I would bet my life on it that she was on the other side of the door, but wouldn't say anything. I wished like hell that she would open the door. Since she wouldn't, I kept at it. “After work, Shane and I went to a bar.” I smiled. “Can you believe two women bought us some drinks, and one of them asked me to dance? Yeah, I danced with her, but then that song by KEM came on, âWhy Would You Stay?' You should have seen me. I couldn't even dance right. You have got to listen to that song, if you haven't already heard it. Just pay attention to the words. I know why you didn't want to stay, but I want you to change your mind. When I listened to that song, my mind was consumed with thoughts of us. IâI know you think I'm bullshitting, but it's the truth. I had a vision of us dancing together at our neighbor's party we went to. We had so much fun that night, and that dress you wore.... You really outdid yourself. That was the night we made our baby. Or was it before that?” I paused, knowing that she probably wouldn't want me to go there.
“Anyway, baby, I just wanted to tell you that this is ... Being without you is tough. Lying in our bed at night, alone, is the worst feeling ever. I'm starting to have those bad dreams again about my past, and do you remember when I used to call you in the middle of the night so you could come over and lay in bed with me? I felt so loved and protected. You always made me feel loved, didn't you?” I chuckled, thinking about when I was thirteen years old and got beat up for defending Nokea. “You know who I was thinking about the other night? That punk, Blake Jackson. Remember he kept messing with you? When he made you cry that day, I was so upset. I got my ass kicked; and even though I was embarrassed as hell, I remember you helping me off the ground and wiping the dirt from my clothes. That was the first time I held your hand on the way to school, and I kept thinking, â
Daaamn
, this girl may someday be my wife.' You were so fine, but Stephon, that fool, kept telling me that you liked him. I knew better, though. When you kissed me in my aunt's basement that day, I was like ... âYeah, she feeling me.' That kiss wasâwas dry as hell, and you wouldn't even give me no tongue. Remember? You wouldn't give me no pussy either. When you did finally up it, I'll be damned if we didn't make LJ. I don't care what you say, but this shit was meant to last a lifetime.”
I laughed and sat in silence as I thought more about our long history together. I had known Nokea for thirty plus years and was thinking about how she had been there for me too. And, how I had disappointed her. I lowered my head. “I fucked this up, didn't I? I regret all that I've done to you. Saying I'm sorry will never be enough, but let me show you that I can be all that you need me to be. Can you do that for me?”
I paused, and a few seconds later, my cell phone rang. When I looked to see who it was, it was Scorpio calling me. I ignored the call; the timing was way off. I had the nerve to be annoyed by the call, but I had no one to blame for this situation but myself. I slowly stood up, turning to face the door with my hands pressed against it. “I'm getting ready to go. I just wanted to say hello, and I may come back tomorrow to share my thoughts. I hope you don't mind, but you're still my best friend. Meanwhile, can I get a simple knock to let me know you're okay? Maybe two knocks just to tell me you still love me. It really would mean the world to me.”
I waited again for her to respond, but I guess I was asking for too much. I put my hands in my pockets and turned. As I walked away from her door, I heard two light knocks. For now, that had to be enough.
Feeling just okay, I walked to my truck. When I got inside, I returned Scorpio's call.
“What's up?” I asked.
“Nothing much. I was just calling to check on you and the kids. Are you bringing them home tonight or tomorrow?”
“Probably tomorrow.”
“Okay. Then I'm going to Loretta's aunt's house with her. If you need me tonight, I can be reached by cell phone.”
“Have fun, and we'll see you tomorrow.”
Scorpio paused for a second. “You don't sound too good. Is there anything that I can do to perk you up? I can always cancel my plans with Loretta, and you know I'd rather be spending my time with you any day of the week.”
“The invite sounds enticing, but I'll pass tonight. I'm a little tired. I will see you tomorrow, though, okay?”
“Okay, honey. You still my Jay Baby. Whenever you're ready for me, I'm all yours.”
“Tomorrow. I'll be there tomorrow.”
Scorpio hung up, and so did I. wasn't sure what tomorrow was going to bring, but I did know that I couldn't go on feeling just “okay” forever.
SCORPIO
I couldn't believe that Nokea had really done it! She gave Jaylin his walking papers, but you'd better believe that he didn't walk too far. He came to me a few days after his divorce was final, and I had never seen Jaylin so torn. All I could do was lend him my shoulder, and seeing him so out of character caused me to be really hard on myself. I felt as if I were the one to blame for the entire mess. I apologized profusely for my actions. He didn't put the blame on me; rather he turned it to himself. He took responsibility for everything he'd done and simply said that he'd have to live with it the best way he could.
The weeks following had gotten even tougher for me. Yeah, Jaylin was spending a lot of time with his kids, so we rarely saw each other. Some days, he sent Nanny B to get the children, and his phone calls were always here and there. When I called to speak to him, he always seemed to be in a rush. I asked Mackenzie how he seemed; to her, Daddy was doing fine. She talked about how excited he was to be with them, and told me about all of the adventurous things they'd done. I guess I finally realized that this was not about him and me. Or, for that matter, about Nokea and him. Jaylin wanted to be with his children, even though he had suffered a tremendous loss with losing Nokea.
