Authors: Dani Joy
The door opened again and Angie hefted a ton of wires in the back. I heard Bray state. “I left cards inside. Contact my studio and I will…” Slam went the door.
I giggled again.
“Whacked. People are really whacked.” I heard Bray mumble as he climbed in. I heard two doors slam and Angie was laughing out loud. “Keep her down. I don’t want to get mauled.”
I figured that he was being over dramatic until I dared a glance out the window. There had to have been twenty or more older women standing there with daughters or husbands in tow. The car was moving away so I sat up and giggled. I was not going to hide in the back of a SUV that had tinted windows. “What was that about?”
“I think one was a
n event planner. She had that look about her. The others were either mothers of Bridezilla or parents planning bar mitzvahs.”
“That’s just rude.” I stated loudly. Those people in there were saying good-bye to a fri
end and they want to talk to me about singing for them?”
“Told you that you have real talent. They saw it and went for it or more importantly tried to go for it.” Bray shrugged.
“Clean, pure talent is hard to find. If you don’t want to go big you could do that too and still make a good living.”
I shook my head. “Minus health insurance and a retirement plan.”
Bray pulled out on the roadway. “Including insurance and more than enough money for retirement if you do it right.”
I scoffed even though I was entertaining the thought. I knew what I needed to do about the scripts and fake identities. I knew. I was scared to do it. I was already afraid that I was going to lose my job, insurance and retirement all before I turned thirty. I also knew that if I was found out I had ended my medical career completely.
I also knew that if I did nothing, I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I was leaving people vulnerable like my friend’s niece and nephew.
I wanted Bray to initiate the conversation about a recording career. I just didn’t know how to go about it. Fortunately Angie was trying to steer us. “It’s a little early for dinner but why don’t all of us go someplace quiet and get some food?”
Bray immediately strayed to the turn lane and did a U-turn. “Pedro’s.”
I whole heartedly agreed as did everyone else in the car. With a name like “Pedro’s” you would expect Mexican. It wasn’t. It was an Italian hole in the wall that if you didn’t know it existed, it didn’t. It was small and had some of the best food I have ever eaten. It was also moderately priced for the mounds of food that they served. It came with a small glass of house red wine with each meal whether you drank it or not. They didn’t do take away. They didn’t do delivery. If there was an open table you could seat yourself. If one wasn’t open you waited your turn for the next table. If any of the staff heard you complain you got ejected from the premises. I had seen it happen once in the ten or so times that I had eaten there. I never complained and had even waited for half an hour once for a table.
We walked in and it was pretty empty. There were three booths open and half a dozen table
s that we could sit at. Bray chooses a booth. Angie and I slid in on opposing sides. Both men sat at the edge. I never knew if it was a protective thing or so that they could stretch their legs out to the open space if need be. I suspected both for the Frasier men that we were with.
A loaf of bread appeared at the table and I do mean a loaf. The waiter took our order. I got lasagna as did everyone else. Angie was cutting the bread when Bray decided to speak. “I’ve been on the phone that last few days.” He started to speak.
Angie looked at me and nodded to me closing her eyes. I had no clue what she just said to me so I kept my mouth shut. She put the warm bread on little white plates with a ball of butter on each as she handed them out.
“I have a few contacts that I sent feelers to.” Bray continued.
I went to open my mouth and Angie did a small no with her head. I kept my mouth shut now understanding what she had told me.
“I already sent them a small sample of your work. I need written permission to send them more.” Bray was looking at me now.
Angie kicked me in the shin.
I hid my flinch. She had kicked me hard.
“What are you sending them?” I asked.
“The first cut. The one with just you and me.” He ducked his chin a little. “Today’s.”
“Why those three?” I asked truly curious.
“First pass, with backup and live with an audience. I didn’t record today for the kid or his parents.” He actually blushed when he said that. “I wanted to see what you did in front of a crowd.”
“I would hardly call seventy people a crowd.” I scoffed at him.
“Can I get permission to send it?” Bray asked.
“Sure.” I answered as the salads were placed in front of us. You got a choice of salad with house dressing or salad with house dressing. No other choice. House dressing. It was good, so who was I to complain.
I was pushing my plate to the side when a small glass of wine appeared in front of each of us. That meant that it was about two minutes until the real food would show up. Bray reached in his back pocket and pulled out a single piece of paper that had been folded in quarters. “This is the release form.
Read it and if you like it, sign. If not, don’t.”
