Authors: Dani Joy
“Angie asked if there was something between us. I told her you left. Hence, not gonna happen.”
He stared at me. “I didn’t leave.”
“
You want to. I saw it.” I never thought that Toad would hit me but he did. I
knew
that Rand wouldn’t hit me. I don’t know why I knew that I just did. I still gave him his out. “You don’t need to stay. I won’t fall apart. I won’t stalk you. I won’t let anyone talk bad about you choosing to go. Go.”
He still stood there. “I won’t even talk bad about you
for leaving. Go.”
“Are you asking or telling me to leave?”
I took a deep breath. “I’m not doing either. I’m telling you that I have seen enough people making decision that I saw you choose. You chose to leave. You did that. Now live with that decision and
go
.”
“Did you see my feet walk out the door?” He said a bit more calmly.
“I didn’t even see you walk away. I saw you make the decision and I heard you walk away. The rest doesn’t matter. The decision was what mattered.”
“So you didn’t see that I made it about ten steps when I realized that I was being stupid?”
I didn’t have a good answer to that one so I didn’t say anything. I realized long ago that not saying something is sometimes more profound.
“No answer to that?” Rand ground his teeth again.
“Nothing good to say to that.” I held his eyes. “Nothing bad to say to that. That leaves me with nothing to say.”
“You can just toss away the possibility of us being something with nothing to say.”
I took a deep breath. “I was the one who could see us together for longer than three weeks. You are the one who panicked. Not me.”
“I deserved that.”
“That wasn’t an accusation.” I threw my hands up in the air. “Jesus.” I had to move. It was either that or I would be the one to throw a punch. I started pacing. I spotted the remote for my TV. I walked over and picked it up and threw it at him. I aimed for his head. Too bad it hit him in the chest where he caught it.
“Watch TV. Don’t watch TV. Sleep on the floor or the couch. Sleep at your own place. I don’t care. All that I know is that you are not sleeping in my bed tonight.”
I was so wound up I was yelling. I never lose my temper. I can’t at my job. I can’t for my piece of mind. Yet here I was yelling at him. “Two days. Two fucking days in and you walked away and I have a whole in my chest. I’ll fill it back up but you don’t get anything more of me than that.”
I started walking away toward my
bedroom when I turned and said very quietly. “Ever.”
I slammed my bedroom door and was turning the lock when the door opened.
I was fighting tears. The whole in my chest was burning. I felt it physically it hurt so badly. It was like I had an anvil sitting there weighing me down.
I walked away from him keeping my back to him. If I looked at him I would cry. That would be my undoing and I wasn’t giving him that. I would wait until he left then I would cry.
He walked in far enough to close the door. I heard him lean against it. I still didn’t look at him. I walked to my dresser and pulled out new pajamas. I found my comfort pair. They were old and ratty. They weren’t even good enough to give to Goodwill. They wouldn’t even make good dust rags. But my gym shorts and t-shirt from high school swim team it was going to be it for tonight. I made it to the bathroom with the door locked before the first tear fell. I swiped it away and started getting ready for bed. The tears wouldn’t stop so I quit fighting them and just worked around them. I exited the bathroom and climbed in bed. I didn’t look towards the door as I did. I simply climbed under the covers and pulled the pillow around the back of my head to block the light.
I felt Rand sit on the bed behind me. He pulled on the pillow and I held it tighter. “Terra. Please.”
I finally released the pillow and rolled to my back. My tears were a constant flow out of my eyes.
“Remember when I asked you if you knew what it felt like to be kicked in the gut
?”
“Yeah, I do know what it feels like.” I whispered. “That hurt less than this does. Just go.”
“I can’t and that is what scares me.” He put his hand against my cheek. “I can’t leave and I don’t know how to stay. I saw the passion that you have while you danced. I saw the dedication that you have for your patients, the loyalty you have for your friends. I don’t know how to be enough for you. I just don’t.”
“Then don’t. Just go.”
He leaned down and kissed the outer edge of each eye where my tears were leaking out. “I can’t. I have to be here with you. I just don’t know how to be enough for you.”
“I didn’t ask you for anything. I just asked if you wanted to be here and you panicked. What happens when I do ask something of you
?”
He nodded. “Won’t know until that happens will we?”
I still had my hands in fists against the hollow spot between my breasts pressing in. I wanted to let him in. I just knew that if I did and he bolted I would be crushed into little itty bitty pieces.
“What scripts were you planning on moving so that you didn’t have to see me anymore?” He finally asked.
