I in no way liked her tone; and for me, a woman acting desperate was a turnoff. Not only that, I also hated to be tempted and manipulated. “Get off my gotdamn lap, or else you will be on the floor. I told you I wasn't in the mood, Scorpio, and where you land from here depends on you.”
She could see in my eyes that I wasn't playing with her, so she backed up. “Let me take a guess,” she said. “You and Nokea must be getting things back on track, right?”
I stood up, moving her out of my way. “I'm not going to say all of that, but I think we're making progress. But if all you want to do is talk about Nokea and me, I'm not in the mood for that either. I came to get my kids. I see they're not here.”
I started toward the door. Scorpio reached for my arm, scratching it. I quickly turned. “I'm talking to you, Jaylin, so stop being so arrogant and full of yourself. Are we off again, or what? If so, please let me know so I can call up some of these men who've been chasing after me since I've been here in Miami.”
I shrugged. “You go ahead and do whatever it is that you have to do. Meanwhile, I'm not going to stay here and argue with you about
my
muthafucking dick!”
Her face looked flushed and she was speechless. Hurting her again was something I in no way wanted to do, especially since she had had my back. I calmed myself, looking into her eyes. “Look, didn't I tell you that I planned to work this shit out with Nokea? Our divorce doesn't mean anything to me. My love for her has not wavered one bit.”
“For the one thousandth time, it's good to know how much you love Nokea. Honestly, I get tired of hearing it. And since you're committing yourself, once again, all I want to know is if you are done using me for sex or not?”
I sighed. “I haven't been using you for sex, and you know it.”
Scorpio cut her eyes and turned her head to the side. Simply put, based on all that had happened, there were some losses we all had to accept. I moved forward, turning her head and stroking back her wet hair. I placed a tender kiss on her forehead.
“Baby, please calm down. I do not like arguing with you, and this has been about so much more than just sex. As I stand here today, I am a lost and torn man. IâI do love you, but I love another woman so much more. I can't help the way I feel. All I can do is be honest with you about what it is that I'm feeling inside. Bottom line, this situation is what it is, and what it has always been for a very long time. I can assure you that my feelings for Nokea will never change. If she decides to come back to me, I can't ...I just can't do this with you anymore.”
Scorpio stepped away from me. She walked over to the huge picture window, gazing outside. “I'm not going to be upset with you for being honest, but I sometimes regret falling so deeply in love with you. Then there are times that I'm grateful for what we share, and I could see my life no other way. I'm prepared to approach this, one day at a time. If you need me, I'm here. But don't in no way flatter yourself, because Miami is a very big city. I intend to start dating again. If you come in here with a bunch of bullshit about who I can and cannot see, we are going to have some serious problems. You know me well, Jaylin, and I can in no way sit around for the rest of my life being your house mistress. That doesn't work for me. As much as I love you, I love me more.”
I walked up to Scorpio, taking her hand to ease the situation. “I never asked you to be my house mistress, and you'd better love yourself more than you love me. I can't even respond about the dating thing right now, but I guess I have to let you do you.”
“Yeah, right, I'd like to see that.” She laughed out loud. “You want it all, Jaylin, but like you said yourself, we will all have to accept some losses.”
“I know. And even so, you know I'm going to set some rules about your dates, my kids, and this penthouse. Some things you'll have to be willing to abide by.”
She folded her arms and smirked. “Like what? Don't bring my dates here, and don't have the kids around my men, right?”
“Exactly. I in no way want to walk up in here and catch you with your ass up in the air. Those are simple rules to abide by, and we won't have any problems if you agree to those things.”
“Oh, I doubt that, but this is Jaylin's World, and you're the one running this show.”
I kissed the back of Scorpio's hand and she hugged my waist. We stood, looking out at the ocean, enjoying the scenery, as well as our embrace.
“Theâthe kids won't be back until later,” she said. “Are you sure you're not up to popping a quick cherry before they get here?”
I laughed. “I see I'm gonna have to buy you a vibrator. Scrap the dating bullshit and use a vibrator. I'll get you one of the best ones on the market and you can go that route instead.”
“Oh, you would like that, wouldn't you? But I don't want a vibrator. It can't perform like you. I don't want to date either, but you leave me no choice.”
“I know, and don't be mad at me for saying this, but I've been miserable without Nokea. You know I have, and my dick been acting kind of funny, anyway. I don't want it to disappoint you.”
