Motown Breakdown (Motown Down #4) (11 page)

“Three,” I whisper. “Anyway, to wear the moon spoke of privilege she thought. Until she died he never took girls, not once. He only dealt with girls who wanted a better life, money, and so on. For a fee, he wiped the trail clean and matched them with a compatible male. After she died, he changed. I was five; I had no idea what my father did for a living. They had both shielded me from it. Without her, I had no one to protect me. When Marco figured out I wasn’t docile like my mother, submissive like her, he changed.” The churning was immediate and even thinking about ice cream made it worse. And here it comes…

I could hear her vomiting in the bathroom.  The more she told me the less I understood. I didn’t get how she could be as sweet as she was raised in that environment. She didn’t need to tell me the worst was yet to come. I knew it when she bolted for the john.

Her own mother branded her. 

Who the fuck even thinks about making the selling of a woman
easier
? Let alone standing behind the guy that made a career out of it. That bitch never gave Luna a fighting chance. She deserved a chance. When she comes back in she’s a little pale, but straightens her spine and keeps going. Luna may not be physically strong but emotionally she was the strongest person I’d ever met in my life.

“For a long time it wasn’t terrible,” she says softly. “He did basic parental stuff and I stayed out of his way. When I was thirteen, I went looking for him because uh…” Fuck, her face was turning beet red. “I started my period and didn’t know what to do, I wasn’t raised with women. Women weren’t allowed to live with us. And because I was bad at listening and not allowed to speak to his men directly, I left the house and went to the out building. I didn’t know exactly where he was so I followed the screaming, saw a girl being held down while a man tattooed her. Needing Marco, I got close enough to see a sun on her wrist. When the guy hit her, she started screaming louder, this time for her dad. I looked up at mine wondering why he wasn’t helping her. He ordered me to go but I was frozen. The guy hit her again and I begged Marco to make it stop.”

“Mama,” I couldn’t fucking listen to this alone so I pulled her into my lap. This way if I had to listen, at least I could hold her while I did.

“So when Marco started beating her, I started screaming. He stopped long enough to ask me if I was willing to take her place,” she says softly. “And I said yes.”

“Fuck, stop. I can’t listen to this.” Like she was miles away she whispered, “From that day on, I took all of their places and still do.”

Scooping her up, I cradle her like baby. She wasn’t a baby, probably never had the chance but she was small and she needed comfort. Fuck that,
I
needed comfort. “All of my memories have Shade in them. He was just always there. We were close, and for a while I had a huge crush on him. He found me after one of my beatings, said he’d love me and promised to fix it. That night he stated his intent to marry me, or in my world, transfer ownership like a fucking used car. You saw Shade, he’s huge and he’s pretty fucking lethal. Marco could have challenged Shade to keep me but he knows he would have lost. He’d rather pawn me off and keep his empire, than lose to a man half his age. After the terms were spelled out, he was careful of leaving marks where Shade could see them. For that reason, we weren’t allowed to be alone or do any of the things that came
with
being alone…”

“Shade never put his hands on you?”

“No,” she says firmly. “And he never would. Like any couple would do, we snuck around and spent time together. You need to know that I don’t hate Shade. But I’m not in love with him either. Even though I didn’t want to be forced into marriage, I accepted it because he’s my only chance at survival.”

“You feel like you owe the guy?”

“Crews,” she says hardening her features. “I
do
owe him. In my world this is how it’s done. With favors, alliances and plotting. Even when Marco is disposed of, I will
still
belong to Shade. I will
always
belong to Shade. We don’t divorce. To break my vow is a death sentence.”

“You said he wouldn’t hurt you.”

“No, I said he never put his hands on me.”

“He’d kill you?”

“Hard to say,” she shrugs. “I would hope not, but he’d be within his rights to do it and I’m loyal enough not to test the boundaries.”

Gently moving her aside, I kiss her on the top of the head before I left. Not because I didn’t want to be there, I did. Bearing witness to her story gutted me, seeing her acceptance of it put me in a rage. Luna was never treated with care, she was property. Even though she knew nothing else, I could fucking feel how desperately she wanted to be loved. If we weren’t living in two different worlds, I’d give my left nut to be that guy for her. She spoke of her world, of Shade being a business deal. Luna didn’t understand the simple truth: We lived in the same world, only she’s never been allowed to see it. The little pieces of hers she allowed me to see were enough. Until she was ready to help with Evie, I couldn’t see her any more.

I couldn’t blame Crews for leaving when he realized what he was dealing with. Had the roles been reversed, I wouldn’t be able to wrap my head around what I had just heard either. Sometimes when I think about my life, I hardly believe people live like this. But the fact is, they do and I was one of them. Whether I deserved romance or a happy ending was irrelevant. For me, it came to down to survival. Nothing more, nothing less. With Shade, I stood the best chance of seeing my next birthday. People married for far less than we were. Money, power, image, convenience or even lack of options, it happens. Our marriage wouldn’t be perfect but I struggle to believe many are. With time, I could grow to love him (it’s a long shot but you never know), I already respected him and we did care for each other. Maybe in the end that’s more than most people would get? Bottom line is, even if it wasn’t, I wanted Shade and I both to live long lives. We fucking earned it.

