Authors: Dani Joy
“You and Keiley,” I started.
“Looked like amateurs next to you tonight. I always wondered. Now I know.”
Her saying that to me meant the world. Both she and Keiley were beyond good. Either one of them c
ould have been in professional dancers. She pulled me in for a tight hug, whispered in my ear. “Glad to see you back off the wagon. Go get ’em tiger.” Then she slapped my butt. Hard.
I scowled at her and she laughed then she turned towards the other brother. “Get out of my space!”
I left. With a strange man. Going to his rented condo. At least following him to his condo. I was thinking that I was a fool and knowing that I wasn’t.
How screwed up was that?
Chapter
Three
I heard the alarm going off on my phone. It should have been the one next to my bed but it wasn’t.
Something was seriously wrong if I heard it and my phone wasn’t in my hands. I set
the alarm to remind myself that it was time to leave for work. If it was ringing and I wasn’t ready to go out the door, something was wrong.
And it was.
I had a crick in my back which could be from sitting with Dakota all day yesterday. I was also not at my place. I was lying over something very warm and kind of soft, but not. I lurched up and tried to move over the warm thing that happened to be Rand. I was on his couch curled up over him. He was sound asleep until my knee hit between his thighs and he lifted me off of his crotch.
“Careful there babe. I like those parts to work.” He said sleepily
with a hand over his crotch.
I landed on my feet and stood shakily for a second or two
before I started rambling. “Work. Got to go.” I said sleepily yet on the verge of panic.
He sat up
, swung his legs to the edge and then stood up. He watched as I rubbed my eyes. We had ordered pizza. Eaten almost all of the large pie before he turned on the TV. I remember watching a few minutes of some kind of sports show before I obviously fell asleep. Here I was now. Half asleep in scrubs that I had in my trunk. I had changed into them after doing a spit bath in his sink while we waited for food. “Go use the bathroom. Wash your face and brush your hair. I think that I have a spare toothbrush in one of the drawers.” He turned me as he kissed me lightly. “Go.”
I walked out of the bathroom, put on my shoes and grabbed my purse. I was ready to go but not wanting to when Rand walked to me. He said in his best fifties wifely voice. “Have a good day honey. See you when you get home.”
He held breakfast in his hands out to me.
I started laughing and he spoke a
gain. “I work ten to six. When’s your lunch?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “On my feet when I can.”
“Mine’s at two. Find me if you can. If not I’ll find you end of shift.” He then really kissed me then turned me towards the door.
I left his condo with a freshly microwaved breakfast sandwich that tasted like crap and a bottled cold coffee that tasted wonderful. Guess yin and yang come in all different flavors.
I walked in to work two minutes late. Not bad considering how my morning had started.
I was assigned to Dakota
again. He was my only patient today. When I walked in his room I saw why. He was gray. Not pale. Not unhealthy pale. He was gray as he neared death but he was still fighting to live.
He should have gone in a coma overnight. It would have been a blessing for him to do it. He was in so much pain that I could see it. I upped his morphine as the doctor had ordered. I
started washing his extremities. His arms and face first. I saved his feet for last. I started applying lotion carefully as not to hurt or tax his nerves. The whole time I did this I sang to him. He adored Pink. What songs that I remembered I sang. What I didn’t remember the words to I hummed. I saw him start to get sick. I ran out of the room screaming at another nurse to care for him while I got meds. When I found we were out of Haldol on the floor I ran to the elevator.
I should have known that we were running low. I should have had it filled on the floor. I should have, could have, would have
, had I been thinking. I didn’t. Now I was behind the eight ball and Dakota was going to pay the price. There were other drugs that would have worked but not as well as that one. He responded best to it. I ran to the elevator and a couple was exiting it. I ran in and pushed the button for the main floor. When it hit the floor with the door opening far too slow for my liking, I ran to the pharmacy. Rand was there. I yelled Dakota’s name telling him to get me the drug ‘now’.
Rand typed and sprinted. He threw me a box and a package of syringes overhand. I caught them and ran back to the elevator. I hit the button three times
. It didn’t open. I was running out of time so I ran to the stairs, pulled open the door and sprinted up the four flights back to Dakota’s room.
