My Brother's Keeper (14 page)

Had it been a trick of the light?

He waited.

No sound.

No movement.

Jon jerked back the curtain.

A mirror, a toilet, a basin. Nothing else.

Goosebumps prickled his arms.

Water fell around him in a soft hush.

His heart stuttered.

The drain gurgled at his feet.

A place like this was lucky to have trash cans, so it couldn’t be housekeeping. Jon got out and wrapped a towel around his waist.

There was nothing to suggest that anyone was in the room, yet it felt like there should have been. He opened the bathroom door.

The room was empty.

Whatever it had been was gone or it hadn’t been there to begin with.

God, I’m losing my mind.

Jon went back in the bathroom to finish getting cleaned up.

Ellis let Rudy eat four pieces of French toast. He didn’t need four pieces, but he was eating again and that was all Ellis cared about. He watched Rudy through the opening above the sink. In between bites, he looked at a baseball card from the stack he’d brought to the table.

Hopefully leaving town wouldn’t set him back.

And if they were going to go, Ellis needed to find a cheap car to rent. Without Jon to help with the expenses, Florida was out of the question. There was a camp ground about an hour away. It wasn’t the beach, but the cabins were affordable and, most importantly, safe.

Did he have any boxes to pack food in? He’d seen a few in the closet a while back. If Rudy hadn’t gotten into them, they should still be there.

He’d needed to keep one out for Jon’s belongings to take to the end of the road.

At first, it had seemed like an easy task but every passing second it seemed more and more impossible to complete.

If Ellis didn’t take Jon’s stuff to the curb, maybe he would come to the door and they could talk? But about what? He hadn’t yet, so it probably meant he never would.

If only ice cream, hotdogs, and French toast could fix Ellis’s world in the same way it had Rudy’s.

The bank. He needed to call them too.

Rudy picked up his dishes and Ellis scrambled to find something to do. He grabbed a washrag and scrubbed the stove. Rudy put his dishes in the sink.

Ellis feigned surprise. “Hey, you done?”

“They were good. We should have French toast every morning. With milk, because milk is good.”

“If we had French toast every morning, neither one of us would fit in our pants by the end of the month.” Ellis folded the washrag and draped it over the spigot. “You ready for our trip?”

Rudy held up his hand and spaced his thumb and index finger apart. “We’ll go for a little while.”

“Yeah, just for a little while.”

“Is Florida far away?”

Why did Rudy always remember the things Ellis wished he’d forget? “I know I said Florida, but I think we should go up north instead.”

“Is up north far away?”

“Not as far as Florida.”

“Are there beaches?”

“No, but there’s a lake and a lot of streams. If you want, we could go fishing. It’s been a while since I put a worm on a hook, but I think I can remember how it’s done.”

“Dad put the worms on the hooks.”

“Yeah, dad did.” Ellis pushed back a lock of hair curling over Rudy’s right ear.

“I didn’t like the worms, they wiggled too much and, sometimes, they fell apart.” Rudy scrunched up his face and stuck out his tongue.

He was okay. It was all going to be okay. The tension in Ellis’s shoulders eased. “They were kind of gross. We could fish with corn.”

“Corn is yellow.”

“But it would be for the fish to eat, not you.”

Rudy rocked on his feet. “If we leave, where are we going to sleep?”

“What do you mean?”

“We won’t have our rooms.”

“The cabin will have rooms.”

“What about our beds?”

“The cabin will have beds.”

“We should take our beds.”

“They won’t fit in a suitcase. Come to think of it, we should go upstairs and pack you a bag.”

“Can I take my baseball cards?”

“Sure.” It would be a pain but if it made Rudy happy Ellis was willing to endure it.

“Can we go to the card shop today? Abbot has ten packs for a dollar. I have two dollars, and that means I can buy two ten-packs of cards.”

“It’s Sunday. They aren’t open.”

“Can we go to the card shop tomorrow?”

“It will be Monday. He’s closed Sunday and Monday. Remember?”

“What about after Monday?”

“We’ll be at the cabin.”

“What if I have to go to the bathroom?”

“There will be bathrooms at the cabin too.” Ellis ushered Rudy to his room.