Scorpio shrugged. “Disappoint me? Never. I know how to revive it, andâ”
My phone vibrated, interrupting her. It was Shane. Instead of answering, I told Scorpio he was waiting for me and I had to go. I walked to the door with her, and we continued to hug each other.
“Tell my kids I'll be back tomorrow to get them. As for you, you'd better be good, and please, please don't cause me more heartache.” I turned at the door, letting go of Scorpio.
She smiled. “I love you too much to do that. See you soon.”
I kissed her cheek. “I love you too.”
I started to walk away, but Scorpio grabbed my arm. She was still smiling. “Do you know how many years I have waited for you to say those words to me and know that you really mean them? Don't think I'm not grateful for all that you've done, because I am.”
I nodded. “I know, and vice versa. I truly do mean those words from the bottom of my heart. You know that I wouldn't say it, unless I meant it.”
She agreed, and we hugged again before I left to go back home.
NOKEA
I couldn't believe how sick I'd gotten that day. With Jaylin being underneath me, I expected it would happen. I took the entire week off from work, trying to get myself together. Jaylin had gotten rid of his flu and spent his time catering to me. Surprisingly, LJ and Jaylene hadn't gotten ill at all. And when my flu was over, I thanked Jaylin for being there for me. Then I went back home. I can't lie and say that I didn't enjoy myself being back at the house, because I did. The kids were happy to see me every single day, and Jaylin and I had talked more than we had talked in months. The conversation he wanted to have, I wasn't quite ready for it yet. I was still uneasy about so much. When Scorpio had called the house one day, I answered the phone. She paused, but politely asked if she could speak to Jaylin. She talked to him about something with the kids. I guess to make me feel comfortable, he had the conversation right in front of me. He even mentioned my name, telling her I'd been sick too. Told her we were about to eat dinner and said that he'd be over on Saturday afternoon to pick up the kids.
I wasn't sure what kind of relationship they had, and I kept telling myself that it was no longer my business. All I wanted was for Jaylin to take care of his kids; thus far, he had been doing a darn good job at that. I understood Nanny B's concern with him about disciplining the kids more. But coming from the abusive situation that Jaylin had come from, he would never go down that route with his kids. I don't care if they burned that house down, Jaylin would find an excuse as to why they did it. In return, he'd build them one even bigger than the one before. I don't know why Nanny B couldn't see that, but that was one of the things I had known about the man I still deeply loved.
“Day two hundred twelve,” he said on voice mail. “How can you come over here, give a brotha a little hope, and then not call him? You cold, baby, and I can't believe just how cold you've gotten. You know I'm anxious to spend some time with you again. You got me all excited, and you really need to admit that you had a good time with us too. It was perfect, just like it used to be. If we could bypass the last seven months, I'm ready to hook back up whenever you are.”
I deleted Jaylin's message and went into a conference meeting at work.
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For the next few weeks, my routine had pretty much remained the same. Work was keeping me busy and so were the kids. Jaylin had taken all of them to Disney World. When the kids mentioned that Scorpio had gone with them, I was livid. I couldn't get over the fact that Jaylin was still spending time with her. Despite his being there for his kids, I was troubled just knowing that the two of them were seeing each other on a regular basis. I didn't care to have a conversation with Jaylin about where things stood between them, and my speculations made me keep my distance. I guess I was mad because he didn't ask me to go to Disney World with the kids. I didn't even know that Scorpio had been spending time with my children. When I asked LJ, he said that was the first time he'd met her. I wasn't sure what to think or how to feel. During lunch, though, I talked to Tiffanie about my concerns. She tried to simplify it the best way she knew how.
“From what Shane said, Jaylin used that as an opportunity for Jaylene and LJ to get to know Scorpio. He felt as if being at Disney World would make them comfortable with her, and I even think it might have been Shane's idea. The kids do spend a lot of time together, Nokea, and I wouldn't take it personal if I were you.”
“But what are the kids thinking? I mean, they see her, and then they see me. They probably think their father has two wives. That can't be a good thing. I know they're confused.”
