Authors: Amy Johnson
“Yep! And he skipped his workout last night and left an hour early for work this morning.”
“You still want to search for magazines? Or are you
okay
with that now?”
“I still want to search but first I wanted to talk to you about getting into shape. You go to the gym right?”
“Yeah, four times a week. But Megan, that’s not the problem. You look great.”
“Maybe Ted doesn’t think so,” Megan said biting her bottom lip.
“Ted’s an idiot. Look Meg
,
don’t read too much into this. Maybe he had a rough day or he’s just really tired…”
“Or maybe I’m too fat,” Megan interrupted “or not fat enough or…”
Oh boy. This
wa
s going to be a long day.
“Alright listen
,
I’ll pick you up on my way to workout. Be ready in about an hour. And Megan, there’s going to be men there so try to control your
,
uh…well
,
you know,” Stacy chuckled.
“Very funny!” Megan snapped then said
,
“I’ll be ready.”
***
By the time Stacy arrived Megan was on the front steps raring to go. She had just devoured an entire Sara Lee Strawberry Cheesecake but since she ate it half frozen to save on time she decided the calories didn’t count. Only calories at room temperature w
ould
damage your figure. She was almost positive she’d read that somewhere. Plus she needed fuel for jazzercise right?
Stacy had thrown a towel in the passenger seat of her Toyota Camry. Megan gave her a menacing grin and sat on top of it. Stacy tried to hide her laughter.
“I didn’t want to take any chances
,
” S
tacy
explained.
“You’re not my type
,
” Megan retorted as she got in and buckled her seatbelt.
“Rough morning?” Stacy asked. Megan nodded.
“Cheesecake?” Stacy asked. Again Megan nodded.
“Strawberry Deluxe?”
“Yep.”
“You save me any?”
“Well I was going to but then I read the expiration date and found that it had expired, so I was afraid it might poison you and I couldn’t throw it out because the dogs might get into it, so I did the only thing I could to protect everyone involved.”
“How humanitarian of you. Was it good?”
Delicious!
“No
,
I had to hold my nose and force it in.”
“Well you missed some.” Stacy said gesturing to the piece of cheese covered crust on Megan’s shirt just below her left breast. Megan scooped it off and handed it to Stacy who popped it in her mouth.
“Your right,” Stacy said. “It tastes spoiled. Thanks for looking out for mankind by disposing of the rest of it.”
When they got to the gym Stacy parked her car and reached in the backseat to collect two bottles of water and a towel. They got out, locked up
,
and entered the gym at a dead run.
“Why are we running?” Megan asked struggling to keep up.
“We’re late. Adele hates it when people are late.”
“Who’s Adele?”
“My fitness instructor. She takes her job very seriously.” They swung open the door and made it just in time for the warm up exercises. Megan took one look at Adele and knew she was in trouble.
Adele was somewhere between 40 and 50, about 5 foot tall and weighed about one hundred and fifty pounds of solid muscle. Her calves and biceps bulged, and her stomach sported a six pack. Her boob muscles were about as big as Megan’s head and her voice was gruff and husky. She had her hair cropped close to her scalp and she shouted military like instructions over the loud music. Megan felt a sudden urge to salute, but quashed it when Adele wandered over their way.
“Who’s this?” Adele asked Stacy.
“This is my friend, Megan.” She gestured to Adele. “Megan, Adele.” Megan nodded and stuck out her hand.
Adele didn’t take it. Instead she looked Megan over from head to toe. “Turn around,” she told Megan and Megan looked at Stacy who nodded at her impatiently. Megan turned around as Adele continued to size her up.
“Not bad,” Adele began. “Butt looks
okay
,
legs are decent until you get to the thighs.” In one fluent move Adele had her hands on Megan’s hips pinching her sides. Megan blinked, too stunned to move. “These love handles are really unattractive dear. We’ve got to get rid of those.” Adele moved on to Megan’s arms pinching the skin on the underside. She shook her head sadly. “You’re butt
’
s too boney, you’ve got chunky thighs, grotesque love handles
,
and your arms are as skinny as pipe cleaners. You look like a bulimic Olive Oyl.”
Megan stood there speechless debating whether she should walk out the door and tie herself to the train tracks or inhale another cheesecake. Or maybe she should eat the cheesecake then tie herself to the train tracks. She wanted to cry. And bash Amazon Commando Woman in the head with a frozen cheesecake.
The music started pounding again and all the women obediently took their places behind their steppers. Adele began demonstrating moves and Megan tried to keep up. Stacy looked like she was taking a leisurely stroll through the park while Megan felt like she was climbing Mount Everest with a Volkswagen strapped to her back. Her breathing was ragged, her chest was on fire
,
and her arms and legs felt like they weighed a thousand pounds each. And if that wasn’
t
enough
,
the cheesecake she’d eaten earlier was gurgling around in her stomach like a dead weight. She was either gonna hurl cheesecake like the exorcist or drop dead on her stepper.
What the hell had she been thinking wanting to work out? The only working out she ever did was unbuttoning her pants after desert. This was torture. With her luck Ted would be ready for some passion tonight and she’d be in ICU. Shit!
“Ok
ay
ladies, warm up’s over. Now let’s get down to business
,
” Adele commanded. The music changed to something with a lot of bass. What? That was a warm up? Oh God!
“Isn’t this fun?” Stacy said
,
her body not even glistened with sweat.
“Yeah. Loads,” Megan managed. Not as much fun as slitting my wrists with a spoon.