I glanced at it. It simply said that I gave him permission to send samples of my work. They were still mine but they could be viewed, or more accurately heard, by multiple parties. I reached in my purse
to find a pen and signed it immediately. I gave it back to him. He was beaming. Not just smiling but beaming at me. I guess that I did something right. Then food arrived and I at least knew that ordering what I did was right.
It was a huge chunk of heaven on a plate.
Chapter
Ten
It was now Friday after work. I didn’t feel like going dancing. I had a heavy weight of papers sitting in a box in my bedroom. I hadn’t been called to anybody’s office all week. We had a few new admits but nothing life altering. Well they were but nothing that was life or death in the next few days. I was getting used to Rand being in my space and he was getting used to being in my space. I found that he could cook. He just sucked at it. I was working to convince him that I should probably be the main cook. He thought differently tonight. He was on the phone with his mom getting hints of what to cook when I walked in. At least I assumed it was his mom when I heard. “Then what mom?”
I was late because I had to stop and pick up a used book for one of my classes. I had to fork over seventy five dollars for it and I wasn’t happy. I should have been. List price was two hundred.
I still hadn’t found the other book that I needed. The three hundred dollar one was being elusive.
I watched as he plunked the chops in a pan. They started to sizzle as I slid my purse to the floor quietly. He went to the fridge and pulled out a container of cream and set it next to a bottle of mushrooms. He picked up a package of potato flakes. “That’s all you do to them?”
I put my hand over my mouth. Cooking is still not rocket science. Watching Rand figure that out was amusing. He finally saw me. Probably because to keep from laughing out loud I snorted. “Terra’s here now so she can sort me out if I start screwing it up. Love you too mom.”
He hung up and sprinkled the meat with what looked like a ton of paprika. This was confirmed when he informed me. “Mom’s paprika chops. They are awesome when she makes them.” He ground some salt and pepper over them and turned. He did the same to the other side then turned down the heat.
We had idle chit chat. I couldn’t talk much about my patients other than how many. He couldn’t go into detail about his either. I wondered if this would be a problem with a relationship between the two of us. Then I threw that thought out the window. Both of us were more than the people that we treated. At least I knew that I was. He was telling me about one of the techs at the hospital. He had been there for eons. The guy was about four foot ten and about four hundred and ten pounds. He was a lumbering ox. The poor guy had stepped on one of the step stools today and it decided that it didn’t like him. He went down taking out four shelves with him.
Rand had added very carefully all of the ingredients and nuked the potatoes by the end of his story. I was laughing so hard that I could hardly see.
He served up dinner and I quickly had the first bite in my mouth. I couldn’t speak after that. The cream sauce alone was worth eating much less how it flavored my pork chop. I was now officially in love with Della, Rand’s mom. This was going in my comfort food arsenal it was so good. I even went so far as to grab a slice of bread to soak up the last of the sauce on my plate.
Rand started laughing when I was eyeing up the pan. I was deciding if I had enough room to wipe the pan down with a
nother piece of bread. It was that good. I finally decided that I was over full as it was. One more slice of bread would do me in.
Rand started cleaning up the kit
chen and I shooed him out. He’d cooked I figured I could clean up while I was also trying to come up with a way to ask him to call his brother Adam. I had a file that was now burning a hole in my pocket so to speak. He was comfortably splayed over my couch watching something or another on the TV. When I was done wiping down I walked to the back of the couch. It had become my habit to just roll over the back and land against his side. He wrapped me against him and continued to watch the screen. When a commercial break hit I took my chance.
“I need you to do something for me.”
“Sure.” He answered casually as he rolled his head towards me.
I bit both my lips together. “I can’t,” I took a deep breath, “Tell you what it is about. I can’t tell anybody actually.”
Rand sat us both up and turned off the TV. He searched my face. I could tell that he had a thousand questions running through his mind.
“I found some stuff and I have to tell someone who can
…” I searched for the right words, “Do something about it. I can’t without…” I had already said too much. So I bit both of my lips again. “Can you call Adam and see if he will meet with me for just a few minutes sometime this weekend?”
Rand proved that he was a smart man. “Something to do with patients.” He didn’t ask a question. He made it a statement.
I just nodded.
“Something to do with patients.” He
repeated saying more to himself than to me.
I continued to nod at him. He pulled his phone out of his back pocket. “His cell is programmed in. You should probably call from this one
. Caller ID. I call him randomly so he will answer or call back.” He stood up. “I need to use the bathroom and wash my hands. Maybe my face. Should I take about twenty minutes to do that?”