That thought brought me to a woman my age named Cinn. I’ve only met her a couple of times and if my situation left a bad taste, hers ruined your appetite. Too beautiful to describe, Cinn led the den next to nut bag named Savage. The whack job took her as a kid, raised her like his kid then when she was no longer a kid, treated her as his fuck toy. Marco, while not my biological father at least never sexually abused me. How Cinn managed not to kill herself over her circumstances I’d never know. Where I mouthed off, caused trouble, and delighted in pissing Marco off, I did this knowing I had Shade to back me; to my knowledge she had no one. I owe her a thank you for starting a war that allowed me to breathe for a bit. But more than that, I was glad Cinn finally had her male. Fuck knows she’s earned him too.

Crews leaving did me a favor. Already I missed his scent, the gruff of his beard, his kind eyes and his deep yet gentle voice. Spending more time with him would make going back more difficult than it already was. We came from two different worlds…

Crews loves Evie.

Yeah, I knew that but to have Crews love Luna?

Shade calling cut my musing over
things best left alone,
short. Great, another reason to owe the guy. “Shade,” I answer. We didn’t do
hi how are yous
, ever.

“Luna baby,” he purrs. Fuck, hearing that for the next fifty years wouldn’t get old…

“What’s up, are you home?”

“No,” he says. “But I need you home in four days.”

“That’s fine,” I agree. It wasn’t fine but saw no sense in arguing. “Why four?”

“He’s pressing me for details.” This wasn’t good. If Marco wanted details it meant he had a plan. Any plan of his usually ends with me on the floor, unconscious. “We need to keep him guessing. When you show up early, I’ll let him know you’re staying with me and we’ll do the announcement together. I’ll keep you safe, Luna.”

“I know,” Truth.

“What’s wrong?”

“Just watch your back, okay?”

“Are you… dare I say, worried about me?”

Letting out a laugh couldn’t be helped. “Nope, never.”

“I can’t wait to make you my wife,” he says honestly. As for me, I just closed my eyes. “I’ll be a good husband to you, Luna. You will never want for anything.” Except love, freedom and happiness… “Luna baby?”

“I’m here.”

“I will prove myself to you,” he promises. “You’ll love me or I’ll die trying to convince you.”

Hanging up, I stare at the window into nothing. He doesn’t even understand he shouldn’t have to convince me. Shade deserves to be loved for who he is, not what he can do for me. And would it have killed him to ask how I was healing up? It’s the little things, people! Jesus, being around Crews was fucking with my head and making me consider things I had no right considering.

Crews loves Evie.

Yeah maybe he did, but I was knocking on his door anyway.

“Hey,” he says letting me in. “Sorry about bailing, I – ”

“It’s not every day your neighbor schools you on the life of crime families. Fucks with a man’s head, I get it.”

“No,” he says pouring us a shot of whisky. “It’s the role you play that fucks with my head.”

“Oh that,” I wave it off. “Don’t dwell on it, I don’t.”
I totally do
.

“Why are you here?”

“Why didn’t you marry?” Now here was a guy who had a lot to offer. Maybe not in the looks department, but once I got to know him it wasn’t about his looks. He was the guy that after you’ve had the asshole, the player, and the narcissist, you look for. Even I knew that. Crews simply was…a
good
guy. This made Crews irresistible.

He also runs his hands through his already messy hair when he’s frustrated or stalling. Right now, he was totally stalling and it was cute. “Fuck,” he mumbles. “I don’t know, Luna. I was young, Evie was younger, I worked a lot, didn’t give it much thought because I thought I’d have time. Next thing you know I’m in my forties, getting fat, and then she disappears.”

Well
that’s
fucking depressing.

“Oh,” because what else was there to say?

“That day in the hall,” he says pouring another shot. “What were you singing?”

Thinking on it, I smiled when I remembered. “Bitch Don’t Kill my Vibe.”

“Ah,” he laughs. “Never heard of it.”

“Let me guess,” I say tossing my shot back first. “Kid Rock? Seger? Oh!” I point at him. “I know, Neil Diamond!”

“Sarcasm doesn’t look good on you,” he says with a straight face.

“You’re right,” I agree pouring another shot. “It looks
great
on me.”

Throwing it back he kicks his feet up and asks, “Alright, what are the kids your age listening to these days?”

“You’re cute,” I wink. “Danny Brown, Eminem of course, Banks, Black Milk, Iggy Azalea, Royce Da 5’9…”

“All in one breath,” he winks. “I caught Eminem, dairy, a flower and a car at the end.”

Covering my mouth so I didn’t spit my whisky out, I choked it down and my eyes started to water. Laughter flew out of my mouth so fast and loud I was shocked it came from me. When Crews smirked, it made me laugh that much harder. And oh God, when he chuckled, I had to hold my stomach because I couldn’t breathe. In twenty-two years nothing has ever made me fall to the floor laughing.