Authors: Amy Johnson
“Megan, don’t. That camera’s worth a lot of money. My dad gave it to me.” She mimicked a fake pitch letting the camera almost fall out of her hand.
“You’re wasting time Ted. You’re memory better come back soon or this camera’s going out to left field.”
“Megan, honey, please! I wanted to save that to pass down to our kids someday.” Of all the things he could have said that was the wrong damn thing. She’d wanted kids for years and he’d been adamant about putting it off. Eventually she realized that he didn’t want kids and she learned to deal with that. She had Spot and Bitty and Bug. But she would never get to experience their first days of school, or proms or graduations. “Meg! We can talk. Just give me the camera.”
“Miss Naked Little League?” she said swinging the camera by its strap with Ted lunging for it each time it swung his way. “Now Ted!”
“Megan, you don’t want to do this.”
“Yeah! Actually I do.”
“You’re not like this Meg, your sweet and gentle…and…”
“What Ted? Obedient? Stupid?” She took another practice pitch. “Well not anymore
,
I’m not. Now you have one more opportunity to tell me who she is and why you’ve got naked pictures of her in my house. I’ll count to three.”
“One.”
“Meg, your mother called and she’s really worried about you…”
“Two.”
“--She thinks you might be taking drugs. We can get you help honey.” Wrong answer Bud!
“Three!” Megan reared back and belted the camera towards the brick wall where it smashed into a million little pieces. Ted lunged to try and catch it, tripped over a barbell and landed flat on his face on the concrete floor.
“Look what you did! I hope you feel real good about yourself!” Ted said from the floor where he was wiping blood from his lip. “That camera was an heirloom.”
“I do feel good Ted. Better than I have in years. And what good is an heirloom if you have no one to pass it on to
?
” She turned to leave the basement then paused. “By the way, this is not over. You will sit down and talk to me about her and why you don’t want kids, and lots of other stuff.”
“And if I don’t?”
“Then I guess I’ll get plenty of pitching practice.” And with that she stomped up the stairs and slammed the basement door shut.
Megan stood at the basement door for a few minutes breathing deeply and counting to ten. The old Megan would
have been
ashamed of herself for losing her temper and not acting dignified and calm. Well screw it! Dignity was overrated anyhow. The new Megan felt exhilarated and slightly liberated. That’s right! The new Megan that had orgasms, and lusted after gym Gods and hunky hairdressers. That ate lasagna off the floor and cut and dyed her hair any way she damn well pleased and threw temper tantrums, and cameras and didn’t care if her husband was lying
o
n the floor with a bloody lip. She crossed her arms over her chest and snorted.
“Huh! Serves him right!” She told herself. Ted deserved whatever she felt like doing to him because he was a jerk.
A bleeding jerk who might need her help.
No! She told herself it’s just a busted lip. No one ever died of a busted lip. She would not go down there and…ah hell. Damn her mother for raising her right. She filled a zip lock bag with ice and carried it to the basement door. With a loud sigh she opened the door and walked in. Ted was s
i
tting on his weight bench holding an old rag to his lip and talking on his cell phone. Abruptly, he ended his call and snapped the phone shut.
“Here,” She said handing him the ice pack. “Sorry about your lip.” He let the ice pack fall to the floor and said nothing. He didn’t even move. Next time she’d drop a fifty pound block of dry ice on his head. The bastard!
***
Megan was channel surfing with the remote about an hour later when Ted finally came up from the basement. She was still steamed at him and hell bent on getting to the bottom of things. She decided to let him get settled and then she’d calmly, diplomatically bring up the issues of the naked woman and the marijuana. Then after that when she’d heard his explanations she’d talk to him about their marriage and how she wanted the pizzazz back. They’d have an adult conversation where both of their wants and needs would be expressed. Yeah right! She’d have better luck teaching the pups their ABC’s.
Ted finally entered the room and sat in his chair. Megan surrendered the remote as a peace offering. His lip was swollen and his face was red but other than that he was plain old Ted. Quiet and calm as if he didn’t have a care in the world. As if there were no drugs or
X-rated
pictures in the basement.
“Ted?”
“Yeah?”
“We need to talk.”
“It’s okay Meg. I accept your apology. Let’s just forget about it.” What the hell? Her apology? Was he friggin’ nuts? She tried to squash her temper back down like she’d always done. She silently recited the serenity prayer. ‘God grant me the serenity not to beat him over the head with a baseball bat. Amen!’
“I wasn’t going to apologize.”
“You weren’t?” He frowned, “You broke my camera.”
“You’re lucky that’s all I broke.” He met her gaze then, she continued, “Now I want to know who ‘Little Miss C Cups’ is and no bullshit
,
Ted. I want the truth.”
“Fine. She’s a client
,”
he responded in his ever present calm baritone voice. “And by the way the
y’re
D cups. Triple D’s. So I guess that’d make her Little Miss D Cups.”
Ok
,
that
was
it! Call the coroner, Ted
wa
s gonna die!
Megan felt the heat penetrate her body and her muscles tighten. She felt like her ears were ringing and her eyes were on fire. Ten years of pent up feelings and emotions had now turned to rage! This was not going to be a pretty si
ght
.
She slowly got off the couch and went into the kitchen. When she returned she had a dish towel in her hand and she slowly, deliberately walked over to Spot’s bowl and gently covered his bowl with the towel. Ted stared at her but didn’t speak. Not until she’d sat back down, crossed her legs and picked up a magazine did he speak.
“What’s with the towel?” He asked.