I knew the dosage by heart. I didn’t even look at his chart. I cleaned up after him and rambled calm words at him as I held damp wash clothes to his forehead and neck. His parents knew the drill and had moved to the top of the bed together. Touching him lightly without rubbing his skin and
aggravating his over taxed nerves.
I managed to get away a few times. Using the facilities. Getting a drink of water. Eating power bars. I didn’t make it to lunch
with Rand. I couldn’t leave Dakota for that long. He needed me, or at worst, I needed to be there for him. It was nearly the end of my shift. I was sitting in a chair next to the bed singing ‘Crystal Ball’ softly when I felt more than saw Rand come in the room.
He walked up behind me and put one hand on my shoulder. I looked up and smiled at him and finished the song.
Dakota’s vitals were in the toilet. How he was still keeping his eyes even cracked was beyond me. His eyes followed my gaze.
When I finished the song Rand spoke quietly but directly to Dakota. “Hey buddy. Your dad and mom a
re here and they got each other. I got Terra here and it is my job to take her home. I’ll give her one more song with you though.”
I had my eyes back to Dakota
when I saw one of the most life altering things I could have ever seen. A weight was lifted off of him. He wasn’t holding on for himself. He was holding on for the people around him. Rand had just given permission for him to let go. He needed to let go and until he was given permission he didn’t know how to just… let go. He was too young yet to know how to do that but enough of a man to want to try.
I started singing ‘Glitter in the Air’ as I reached out and touched the back of his hand that was against his chest.
His new nurse walked in but stayed back to let me sing this song. I got to the line where Pink holds her breath in the song when I heard the rattle. It’s commonly called the death rattle. It’s when the last breath escapes it isn’t done with the help of the diaphragm. I looked to the monitors. The volume was off. The warning beeps were just too much for anyone to handle. I saw the flat line.
I stood. My job and my shift were over. Rand led me out of the room then stopped me about five feet down the hall. He took me to the wall then covered my body with his. He saw the tears on my face and misinterpreted them. They were not of sadness. They were of relief. I put my lips against the pulse point on his neck and kissed it. I pushed against his chest lightly and he lifted his head.
“You are the smartest man I have ever known. You single handedly fixed something that I should have days ago.” I smiled a wobbly smile at him as I said that.
His eyes opened wide at that. “What?”
“That kid just tortured himself for the people around him. He’s been doing that for months. Suffering in unimaginable pain.” I took a deep breath. “You gave him permission not to. That was brilliant and delivered at the right time.” I wiggled a bit. He had me plastered against the wall so I couldn’t move too much.
Rand repeated himself if not a bit louder. “What?”
“I should have saw it. He was holding on for the wrong reasons. He was never going home. Now he is out of pain. His parents can stop being in pain with him. I can help the kids who will go home. You fixed it all with what you said to him.” I wiped my face. “You don’t know me yet but I love what I do. What I hate is when I can’t help fix what needs to be fixed. You did it. Not me. Now I am starved. I had a crappy breakfast and about six power bars today. I need protein and to move.” I gave him a wiggle. “Let’s stop and get Arby’s and change my clothes. Then we can go to Stogies and get in one round and get out.”
Rand’s eyes were still wide.
His mouth opened and closed a few times trying to find the words that he needed to say but didn’t know what they were.
I watched for a minute then gave him what he needed.
“I didn’t say that wasn’t devastating. It is. We lost him. We. His doctors, nurses, most importantly his family. Now we move on.” I shook his arms with the ‘we’. “His family has had to cope with waiting for the loss. Now they can try to heal. His doctors and nurses, including me, can go on to help who we can.”
Rand put his hands against my neck and never got a chance to speak. Dakota’s parents walked out the door of his room. They were shattered. I saw
it immediately but I dared not move. They saw me and stopped. I spoke as I separated myself from Rand. “Kim, Jim.” That is all that I got out.
“You were his favorite. He talked about you when you weren’t there.” Jim said and cleared his throat. Twice.
“The song that you sang, the last one.” Kim looked at me with a look that was more than pleading, “We are having a memorial not a burial. He wanted to be cremated. Will you come and sing that, for us. For Dakota?”
