As soon as I closed the door, I went into the living room with LJ and Justin. I told LJ to go throw away the tissue and he rushed out of the room. Justin wanted to follow him, but I reached for him and carefully picked him up. My heart was starting to beat faster, but I took a few deep breaths. I eased into the seat behind me and stood him up on my lap. He was so darn cute. I could see the beautiful curly hair on his head underneath his hat. I removed his head covering and took off his glasses. My breathing came to a halt and my heart dropped somewhere beyond my stomach. I didn't know if I was jealous, angry, envious or a combination of them all. No matter what I felt, Justin was Jaylin all over again. LJ looked a hell of a lot like Jaylin, but just from the skin color difference, Justin was right there. I saw Scorpio in him too, and a part of me was uneasy because she had gotten her wish. Justin pinched my cheeks and scooted back from me, like he wanted to get down. LJ came to get him and they rushed off into another room. I smiled at how well they all seemed to get along. I couldn't help it that a few tears had fallen, and I quickly wiped my tears from all that I was feeling inside. Shortly afterward, I heard something break.
“What was that?” I asked, getting up and going into the other room. They all stood and pointed at each other. No doubt, this was going to be a long, long weekend.
A long day it was. I had not raised my voice this much in quite some time. We had spent the day on the beach; then we went out for dinner. LJ and Jaylene had shown their butts. They were clowning, and the only one who didn't give me any hassles was Mackenzie. She was sweet as ever; and being the oldest, she helped me out as much as she could. Justin was okay too, but he was really a fussy and spoiled child. He wanted me to pick him up all of the time. Of course, when I did that, Jaylene's big ole self started throwing a fit. She had to have the most attention, and I reminded myself to thank Jaylin for spoiling them so much.
That night, we had a slumber party and laid sleeping bags on the floor. The kids watched movies, ate popcorn, jumped around and danced to Michael Jackson's
Bad
CD. They loved Michael Jackson's music. Even though the “King of Pop” was now resting in peace, there was a new generation ready to carry on his legacy.
The Princess and the Frog
had something going on too, and LJ sat gazing at the pretty princess until his eyes got tired and he fell asleep. It wasn't long before Mackenzie and Jaylene had gone to bed, but Justin was fighting his sleep. So everyone would stay sleeping, I picked him up and carried him into my room with me. I sat on the bed; then I laid him on my chest. As I started to softly read a book to him, his eyes faded. Before I knew it, he had shut it down, releasing light snores. This was, no doubt, a healing moment for me. I liked how he felt against my chest, and I got choked up thinking of the child I'd aborted. I swallowed hard; then I laid Justin on the bed next to me. I looked at my cell phone on the dresser and picked it up. It was almost midnight, and I wondered if Jaylin was awake. The phone rang three times, and he answered, sounding wide-awake.
“Day one ninety-four,” I said. “The kids and I had a wonderful time together. You're so blessed, Jaylin. I hope you recognize just how blessed you are. Don't ever take your blessings for granted again.”
“I won't, especially pertaining to you. I'm glad you had a good time. I suspected that you would.”
“It wasn't easy, but I managed. All I can say, Super Dad, is you have some work that you need to do with your children. What is wrong with Jaylene and LJ? I haven't seen them this wound up in a long time. They really showed out, especially at the beach. Jaylene kept knocking down everybody's sand castles and had the nerve to get mad when they knocked down hers. LJ didn't listen to a thing I said, and I had to keep repeating myself over and over again. Mackenzie, she was so sweet. I would take her anywhere with me; she knows how to behave herself.”
“Welcome to Jaylin's World, and they are a big part of it. Mackenzie, however, is playing you like a fiddle. She got issues too, and wait until she gets used to being around you again. You'll see, trust me.” Jaylin paused; I knew he couldn't wait to ask, “What about Justin? Was he okay?”
“He's been a little fussy, but that's how two-year-olds are. I can tell he's on the same path as LJ is, and in a minute! I don't know what you're going to do.”
Jaylin laughed. “I'm going to love the hell out of my kids, take care of them and teach them how to be successful in life. You gonna help me do that, aren't you?”
“Of course. And just because we're not together, I will never give up on my kids.”
“I know you won't. IâI know you don't want to hear this right now, but I can't stop thinking about our baby. Did you hate me that much where you felt the need to do what you did? I just can't get that out of my mind, and look at how long we waited for that baby to come. Do you even think aboutâ”
“I think about it every single day of my life. It's one of those bad decisions that I have to live with, and I'm sure you know all about those. âSorry' doesn't seem like it will ever be enough. Pertaining to some things, I guess not. With that, I'm sorry, Jaylin. From the moment I did it, I regretted my decision.”
There was silence; then he spoke up. “I told you that I've forgiven you, and I have. Doâdo you regret our divorce? Or have you completely given up on us? I hope not.”
I hated to go there, but I had to. “Our divorce has been finalized and I'm satisfied.”
“Do you really think that a piece of paper that a judge stamped her name on has that much power to override the love we have for each other? Legally, it is what it is. Through my eyes, though, you will be my wife forever. My heart will never know anything different, and I'm giving you all of the time you need to see that. I won't even ask you to marry me again, because it's not necessary. I know, and you know, that this thing between us is much deeper than anyone could imagine. All I'm waiting on is for my wife to come back home. I don't need a court order that allows her to do that, and neither does she.