About ten minutes into the workout Adele ordered the ladies to pick up their weights. Each weight supposedly weighed five pounds. Yeah right!
Adele demonstrated the next exercise. She planted her feet firmly apart, brought one knee up and to the side while simultaneously bringing her weighted arm into a curl. It looked simple enough.
Megan took a deep
breath
planted her feet, brought her knee up, bent her arm to curl the weight, lost her balance, fell to the ground and smashed herself in the head with the weight. Little white spots danced before her eyes as she lay there, too tired to move, too embarrassed to get up. The music still blared and above her she saw the other women still working out. She closed her eyes and laid there lifting one weight in tune with Adele’s counting. Finally Stacy saw her
o
n the floor and shrieked. The music stopped and when she opened her eyes Adele and half the class were standing over her. Adele leaned in close to her body.
“Get up,”
s
he ordered. Megan didn’t even open her eyes.
“Can’t.”
“Why not?” Adele wanted to know.
“Because I think I’m dead.” She heard Stacy chuckle.
“Don’t be a wuss. You’re holding up my class. Hurry up.”
“Do you guys use a cleaning service here? Because if you don’t you might want to check on retaining one because this carpet smells awful.”
“No,” Stacy said. “That smell would be you.” Megan grimaced.
“Fine
,
lay there
,
”
a
frustrated Adele growled. “Ladies back to your steppers.”
“Can I get a pillow?” Megan asked just before the music came back on and the lights went off for Megan.
Megan awoke in a big, black, leather chair in what appeared to be an office. Her legs were propped on a large wooden desk and she had something very cold on her forehead. She heard a masculine voice conversing with Stacy and felt the wonderful chill from refrigerated air conditioning seep into her sweat soaked skin. As if she were afraid sudden movement would result in her head rolling off her neck she turned to the voices very slowly and opened her eyes.
Above her
,
holding an ice pack to her head was a mountain of a man clothed only in spandex and sporting a single hoop earring in his left ear which was a stunning contrast to his sun bronzed skin. He had long, black hair held back in a tight ponytail and gobs of stiff hair curling about on his chest. He looked at her with a gentle smile and said, “Mrs. Malone? How are you feeling?”
“Huh?” was all she could manage. He handed the ice pack off to Stacy and positioned himself in front of her taking a seat on the desk.
“Mrs. Malone?” He tried again. The man was so big she had to tilt her head up further to see his face. Tilting her head hurt like hell, so she instead had a conversation with his crotch.
“Uh huh
.
”
“My name is Tom Stratton. I own the gym. It seems as though you suffered an injury during your
aerobics
class. You apparently got knocked in the head with a weight and now you have a nasty bump on your forehead.”
That would explain the ice
, Megan thought. “We were just discussing calling an ambulance. I would feel a lot better if you had a doctor check you out.”
“Oh no
,
I’m fine. I just need a minute or so to get my bearings together
,
”
s
he told his crotch.
He sighed. “Stacy and I are going to take you to the emergency room. We need to make sure you don’t have a concussion.”
“I don’t have a concussion. I wasn’t knocked out. I fell asleep.”
He raised one brow and the corners of his mouth tipped up. “During aerobics?”
“Yes.”
“Isn’t that kind of unusual?”
“No. I’m Narcoleptic. I can sleep anywhere. You know driving, scuba diving, mowing the grass, aerobics.”
Tom looked at Stacy and then back at Megan. They were both trying to hide their amusement and be sympathetic. “Mrs. Malone,
i
t’s company policy that you be seen and it would really, really ease my mind if you were.” He paused and placed his hand on her knee. Her skin prickled with goose bumps and she tried to contract her pelvic muscles. Please God no more embarrassing moments. Not a repeat of Sergio.
“It’s not necessary.” She swung her legs down from the desk, knocking his telephone off in the process. She stood on wobbly legs and struggled to balance herself. “I’m fine. See?” Just as the last word came from her mouth, her legs gave out and she flailed her arms to try to keep from falling again. In one swift move he had his arms around her waist preventing the fall. She hung there motionless.
“You’re going to the hospital,” he said
,
and before she could open her mouth to protest he hurled her up into his arms and started to the door.
“No
,
wait. I feel like I’m going to…”
“It’s
okay
Mrs. Malone. Just relax.”
“No you don’t understand. I think I’m going to…”
“Megan, shut up. He’s right. You’re going to the hospital,” Stacy interrupted.
“But…” was all she could get out before the cheesecake she had eaten earlier forced its way out of her mouth and onto Tom’s chest and Stacy’s hair. “I think I’m gonna throw up,” she finished.
After Tom and Stacy had cleaned themselves up and retrieved Megan from the chair once again, Tom carried Megan to his truck
.
“I can walk,” she argued but Tom ignored her and
,
once there
,
buckled her in.
“I want to ride with Stacy,” she protested. She was too embarrassed to ride with Tom. She’d knocked herself out at his gym, talked to his crotch, and barfed up an entire strawberry cheesecake on him. Humiliation was not a strong enough word to describe how she felt.
“No!” Stacy snapped. “I don’t have passenger side air bags and I don’t want puke in my car.”
“Air bags?”
“Yeah, you’re an accident waiting to happen. So go happen with him. I’ll meet you there.”
“Stace?” Megan said to Stacy’s already departing back.
Tom patted her knee. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to rape or murder you. I’m just going to get you to the hospital.”
“I’d prefer the rape and murder,” Megan said and closed her eyes.