My Brother's Keeper (12 page)

The key went into his pocket.

Jon closed the trunk and the night snapped back into place. The heavy veil of shame followed him back inside the house. He turned the deadbolt, then headed up the steps to Ellis’s room.

Rudy’s door was closed and Ellis’s reflection in the mirror was barley visible through the crack in the bathroom door. A splash of water was followed by the tink-tink of the razor against the basin. Jon pulled the bedroom door closed behind him.

After checking the trigger lock one more time he put the .38 under the mattress.

Just for a couple of nights.

Ellis stepped into the doorway with a towel around his waist and Jon jumped back from the mattress.

“Did you hear me?”

Jon rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh, no. I was thinking.”

“I asked if you still wanted to take a shower with me.”

“Yeah, sure. Let me get undressed.”

“Just your socks and shoes.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to take the rest off myself.” The smile on Ellis’s face faltered. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No, of course not.”

“Then why don’t you look happier about the prospect of being naked with me?”

The idea did make Jon happy, but it was hard to meet Ellis’s gaze with the lie hanging over his head.

This isn’t for selfish reasons. It’s for Ellis and Rudy.

“It’s nothing, I promise.” Jon walked over.

“You sure?”

Jon gave Ellis his best fake smile. “I’m positive.”

“C’mon.” Ellis pulled him into the bathroom. “A hot shower will be good for both of us.”

“Yeah.” But no amount of soap and water was going to get rid of this kind of dirt.

Ellis slid his hands under Jon’s shirt and pushed it over his head. “I think we should get some sort of prize for our efforts in water conservation.”

“Why do you say that?”

“All the showers we take together could fill Lake Lanier twice over.” Ellis leaned in to kiss Jon, but he caught Ellis’s face in his hands.

Gray blue eyes watched him with complete trust.

“I thought you said nothing was wrong.” Ellis frowned.

“There isn’t.” Jon ran his thumb over Ellis’s cheeks, counting the freckles. He traced the shell of Ellis’s ear to the firm line of his throat. A scar marked his chin. A flat mole stamped his collarbone. There were no hard lines on Ellis’s arms, chest, or legs. His body was squared off and masculine, but it was like the lines were blurred. It kept his appearance simple, and at the same time made him the perfect definition for handsome, or even beautiful.

“Then why are you looking at me like that?”

“Because I can’t not look at you.” And he couldn’t not love him. For the first time in months, Ellis’s gaze slid away. Instead of demanding his attention, Jon finished undressing. He let the water heat up and removed Ellis’s towel.

When they were in the shower, Ellis picked up the soap, but Jon put it back on the tray.

“Need soap to wash.”

“I know.” Jon pulled Ellis close and cradled his head. “Just let me hold you for a while, is that okay?”

Ellis put his head on Jon’s shoulder. “Of course. You can hold me for as long as you want.”

And Jon wanted it to be forever.

Jon finished dressing.

Going by the fresh smell of coffee, Ellis had already started breakfast. His pillow was still dimpled from where he’d slept. Before then, Ellis had used it to muffle his cries.

The ghost of warm skin brushed against Jon’s hands. Even more vivid was the memory of having his cock buried in Ellis’s body.

Why did mornings have to happen so early?

Jon stepped out of the bedroom and almost ran into Rudy. He had a bundle of clothes in his arms, and smears of toothpaste circled his mouth.

“Hi Jon.”

“Hey. You mind if I borrow the bathroom real quick?”

“I’m brushing my teeth and there was laundry on the floor. I picked it up, so now I’m going to put it in the hamper. You shouldn’t leave your clothes on the floor. That’s what Ellis says. Pick up your clothes, Rudy. Put them in the hamper, Rudy.” He grinned.

“You’re right. I’m sorry about that. I promise it will never happen again.” Jon pointed to the bathroom. “You mind?”

“No.”

Jon hurried down the hall.

Rudy called out, “Don’t forget to wash your hands, it’s important.”

After Jon took care of the essentials he headed downstairs. The scent of blueberries lured him into the kitchen. Ellis scraped a pan full of eggs into a bowl.

“Morning.” Jon stopped and kissed him on the temple

“You slept in.”

“Because you didn’t wake me up.”

“You were tired. I thought it was better to let you sleep.” Ellis flashed him a grin.

“Tired, huh? And you weren’t?”

“You did most of the work.” He opened the waffle iron and peeled the contents free with a fork.

