Motown Breakdown (Motown Down #4) (12 page)

Except Crews.

Finally settling enough to climb back into the chair, I was hit with a case of the hiccups which made him smile. Seeing Crews smile well, there was nothing quite like it. “Mama,” he says very seriously. Covering my mouth to be polite, I look up and when he says, “Nothing more beautiful than your laughter,” I said nothing in return.

“I think we’re good on the liquor,” he says grabbing the bottle and taking it to the kitchen. Following him, I leaned against the fridge watching him put the bottle in the cupboard. “Why do you call me mama?”

Without turning around, he places his hands on the counter dropping his shoulders. “I wish I knew,” he says quietly. “My old man called my mom that, even his sister and close friends. Maybe that’s why, I don’t know…”

“Called?” I ask. “Past tense?”

“Yeah, he died when I was twenty. She died eight months later.”

“I’m sorry,” I assumed was the right thing to say. If someone died (killed) in my family, it was usually followed up with spitting on the ground and a
good riddance
. When he doesn’t move I take the hint. “Do you want me to go?” I ask.

“No,” he says low. “But I need you to.”

Well okay then, ouch.

Doing an about face, I head for the door prepared to go to my place and pout. But when Crews grabbed me, flipped me around, pressed me up against the door and says, “Wanting you isn’t good for me,” I agreed with him.

“No, it’s not.”

“Needing you isn’t either.” I said nothing because in this case, truth hurts. “Not sure which is worse, the wanting you or the needing you. But I can’t let you go, mama. Not when you want me, not when you
need
me too. I know I could die for this,” he says leaning in. “And I’m going to do it anyway.”

I swear I opened my mouth to stop him.

Then my mouth was full of his tongue and figured we’d sort it out later. With my arms around my neck, legs around his waist he held me against the door I should have walked out of. “My bed good with you?” he asks biting my shoulder.

Bed, floor, dumpster, I really didn’t care but said, “Hurry,” before biting his neck.

With Luna holding on tight, I bump her off furniture and two walls before falling into bed with her. Never breaking apart, we shed our clothes. Fuck easy, this was a rush job. We needed each other that badly. Hitting a snag getting my jeans down, she drops her legs ridding her own and I followed suit. I would never forget how perfect she looked on my sheets. No matter what happened, I promised myself I’d always remember her like this. Wild, unbidden, and free. Dropping her legs open, I felt my jaw slack. Crawling between her knees I ask her, “Does he do this for you?”

“Uh…” she says looking away. “Sometimes.”

“Is he any good at it?”

Smirking at me she says, “No.”

“Mind if I give it a go?”

“You could have gotten me off by now if, you’d just take what you wanted and stop talking.” Yeah, I knew she was kidding but I also knew she wasn’t.

“I’m only asking you the first time,” I warn her. “Now that you’ve given me permission, we can skip that part
next time
.”

“Next time?” She was so fucking beautiful when she was hopeful and unsure.

“Yeah, mama,” I say giving her a quick lick. “Next time.”

Luna was responsive to say the least. She also really liked having her pussy played with and did a lot of screaming. She was close before I added the fingers, but when they were deep and snug she came perfectly. Pulling her to me by the ankles, she grips the sheets still trying to catch her breath. “How do you want it?”

“Hard and fast,” she says quickly.

So that’s what she got. I went in fast and fucked her hard. With her nails in my back, down my sides, and nearly drawing blood on my stomach I took it gladly. If Luna wanted to mark me, I’d fucking let her. But I like things to be fair, so pulling her up, I use one arm to brace her and the other to hold her still. Blowing her hair off her neck, I whisper, “I’m not asking this time,” then biting down on the curve of her neck she screams my name when she comes again.

On a mission to make sure she never forgot me either, I flip her onto her knees caging her in with my body. Luna had nowhere to go and had to take whatever I decided to give her. Lifting her ass and pushing against me, we went at each other like this was the last time. Getting back up to my knees, I grab her hips and pound her. Looking over her shoulder with sweat beading on her skin she asks me between pumps, “Tell me your first name.”

“Edward,” I grunt. “Or Eddie,” couldn’t focus. “Why?”

“Because,” she says spreading her legs wider. “That’s the name I’m going to scream when I come again.”

Giving her all I had, I feel her tighten up around me. Peeking over her shoulder, with her hair draped over her back just as she starts to come, she looks me dead in the fucking eyes and says, “Edward,” like a God damn prayer.

I didn’t get laid a lot but, I knew to wear a rubber and didn’t. I also knew to at least man up and pull out but I was so undone hearing my name, I unloaded inside of her.  When Luna’s legs give out, mine follow and I pull her to me on my way down. We were quiet, regulating our breathing and if she was like me; replaying her saying my name.

So when she shifted positions, put her head on my chest and played with the hair on my stomach I wasn’t prepared for what came out of her mouth. “Promise you won’t hate me,” she says sadly. “If I can’t find her, if he won’t help; promise me you won’t hate me.”

