Motown Breakdown (Motown Down #4) (13 page)

“That’s what they all say,” I mumble then bend at the knees to address Ashley. “No strangers,” I prompt her.

“Okay,” she giggles.

I wanted to tell her to bust ass in school and get a scholarship to some university in Sweden where men like Marco couldn’t find her, but I didn’t. What I did say was, “Bye kid,” before walking away. Once back in my car, I drove to a place that was more adult-friendly and catered to my kind. I went to a strip club. The problem with doing anything within the city limits is no matter where I went people knew who I was. More than that, they knew Marco and Shade and that I belonged to them. That didn’t stop them from letting me in because they knew better than to upset Marco’s daughter or Shade’s woman. Since I was essentially untouchable here, I ordered a lot of booze and slammed it quickly. Finally, to a place where I was buzzed enough that the feeling of being watched passed, I waved the bouncer over and gave him an order.

“I want to dance,” I smile up at him. “On stage, now.”

“Please don’t do this to me, Luna,” he begs. “Shade will kill me if he finds out.”

“I’ll handle Shade,” I promise him. “All you have to do is set me up there.”

“You’ll keep your clothes on?” he sighs hoping I’ll change my mind.

“We’ll see how it goes,” I wink and then nudge him before pointing to the stage. “Lift,” I instruct and when he hefted me up and over, the second my feet touched the stage I let out a giggle. Looking out over the crowd who wasn’t sure what to make of a fully dressed female standing on stage, I did what any self-respecting woman would do. I took my top off.

She didn’t get to tell me I was her God damn happiness then walk away from me. She was too young to know that wasn’t how shit worked. You did not give a man hope then take that hope away. So I followed her to the park and felt her yearning from a distance. It was evident Luna wanted a family, it was also evident she wouldn’t pursue one while living with the fucking mafia either. I also felt her sadness, Luna was mourning what she couldn’t have. What she failed to even take into consideration is that she could have this with me. Even if it wasn’t with me she could have this with someone other than Shade.

But the woman was loyal. Willing to marry a guy she doesn’t love to ensure her survival in a criminal’s world. He was everything I wasn’t and he may be promised her compliance but he wasn’t promised her heart. Little by little, Luna was giving that part of herself to me. And because of this, when she left the park I followed her. That’s what a man does when he cares for a woman, he protects her. And of all the places she could go, she hits a strip club.

Trailing behind her, I sit toward the back, out of her line of sight. The staff treated her like royalty giving her everything she wanted and what she wanted was alcohol. Slamming shot after shot, she closes her eyes and smiles. Meanwhile, my heart cracked witnessing it. Luna found some peace in a titty bar, this I found to be tragic. Waving the bouncer over I watch her point and nudge before he lifts her up placing her on the stage. Gripping my seat with one hand and my drink in the other, I hold my breath wondering what she’ll do next.

And then her top came off…

With the dancers making room for her, Luna reaches high for the pole and stops me dead in my tracks when she begins to spin. Where in the fuck did she learn how to do that? Swear to God, one more man in here calls out to her I’d start killing people. Getting as close to the stage as I can without security tossing me, I call for her.

“Luna.”

Hooking a leg around the pole, she arches her back and spins beautifully coming to stop directly in front of me. She was drunk, pole dancing, and topless but even upside down she recognized me. “Oh hey, Crews!”

“Off the pole, mama.”

“I’m not done yet,” she informs me and now I had guys yelling at me to sit down.

“For me, Luna,” I say low. “Before I fucking kill someone.”

“Oh alright,” she huffs pulling herself back up. Getting the guy’s attention to the left of me I ask him to, “Hand me her shirt.”

“Liking her with it off, brother,” he laughs and since I didn’t find that funny, I knocked him out. That caused a scene and when security crowded in, Luna found her way in front of me and said one word. “No.”

“Get him outta here,” the bouncer instructs his guy and he wasted no time picking him up and dragging him off.

“Still need her shirt,” I tell him and when he sends another guy to grab it, I pull her to me to hide her from everyone’s view. “You done showing off?”

“Yes,” she mumbles but I swear she was laughing but it didn’t matter because when her shirt showed up I stuffed her back in it before dragging her out the door. Now outside, I give her no choice but to climb into my truck. She wasn’t driving and her car was an even bigger piece of shit than mine so odds were good it’d be here tomorrow.

“For someone who hates skin you don’t seem to have a problem showing yours.”

“Selling skin and showing it aren’t mutually exclusive, Crews,” she sighs. “Most women who dance enjoy it, I know I did,” she says on a mumble. “What time is it?”

“Almost seven, why?”

