Authors: Amy Johnson
After eating the lasagna off the floor Megan sat next to the mess and cried. How could Ted have shown no emotion after she’d told him what she and Tom had done? He cared more about his dinner than his wife’s faithfulness. He was a jerk. An insensitive, selfish, scum-sucking, sack of shit. Tom was right! She was too good for him. She’d always been obedient, supportive, and faithful. And what had that gotten her? Sitting in the kitchen crying over a floor full of lasagna. Not to mention the fact that her mother probably hated her and her pets would probably disown her and choose to live with their father after he divorced her for…for what? She hadn’t really done anything wrong. Maybe she should divorce him. All of this was his damn fault. If he’d shown her that he loved her and made her feel important or special she wouldn’t have been sitting
o
n the floor eating lasagna off the ceramic tile.
All she wanted was a little passion and pizzazz. Now she was probably going to get alone and abandoned. Maybe this would all blow over. She could smooth things over with Ted and go back to being the bored, neglected housewife she’d been for so long.
The only problem with that was that before she never knew she was missing anything. Until that darn email she was happy with the monotony. Now she knew what she missing and she wanted it back. Problem was Ted obviously didn’t.
Sure she could have a wild night with someone else, Tom came to mind immediately, but that wouldn’t be right and more than likely it wouldn’t last because she truly loved Ted. And she was certain that somewhere deep down he loved her too.
But if he loved her why hadn’t he attempted to show her last night when she got all dressed up for him
?
And why didn’t the
sight
of Tom half dressed in the kitchen bother him
?
Even when she exploded at him and told him she and Tom had had sex on the counter he showed no emotion and was only concerned with dinner.
What was wrong with her?
Just thinking about it made her cry more and when she realized how pathetic she was being she picked herself up from the floor and called Josie.
“I called an emergency meeting,” Josie said when she picked Megan up a half an hour later. “We’re going to the ‘Usual Place’. Everyone will be there except maybe Ali ‘cause you know she’s all in love and stuff and Bill is home tonight, so they might be cuddling or something mushy like that.” Megan pounded her head softly on the passenger side window. Good for Ali, she thought.
“Anyways,” Josie continued, “We can bash Ted all night and…oh by the way, your mother called my mother. She told her you’re having an affair with some guy from the gym and that she thinks he hit you in the head with a weight because you cut your hair.” Megan pounded her head harder.
“Great
,
”
s
he muttered.
“Oh that’s not all, she thinks
you’re
taking drugs. She said she’s sending Father Edmond over to your house to talk you into going to rehab.” Megan grimaced and groaned. “Oh but don’t worry. I set the record straight.” Oh boy! That’s just what she needed. “I told Mom all about Sergio and the squishy panties. She agrees with me that at that particular moment you’re karma got all screwed up and off balance and that once we get rid of the bad karma you’ll be right back to normal. Mom’s on the internet right now researching your predicament with a psychic. She said she’d call as soon as she knew something.” Lovely, Megan’s fate was in the hands of Aunt Cleo. “Anyways
,
your Mom started talking real weird like she was talking in tongues or something and my Mom hung up on her. My
m
om said your
m
om needs therapy.” Megan made a mental note to call a shrink and inquire about a family rate. “So, tell me more about Tom. He sounds like a total hunk. I’m thinking about joining the gym so I can scam on him.”
“I thought your idea of weight loss was eating once a week.”
“Oh, I’m not going to exercise. Duh! I’ll just bounce around in a work out suit, maybe ask him to personally train me on the machines and stuff like that.”
“Wouldn’t it just be easier if I gave you his number?”
“No,
m
en like challenges. I’ll go in and play hard to get and I’ll have him eating out of my hand.”
“Josie,” Megan said, “
e
veryone knows you’re not hard to get.” Josie seemed to consider that for a moment her brows scrunched in concentration.
“You’re right. Just give me his number then.” Before Megan could respond they pulled up at the restaurant and Josie said, “Oh look
,
Mickey and Stacy are already here.”
***
“He’s cheating on you!” Mickey said after Megan had relayed everything to the gang. Everyone was there including Ali. Ali m
ight
be a newlywed but she was always there when you needed her.
“Mickey! We don’t know that, so don’t upset her until we do,” Ali growled to Mickey who had come straight from work and was dressed as Michael. But don’t let the suit and tie fool you. He m
ight
be dressed like Michael, but it was definitely the sassy, Mikayla speaking.
“Well, then what do you think his problem is? I mean she confessed to an affair right there in the kitchen and he ordered takeout? That’s not normal male behavior,” Mickey said.
“But there was no affair, which means he had no reason to get upset,” Stacy supplied.
“But he didn’t know that,” Ali began, “I mean what would your husband do if he walked in and saw a half dressed hunk in the kitchen with you? Affair or no affair, he still should have been angry or disturbed by it at least.”
“Maybe he has a testosterone imbalance.” Josie offered. “You know some kind of chemical imbalance that makes him act like a wuss or something.” Everyone ignored her and cut her off before she had a chance to continue.
“I thought maybe he’s gay,” Megan said, and everyone turned to Mickey.
“What?” he said. “Just ‘cause I’m gay sometimes doesn’t mean I can spot ‘em a mile away. I don’t think he’s gay. I could try to find out if you want me to but I personally think he’s cheating.”
“Which doesn’t necessarily mean he can’t be gay. He could be cheating on Meg with a guy.” Just wonderful Megan thought. A man spends ten years with her and ends up gay. That’s not the kind of testament she needed on her love resume.
“He’s not gay,” Stacy said. “And he may not be having an affair. This might just be the way he is.”
