Out of Sight Out of Mind (14 page)

‘You going to wear that gold number?’

‘The gold number hasn’t been the same since the night we met. Oil?’ she reminded him. ‘But I have something else you might like. In silver.’

‘Sounds interesting. But you know I don’t have a thing to wear.’

‘That can be fixed.’

Madison dipped the tip of her tongue into the liquid in the wooden spoon, thought for a moment, then licked off the rest. It was spaghetti sauce.
Her
spaghetti sauce. It was good. This cooking thing wasn’t such a big deal. Like an experiment in the lab, a little of this, a pinch of that. With better results. Prettier. And tastier. She scrunched the pepper mill over the bubbling pan, turned down the heat, and wandered to the window.

Jay was in the tiny scrap of open ground across the street with Callum, kicking a football. They were both yelling, ducking and diving. Who exactly was the five-year-old? She raised her hand to wave as Jay spotted her. Callum waggled his arm energetically too, grinning. In the absence of his father, working in Dubai, the child had attached himself to Jay with a shy but serious case of hero worship. They looked good together, scrapping over the ball.

Madison looked over her shoulder at the kitchen. Food simmering on the hob, mum watching her son and his father play. Just like family. Any minute now the syrupy voice-over would be extolling the virtues of some essential domestic product. She smiled, self-mocking. The child wasn’t hers, and neither was the man. She didn’t do family. She ought to have learned her lesson by now. She opened the cupboard looking for the spaghetti.

‘I’d definitely forgotten how dammed uncomfortable these monkey suits are,’ Jay complained, hand to his throat, as they waited in the receiving line to greet the mayor. ‘This bloody collar is killing me. How can you forget being choked half to death by a few inches of starched cotton?’

Madison gave him a quizzical look. ‘Stop moaning, you look great.’ The suit was Neil’s, unworn. Madison pushed away the idea that he’d bought it for a wedding that in the end he couldn’t face. She didn’t know and wouldn’t grieve over it.

‘You don’t look too bad yourself.’ Jay’s eyes were scanning the silver dress. His approval warmed all the exposed skin that Madison had on show. And some that wasn’t. She stiffened, then made herself chill. These events were never going to be up there in the list of everyone’s top ten most unforgettable parties, but they were meant to be at least mildly enjoyable. And she intended to enjoy.

She wiggled her fingers at Jonathan, already past the line and in the room, glass in hand. He’d taken his demotion as escort with a droll look and a disturbingly dirty leer, but mercifully, no comment.

The mayor was getting closer. They shuffled forward.

‘Remind me again, why am I here? Strangling?’ Jay spoke out of the corner of his mouth. Madison admired. How did he
do
that?

‘Social integration.’ The very dark brows disappeared, almost up under the fall of hair that flopped over Jay’s forehead. He’d had it cut, but nothing stopped that wayward front section. ‘You’re going to have to get back to real life some time, whether you regain your memory or not,’ she advised primly. ‘May as well start here.’

He was studying the mayor and mayoress. Short, tubby and red-faced. Mr and Mrs Noah, in a child’s model ark. ‘This is real life?’

Madison had to control her grin. ‘Yes,’ she said firmly.

Despite the running commentary, Jay was relaxed. She could feel it. More at ease than he’d been since the nightmare. In the gym, playing with Callum, sampling her cooking, there’d been a black-edged undercurrent she hadn’t been able to unpick.

Once past the official greeting, Madison emerged thankfully into the room to find Jonathan and his partner, Ashley, waiting for them, with drinks. She’d barely got her mouth to her glass when she spotted the director, beaming and bearing down on her.

‘Madison, my dear.’ He air kissed her left ear. ‘There’s someone you have to meet.’ Short of shaking her boss’s hand off her arm, Madison couldn’t duck out of her duty to help charm a few sponsors. And it was, after all, why she was here. With an eye roll at Jay, she let herself be led away.

‘Mad’s always in demand at these affairs,’ Jonathan said as they both watched her progress across the room in the director’s wake. Jay looked round inquiringly. ‘Female scientist,’ Jonathan elaborated. ‘Still a pretty rare commodity. Everyone wants to meet the lady spook, the
beautiful
lady spook, who may or may not be able to do something really creepy to you. And our director, bless his heart, has all the instincts of a top-grade matchmaker, which makes him
very
good at his job. That’s all jealousy, of course. Not so many people want to meet the queer spook.’