“I’d really like to buy some baseball cards.”

“I know you would, but they’re closed and we have to leave. You can buy some when we get back.”

“But that’s not now.”

“No, it isn’t.” Ellis opened Rudy’s closet and took out the suitcase. He carried it to the bed. “Now, pick out what you want to take with you.”

Rudy pulled a box of cards from under the bed.

“Clothes first.” Ellis unzipped the suitcase. “You need clothes more than cards.”

“But these are important.”

“I know but clothes are more important. Unless you plan to run around naked.”

Rudy twisted his mouth to the side. He looked at the dresser then back at the suitcase. “Can I?”

“Can you what?”

“Run around naked.”

Ellis blew out a breath. He hoped to God his patience wouldn’t wear out before noon.

“If I run around naked then we won’t have to do laundry.”

“You cannot run around naked. I was joking.”

“It wasn’t very funny.”

“No, it wasn’t. Now get your clothes or I will.”

“I can do it.”

“Then do it.”

Rudy opened the dresser and then closed it.

Ellis pinched the bridge of his nose. “What now?”

“I want to do it by myself.”

“Why?”

“You tie my shoes and button my shirts and make sure my clothes don’t have wrinkles. But I can put my clothes in there.” He pointed to the suitcase. “I want to do it by myself.” He opened the drawer back up. “Please.”

“You promise you’ll put your clothes in?”

“Yes.”

“Shirts, pants, underwear, pajamas.”

“Yes.”

“Repeat it to me.”

“Shirts, pants, pajamas…”

“And underwear.”

“Underwear.”

“Good. I’ll go pack my stuff and check on you in a few minutes.”

Ellis stood outside the door and peered through the crack. One shirt at a time Rudy carried them to the suitcase. It would take him forever doing it like that, but at least he was packing.

Ellis went to his room to do the same.

Jon flipped through the channels on the five pound TV remote that was almost as wide as his hand and half the length of his arm. It seemed like nothing in the motel had been upgraded since the eighties. At least he didn’t have to worry about losing the damn thing.

The programming hadn’t changed in the fifteen minutes since he first flipped through them. He tossed the remote off to the side and leaned back against the headboard. The bruises on his wrists and throat ached and the cuts on his arms burned. Jon wasn’t sure if they were trying to get infected or if the pain was his mind’s way of coping with the worry about Ellis being alone.

He would be leaving for Florida today, at least he would be safe. Otherwise Jon would never sleep. As if he really slept now. No, the black hole he fell into when he closed his eyes was as exhausting as remaining awake.

The longer he sat the more turbulent his thoughts became. He needed something to do to keep his mind off his guilt. There was a package store just around the corner. He could get something there that would pass the time. Pass the time till when? It wasn’t like he was waiting on a train. This situation wasn’t going to get any better.

Should he call Ellis?

Jon picked up the receiver.

Put it back.

He picked it up again. This time he made it to three digits of Ellis’s phone number before he hung up.

“Just call him, damn it.”

The air went heavy and the emptiness of the room shifted. Static raced down Jon’s arm. A cold chill brushed the back of his neck.

Jon jerked around, but the space beside the other bed was empty.

I really am losing my mind.

Outside, a car door shut, and a woman laughed. People in the room next to his had their TV too loud. The sink in the bathroom dripped.

Even with the subtle noises, the silence seemed untouchable.

Jon scrubbed his face.

Still nothing. Still empty.

He went to the window and parted the curtain with his finger. There were a few cars in the parking lot. A couple stumbled down the sidewalk. Still morning and the woman had a wine bottle in her hand.

She stopped long enough to take a drink.

Cotton filled Jon’s mouth and he swallowed against it.

If he was drunk, he wouldn’t feel anything. With a numb mind there would be no anxiety, no loneliness, and no pain.

He turned back to the empty room. The sense of occupied space was gone now, leaving the air just as stale and musty as it was when he came in here.

Jon’s stomach growled. At least eating would occupy his time without getting him drunk.

He dug his shoes out from under the bed. There was a country mom and pop restaurant called M’s a block down. Most of the cafés in Gilford were independently owned. And all of them served the staples of any southern diet.