Christ. “Mama,” I say pulling her up so we’re face to face. Luna refused to look at me, closing her eyes to block me out. “I promise; I could
never
hate you.” Opening her eyes, I watch one tear slip free before she smiles. It was as heartbreaking as it was forced. Despite my promise, she didn’t believe me. “I always keep my word,” I vow.

“Yeah,” she says moving back to my chest and resting there. “Until I met you,
I didn’t
.”

Running my hands over her neck and back, I said nothing. Sitting up I could see this was it, she was cutting me loose. “You know,” she says pulling her knees to her chest. “All my life I’ve had my choices either taken from me or made for me. And it never really bothered me until you asked me how I wanted it. I’m sure you figured out I don’t know much when it comes to any of this. But I’ll miss you, Crews. I’ll miss being given a choice, being able to play. Because if I had a choice, I would choose you.”

“Mama don’t – ”

“Just let me say thank you okay? You showed me that,” she pauses to wipe her eyes. “It doesn’t have to
hurt
. That it’s okay to take sometimes but, not all the time. I’ll fight for your Evie and to get you answers, but don’t let another twenty years blow by and not find your own happiness.”

“Christ Luna, stop – ”

“For me, Crews,” she begs. “You
have
a choice, find your happiness for
me
.”

Taking her to straight to her back, pinning her arms over her head and getting nose to nose I let her know, “I found my fucking happiness. You. You are my God damn happiness, Luna.”

She fought the breakdown but just barely. Hell, I was holding on by a thread myself. “I should go,” she grates out through the tears. Releasing her, I roll to my back pissed off that I found it but, I couldn’t fucking keep it. Chucking the remote, she flinches but keeps picking up her clothes. Pulling her shirt over her head and tucking her arms through, she stands there half in any half out of my bedroom then whispers, “You are my God damn happiness too, Edward,” before walking the fuck out.

With four days left to squeeze in my freedom and after saying what needed to be said to Crews; I went to the park. Of all the places I could go, I chose a park full of screaming kids. The weather was mild, the sky had not one cloud and yet I had no one to talk to. I’ve never perfected the art of girlfriends because at thirteen when I actually had a few I adored, I feared Marco or his men finding one of them profitable and cut them all loose. I’ve never shared secrets, borrowed clothes, or traded makeup pointers. Odd how the first shirt I ever borrowed didn’t even belong to a girlfriend but to my neighbor. When being chauffeured to school became unbearable, I dropped out and finished with a tutor at home. Even then, my only friend had been Shade, who had some years on me and through him and his guidance I matured. My first night of drinking was at seventeen during a game of poker that Shade has snuck me into. I was beaten for having a hangover and losing money the following morning. Survival depended on my ability to lie. Friendship and true love was a myth in my world. But as I watch these kids run and play, I found myself yearning for not just one but dozens. I wanted so many kids that to get them anywhere I needed a school bus. I wanted to hug them, praise them, and learn from them.

Then the urge to run hit me really hard. All I had to do was stand up and instinct would do the rest. Only I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t run leaving Shade behind any more than I could make it outside the city without being found. These kids had no idea how lucky they were. Allowed to run, scream, and play completely oblivious to the evil that surrounds them. Especially the girls. Little ones whose mothers go out of their way to make them more aesthetically pleasing never realizing the harm she’s putting her child in. Because one day, men like Marco will notice. Marco wasn’t the only one in the game, he was just the one I was stuck with. But the fact is, each one of these girls are in danger; it’s just that the danger won’t come for them for a few years yet.

Odds were good that when it did, and if was alive, I’d be there to see it.

Would I recognize them? Probably not because after a while all their faces looked the same, their screams sounded the same. This was why I would never have children of my own. I couldn’t live with myself if I signed them up for what was done to me.

Nauseous, I force myself to think of other things. More important things. Like the concert I’m going to tonight. The very first show I’ve ever been to and I was going alone. Freedom for me may be temporary and a bit lonesome but I decided to steal as much of it as I could. “You’re pretty,” a tiny voice says from next to me.

“Not as pretty as you are,” I tell the little one who couldn’t be more than four.

“Mommy did my hairs,” she smiles. “Picks out my outfit too.”

“Your mommy did a good job,” I wink when I really wanted to say;
your dipshit mommy is setting you up to be snagged by predators
.

“My name is Ashley,” she says rocking back and forth on her toes.

“You shouldn’t talk to strangers, Ashley.”

“I know,” she hedges but it’s clear she knows I’m no threat and is unsure what to do about that.

“Where’s your mommy?”

Pointing to a woman on the phone who’s back was to us, I stick my hand out and watch her take it without hesitation. The feel of her soft tiny hand in mine was indescribable and terrifying. Quickly heading over, I tap the woman not caring about her call. “Here’s your kid in case you were worried.” I tell her.

“Excuse me,” she says narrowing her eyes. “I knew where she was at all times.”