I always had a pad of paper and a pen in my pocket. I wrote my cell
number and my e-mail down. “I’ll be there. I would be honored to be there.” I grabbed Kim’s hand. “I have a friend that plays the guitar. I’ll try to get her there too.”
Jim engulfed me in a hug and let m
e go. Kim took both my hand before she did the same thing. After they let me go Rand took my hand in his.
I spoke
directly to Dakota’s parents. “I know that the doctor is in with him. I would like to get you some names of grief counselors. They really can help.”
Kim’s breath hitched. “We have been seeing one for a few
months.” She looked to Jim. “We aren’t okay now but we will be.”
They held each other then turned back towards Dakota’s room.
I nodded and let Rand lead me down the hall to my locker.
“So.” Rand started
when I walked out of the changing room, “Food, clothes, dance, sex. Let’s go.”
I stared at him and started giggling.
“Woman.” He said to me.
I gigged harder.
Then I laughed. “Food first. Sex last. Go, go, go!” I gave a shooing motion with my hands.
Then we left
to go to get food, clothes, dance and sex.
What more could a girl ask for?
Chapter
Four
I don’t know why it made me uncomfortable to let Rand in my home. Sam had insisted that I move here. She had told me that the ‘Asshole Toad’ wasn’t going to find me here.
Maybe
I was leery because it really wasn’t mine. Probably because I felt that it was but I had never had a man inside before. I did let Rand pick me up there after I had changed clothes. I met him out front not going inside. He had a SUV. An older Ford Explorer. Not as old as mine. My dad, Sean, had bought mine for me when I turned sixteen just weeks before he moved out and divorced my mom, Mary.
Mom had never remarried but she had a companion, Shawn that moved in two years after the divorce. Weeks after I graduated from high school.
My dad remarried almost as soon as the ink was dry on the paperwork from my mom to his dental hygienist, Lisa that he had been having an affair with for a year.
Surprise, surprise
, to her, when five years later he did the same thing.
I actually like his third wife, Gloria. Glory for short. Well maybe not her, but I adore her three kids.
Shyanne, Shelby and Austin. Eleven, fourteen and seventeen respectively. I know them. I even spend a little time with all of them. Not as much as I should but life does get in the way sometimes.
Glory was smarter than the previous two
wives and didn’t sleep with my father until the ink was dry on his second divorce. She also kept working in his office as his hygienist. When she wasn’t cleaning teeth she filed papers, answered phones, kept track of patients and my dad. Mostly just keeping tabs on the feel of the office. She also wouldn’t sign a pre-nuptial agreement. If he screwed around on her she was taking him to the cleaners. Her words, not mine. She made no bones about that. Got to admire a woman like that. And I did.
I walked to
Rand’s car, climbed in, buckled up while apprising the interior of his car. “Nicer than my ‘Sploder’.” I shared the term for my car.
Rand grinned at me. “Burgers or sandwiches?”
“First drive thru that you come across. I’m starving.” I said on an eye roll. I was wearing a dark pink tank and jeans with dancing shoes. I could slob down the front of it and not care if it left stains. The dark would hide most of it regardless.
“Burger King it is.” He said as he started driving away. It was just outside of the complex. I at
e there way too much but I really liked their Chicken Club Sandwich.
Sandwich inhaled, fries decimated
then I was on the last slurp of my drink as we pulled in the parking lot. I was rethinking my choice to go dancing. I was now full and extremely tired. Not physically tired just emotionally wrung out. It had been a long day. If my muscles didn’t need to move so badly I would have backed out.
I watched Rand wipe the salt off his hands after he put the car in park. “One set. That’s all I have in me tonight.”
I muttered.
He gave his cup the last slurp
. “I’ll hold you to that.” He looked at me. “I’m going to ask now just so that I know. Do I take you home and leave you be after you’re done or take you home with me?”
I liked his bluntness. I also stared in his eyes. “I’m gun shy. I’m also scared out of my mind with what I want.” I took a breath. A deep one. “If you are as much as the promise of you, I want to go home with you after.”
Rand nodded. “I’ll never hurt you on purpose. That said, you need to let me know if I do it on accident.”