I kissed him lightly. “Ten tops.”
He kissed me this time as he stood up and walked out of the room. I dialed immediately and Adam answered as I expected. “Hey Rand.”
“Adam. This is Terra Chapman, Keiley’s friend with the pink hair.”
“Hey.”
“I need to speak to you about…” I didn’t want to say anything over the phone, “Some stuff that I can only hint at. Like stuff that Keiley’s sister is messed up with. Can you give me twenty minutes sometime this weekend?” I could tell that I had thrown him a complete curve ball.
“Uhhh… yeah….” He pulled it together fairly quickly.
I pulled a page from Angie’s book that I had seen her do recently. “I can bring breakfast Sunday, early, like eight.”
I sensed more than heard him pull his thoughts together. “I can do early Sunday breakfast.”
I let out an audible breath. “Thank you.”
He disconnected without saying good bye. The weight that I had been caring on my shoulders spread to my gut. It was sitting heavy enough that I was quietly sobbing when Rand came back in the room.
Rand sat next to me and pulled me close. He didn’t ask any questions as I curled in a ball. I put my face against his chest. I pulled both my legs up and rested them against his thigh. Both of his arms were wrapped around me. I whispered against his chest. “I figured something out. I did a little research. How I did it was wrong. Very wrong. If I am right and I get caught I will never work in the medical field again.” I took a deep breath. “I did the wrong thing for all the right reasons and when the dust settles you will know all about it. Right now I can’t tell you or anybody else.”
“Except for Adam.”
“I shouldn’t even tell him but I have to stop what is happening Rand. I have to.”
He shushed me as he turned back on the TV and muted it. “Quiet noisy bones. You’re interrupting my show.”
My sobs turned to
giggles as I drifted to sleep on his chest.
Chapter Eleven
I woke up early Sunday morning. That wasn’t new. I had to be to work four days a week by six am. Waking up by five was not a problem. The problem was that I didn’t dance over the weekend. I already had extra energy that I didn’t get burned off much less the nervous energy that I had. I had spent hours on preparing the breakfast casserole that we were taking to Keiley’s last night thinking that would take my mind off of my problem. It didn’t. What it did do was make it so that I had the list of problems more organized in my brain. You would think that it would help having it organized. No. Not even close. Now it made more sense to me and I had to lay it on someone else’s shoulders in an organized way.
I had it down to the players and possible outcome. Rand tried to distract me. God bless his soul. All I did was wave spatulas or wooden spoons around until he finally gave up. He turned on my music to fill my space and turned on the TV to fill his. “Thanks Bray.” I had mumbled a few times in aggravation. Even the sounds in my home were organized to areas. Don’t get me wrong. I like organization. I thrive on it. I was just such a mess in my head I wanted everything and everybody to be the same way.
Messy and unorganized. Rand came down at six and poured the last cup of coffee out of the pot and made a new one without saying a word. He was sitting at the counter in a pair of black boxer briefs. I was meticulously grating cheese and he watched soundlessly. He watched as I covered the casserole and put it in a plastic bin and back in the fridge. He watched as I finished the first block and put it in a plastic zip bag. I pulled out a second block. He drank his third cup of coffee before he came to me. He pulled the last little bit out of my hand and put it in his mouth. He loaded up the next plastic bag and put it in the fridge. He then tugged my hand and walked me back up the stairs. He turned on the shower and plunked me in. Sleep clothes and all. I was pretty sure that what was coming out was little chunks of ice it as so cold. I screeched at the top of my lungs. “You bastard.”
He turned the water off and defended himself without harming me. “You bastard.” I said again as I swung a hand toward him. He deflected
it. “How dare you?” I swung the other arm. He deflected that too. “I…I…I…”
“You forgot to kiss me when you got out of bed.” He answered calmly to my rage.
“I what?” I yelled.
“You forgot to kiss me when you got out of bed. You always at least kiss my chest when you climb out of bed at these ungodly hours that you work.”
I stood in the shower stall in nearly my underwear soaking wet after being pelted by ice cubes. I was breathing heavy and I was pissed.
No I was pissed the hell off. There was a difference.
I stomped one foot. “You put me in an ice bath because I forgot to kiss you?”
“No. I was just reminding you that you didn’t kiss me. I put you in ice water because you were being a cheese grating zombie.