Tiffanie placed her long hair behind her ears and dipped into her cheesy nachos. She licked the cheese from her finger and sipped from her glass of water. “When you get finished talking, my stepmother is awesome. My brothers and I grew up with her as well, and so many families are doing it like that. Now, I don't know what kind of relationship Jaylin has with her, but from what Shane tells me, it's nothing serious. I honestly think Jaylin just goes to her to get his rocks off. If you expect for him to go without sex for months, I don't think that's possible.” She wiped her hands on a white napkin. “Besides, why are you so worried about him, anyway? If your relationship with him is a done deal, as you say, why worry yourself?”
I folded my arms. “I'm just concerned about my children. LJ remembers Scorpio from the past, but I know being around her will not sit well with Jaylene. Just thinking about it drives me nuts.”
“No offense, honey, but how do you think she felt when you had her kids? She's probably got concerns too, and you can't think one way without putting the shoe on the other foot.”
I threw my hand back at Tiffanie. She wasn't trying to hear me, so I changed the subject. “Okay. Now, what are we planning for your wedding shower? Or are you planning to get wild and make me put together a memorable bachelorette party for you?”
“Believe it or not, Shane said he wanted to keep it simple. He doesn't know that I have my family coming from all over, but he asked Jaylin if we could use you guys' yacht for an out-of-this-world get-together the night before our wedding. I am sooo excited! I truly have found myself the best man in the universe. I owe you and Jaylin my life, and I am going to make Shane sooo happy. Especially,” she added, touching her belly, “when I tell him I'm already two months pregnant!”
We clutched our hands together, shaking them in the air from excitement. “Congratulations!” I yelled. I was so happy for Shane and Tiffanie. I couldn't think of any other couple more deserving. Especially Shane. Being patient had definitely paid off for him. I couldn't help but think about Jaylin and me. As happy as I was for Shane and Tiffanie, I knew the upcoming weeks of watching them, and assisting with their wedding, would stir up my feelings. Watching them take the crucial steps forward would make me think about how Jaylin and I had taken so many steps backward. What a shame, I thought. How did we allow things to go so wrong for us?
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Tiffanie and I had been running around like chickens with their heads cut off. The wedding planner had done a lot to help, but we didn't want to put every single responsibility on her. Besides, Tiffanie was a hands-on kind of person and she wanted to make sure everything flowed well. I understood why she wanted everything to turn out well, but we had truly exhausted ourselves. Even so, the day of the dinner celebration on the yacht, we still had plenty to do. We had to put up decorations and make sure the DJ had a space set aside for his music. We also had to direct the paid staff to set up a few tables for dinner. I really didn't think we'd be able to pull it off. After we finished, the setup was awesome. Tiffanie went with lavender and black. The bridesmaids' dresses were lavender like mine, and there were only three of us. Shane had Jaylin for his best man, and Tiffanie's two brothers were his groomsmen. Her siblings liked Shane a lot, but not as much as her father did. He knew he was getting himself a wonderful son-in-law. We all knew Shane would treat her with much love and respect.
After we finished decorating the yacht, I headed for home to get dressed. I wondered how Jaylin had been feeling about all of this. I knew he was anxious to see me tonight. I was kind of excited about seeing him too, as it had definitely been a while. Keeping it classy, I put on a hot pink strapless dress that had layers like a wrapped mummy. It was very pretty, and I jazzed it up with silver accessories. My hair was like the usual, and my nails and toes were polished with sparkling silver polish. I felt good about my appearance. Before I left my place, I sprayed on several dashes of my sweet-smelling perfume.
By the time I got to the yacht, it was almost eight at night. The sun was going down and the scenery was quite beautiful. The lights surrounding the yacht showed just how many people were already there, and there was plenty. I knew the yacht would sail at eight-thirty, so I made my way on, with a nicely wrapped gift with a big bow on it in my hand. As soon as I got on the yacht, I placed my gift on the gift table and started to mingle with everyone on board. Like always, everyone was so friendly. I spotted Shane's mother and Nanny B sitting in the parlor room, talking. I walked over to give both of them a hug.
“Hi, sweetie,” Shane's mother said, giving me a kiss on my cheek. “You look so pretty.”
“You do too,” I said. “I know you're so happy for your son, aren't you? You did such a great job with him.”
Shane's mother smiled. I sat with her and Nanny B for a while, talking about life and children. Mine were at home with Loretta, who had stepped in, in Nanny B's absence. According to her, all of the children were in good hands.
I wrapped up my conversation with the two ladies, and then found Tiffanie and Shane standing, hand in hand, talking to some of her relatives. Shane and Tiffanie introduced me to numerous people, and plenty of hugs and handshakes were exchanged. The waiters came by with filled champagne glasses, and all kinds of food were being served. I, myself, had already started to drink a lot of wine, and I was not alone.