There was a flash of pain/anger, quickly suppressed, as Ashley nudged him in the ribs, with a reproving stare, and a swift apologetic grin at Jay. ‘You really want to spend the evening shaking moneybags, to see what you can make fall out?’ he asked softly. He turned to Jay. ‘Want to go find the food?’

Jay got himself a convenient wall to lurk beside, and a loaded plate, and watched Madison working the room, wondering why he was surprised at the skill with which she did it. Madison was good at everything she put her mind to. Despite the way she chose to live, she wasn’t the archetypal nerd, with the social skills of a goldfish. Her choices, the distrust of emotion, the fear of intimacy – he could understand that, given her history.

‘Madison’s parents and her fiancé?’ he said as Jonathan joined him. ‘You know much about that?’

Jonathan shot him a startled look. ‘She told you?’

Jay nodded, eyes still on Madison. The silver dress and spiky heeled shoes shimmered. So did something low in his gut. ‘A little. You know what happened?’

‘Madison is usually pretty clam-like on the subject – but hell, everyone can Google,’ Jonathan admitted, eating a piece of stuffed celery. ‘Parents – pretty nasty and a bit weird. Drive-by shooting in Tunbridge Wells, if you can believe it. Police thought it must have been a case of mistaken identity. As for Neil—’ His face darkened. ‘The spineless bastard didn’t even leave a proper explanation for the woman he was meant to marry in ten days’ time.’

‘You disapprove of suicide?’

‘I disapprove of anything that hurts Madison. She and Neil – it wasn’t exactly Romeo and Juliet, but they’d known each other since university. That’s where they met. He was a few years older, doing post-doctoral work – engineering. She was in her final year as an undergraduate. They kept in touch after she graduated. It was kind of a slow burn thing, but they were good together. He was protective, you know, but not over the top. I thought he really loved her. She was easy with him. He accepted her as she is. She had a chance of a
life
with him. Since then—’

The glance, over the wine glass, was speculative. Jay could see what Jonathan wanted to ask, but uncharacteristic discretion was holding his tongue. ‘I have to say it was a surprise when Neil topped himself,’ Jonathan carried on. ‘He was chilled, laid-back, everything was cool. But who knows what’s really in someone’s mind? Except Madison, that is?’

‘And she didn’t?’

‘No.’ Jonathan looked at his empty glass. ‘I need a refill.’ He ambled towards the bar. Jay was wondering if skulking beside a wall and avoiding the women who were giving him assessing glances really constituted reawakening his social skills, when Madison detached herself smoothly from the group she was with. The trip that his heart gave, as she approached him, was a small, alarming surprise.

‘What are you doing here?’

‘Eating, and waiting for you.’ He offered her his mostly demolished plate. She took a stuffed olive and put it in her mouth, then let him feed her a cracker with prawns. ‘That is delicious.’ She was licking her fingers, when a matron in a flowing, purple dress sailed towards them. ‘Mrs Eugene. Very big corporate sponsor,’ she whispered before the woman reached them.

‘Dr Albi, I just had to speak to you. And your … friend.’ Her eyes slid over to Jay. She held out her hand. Jay ditched his plate to take it. ‘So unexpected,’ the woman murmured. ‘Madison usually comes to these things alone.’ She waved a dismissive hand at the room. Jay found the curiosity in her eyes was sharp but friendly.

‘Mr Jackson is … assisting me with my work,’ Madison responded hastily.

Emboldened by Mrs Eugene’s approach, several other people were drifting up. Jay found himself occupied with Mrs Eugene, while Madison was facing slightly away from him. The woman was pumping him for information, he realised, amused. Parrying her was stretching his wits, but he was managing it. Social interaction. Madison would be proud.

‘And tell me, Mr Jackson, how did you and our lovely Dr Albi meet?’

Jay, distracted by the brush of Madison’s arm on his back as she turned to greet a newcomer, found his thoughts a complete blank. Hubris. Mrs Eugene was waiting, expectant.

‘How did we meet? Not the version with the iron bar.’
He felt the stutter of shock from Madison as he slid into her mind. He telegraphed apology, and mild panic.
‘Mrs Eugene!’

‘Oh … Washington, DC.? Conference?’

‘Thanks.’