“Birth control.”
“Good to know. You don’t have to move them now you know.”
“Okay. I have to go to the doctor and get a new one next month. I’ll just have him move it.”
“Whatever. I’ll just put a lock on it.” I saw him lean down and start taking off his shoes.
“What are you doing?”
“Getting ready for bed.”
“I told you that you were not sleeping in my bed tonight.”
I heard one shoe fall then the other. It was like hearing gun shots go off and I flinched at each sound. He saw it and put his hand back to my cheek. “Did I say that I am sorry yet?”
“No.”
“Did I ask for your forgiveness yet?”
“No.”
He leaned down and kissed me lightly against my eyes and then he kissed my lips. “I am so sorry. I was an ass and I don’t deserve another chance. Please give it to me.
I’m begging you to give me more chance Terra.”
I stared at his face. He was totally open. Being honest with me.
“Please. One more time? This time I am asking. There won’t be a next time.” He said looking earnestly at me.
“No there won’t be a
next time. If I let you in you could shatter me if you left.”
“Terra baby. I didn’t leave
this
time. I just took a small time out. Ten steps before I knew that I was being stupid.”
That was actually a revelation. He was right and I was wrong. In a way. I wasn’t ready to complete concede yet so I simply moved over so that he had room to lay down
. I felt that I had to answer something to that so I said, “Okay. You can sleep here tonight.”
I saw the grin form but he held it back. He then turned on the light on my bedside table. He stood and pulled his shirt over his head and undid his belt and pants. They fell to the floor with a thunk from his belt buckle. He walked to the light switch and turned off the overhead light and came back to the bed. He climbed under the covers and faced me. “How old are those clothes that you are wearing?”
“I didn’t even have a driver’s license when I got them.”
He raised an eyebrow at me.
“Some people have comfort food when they’re down. I have comfort clothes.” I felt my lips twitch. “I don’t think that I am on that web page of people at Walmart though.”
“Are you sure of that?” He started chuckling.
“Not really. My virus software won’t let me look at the site.”
“Why are we in bed this early?”
“I was mad.”
I saw the twinkle in his eyes and I knew what he was going to say. “Do we get to have make up sex?”
“No.”
“Aw…. I hear it’s great.” He had a full grin on his face.
“I wouldn’t know.” I said honestly. “Toad was the only other guy I have ever had a confrontation with. Obviously he wasn’t getting make up sex.”
“I’ve never had any either. By the time I had a fight with a past girlfriend she was already on to someone else.”
I had to ask. I shouldn’t ask but I had to. “How many times would that have been?”
He full out laughed at me. “First year in high school. Debbie some thing or another. Since I was the only one in the relationship I kind of crashed and burned, big time. I finally had sex in college. Twice. Then I got
a, “Got to wash my hair.” He did a wave as if his was brushing his hair back from his shoulder. “I can’t see you anymore.”
I started giggling. “Glad I
asked even though I shouldn’t have.”
“I was actually in school to get my degree. One of the downfalls of being the youngest. As you saw today my mom really likes being a mom. Problem is when you are over twenty one you really don’t want to be mothered. She
’s a nurse like you.”
“I didn’t know that. She still working?”
“Not as a nurse. She is involved with her church stuff. She does a lot of volunteer work with them. She likes it and it keeps her from driving dad nuts.”
“Your dad still work?”
“Kind of. He keeps busy but I don’t know how much is work and how much is keeping busy.” He shrugged as best he could while being in bed.
“I liked them by the way. They were great with the kids and Keiley.”
“The kids will be good for mom. Give her somebody new to mother, or grandmother. How long have you know her, Keiley, I mean?”
I smiled. “Since I was twelve. I’m the youngest of the six of us.” I gave him that look that says ‘see I know what you mean’
.”
“There is only three years between any of us. Keiley and Sam are the oldest at twenty-eight.
All our birthdays are in the same month as you probably figured out. We just fell in together and have stayed together. The last three years we have all become really tight though. Sam did that.” I smirked at him. “She was always the ring leader.”
“Ever thought of dancing professionally? From what I saw you’re good enough.”
I visibly shuttered. “No. I dance for the fun of it. If anyone should have done that it would have been Keiley or Sam. They are way better than me.”
“You haven
’t watched enough video of yourself. Obviously. What I saw the last two nights was sensational.” He had a look of astonished disbelief on his face.
“I was just showing off. I’m not normally like that.”
“Why the hell not? You have some serious talent.” He seemed to believe what he was saying.