The restaurant parking lot had more cars than Jon expected. So the food was at least good enough to draw a crowd. He pulled into the parking spot next to a truck and got out.

Storm clouds of dust were stirred by cars going in and out of the parking lot. The dirt clung to Jon’s skin. A thick puff blew past him and broke apart. The silhouette of a young man standing at the corner across the road made a dark shape in the haze.

Jon shielded his eyes from the sunlight glinting off windshields.

An odd urgency pushed him to get closer. As Jon walked, the fine details filled in: height, build, clothing. He wore overalls and was barefoot.

Jon knew then there would be hay in the young man’s hair or a smudge of dirt on his cheek. He would smell of sunshine and sweat.

Do not look away. Do not look away.

Jon’s walk turned into a jog.

He cut down the row of cars and was about to cross the road when a car whipped out of a parking space. The bumper nudged Jon’s bad knee and his feet slid out from under him. Rocks dug into his hip and gouged his palms.

Danny was still there. Still waiting.

A car door slammed. “Hey, are you all right?”

Jon struggled to stand.

“I’m sorry I didn’t see you. I looked, I swear.”

“I’m fine.” Jon’s bad knee folded again. He caught himself on the fender of the car.

“Here, let me help.” The driver blocked his line of sight.

“Move.” Jon pushed him aside.

The corner was empty.

“Fuck.” Jon clenched his fists.

The kid took Jon by the arm and pulled him to his feet.

Jon jerked away.

The kid held up his hands. “Sorry, was just trying to—”

“Did you see him?”

“Who?”

“Across the road.” Jon nodded. “My…a guy. He was standing next to the stop sign.”

The stranger glanced over his shoulder. “No, sorry.”

Foreboding blanketed Jon’s skin.

“Do you want me to call an ambulance?”

Jon stared at the curb.

“Sir, do you need an ambulance?”

“No, no. I’m fine.”

“Your hand is bleeding.”

Still nothing. But he was there. Danny was just as real as he was that day the semi ran the red light and again at the warehouse. Jon sagged against the car and examined his hand. All the color had drained from the kid’s face.

“It’s just a few scratches.” Jon used the tail of his shirt to clean it off.

“You’re not going to call the cops?”

“Only if you promise to slow down and watch where you’re going from now on.”

“I will. I promise. It’s just I’ve been pulling doubles and then going to school and…” He knotted his hands in the front of his food stained smock. “Jesus, my mom had a fit when I hit that dog. She’d shit a brick if she thought I’d run over a person.”

“I won’t tell her if you don’t. Now go home.”

Long after the boy left Jon stared at the empty corner.

Apparently it took lots of food to go up north.

Rudy handed Ellis the jar of peanut butter from the pantry and he put it in the box beside the cooler on the counter.

“Do we have any unopened jars of jelly?” Ellis said.

The cooler was blue with a white top. Rudy tried to remember where it came from. Today it came from the shed, but what about before today, when it was new?

“Rudy?”

“Yeah?”

“Jelly. Do we have any in the pantry?”

There were two jars. “Yeah, apple and strawberry.” They were Rudy’s favorites. Maybe they could have toast for dinner.

“Rudy. The jars. Hand them to me.”

He did and Ellis put them in the box with the peanut butter.

“If you’re not going to pay attention then go watch cartoons.”

“I want to help.” Jon used to watch cartoons with him. The shows would always make Rudy laugh, but now he just felt sad.

Did Ellis miss Jon? He hadn’t said anything, but maybe Ellis didn’t miss Jon the same way he did. Missing people sure did hurt.

Being gay was much nicer than feeling like this.

“What canned vegetables do we have?” Ellis said.

Rudy named them off but didn’t mention spinach, corn, turnips, or salmon so Ellis wouldn’t put them in the box. Wait, salmon wasn’t a vegetable, it was a fish. Did fish turn into a vegetable when it was put in a can?

“What about salmon?” Ellis nudged him.

“Nope. No salmon.”

“Are you kidding me? I thought we had at least a half dozen cans. I really don’t want to make a trip to the—” He looked. “I thought you said we didn’t have any salmon.”

Rudy pushed it to the back and put a can of corn in front of it. “I couldn’t see it.”