“I’m trying to be a role model for him but you’re making it damn hard. Right now I’m experiencing some homicidal tendencies and I don’t want Spot to watch me kill you.” She never lifted her eyes from the magazine as she spoke in a flat, detached voice. “What
,
with all the violence he sees on T.V
.
and all I just don’t really think it’ll be good for him, so I covered his bowl. When he asks for his Daddy in the future, I’ll just tell him you were poisoned or accidentally drowned or got shot.” Ted’s composure changed from relaxed and kicked back to shock and surprise.
“I’m sure it’ll be hard on him and the pups. But I’ll get them into therapy and
,
what with your life insurance policy and all
,
I think we’ll survive.” She yawned. “Oh
,
look at the time. It’s already eleven o’clock. Guess I’ll hit the hay. Sweet dreams
,
Ted.” Megan rose from the couch and started towards the stairs.
“Her name is Tiffany.” Megan stopped, her heart thudding against her chest. “And it’s not what you think. She’s just a friend.” Yeah a naked friend. With Triple D’s.
Naked Triple D’s. And Megan had A cups. Life was so unfair.
“A friend?” Megan stood there for a moment trying to process his load of crap. Megan had friends. She didn’t have pictures of them naked. Ali had never said ‘Hey Meg, get a load of these babies. Wanna take a picture and hang it on the fridge where you’ll see it
every day
?’ She didn’t have naked Mickey pictures.
“So how exactly did you happen to acquire these pictures of her?”
“I’m a photographer, Meg. It’s what I do. I take pictures.”
“Of naked women?”
“Well not usually, this was…uh kind of an accident.”
“Oh, well why didn’t you just say so? That explains everything.” She returned to the couch her hands fisted and eyes narrowed. Sarcasm lay thick in her voice. “Let me guess
,
you were at work doing what you do and all of a sudden you accidentally stumble on to this naked woman who is accidentally posing in the studio. And you say gee, I should accidentally load my camera and snap a few accidental shots. Oh but wait
,
you tell yourself, wouldn’t it be even better is she accidentally posed with my sports props that I accidentally left lying around. Are you buying this load of garbage Ted? Because I sure as hell am not.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Megan.”
“Me ridiculous? Never. Uh huh. Not me.” Her tone was so thick and full of anger she didn’t even recognize it as her own voice. “Got any more accidents I should know about. You know
,
like if your clothes accidentally fell off and you tripped, and she was there to catch your fall and you were so grateful that you accidentally had sex with her. Or maybe…”
“This conversation is over, Megan. You’re acting like a child!” He turned his attention back to the T.V.
“You’re right
,
Ted. I’m
acting
like a child. And you know how children act. They throw temper tantrums and break things.” She eyed his collection of stupid sports dolls with those hideous bobbing heads. “Expensive things. Things that mean a lot to people.” She picked up Babe Ruth. “Yep, sometimes they break things that are priceless.”
“Put it down Meg.”
“Wasn’t this guy a legend or something?”
s
he said indicating the Babe Ruth doll in her hand. “Didn’t he hit like a gazillion homeruns?”
“Yeah, Meg. He did. Look…”
“Well, he can chalk up another one ‘cause this little guy is going out of the park.”
“Look, Megan. I’ll talk to you. I’ll tell you about Tiffany. It’s not what you think. Just put him down, stop breaking things and we’ll talk.” He rubbed his head with his hands and sighed.
“Does your head hurt Ted?”
“Yeah.”
“Good! You want some Tylenol
?
” He looked at her sideways.
“Please.” She returned Babe Ruth to the shelf.
Megan went to the kitchen and got Ted, the cheating dirt bag, a glass of water and something for his headache. While she was in the kitchen, she called Mickey.
He answered on the third ring his voice gruff from sleep.
“Mickey?”
“Yeah.”
“Pick me up in about a half an hour. I’m ready to do that thing.”
“What thing?”
“You know. What me, you and Josie talked about.”
“Ted’s office?”
“Yeah. So wear something appropriate for breaking and entering.”
“Bitchin babe. I have just the outfit for it. It’s camouflage with these little rhinestones and sequins…”
After cutting the connection with Mickey she went back in the living room to deal with Ted. She handed him his water and the pills, he took them, sat the glass down, then crossed his arms over his chest and sighed. “Megan I know things…”
“Ted. I don’t want to talk about it right now. Just go to bed and tomorrow we can hash this out.” He opened his mouth to protest but she talked over him. “It can wait till tomorrow. That way you won’t have a headache and you’ll have all night to think up a good lie. And please
,
Ted, make it good. Don’t just say the first thing that pops into your head. After ten years I deserve a better lie than ‘It was an accident’ or ‘It’s not what you think’.” She laughed dryly. “At least try to be original, you know. Something that’s not so cliché.”
Ted’s reaction to her words was utter confusion. He looked defeated, like he was trying to calculate the underlying meaning to her words. This was not the Megan he knew. The quiet, loyal, low maintenance woman who met him at the door with a smile and had dinner ready at six. The woman he’d married never asked questions or threw things or spoke her mind. She was just there, loyal and obedient and quiet. Until now he assumed she’d always be. He wasn’t so sure of that anymore.
“Megan?” He called out to her from the kitchen. When she didn’t answer he went in there to find her scrubbing the floor where something had been spilled. “Meg?”
“What Ted?” she answered her gaze never leaving the floor where she was scrubbing the now dried and crusty remnants of her mother’s lasagna from the tile.
He knelt down beside her and tilted her chin up so he could look her in the eyes.
“You’re very beautiful,”
h
e told her. Try as she might, she couldn’t help rolling her eyes at him in disgust.
“Go to bed
,
Ted.”
“I mean it. Maybe I don’t always say it, but I’ve always seen it.”
“Yeah, I’m sure you see it with Tiffany too.” He shook his head and frowned.