“That’s debatable.”

Ellis added the waffle to the stack on a plate in front of him.

“Are you sure those aren’t too yellow?”

Ellis laughed. “No, these are gold. I’ve been corrected about that multiple times.”

“Ah. So gold and yellow are different.”

“Apparently so.”

Jon picked up the full plates and carried them into the dining room. Ellis followed with silverware in hand. Rudy sat at the table, toothpaste and all.

“What did you do?” Ellis said. “Eat the tube?”

“No.”

“I bet you didn’t put your toothbrush up either. Go clean up.”

“But I want a waffle.”

“They’ll be here when you get back.”

Rudy pushed his chair back. “Don’t eat them, Jon.”

“Me?”

“Yes. Don’t eat the waffles.” Rudy disappeared into the living room.

Jon looked at Ellis. “And why do I get singled out?”

Ellis shrugged. “Who knows?”

Jon took the plates and set the table. A wrinkle creased Ellis’s forehead.

“What are you thinking about?”

“About this trip thing.”

“What about it?”

“I’m not sure how we’re going to afford it. Or I should say, afford to live when we get back.”

“You’ll be fine.”

“I don’t know. I’m going to have to juggle some numbers.” Ellis crossed his arms.

“It’s not going to cost you anything.”

Ellis barked a laugh. “Hotels aren’t free. And depending how long we have to stay it could get really expensive.” He chewed his thumbnail.

“It’s not going to cost you anything because I’m paying for it. After all, I’m mostly the reason why we have to do this.”

Ellis’s shoulders remained rigid for a moment longer. Then he gave Jon a crooked smile.

“What, no argument?”

“No.”

“Okay. Can I ask why?”

“Wouldn’t do me any good.” Ellis pointed at Jon. “You have that look in your eye.”

“Look? What kind of look?”

“The one that says, ‘I get what I want.’”

“I have a look that says that?”

“Oh yeah.”

Jon closed the distance between them. “Out of curiosity, when did you first notice this look?”

Ellis stood on his tip toes and his lips brushed Jon’s ear. The warm breath Ellis exhaled was almost a sigh. He said, “The first time you made love to me.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” Ellis pecked him on the lips. “I better go see what’s taking Rudy so long.”

“I’ll go.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, sit down and eat. But not the waffles.”

Jon went around the corner into the living room. Rudy stood near the front door. “Hey,” Jon said. “Waffles are getting cold. If you don’t hurry up, I might have to—”

Rudy turned. He held the .38 in his right hand.

He smiled. “Hi Jon.” Rudy raised the gun. The safety lock was gone. “Let’s go smoke some ducks.”

“Rudy.” Jon held up a hand. “Put it down.”

“But we can smoke ducks and win a prize.”

“What’s going—” Ellis came around the corner and froze.

“Hi Ellis. Want to go smoke some ducks?”

“Jesus Christ, Rudy. Put that down.” Ellis rushed forward and Jon yanked him back.

Jon turned back to Rudy. “Hey, buddy. I need you to put that down.”

“But we can shoot the ducks.”

“Yeah, we’ll go shoot ducks.” Jon inched closer. “But you can’t use that gun.”

“Why not?”

Jon reached the edge of the coffee table. “Well, see you need a special kind of gun, that has special bullets.”

Rudy turned the barrel and peered into the hole. “I don’t see any special bullets.”

A cold fear exploded in Jon’s chest and the room tilted. He forced himself to breathe. “Rudy, put down the gun.”

“But I’m looking for the special bullets.” His finger slid close to the trigger.

“God, Jon…”

Jon waved Ellis back. “Rudy.” He took a few more steps to the end of the couch. “Please put the gun down.” The few yards between them might as well have been miles.

Rudy pointed the barrel at the floor. “Is a special gun like the one at the carnival?”

Special gun?
“Oh, yeah, yeah. Like the one at the carnival.” Jon crouched and patted the floor. “Put it down, Rudy. Please. We’ll go smoke ducks with the special gun, but I need you to put that one down.”

Rudy started to lay down the gun and his finger slid in front of the trigger. The shot shattered the silence and splinters of hard wood flew up. Rudy dropped the gun and scurried back. “I didn’t touch it.” He drew his arms to his chest. “I didn’t. I promise. Rule number three.” Ellis ran across the room and grabbed Rudy. He buried his face in Ellis’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I just wanted to smoke some ducks. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” His broken voice squeezed the breath out of Jon, but it was nothing compared to the pure fury in Ellis’s gaze.