What he said confused me so much I felt my mouth drop open as my head cocked to the side. “What?”
“There are more ways to hurt a good woman than just to backhand her and send her to the hospital. I have five brothers. I have watched them screw up time and time again with good women, or girls as the case may be. If I say something stupid or do something stupid you need to tell me.”
I stared at him with my mouth still wide open. I closed it and shook my head from side to side. “Way too good to be true.”
He shrugged. “You need me to come open the door for you or will you bite my head off if I do?”
At that I started laughing. “Heels and short dress, I need a body block to help me out. Otherwise I can get myself out of a vehicle all on my own.”
He nodded and opened his door. I did the same and met him at the back of his car. He held out his hand and I took it. When we walked in the beat of the music came to me. My body responded. I was now glad that I had chosen to dance tonight. I needed the release that only came from letting my body go. I needed the flow and the exertion along with my love of all of it.
When I was done Rand was right there. Right in front of me. He lowered me and pulled me close. “I’m gonna kiss you.”
I didn’t give him much of a chance to do that. I leaned up and I kissed him until he didn’t let me kiss him anymore. We were kissing each other. Lips, tongues, hands and lord help me, feelings. At least on my part. When he let me come up for air I pulled in a deep breath. “I have something that I needed to do.” I said softly.
“Kiss me again?” Rand asked with
a hopeful grin.
That threw me for a second.
I nodded but looked around the room knowing what I was supposed to do. Then Angie bounced to me with one of the other brothers. She bounced on her toes. Literally bounced even though I saw a dark cloud somewhere in her eyes. She was always so full of life. It was one of the reasons she was so good at her day job. She and her sister owned a daycare facility together. Angie and Zoe, A to Z. Their names always made me smile. Then I remembered what I needed to do. “Angie I need your help sometime this week.” I simply blurted out.
“Give it to me girl.” She spurted out as she shifted in the brother’s
hold.
“I need to sing at a memorial sometime soon. Probably a few days. Can you play for me?”
“Sure.” She answered immediately. “What song?”
I told her and she nodded. “I’ll get tabs.”
I knew that meant something to her. It meant nothing to me then the brother spoke. “I know that one. I teach music. Mind if I come too?” His hold was already possessive around her as if he was guarding her from the room, or world, at large.
I must have blinked a few too many times because Rand gave me a gentile shake. “He’s good.” Rand supplied on an arm squeeze.
“Are any of you guys for real?” I looked to Rand then the brother.
The brother shrugged. “Live or recorded. I can do acoustic or electric.” He looked at Angie. “You do acoustic right?”
“Anything else sucks.” She said on a smile that looked forced to me.
He smiled back at her. “We’ll give it a go and then call you in for practice. Any idea when?”
“He died today.” I said remotely. Not from emotion of the day just from the shock that I would have that much support that quickly. “I’m thinking Tuesday or Wednesday. I don’t think that they would hold a memorial until the weekend.”
The brother nodded. “We’ll have it together by Sunday. Angie will give you a call for a run through.”
Rand had curled me up into his side and the brother waved and led my friend away.
“I should probably know his name.” I looked up at Rand.
He quirked a grin. “Brayden. Bray to those of us who can kick his ass.”
“Um,” I started, “I don’t think that I could kiss his ass.”
“Sure you could. Did you see that hair? All you have to do is grab it and give it a good yank. He has a soft head. Took him down every time that way.” He smiled at me. “It’s shorter now though. Might take a bit more,”
Bray’s hair was long compared to the rest of the brothers but it wasn’t as long as mine. It was in messy chunks that fell artfully around his
neck and shoulders. I couldn’t help but ask. “How long was it?”
“Middle of his back when he opened his studio.”
I lifted one eyebrow.
“He went on a gig with some buddies. Got screaming drunk and passed out. They thought it would be funny to duct tape him to a pole.
They wrapped his hair up in a ponytail as well.” Rand chuckled. “Like I said he has a soft head. Couldn’t take pulling the tape off. He cut it with a pocket knife. Learned his lesson.”
“That lesson would
that be exactly?”
“Don’t drink the worm.”
I giggled when I saw him lift Angie over his shoulder. He walked towards the door and the two of them left.