”
I glared at him.
“You grated two full blocks of cheese and put half of one on the food. A quarter would have been more than enough. I was snapping you out of whatever it is that is that is…..” He fizzled out.
I glared at him some more before I pulled my wet clothes off and dumped them toward the sink. I turned the water back on but to warm this time. I jumped out of the way and grumped at him. “I’m taking a shower.” I watched him turn. “I have a lot of unburned energy. I need help burning it off.”
He turned back around with a grin.
“I may need
your help burning it off.”
“You going to try to hit me again?”
I smiled. “Are you going to hit the right spots? Again.”
He gave me a wicked grin.
I decided that he can hit me again and again and again in the shower.
I didn’t even notice when it was nearly pelting me with ice cub
es. Again.
**
We were at Keiley’s a few minutes before eight. Adam opened the door. Barely. Jamal was tugging on it as Adam slowed it down. He shrugged. “They heard me move and were just up.” He was standing in jeans, t-shirts and a yawn. LaTanya was in a short t-shirt and frilly underwear with her wooden spoon. Jamal was nearly dancing. He had company. He was tugging on Adam’s hand. When Adam didn’t move fast enough he grabbed Rand’s and started pulling him towards the kitchen.
“Dad said that you were going to make breakfast for me and LaTanya. I’m hungry.”
I set the plastic carrier on the counter. I really hadn’t taken in much of the kitchen the other day. Not that I hadn’t been to Keiley’s house. It just wasn’t recently. It had a cute wood table with four chairs and a kid’s chair. Not really a high chair but it probably was at one time. What looked like granite counter tops but who was I to know. I was definitely not the handy man of the house. Linoleum floor fashioned after tile. Good choice since I did know how to clean a floor like that. The floor was kid friendly. Okay, I didn’t like to clean but I knew how. Wooden cabinets and the most important feature of a kitchen first thing in the morning. A coffee pot that was brewing.
I asked Jamal. “Coffee cups?”
Adam walked in a pulled two out and filled them, handing one to me and setting one down for Rand. He then filled his own and set an empty one on the counter. He looked at his brother. “Pour it in a few minutes for Keiley. Don’t add anything. I never know what she is in the mood for with her morning coffee.”
I smiled at Adam’s comment. Keiley was one of the most random coffee drinkers that I had ever seen. I then pulled out a
ton of eggs out of the fridge. “Will you mix them up and pour it over, that.” I pointed to the casserole as I asked Rand. Then I turned on the oven and pulled a file out of the back of my pants that had been hidden under my shirt. I hid it there when I had dashed back inside right before we drove off.
“Jamal.” Adam said, “Take LaTanya and go wake up your mom will you?”
I moved over a chair so that my back was mostly to the room. I opened the file and spoke quietly. I pointed and flipped pages. Adam pointed and asked questions. Not that anyone could make out the words but the tone was unmistakable if they were really paying attention. I was scared, nervous and well, closing in on terrified. He was now focused on the printouts.
Keiley wa
lked in the kitchen making her way over to Rand. I heard them talking as Adam was studying what I had in front of him. “Morning. You’re safe. Terra made it. I just get to assemble and put it in the oven. We used your eggs.” If I wasn’t so worried that would have made me smile.
LaTanya was tapping against Keiley’s leg. “Hungee.”
Keiley walked to the cupboard and pulled out a graham cracker and broke it up in to four perfect pieces. I was impressed. If I would have tried to break it apart it would have been crumbs or something resembling a pie slice. She gave her two sections and her wooden spoon was dropped, completely forgotten, on the floor. Rand handed Keiley a cup of coffee.
“Adam says that you don’t drink it the same way every morning. So…” Rand shrugged.
She put a spoon full of sugar in and walked to the fridge adding a healthy swig of pure cream. She leaned against the counter. “What gives?”
Rand shrugged. “Terra got something in her head and said she needed to talk to Adam. She wouldn’t share with me.”
Rand shrugged again at her. “I have learned that she is fiercely loyal and that doesn’t included her patients. To her patients she is pathologically loyal. I’m thinking that it has something to do with at least one of her patients the way she is acting.”
Keiley nodded. “She’s always been that way. She started dancing with us when she was twelve. She’s a strong dancer but never had the drive to do more with it than have fun. Nursing on the other hand. That, she is driven at.”
LaTanya put her hand against Keiley’s leg and smeared remnants of graham cracker all over it.