“Get out.” Ellis bared his teeth.

Jon knees threatened to fold.

“Now, Jon. Get out of our house.” Ellis dropped a searing look at the gun. “And take that with you.”

The hole in the barrel, a perfectly round black eye, mocked Jon.

Jon picked up the gun. “I’m sorry.” The apology was automatic. “It was a mistake, I just wanted to make sure, in case—”

“Shut up.”

“Ellis…”

“Shut up. There is nothing you can say to make this right.” Spit flecked Ellis’s lips. “Just get the fuck out of our house and don’t you dare come back.”

He should have never hoped for forgiveness because hope was such a fragile thing. A lot like trust. And he’d broken Ellis’s. He was right, there was nothing Jon could say to fix this. He cleared the chamber, took out the clip and put it in his pocket. Then stuck the gun in the waist of his jeans.

“I need to get my keys.” Jon failed to lift his gaze.

“Fine. I’ll give you five minutes to get them and whatever else you can throw in a bag. The rest you can pick up at the end of the driveway tomorrow. Any longer and I’m throwing it on the trash pile and burning it.” Ellis pulled Rudy in the direction of the kitchen.

Upstairs, Jon found the safety lock, with the key still in it, on the floor next to his car keys. He picked it up. Rudy finding the gun was one thing, but how did he get the key? Last night he’d put it in his pocket with his car keys. The jeans he’d worn had been on the bathroom floor. Rudy must have found the key when he took the laundry down. It didn’t explain how Rudy knew the key would fit the safety lock or better yet, find the gun in the first place. It didn’t matter because it didn’t change the fact that Jon had put everyone in danger.

He threw what he could into a duffle bag. At the bottom of the steps Ellis’s gentle voice drifted in from the kitchen when he spoke to Rudy.

Knowing he would never hear that sound again left a physical pain in Jon’s heart.

He went to his car and tossed the gun into the passenger seat with his duffle.

Now, instead of making things safer, he’d only left Ellis completely vulnerable. Would he still leave town?

Jon had one foot in the car when the front door opened. His heart jumped, but it wasn’t Ellis standing behind the screen.

“Jon. Jon. Please don’t leave. Please don’t. I’m sorry.” Ellis pulled on Rudy’s arm. “Please Jon. Don’t go. Please. I’ll give you my baseball cards. All my cards.”

“Rudy, get back in here.”

“Please Jon. You can’t. You’re supposed to stay and keep Ellis’s clothes from being wrinkled.”

Ellis forced Rudy back inside the house. He gave Jon one more hard glare before slamming the door.

After that, Jon did the only thing he could. He left.

Ellis shook.

He didn’t know if the cause was anger or fear because he boiled hot with both. He leaned against the door to keep from falling. Rudy stood a few feet away, arms curled to his chest, head down, as if braced for the worst tongue lashing of his life.

“It’s not your fault.”

Rudy shook his head. “Jon left.”

“Yes. Jon left.” Even saying his name made Ellis want to spit. At least the anger kept him from feeling the pain. He would endure being torn apart. Jon had lied to him. Betrayed him. He’d almost gotten Rudy killed. That was something Ellis could not forgive, even if it cost him his sanity.

Rudy wiped his nose on his sleeve. “When’s Jon coming back?”

“He’s not.”

Rudy’s bottom lip trembled. “Tell him I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

Ellis pushed himself off the door and held his brother. He smoothed Rudy’s hair. After their parents died, Ellis had held Rudy the same way on many occasions. He’d been so much shorter than Rudy then. He could only imagine how ridiculous he looked as a boy comforting a cowering grown man. He didn’t care then, or now.

“It’s not your fault.”

“I broke rule number three and you made him leave.”

“No, Jon broke his promise. That’s why I made him leave.”

“But it was my fault. I took the key. I took it and found the lock it went to.”

“Rudy.” Ellis made his brother look at him. “This was not your fault.” The one who was responsible was gone to who cared where. Ellis ignored the twinge in his heart.

He guided Rudy back into the dining room. While the thought of eating made Ellis sick to his stomach, he knew if anything could distract Rudy, it would be food. Ellis pushed Rudy into a chair. Then Ellis cleared the dishes from Jon’s empty seat and carried them into the kitchen. Through the opening over the sink Ellis watched Rudy push his empty glass to Jon’s spot.