Motown Breakdown (Motown Down #4) (8 page)

The seed was planted literally
and
figuratively.

Shade was no man’s fool
and when he took Marco down it would be swift.  Our marriage would shift the balance of power, which was the whole point. Marco was no fool himself and realized too late the control he forfeited by agreeing. Until we wed, Marco would continue to treat me like he always had as was his right. Since he couldn’t kill me yet, because obviously Shade would kill him in return; it was a game for Marco to see how far he could take it without snuffing me out.

So we all played along. He would mark me up and I would tell Shade
.  Then I would lay low as Marco instructed until the evidence faded. The only reprieves I was granted was during the healing process. He threatened to kill me if I didn’t obey and since he was serious, I did. Shade of course, hated that I willingly made myself a target but he knew for now, that this was the only way and that he had to play along too. What my loving father didn’t know was the more he hurt me the more he was hurting himself. His men no longer respected him. For most, their allegiance belonged to Shade and had for some time. You couldn’t lead an army and break your own rules. His men didn’t like what was done to me even though they didn’t know me well and they looked to Shade to put an end to it. If I were the men under Marco, my head would be wondering if a man would do this to his own child, what’s to stop him from coming for mine? Marco demands obedience and I’m proof that he takes punishment very seriously.

Sitting here in my bathtub, I wondered what the outside world would think if they saw how we lived? In a world where power plays and deceit were your trusted weapon. Where family were supposed to be the people who protected you. So much death and lies with no end in sight. I was never cut out for this world. I hated the sight of blood, hated violence. I hated the games I was forced to play. I hated that I was marrying for security and not love. My fiancé was the lesser of two evils sure, but he would eventually be the one to break me. He wouldn’t mean to but he needed me to be something I’d never be and sooner or later he would hate me for it. If the time came where my own husband hated me, I’d crumble into a million pieces.

Not caring the water had cooled, I sink down to my chin wishing I was his Evie. That someone loved me enough to risk it all for me. To be loved like that was beyond my comprehension. Anchoring myself with my feet, I lift my arm out and study my wrist. The crescent moon was branded into my skin when I was a toddler and it was the first memory I had of Marco hurting me. It was a symbol of ownership, it said I belonged to Marco and wasn’t to be harmed (unless he was the one doing the harming). My name meant
beautiful moon
but there was nothing beautiful about it or me. After having it redone several times over the years, it still looked pretty until you touched it. Running my finger over it I felt the scarring, the skin that healed as best it could after too much trauma. To anyone else it was just a moon but to me, it was a reminder that I was property.

When I married Shade, he told me an infinity symbol would be placed next to it. To him it was his symbol of eternal love and ownership but to me, it was merely exchanging one prison for another. Shade wouldn’t beat me or yell but, I would still have new rules to follow, a role to play. Marco’s abuse has been going on for so long I was quite literally desensitized to it. Once he was gone I’d have to relearn how to live without having to look over my shoulder, sleeping lightly or eating aspirin like candy. Part of me was seriously concerned that I would never master it. That I would instinctively cower to my husband as I do my father. An even bigger part of me worried Shade would think less of me for it. Climbing out, I wrap up in a towel and sit on the toilet. My fingers were pruned and as always, free of jewelry. I would never wear a ring, my brand took care of that and I told myself not to care. But I did care, I would always care. Caring was the one thing Marco hasn’t robbed me of. It was the one fucking thing I couldn’t even rob myself of.

Crews cared and I bet his Evie had a ring, or he’d planned to buy her one. He would take pride in it, picking out the one meant for her. He’d save his money and even if the diamond wasn’t big it was okay because it wasn’t about the cost. It was about his love. Their love. Evie would be proud to wear his ring. Except that if she walked through the door on her own then she wasn’t in love with him. To walk through that door meant she was done with him, that she wanted a new life, that she was a coward. At this point, the best I can do for him is find out if she’s still alive. Crews’ situation confused me and I didn’t like how it felt. Especially if he was searching for a woman he loved that did not want to be found. I didn’t want to care about Crews but I did, very much so. So the thought of him being hurt, hurt me. I was sick of being hurt too.

Getting dressed, I walked over to my window and sat down slowly. Last night left me sore and swollen. Not just my face but between my legs. Shade was rough and hard; it was his way. We hadn’t been together much since I moved here and he spared me no mercy. Sex was supposed to be rough, that’s what he told me. I took him at his word because I knew no better. So this morning when I stood up and his release ran down my legs, I realized there was more than one way to brand someone.