“She’s a lefty. Cool.” Rand nodded at her.
Rand could see the confusion cross over Keiley’s face, “I think your right. She always holds her spoon in that hand. I just thought it was so that she could do other stuff with her right hand.”
“I could
be wrong.” Rand said on a shrug but he knew that he was correct. He was a lefty. He did a lot of things right handed because the tools were there for right handed people. Writing was the only thing that he refused to do with his right hand.
Adam stood up and walked
out. He came back with his laptop. “Can I use the space?” Both Rand and Keiley took their coffee cups to the table. I took the folder to the counter. I opened it and Adam had some program open and was furiously typing. The buzzer went off on the oven. Rand pulled down plates and dished, cutting small pieces for the kids and even giving Adam and me plates. I wanted to look at him. I needed him to touch me and tell me I was doing the right thing. I also knew that I couldn’t involve him in this. At all.
I found that it hurt not to be able to share this with him. That surprised me. I hadn’t known him long enough for us to share that kind of relationship. I was thinking more of that than what Adam was doing. I wanted to go and sit by Rand or more importantly be held by him
when I heard, “Motherfucker.” And two fists slamming against the counter. I turned my head as did everyone else in the room towards Adam.
That was my clue to move closer to Rand. I
picked up the file. Closed it and walked to the table with my plate. I put the file on the chair and sat on it. Then asked Jamal. “When was that last time that you had this from me? Seriously it has been ages. You were probably too young to even remember the last time.”
Jamal looked towards
Keiley. “Adam is mad and he said a bad word.”
“Yep he is and that is why he said it. When you are twenty-five and are mad you can say that word.”
Keiley answered as if having a pleasant conversation in the tea club.
Rand sat down. “I am twenty five and Grams would yell at me for saying that word.”
Keiley got up and walked to the fridge. She pulled out the milk jug and the juice, put them on the table and walked to the cabinet that held cups. I watched her grab a stack of cups and added two smaller ones for the kids. I watched her put her forehead on Adam’s shoulder. She was conveying something to him that I didn’t understand. Those two confused me.
Adam seemed to sense
what she was telling him without words. He took a deep breath, kissed her forehead and picked up his plate.
“Juice or milk?”
Keiley asked calmly to Jamal.
His answer was, “Malk.” Mostly because he was being lifted by Adam and being s
et carefully back down on his knee.
Adam answered, “Me too, please.” Calm as can be.
I was freaking out and wanted to run screaming from the house or curl up in Rand’s arms and have it make it all better. I was trying to calm down when I heard Adam start talking.
Adam said calmly. “You know when you are really, really mad sometimes you say something that you shouldn’t?”
Jamal just stared at him with scared eyes.
“I should not have done that in front of you and your sister. The others in the room and are grownups and they get to put me in my place if I screw up. Keiley.” He stopped and corrected himself, “Your mom just did. Did you see how she did it?”
Jamal had gone from scared, to confused.
“She touched me, even when I was mad. She gave me kindness and love without being scared that I was mad. She didn’t yell at me, she didn’t hit me. She didn’t even tell me that I said a word that I shouldn’t have said in front of you.” Adam cut off a piece of his breakfast and gave it to Jamal. Then he took a bite. “I was mad at somebody who is using kids. That is my button to push to make me really mad.”
Jamal took a bite of his food and then offered one to Adam. I felt tears in my eyes and held them back, barely. I heard
Keiley’s breathing hitch, just once, then she schooled her face. Just like I did.
We finished breakfast then
got ready to leave. I debated and finally made a decision as we left. I stood up and the file folder was still on the chair. I walked away from it knowing that leaving it there was the end of my medical career. I was now officially a whistle blower. It could be inside the hospital. I didn’t think that it was. I knew in my heart that it was the hospice. The problem was that the hospital recommended certain companies to patients depending on their needs.
I left the file. Just printing it out was grounds for dismissal. I
still had the flash drive at home. I couldn’t share that yet. I would if Adam couldn’t find what he needed. I would take the heat.
Maybe I could take the heat.
Oh hell. I didn’t know what to do.
Rand drove me home letting me sit in my silence with my thoughts. He turned on a game and watched me pace. Until he couldn’t stand watching me pace any longer. I was so busy in my head I ran right into him.
He steadied me by putting both of his hands on my arms. “Run or swim?”
I blurted out. “With this hair I don’t swim
anymore. I like green but not chlorine green.”