“Let’s not rule out the gay thing just yet,” Josie argued. “I mean he works out all the time, and he loves that old car he has, and he never touches poor Megan.” Megan shot her the mother of go to hell looks. “It’s like he’s…he’s compensating for something
,
you know
,
like a little…”
“Josie! We don’t want to hear about that,” Stacy growled. “
Lots
of men stay in shape, or have hot rods. So what! It doesn’t automatically mean they’re gay or compensating.”
Megan had had enough. “Look, does it really matter which of the two it is? I don’t give a rat’s behind if he’s cheating with Sally or Steve. I just want to know if he is, so I can kill him and get it over with.” Everyone stared wearily at Megan except for Ali who was removing all the knives and forks from the table just in case Megan got any ideas. Megan saw her and explained quickly
,
“Figuratively speaking of course.”
“Of course,” the gang said
,
not very convincingly.
“Oh God, what am I going to do?” Megan cried, cradling her head in her hands. “I have to know. What if it’s me?”
“It’s not you honey. You’re amazing. Everyone knows that. It’s him. He’s a jackass,” Mickey said. The waitress came by for their drink orders. Everyone except Stacy and Megan ordered beers.
“Tequila, straight up,” Stacy told the waitress.
The waitress was still standing there when Josie said, “I know! We can search the house and his office and find out for sure. Then if he is cheating Megan can have a freebie with Tom. It won’t count ‘cause it’ll cancel out with Ted’s affair, and then maybe her karma will balance and she won’t have orgasms by herself or puke on hunky guys.” The waitress’s interest in the conversation became intense.
“Make that a double!” Stacy told the waitress.
“Me too,” Megan said.
“Scratch that last tequila
,
” Josie said referring to Megan’s drink, “She can’t drink that,” she lowered her voice, “She’s taking drugs.” The waitress looked at Megan who dropped her head onto the table with a loud clunk.
“Bring it anyway. I’ll drink it,” Stacy said.
“Now back to the real issue at hand. How do we find out if Ted’s cheating?” Megan asked.
“Ask him,” Stacy simply said. Sure that’ll work.
“Yeah, just talk to him about how you feel and ask him how he feels, and see where it goes
,
” Ali agreed.
“Like he’ll admit anything. I still say we search the house and his office. Dig up some dirt. Then he can’t deny anything,” Josie said.
“What makes you think you’d find anything even if you did search. Ted’s not stupid. If he’s having an affair, he’s not going to leave post it notes around his desk saying so,” Ali said.
“True. But if he’s cheating, we’ll find something. Cell phone bills or condoms or phone numbers or maybe panties in his desk…” Mickey cut Josie off before Megan found a fork and lunged it at Josie’s throat.
“I agree,” Mickey began, “We can just take a look around. See if anything pops up. If nothing does
,
great. But if something does, than when he denies it Megan can show him the proof and he’ll have to tell the truth. Then we can call Tom.” He turned his attention to Megan, “So is Tom seeing anybody?”
“Yes!” Josie answered. “He’s seeing Megan and if Megan doesn’t want him, I get dibs.”
“You can’t call dibs!”
“Can too.”
“Can NOT”
Megan went back to banging her head while Stacy downed her drinks and Ali ordered more.
“Guys!” Ali shouted over Mickey and Josie. “If Megan doesn’t want Tom, you guys can flip a quarter for him.” They stopped arguing and Mickey pulled out a quarter. “I call tails,” he said, throwing the quarter in the air.
“Figures,” Josie said. Josie won the toss and that little problem was solved. Stacy
,
feeling the alcohol now
,
was the next to speak.
“Alright! Here’s what I think,” she said through slurred speech, “I think Megan is overreacting. Just because Ted isn’t jumping for joy every time he sees her doesn’t mean he’s having an affair. He didn’t freak out about Tom because he knows Megan well enough to know she would never cheat on him. He trusts her and he knew there had to be a perfectly logical explanation. And there was. Right Meg?” Megan nodded. Stacy turned to face Megan. “So I say you go home and talk with him and
,
like Ali said, you tell him how you feel and what you need from him. You’ve been married ten years. He loves you.” She put her hands flat on the table probably to steady herself from her spinning head.
“You got to give him the benefit of the doubt Meg,” Ali said. “You guys just might be in a rut. Maybe all you need is a nice long talk.” Yeah right
,
Megan thought. What would Ali know about ruts? The ink on her marriage license probably
wa
sn’t even dry yet.
“I’ll try it.” Megan said. “But if that goes
nowhere
, I’m going to plan B.”
“Which is?” Mickey asked.
“Tom,” Josie supplied. “Right Meg? Tom is plan B
,
huh?”
Megan rolled her eyes, “No! Plan B is the search.”
“So Tom is plan C then. Okay
,
I got it now
,
” Josie said.
***
Later that night, when Megan was back home she went looking for Ted who was obviously not home. No note saying he’d be home shortly or telling her where he would be. She dumped her purse and jacket on the counter and went to check on her animals. The pups were outside chewing on Ted’s favorite pair of running shoes. “Good pups!” she told them and left them to finish their task. Spot was hiding behind his treasure box again. She tried to lure him out so she could talk to him but he was smart enough to stay put, so she dropped some food in his bowl and sank onto the couch.
Ted had probably left her. She looked around the house and searched for his belongings. His tennis racquet, his trophies from high school, his autographed football, the stack of Sports Illustrated and Muscle Man magazines. Everything was still there where it always was. He hadn’t left her. He’d just stepped out for something. Or someone.
Or maybe he thought she was crazy and feared for his life and left with only the clothes on his back. He could be at the funny farm now trying to get her admitted so he could come back later and retrieve his stuff. No. he wouldn’t do that because who would cook his dinner then, or wash his clothes.