“Shit! Turn around,” she demands.

“Why, Luna?”

“Drop me at Saint Andrews Hall,” she says reaching in her bag for makeup.

“Tell me why,” I argue.

“For fuck’s sake,
dad
,” she snaps. “I’m going to a concert.”

“We,” I stress. “Are going to a concert.” And when her face lit up, I couldn’t resist and said, “All kids should have a chaperone.”

When she threw her head back and laughed, I almost pulled over to fuck her on the side of the road.

Drinks in hand, Crews put up no fight when I told him I had to be up front. He made a path for us and if someone refused to move, well…he moved them. Now I, or rather we, were up front at my very first concert. Not only that, I scored tickets to
In This Moment
all on my own. I was feeling pretty damn good and when I glanced over at him, I simply said, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Coming with me.”

“No thanks needed, mama,” he says touching my cup with his. “I’m here to make sure you don’t get trampled.”

For a while we made small talk, mostly about the band I came to see and a little about him. The opening band was good, real good, but I needed to see Maria Brink live and in person. She was more than a lady crush, she sang about the shit that I carried in my gut, that weight that was heavy on my shoulders. For hours at a time, I listen to her, watch her videos, and promised myself if she ever came to Detroit, I was going to see her and here I was. It was almost unbelievable. Holding onto the rail so I wouldn’t lose my spot, Crews notices this and leans down telling me, “You can let go, Luna. I got you.”

He had me. In twenty-two years, no one has ever had me. I knew for a fact that tonight, no one would get anywhere near me with Crews close by. Releasing my grip, he pulls me to him and uses his thumb to rub my side. Instantly, I was calm. At least until the show started because when Maria Brink hit the stage I lost my motherfucking mind. For the first two songs I stood there frozen, in complete awe of her. After that, I handed Crews my drink, balled my fists and pumped them in the air. Lost in my own world, I wouldn’t see him smiling at me, or grasp what his being here with me meant to him. I wouldn’t know any of those things because I was a selfish person who wanted to steal as much life as she could before she faded away.

When she played
Adrenalize
, I was convinced she wrote it for me. But it was when she knelt down literally in front of me and screamed
We have to live before we die, we were born to live before we die, don’t you wanna live before you die? Let me see you live before you die
, in my face I was catapulted into another time and place. A place where I was like anyone else, free to choose what was best for me, who was best for me and what was right and wrong. A person that made mistakes and learned from them, who loved hard, spoke honestly and did not hide. With my body swaying in sync with the crowd for just a few minutes I was her.

I was
more
.

“Mama,” he says in my ear breaking me of the fantasy. “You okay?”

Staring up at him, at his gruff face and crooked nose, I smiled and said, “Yeah Crews, I’m good.”

“She can scream,” he says grinning. “She sang to you too. Fucking amazing, Luna.”

This. I wanted this. I wanted Crews. Forever.

Pushing up to my toes, I pulled him down toward me and not caring that we were public or that I could get myself killed for this; I kissed him. I kissed him hard too. But this was Crews and knowing what I needed, he dropped the cups and pulled me in closer. Digging my nails into his neck, I kept kissing him because this was close as I’ll ever get to telling him, if given the chance, I could love him. However, that’s when the one song I dreaded hearing as much as I craved hearing it started. When my world was too much for me, I’d plug in my ear buds and play
this
song. The end result was usually trashing whichever room I was in. Tonight was different because I wasn’t just gearing up to get angry, I was about to blow. Digging my nails into his neck for a completely different reason, I made eye contact and let nature take over.
 

I’ve been to concerts, not many and not metal but I knew what to expect. However, I was not expecting Luna to go from kissing me to screaming in my face. It was so fucking loud that logically she had to scream to be heard but I didn’t think that’s what this was. I didn’t think it had anything to do with me hearing but more about her letting some shit go. She had been into the show, rocking the hell out, right up until this song.

With no other choice but to let her finish what she started, I endured the screaming and paid attention to the lyrics. Never breaking eye contact she wails,
I hate you for always saving me from myself, I hate you for always choosing me and not someone else, I hate you for always pulling me back from the edge, I hate you for every kind word you ever said
.

Throwing her head back and absolutely scaring the shit out of me she screams;
Blood, blood, blood
like a fucking benediction before breaking free of me and facing the stage to send her screams that way. Unsure what the fuck to do, she made the decision for me when she catapults herself into my arms, wraps her legs around my waist and grabs my face again. Pissed right off she never misses a word during her musical massacre. In that moment I knew two things; she was singing for him and she was singing for me. The lyrics about hate, I assumed were about him, the lyrics she was assaulting me with right now were for me.