You could also get them pregnant. I would never be free; I’ve mostly accepted that. But I would never bring a baby into my world, not willingly anyway. We’ve discussed this too and neither one of us wanted a kid, at least not anytime soon. If a pregnancy is the result of a careless night then that pregnancy probably wouldn’t last long. Because if Shade didn’t demand I terminate, I would. And the fact that this was even a reality in my life proves that I’d never be good enough for someone like Crews. When my phone went off, in a daze I read the message. Shade had to leave town for a full week and Marco would be with him. They had a huge deal to wrap up which was why Shade refused to kill him. He needed to secure this deal for our future. I understood it but I wished just once my well-being took precedence over business. I was ordered to lay low and rest until he returned. Since I was already pretty fucking low, this was one command I would have no trouble following. So when he followed it up with a text letting me know I wouldn’t have a detail during this time and I should enjoy myself, I couldn’t find it in me to care. Freedom was a fantasy and I preferred to live in my fucked up reality.
 

She’s been locked up in her apartment for three days.

Concern for her kept me up at night. Wondering if Shade added to Marco’s handiwork, what threat he used to keep her indoors and was she in pain? I went to her work last night thinking maybe she took a cab, but she wasn’t there. The guy heading the bar said she quit two days ago. This meant something big went down because she liked her job, I saw it for myself. Add to that, her car hasn
’t moved, no sedans have been by, and she hasn’t been to the shelter either.  I couldn’t handle not knowing if she was alright. Yeah, it was about getting Evie back, but dammit I was drawn to Luna, wanted her. Whether she would admit it or not she wanted me too. I felt it when she kissed me, I saw it when she looked at me. Her world was one I’d never understand. Where people were owned, sold or executed. Christ, very few could handle that let alone understand it. But the pull I had toward her was undeniable, it was strong and it fucking hurt being apart from her. I knew she wasn’t like them. You only had to look at her and see she didn’t belong. Yeah, I was in over my head. I took that plunge the second I moved in here. But now it was more than that. Now I had a glimpse into her world and I didn’t want her dealing with it alone. She was helping me so I needed to do what I could to help her until our time was up. So I knocked on her door to see her for myself. I knocked again, nothing. The third time, I pounded my fists on it and was surprised it didn’t split in half. I told myself when I saw her I would ask how she was and walk away. But one look at her bruised face, I couldn’
t do it. Reaching for her was instinctual. Wrapping myself around her to keep her safe was natural. However, when she didn’t return my affection, I forced myself to let go.

“What are you doing here?” she asks moving toward the window. Her voice was raspy like she hadn’t used it in a while. Her hair was a mess on top of her head, she wore nothing but my t-shirt and was gorgeous for it.

“I haven’t seen you,” I point out. “I met Shade, wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine,
” she says staring out at nothing. Because her view was literally of that, nothing. A back alley filled with garbage and a rusted out car someone forgot about. 

“Are you?”

“Go home, Crews,” she says softly. Luna was a lot of things but soft wasn’t one of them. The woman by the window was defeated, you could see she had nothing left to give, it had been stolen from her. This was unacceptable to me.

Taking a seat next to her, I try getting close without actually touching her. “He said you’re coming home soon, that true?”

“You should be happy,” she says with zero emotion. “The sooner I go back; the sooner I can help you.”

“I’m not talking about me or Evie.” Fuck, seeing her like this was killing me. “I’m talking about you. What happened to taking advantage of your freedom?”

“Life happened,” she snaps. “Reality happened. Some of us don’t have the luxuries others take for granted. This is my reality and I’d appreciate it if you would leave so I could cope with it!”

When she turned to yell at me I couldn’t stop staring at the bruises covering her face. The nose and black eyes I was responsible for, but Marco did the rest. “Did Shade hurt you?” I had to fucking know.

“Shade would
never
hurt me,” she says looking away.

“Hurt doesn’t always mean physical,” I remind her. “The guy plans to marry you whether you like it or not, that tells me he could give a shit about you.” Which of course, got me thinking of the dents I saw on his face. “He fucked you didn’t he? With a beat up face and at the very least bruised ribs, he fucked you. Tell me I’m wrong.”

Facing me she narrows her eyes and says, “You’re wrong.
I
fucked
him
.” I’ve had some time to think about how Luna looks when she’s lying. Granted, what she says is truth but there’s usually a lie attached to it. There was meaning behind those three words too but she wasn’t going to tell me what it was. She does this to protect herself and she’s good at it. To protect me, she threw it in my face because she wanted me to yell at her so we’d fight and I’d leave. I knew two things as fact: Luna had wanted to kiss me and she had not wanted to sleep with Shade. She was torn between what she wanted versus what she assumed she could not have. Even knowing she was promised to him, had been with him, I still wanted her more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life.

“He owed it to you to take care of you, mama.”

“Is that what you would have done?”

“Say the word and it’s what I’d do
right now
,” I promise her. “All you have to do is ask.”

When she faced me I stopped breathing. The moment her guard fell, I let her sadness tackle me. Then her lust punched me in the gut and I took the hit gladly. With two words Luna would change both of our lives forever. Looking me dead in the eye she said, “I’m asking.”

I was well aware of the choice I was making. By asking
,
I was agreeing to whatever Crews had in mind.

But
Crews loves Evie
, I understood that but she wasn’t here,
I was
.