-cooked dinner. I got recipes from Sandra.’ The aggrieved note in his voice, as he tumbled her on to the bed, didn’t match the smoulder in his eyes. His mouth, on hers, was blistering. His fingers teased her nipples, wicked and demanding.

His shirt was already a heap on the floor. Everything else followed, with his mouth barely leaving hers. He pulled her over his lap, caressing her intimately through the silk. The fabric was damp and clinging, from his mouth and from her own wetness. She came, with a shuddering leap of pleasure, spread across his legs. With no respite, he pushed her upwards again.

She was gasping as he tipped her over, on to the bed, slithering her out of the wisp of silk. He rolled her on to her back, taking her in a single wild surge that flung her over the brink again. She dug her nails into his shoulders as he climaxed, pumping violently, inside her.

She was deliciously, bonelessly limp. Jay’s legs were tangled with hers. She unravelled one and held it up. The green mule was still in place. She flexed her instep.

‘Fuck-me shoes.’ Jay had revived and rolled over far enough to watch her.

‘They certainly worked,’ she agreed. ‘And I have a whole cupboard full of them.’ Jay groaned and put his hand over his eyes. She kissed her way up his arm and along his wrist. ‘We don’t have to try them
all
out tonight.’

‘That’s a relief.’ He slid his fingers apart to look at her through them. ‘Can I go and finish cooking dinner now?’

‘Go! I’m done with you.’

He swatted her on the bottom as he got off the bed to look for his clothes. She hooked her leg around his and overbalanced him, back on to the bed beside her. ‘On second thoughts …’

He’d set out candles in the tiny dining room, off the kitchen. The garlicky chicken with roasted tomatoes and peppers hadn’t suffered from the delay. Madison savoured the food and watched Jay in the soft light of the flames.

‘What?’ He reached out and caught her hand.

‘Nothing.’ She curled her fingers into his. ‘This is good.’

He understood that she meant more than the food; she could see it in his eyes. He pressed a kiss into the palm of her hand.

‘No regrets?’ There was an almost imperceptible catch in his voice.

‘Absolutely none.’ The shadow that crossed his face had her tightening her hand over his. ‘And that holds, whatever happens, whoever you turn out to be.’

‘That’s too big a promise.’

‘I don’t think so. We’ll deal with who you are when we find out,’ she said softly. ‘And we will find out. That’s a promise too.’

Madison woke in the dark, to find Jay tossing and turning in agony beside her.

‘Jay!’ She rolled over, to pin his shoulders and prevent him thrashing his body against the nightstand. His hands came up to manacle her wrists, making her gasp as his fingers tightened. ‘Jay!’ His eyes were open, rolled back in his head. Her voice wasn’t reaching him. Panic spiked adrenaline into her bloodstream. In desperation, she all but hurled a probe into his mind. There was a concussion like a firework and Jay was lying under her, limp, awake and blinking. She sat up, rubbing her arms.

‘What the hell was that?’ His voice was painfully hoarse. He cleared his throat and grabbed her hand, seeing the marks of his fingers. ‘I held you. I hurt you.’ He dropped her hand and rolled on to his elbow. He was shaking. ‘I knew what was happening. I could hear you and feel you, but I couldn’t get out. I was locked in my own head. I couldn’t move, except to grip your arms.’ He sat up with a jerk. ‘Oh God! I could have broken your wrists.’

‘No, you weren’t squeezing that hard. Look, it’s fading already.’ She showed him. She stroked her hand slowly down his chest, soothing him, until she felt some of the tension dissipate.

‘Can you tell me what you saw?’

‘There wasn’t anything. Just that I couldn’t move. I was awake, but paralysed. I couldn’t open my eyes and yet I knew they were open.’

Madison was checking his vital signs. ‘Rapid pulse, that’s all. Do you have pain anywhere?’

He shook his head and made to get off the bed, reaching for his clothes.

‘Where are you going?’ Alarm flashed through her.

‘I’ll sleep next door. I’m not safe to be with you. I could really hurt you.’

‘I don’t think so.’ She put a hand on his arm, felt him flinch under her touch. ‘I think you’re more in danger of hurting yourself. Look at me.’ She pulled him round to face her. ‘I think that tonight is a sign that we’re getting close. You know what I said about control? You were paralysed because of that. Your mind is desperately trying to help itself.’

‘You really believe that?’

‘I do.’

‘And you’ll still be thinking it when you wake up with my hands around your neck, not your wrists.’ He stood, yanking his jeans off the chair. He had them on and zipped by the time Madison got off the bed.

‘Jay.’ She grabbed his hands. ‘Please.’ She tugged at him, relief bubbling when he let her turn him. ‘Trust me. And stay with me. You’re not a threat to me.’ She looked up into his eyes. ‘Provided you’ve told me the truth. There wasn’t anything else in that dream?’

‘Nothing.’

The torment in his eyes wasn’t lifting, but somehow that gave her courage. ‘I know now, if it happens again, not to touch you. You won’t hurt me. Don’t be alone, Jay. I know what alone is like. It’s cold.’ Tentatively she put her arms around him. The rigidity of his back muscles resisted her for a moment. Then he lifted her hand and put it to his lips. ‘You’re better to me than I ever deserve.’

‘You deserve more than you allow yourself.’ She pushed him back to the bed, pushed him down on to it, closing her mouth over his. She kissed him until his body responded, relaxed and then tightened, and they both dropped out of space and time.

Madison tapped at the computer keys, glancing at her watch. It wasn’t late, but the lab was unusually quiet. People were already winding down and taking leave, in preparation for the late May bank holiday and the long weekend ahead. Tomorrow night the lab would shut for four days. Which was why she really needed to clear her backlog of weekly returns, before someone noticed they were missing
. Plus you’re not ready to go home, not yet.

She pressed the wrong key and cursed as a line of figures disappeared. She concentrated on re-entering them with her tongue clasped between her teeth. She and Jay weren’t avoiding each other. They were just … she didn’t know what they were doing.
Going through the motions?

Working in the lab, day-to-day, everything passed as normal. They were making a little progress, but it was slow. She thought she was beginning to see a pattern in their sessions, but she wasn’t certain yet. Or what it meant.