Everybody was getting their drink on. When the yacht pulled away, we busted several champagne bottles on the side of it. Tiffanie's father gave a toast, and the party was on. Loud music played throughout the yacht. If you weren't up dancing, you were somewhere drinking or eating. I still had not spotted Jaylin, and I wasn't sure if he was there or not. The thought of Scorpio being with him crossed my mind, but he wouldn't dare go there, would he? It was just like Jaylin to avoid me, especially if he couldn't handle the pressure.
This was difficult for me too, but I forced myself to have a good time for the sake of Shane and Tiffanie. The caterers had made some Thai chili wings, which were off the chain. I kept piling my plate high with the wings, tearing them up. I had more glasses of wine; after I'd had enough of that, I started drinking Patrón with lime juice. I should have known better. I felt real tipsy. Knowing that I had to be there for Tiffanie and Shane on their wedding day tomorrow, I had to keep it cool. I chilled on the alcohol and sat next to Nanny B on the upper deck as we watched a soul train dance line forming. Everybody was clapping their hands, and Shane and Tiffanie boogied down the aisle first. No, Tiffanie could not dance, but Shane was doing his thing in his black suit. He removed his jacket and we all whistled and clapped louder. I reached down and whispered to Nanny B, asking where Jaylin was.
“A few hours ago, he told me he was going to the master stateroom to lie down for a while. Said his head was hurting a little bit.”
I kept clapping and watching everybody doing their thing. I knew all too well what Jaylin's headache was about. As I watched the line of dancers getting longer and longer, I looked up; a smile grew on my face. Jaylin stood, leaning on the rail, with his dark black suit on. He looked so handsome, and the suit was cut perfectly to his muscular frame. It buttoned at his fitted waist, and a black silk shirt and tie were underneath. If he came to impress me, he did. He saw me look in his direction and nodded his head toward the dancers. He whispered from afar, asking if I wanted to get in line. I nodded and we both got in line to dance, waiting for our time to come. When it arrived, we did the bump, and everybody laughed.
The line dancing went on for quite some time. When my feet started killing me, I took off my shoes and sat on the cushioned seats next to the edge. Nanny B had taken my place in the dance line with Jaylin. The waiter passed me, so I hurried to reach for another flute glass of wine. I sipped from the champagne glass and crossed my legs. I put my shoes back on, and swung myself around to look out into the ocean. There were other yachts sailing. Each time we passed them, everyone waved. The sun had gone down, and the calming breeze, starlit sky and half-moon were breathtaking. I heard someone clear his throat. Without even turning around, by the smell of his addictive cologne, I knew it was Jaylin. He sat next to me, with a glass of wine in his hand too.
“Day one,” he said. “Do you mind telling me your name?”
“It's Nokea. Nokea Brooks.”
He chuckled and stroked his goatee. “So, uh, Ms. Brooks, are you married?”
“I was, but my husband tripped and blew it. I'm single right now.”
“Shame on that fool. I'm sure he's suffering from his loss. If you were my wife, I would treat you like a queen. I would take care of you real good and make you the happiest woman in the world.”
I gazed at the ocean. “Yeah, I've heard that before. I'm dealing with some trust issues now, and I don't know if I'll ever be ready to jump back into another relationship.”
“No matter what, you can't give up on love, especially if it's so strong. No matter how much you fight it, it will never go away.”
I moved my hair away from my eye and got a closer look at Jaylin. “That's what they say, but that's what you do when you're not sure. You fight those feelings because you're so afraid of putting your guard down and being hurt again. Besides, I'm all for taking it one day at a time. Who knows what the future holds? I thought I did, but I was so wrong.”
“Forget the wrong, and make it right. Everyone deserves a second chance, and you can't hold the past against someone. If you'd let me, I'd love to take you on a date on the day after tomorrow. I gotta go to this crappy wedding tomorrow, and I'm sure it's going to tie me up all day. After that, I would love for you to wash your hands from that fucked-up husband you had, and give a brotha like me a chance. I'm different from him, and sometimes a man has to hit rock bottom before he eventually wakes up. I've been there. I never want to go there again, nor take the woman whom I love there again. One date, that's all I am asking. Will you go on one date with me?”