Madison stalked up to Jay as he refreshed their drinks. ‘I can’t believe we just did that.’

‘What?’ He handed her a glass. ‘That’s yours. The lipstick’s not my shade.’

‘You know what I mean. We had a conversation, in a public place,
without actually speaking to each other
.’ There was a tremor in her voice.

‘Yes.’

‘Oh my God.’

‘What’s the problem?’ He shoved his glass on the table, so that he could close his hands, lightly, over her shoulders. ‘It’s not such a big deal. I was floundering, you helped me out. Mrs Eugene went away happy. Why does it bother you so much?’

‘I … I’ve never done anything like that before.’

He frowned. ‘Can’t say if I ever have.’ He gave her shoulders a small shake. ‘Don’t panic. I won’t do it again if it worries you.’

‘It isn’t that.’

Madison’s head was swimming. Jay was watching her face and mouth. Intense. For a second she thought he might kiss her. The feeling was so strong she found her chin tilting up. His eyes were incredibly dark, and softer than she’d ever seen them.

‘Madison?’ The sound of him saying her name brought her back to earth. Jay let her go and she immediately felt lost. ‘You’ve gone as white as a sheet. Take a moment. Go powder your nose or something.’ He gave her a gentle push. ‘Go!’

Reprieved, she fled to the cloakroom, almost cannoning into a waiter who was hovering near the door, with an empty tray. She ran cold water over hands that shook slightly. In the mirror her eyes were huge, her face pale. What did Jay see when he looked at her? A woman he could want? A desirable woman?

She shook her head. She had to put a hold on this now, before Jay detected her … lust … and all the other stuff. She put a finger up to the mouth of the woman in the mirror, focusing on the smoothness of the glass under her skin. Jay couldn’t know. Their conversation without words hadn’t panicked her because she didn’t like it. It had panicked her because it felt so
right
.

Back in the reception room, Jay had found himself an alcove. He propped himself on the edge of a table, and breathed in, deeply. His palms were damp and his throat tight. Now that Madison was gone, reaction was setting in.

He’d stepped in and out of her mind, so effortlessly that he almost hadn’t noticed it. It had taken her alarm and distress to show him.

And then the impulse to give more and take more, to overwhelm her, while she was vulnerable to him, to comfort her – he genuinely didn’t know what the impulse was. He’d almost kissed her, right there in the middle of the room. And she’d known; he was sure of it. She’d run when he told her to go.
Wise girl
.

He moved restlessly. A twinge of pain from his shoulder grounded him with a rush. It killed the want that was still heavy in his groin. He had to remember he was nothing. He had nothing to offer. He was worse than nobody. Even the clothes he stood up in came from another man.

Jay slumped on the studio’s small balcony, legs out, back braced against the wall. The scent of jasmine, from Madison’s pots, stole over the railings. The journey home, by taxi, had been a largely silent affair. He hadn’t known what to say to make things right, so he’d kept his mouth shut.

He dug his hands up into his hair. He ought to go – just leave. Let Madison have her life back. He was taking her money, her time and her talent, and in exchange he was disrupting her world. She didn’t need any more pain and violence in it. God knows, she’d had enough for anyone’s lifetime.

He shifted restlessly. Now that Madison had put him back together again he was fit to move on. A soft shudder ran through him when he assessed how far he’d come in the weeks he’d spent with Madison, and exactly what she’d given him in terms of healing and self-respect. He didn’t have his memory, but what did that matter, against Madison’s happiness. He could get a job – casual work at least – and a place in a hostel. He could still work with her, if she wanted, like all her other subjects. Go to the lab, by appointment, for an hour or so every week.

He folded his arms around himself, rocking forward. Who was he kidding? It wouldn’t be enough. Now that he knew—

If he left, then it had to be a total break. He had to disappear. Out of the picture, for good.

Before someone else got hurt. Before Madison got hurt.

Lurid flares of violence and blood danced, hectic, behind his eyes. He put up his hands to cover them. He’d been shutting them out, fooling himself that the nightmare was a one-off, that the visions in it weren’t real, lulling himself into believing that he could be normal. He wasn’t normal. He would never be normal. Maybe that was best. That he never found out what his memory had contained. He had a chance of a fresh start. Madison had given him that.

If the best he could do for Madison in return was to protect her from himself, then that was what he was going to do

God help him.