You
can, and someday
you will
, come home on your own free will.”
I paused, thinking about what he'd said. I was in no way there yet, and couldn't even envision living in that house with him again. “Good night, Jaylin.”
“Thanks for calling me back. You gave me hope, and here goes another sleepless night for me. I know you're having them too. I will be so glad when we can lay in bed together, resting peacefully in each other's arms.”
I didn't wish to comment, so I closed my phone shut. I scooted down in the bed next to Justin, holding his little hands. As I had done before, I played back in my mind the day Jaylin and I went to St. Louis and Justin was conceived. Jaylin was so out of character that night, and I should have known something wasn't right. I lay in bed, reminiscing about what his eyes had revealed to me that day.
Â
Â
Jaylin hadn't been answering his cell phone. When I got to the hotel room, I noticed his cell phone had been broken. I could hear the water in the shower running, so I entered the bathroom. I called his name several times, but he didn't answer. I then slid over the shower curtain. Jaylin looked at me as if he'd seen a ghost. His eyes were without a blink and he rubbed his chest.
“What?” he hurried to say. “Isâis everything okay?”
“Everything is fine, Jaylin. I saw your broken phone and called your name several times. You didn't answer, so I thought something had happened.”
He took a deep breath and turned off the water. “I got mad at the damn thing because I couldn't get a signal. I tried to call you, but it wouldn't dial out.”
I reached for a towel and slowly wiped his body. When I got to his back, I stopped. “Where did this red markâthis long scratch on your backâcome from?”
He turned his back toward the mirror to see what I was referring to. There was a long scratch on his back; he seemed to be at a loss for words. My immediate thought was a woman had dug into his back during sex, but he cleared it up. “Shit, I don't know, probably from Jaylene climbing on my back yesterday. Remember when I was on the floor and she...”
He was trying too hard to convince me, but I didn't push. “Yes, I remember.” I smiled and yawned. “I'm so tired. Pat's baby shower is tomorrow, and can you believe I'm already missing home? I can't wait to get back to my babies.”
“I can't wait to get home either. I wish we could leave now, but I know how important it is for you to be there for your friend.”
“Very important,” I said. “Pat would die if I left this soon.”
As I got undressed, Jaylin hurried and got into the bed. He had a very disturbing look on his face, and it was so easy for me to tell that something was wrong.
What was it?
I kept thinking. My gut was telling me something wasn't right.
“Out with it, Jaylin Rogers. What's on your mind?” I teased while climbing underneath the sheets with him. We cuddled, and as he held me, I laid the back of my head against his chest.
“I just had a long day, that's all. I'm glad that Shane and I worked things out. I'm looking forward to him moving to Florida. My mind's been preoccupied with our new business venture.”
“I knew it was something. I've been here for almost thirty minutes and you haven't even kissed me.”
I looked up at him. Just by looking into his eyes, I was positive that something was wrong, but what was it? Maybe I was just tripping, but Jaylin had never hesitated before kissing me.
As we kissed, he hadn't put much into it. It was over before it got started, and he pecked my forehead, giving me a forced smile. He then laid his head back on the pillow, staring at the ceiling as if in deep thought. His arm was behind his head, and I could tell something heavy was on his mind. Maybe it was in reference to the dream he'd had, so I interrupted his thoughts.
“Hey, baby, can I ask you something personal?” I asked.
“Of course.”
“You mentioned that in your dream, you had millions and millions of dollars. I don't keep up with your financial status, but isn't itfair to me that you be a bit more specific about those kinds of things?”
“Yes, and if you ever want to know, all you have to do is ask. Anything you want or need, you can have it. What's mine is yours. It's not that I've been keeping our finances a secret, it's just that you rarely ask about our financial status.”
“I do look at our bank statements, but you have accounts that belong solely to you. For the sake of our children, I don't know if that's a good idea.”
“I agree. It's not.”
“All I want to know is, is there more than fifteen million in your combined accounts?”
“Yes.”
“Twenty-five?”
“Yes.”
“Thirty-five?”
“You're onto something.”
“Fifty?” My eyes widened. I couldn't believe what he'd said.
“You're very close. I promise you that when we get home, I'll reveal everything to you.”
I laid my head back on his chest and rubbed it.
“Can I ask why, all of a sudden, you're inquiring about our finances?” he asked.
“Because I've been thinking about the yacht you purchased. That thing cost some serious dollars. I felt so foolish for not knowing that we could afford something like that. I don't like being kept in the dark, and I do want to know about all of our assets. A husband and wife should know those kinds of things. It's only fair to me.”
Jaylin seemed uneasy about my questions, but he put me at ease. “Like I said, baby, it's whatever you want. Next week, I will make arrangements for us to meet with my financial adviser and Frick.”
“Thanks,” I said as I lifted my head to give him a tiny peck on the lips.
I reached in my purse and pulled out a silver picture book. When I lay back on his chest, I opened the book and it displayed many digital pictures of us.
“This was your anniversary gift,” I said. “I was too embarrassed to give it to you.”
“Why?” he said, admiring the cute and memorable pictures of us. “Woman, this book is priceless. We make an adorable couple, don't we?”
“Yes, and look at this one,” I said, pointing to the picture. “This was taken when you were nineteen and I was eighteen, remember? You were so handsome and bad to the bone.”