I rubbed the spot between my eyes at the top of my nose. “I was showing off so that you would notice me.”
He put his hand to my cheek. “I did that the second I walked in the place.”
I closed my eyes. “Ok. So that you would notice me enough to want to get in my pants, notice me.”
He started laughing so hard he started choking. I sat him up and pounded on his back until he caught his breath. He said gasping for air. “I did that the second I walked in the place.”
My mouth fell open. I knew that it did and I tried to stop it but it didn’t work. “Really?” I finally asked.
He nodded and stood up out of bed. “It was way too early to go to sleep. Let’s go get some ice cream.” He pulled me out of bed and I was trying to pull my t-shirt off to go change. “What are you doing?” He asked as he did up the buckle of his belt.
“Changing. I don’t have ice cream here.”
“Why? Just throw on some sandals or flip flips.”
“Why?” I parroted.
He grinned. “We’re just going to Walmart.”
Chapter Seven
Rand drove me to practice with Angie and Bray. I was a little uncomfortable with this since I had told Angie that we were done last night. I kept my mouth shut and just showed up at the place that she had called ‘His Joint’. Rand had laughed at that. Then he explained. “His joint is a studio. He not only teaches there, he records local artists and gets them on the way to stardom. He could also be in LA if he set his mind to it.”
“Why doesn’t he?” I asked as he parked.
“I think he likes what he has here. I could see him setting up a larger studio one day to record labels.”
“He’s that good?” I asked surprised.
Rand just tilted his head at me. “Yeah. He’s had offers.” He made a face. “He may have already taken them. I don’t exactly know. He seems to make a shit load of money for just being a music teacher.”
“Wow.” I said as we walked in. “This place is great.” There were plaques all over the walls and you could hear the acoustics just walking in the front door. The flooring and walls absorbed all of the random noise and let the good sounds just flow all around you. I knew that because Bray was sitting in the lobby playing on his guitar. It was random and didn’t sound like anything that I knew. It was just good.
“Great. You’re here” Angie said as she jumped up and set her guitar aside. She engulfed me in a hug then whispered in my ear. “You said he walked.”
I whispered back. “I was wrong.”
Both brothers were staring at us when we broke apart. They both had their hands in their back pockets. Rand was grinning at me. Bray was smiling. “The acoustics are the best they can be. We heard you.”
I know that I turned beet red. Angie just laughed as she looked at me. “Gotta remember that from now on.”
“Shit.” I looked at my feet. It was then I realized that I hadn’t apologized to him. I looked Rand in the eye and then to Angie. “I took things wrong last night.”
“
Yeah well. Last time I checked you were human too.” Then she winked at me.
Seriously. She winked at me. Then she smiled and shrugged. She put her hand in mine. “You have got to see this practice room. I may ne
ver play at home again.” She drug me down a hallway.
She threw open the door and I followed her in. Wooden floors with what was like be
rber carpet, but not, on the walls with a drop down ceiling. “The hell with music. This is where we rehearse from now on.” I turned around slowly. Twice. Then I broke into a deep smile that I aimed at Bray. “Loose the chairs in the middle and you got a dance hall buddy.”
Both men were still grinning at us. Bray to control
the situation handed Angie her guitar. “We can do this a few ways. I would like it if you started to sing so that we can tune to you. It will probably be the most comfortable for you.”
I just shrugged. “I can sing almost anywhere you play. It wouldn’t really matter to me.”
“You can do that?” He asked.
I shrugged again. “Yeah.”
He gave a head waggle. “Humor me.”
Angie was simply grinning to her guitar. She gave it a strum and a pick. On the low and high string. We had done this enough times that I knew what she was showing me.
I tossed my purse against the wall and smiled at Rand. He had already heard me sing this. I held his eyes and sang to him. About half way through I turned to Angie and sang to her then to Bray. I finished with my eyes closed. I opened them when I felt Rand’s arms go around my middle. “More beautiful this time than the last.” He kissed my neck.
I watched as Angie said to Bray. “Told ya.”
Bray studied me for a second. “That was pitch perfect. Timing never faltered. Why do you want accompaniment?”
I looked around and then focused. “I’m good one on one. Maybe a few people that I know. I get a crowd my timing can fade. If I get in a large crowd of people I don’t know,” I shrugged, “It can get bad.”
“It doesn’t.” Angie stated to Bray. “She just thinks that it does and it bothers her.”
I rolled my eyes a
s I looked to Bray. “It does.”
Bray nodded to Rand. “Hands off. Go take a seat. Okay.” He looked at me. “Once with Angie alone.” He nodded as if his words were to be followed to the letter.
I giggled but nodded to my friend. She started playing and I sang. Bray nodded in time to the two of us. When I was done he did a final head shake. “Now with me.”
He played just a little differently than Angie and I had to adjust slightly. He gave one more final head shake at the end and said, “Again.”
This time I kind of knew what to expect and made up for the difference on the fly. It was better than what I did with Angie. Not by much but a little bit.
“One more with both of us.” Bray started playing and Angie was right with him. She followed
him perfectly and I followed them both.
Bray stood and walked to a console against one wall. He hit a couple of buttons and then moved a few
of those push up pull down things. He walked to his chair and grabbed his guitar and sat back down. “From the top.” He stated as he started playing. We did it twice more. Then I was done. So was Bray. “Take a seat Terra.”
I went and sat next to Rand. He grabbed my hand and smiled at me. He knew something that I didn’t know.
Bray replayed parts of when I sang alone. It was okay.
Then he played parts of me and Angie. I smiled to my friend. We were always good together.
He put on the end of me and him together the second time. It was pretty good. Then he played that last one of the three of us and let it run from beginning to end. I was in tears. Angie was in tears. Bray just leaned against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. “You want me to send that to an agent. I can have you signed in less than a month.”
I did a long blink at him. Then another. Then one more before I looked at Rand. “He
is
good at what he does.”
Rand burst out laughing.
Bray did not. “I’m not blowing smoke here. You want a career in music I can get you one. Six months you could have an album and be on the road in a year.”
I stared at Angie. She shrugged at me. “I’m not the one he is making the offer to.”
I stared at her harder. Then I looked at Bray. “I don’t see the camera crew. Where are they hiding?”
“Camera crew?
” He looked totally confused.
“Yeah. You know, hey. You’ve been punked. Candid camera. Isn’t this fun? Camera crew?” I was not finding humor in his joke.
“I told you. I’m not blowing smoke up your ass. You want a career in music. You got it. With what I saw of you dancing. We’re both going to be rich.”
I started giggling. “Let me think on it.”
I knew my answer was going to be no.
Bray nodded and hit a few more buttons. “Twice more.” He sat down as if this was business. I gave Rand a look that said, “Really.”
It was his turn to shrug.
I stood up and rolled my eyes to Angie. She giggled at me. I started singing and moved with the music this time. I figured what did I have to lose? I had a fabulous dance floor and was with my friend, or friends as the case may be.
Bray set his guitar aside again and walked to a key board. He fiddled with it for a minute then he turned to me. “You got an iPod.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah.” I pulled it out of my pocket and handed it to him.
He worked on the computer for a few keystrokes more then plugged it in. He hit play as he uploaded. I moved to the music until I heard what he heard. It was good.
I stopped moving when Angie wrapped her arms around the back of me. I started swaying and it wasn’t to the music. Rand took over for Angie and she scooted a chair under Rand. He sat down and pulled me with him.
Bray on the other hand just stared at me. He did it hard.
The song finished. “I just sang somebody else
’s stuff. How did you make it sound so good?”
He laughed. “What do you think most artists sing? They sing somebody else’s stuff. Most can’t sing, write, play and dance. I don’t know one that can do all of that at once.”
I opened my mouth and closed it again. Then I looked at Rand then back to Bray. “I haven’t even touched a guitar much less a piano since I was eighteen maybe twenty-one when I moved out of my mom’s house.”
He beamed. Literally beamed at me. “So you can play. Which do you prefer?”
“Neither. I gave them both up.”
Angie waggled her guitar at me. She knew that I still played sometimes. “The song that we did at the bar last month.”
I took her guitar and she took Bray’s. We did ‘Cups’ By Anna Kendrick. It came from the movie Pitch Perfect. It was simply fun.
I was giggling by the third time that Bray made us play it. He uploaded the second version for me.
I stood and handed back the guitar. Bray took it as Rand put his arms around me again. He felt my tummy rumble. “My girl’s hungry. Where we going?”
Bray looked at his watch. “Place next door is still open. They give me a discount.”
I wasn’t a picky eater but I did like to know what I was getting myself into so I asked. “What kind of food?”
He kind of shrugged. “I don’t know what they have besides hamburgers. That’s all that I dare order.”
We walked in and I started giggling again. It was a hamburger joint pure and simple. If you wanted something that didn’t come with a burger on it you better go somewhere else. I knew that because I read it on the front window pane.