Nearly a month later, things had started to settle down. I saw Jaylin coming back to life. We'd only had sex once, but the performance he delivered was always everlasting. He was smiling more; he spent more time at my place with the kids; he talked about making money again. He mentioned Shane getting married and bragged about how much money they were making. I was feeling happy for Jaylin, and I couldn't believe Shane was getting married. I hadn't forgotten about our past history together. Whoever it was who landed him, she was one lucky woman. In a sense, so was I. I didn't have the relationship I wanted with Jaylin, but because of the damage we'd all done to each other, we all had to accept some losses. Nobody got exactly what he or she wanted or expected; but as long as Jaylin was a part of my life, I was okay. For now, anyway.
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I sat on my balcony with my feet relaxing in the Jacuzzi, wanting to express my thoughts of late. Jaylin was sitting in one of the lounge chairs with Justin on his lap. Mackenzie was inside taking her piano lessons. We could hear her playing.
“What do you think about all of this?” I asked while splashing my feet in the water.
“About what?” Jaylin asked. “I think her playing sounds good.”
“No, I mean about all that we've been through. Was this really how things were supposed to be?”
Jaylin tickled Justin to make him laugh. “Other than my divorce, I guess so. I believe things happen for a reason, but some things I can't accept.”
“Have you spoken to Nokea?”
“Not much. There's been a word or two said between us when she comes by to get the kids, but nothing to brag about. I can't believe how much she hates me. I thought by now we'd at least be on good terms.”
“She doesn't hate you. Not at all. I didn't tell you this, but I went to see her right before you went to court. We talked, and I told her how sorry I was for all that had happened. I expressed my love for you and told her that I would stop being intimate with you, if the two of you stayed together.”
Jaylin sat quietly; then he and Justin came over to the Jacuzzi with me. “What else did she say? Did she believe you?”
I shrugged. “I don't know. But for her, my saying that wasn't enough. So much had already been done. For the first time, I saw the hurt in her eyes and I could see how much she loved you. This shit was so serious, Jaylin, and we'd all been playing around with it as if nobody had a care in the world. Do you think the day will come when we're all content and we recover from this?”
Jaylin put Justin on his shoulders and came closer to me. “I hope so. But in the meantime, thanks for being there for me.” He puckered and I kissed his sexy lips.
After Mackenzie's piano lessons were over, we all went inside to eat dinner. Loretta made tacos, and Jaylin told her they tasted better than Nanny B's.
“Say it ain't so,” I said. “If Nanny B heard you say that, she would disown you.”
“The truth is the truth,” Jaylin said, chomping down. “These tacos are really good.”
Loretta looked proud. She ate dinner with us too. When Justin got irritable, she got out of her seat to get him. Almost immediately Jaylin took Justin from her hand.
“What's up with you, man?” he asked, picking him up over his head. “You ain't supposed to be crying like no little girl.”
“He cries all of the time,” Mackenzie said, rolling her eyes to the back of her head. “LJ cried a lot too when he was a baby, and Jaylene ... she is really out there.” Mackenzie placed her hand on her hip and started her sassy yakking. “My own sister took my purse and wouldn't give it back to me. Daddy spanked her real good and she calmed herself down.”
“I did not.” Jaylin grinned while sitting back in his chair. “I didn't spank Jaylene; I tapped her.”
Mackenzie twitched her finger from side to side. “Nuh-uh, Daddy. You spanked her hard, and she had tears and snot running all down her face.” Of course, Mackenzie described it. “I hugged her and was like ... âGirl, you gonna be okay.' We played with our Barbies, and I told her, âGirl, you'd better watch yourself, because Daddy don't play.' I told her about when he spanked me, and I've been on the right track ever since.”
Jaylin's brows were up. He looked stunned. “Mackenzie, why you lying on me like that? I have never spanked you. I should have, but I didn't.”
Mackenzie quickly nodded her head, standing by her comments. “Yes, you have spanked me, Daddy. You were like”âMackenzie deepened her voice, trying to sound like Jaylinâ“âGirl, you'd better get yourself together. I'm warning you, or there will be repercussions.”'
I covered my mouth, trying to hold back my laughter.
Mackenzie continued. “Then you ordered me to my room and pulled out a big ole gigantic black belt that had holes in it. I was scared like Jaylene was the other day, and youâyou...”
Jaylin sat with his hand pressed against his face, smiling and listening. “Then I did what? Finish telling the story, to your recollection, of course.”
Mackenzie let out a deep sigh. “Then you sat on the bed and ... and I think you gave me a big ole kiss on my cheek and told me to be good.”
“Yeah, that's what I thought.” Jaylin laughed. “But you said I spanked you.”
“You did,” she insisted.
“When?” he shot back.
Mackenzie closed her eyes and tapped her temple with her finger. “I need to do some more thinking. I'm sure I'll come up with something.”
“Make it good,” he said. “And if you lie on me again, there will be repercussions.”
Mackenzie's grin became wider, showing her pearly whites. We continued to eat dinner. Because Justin had stood on Jaylin's lap, Justin had made one big mess. He had taco toppings everywhere. Jaylin left to go give him a bath, and Mackenzie and I cleaned up the kitchen. Loretta already had told us that she had plans for the night. After she left, I put Mackenzie to bed.
Jaylin stayed with Justin for a while. When he shut it down for the night, Jaylin came into my bedroom. He sat on the edge of my bed. I was surprised to see him remove his shirt. I moved to the edge of the bed, wrapping my arms around his neck and rubbing his chest.
“Are you spending the night?” I asked.
“Maybe,” he said, slightly tilting his head as I pecked down his neck. He rubbed my arms as I touched his chest. “I was meaning to ask you,” he said. “Did you really mean what you told Nokea about cutting it off with me, if she and I got back together?”
I halted my pecks on his neck and held my hair aside so it wouldn't fall over him. “Yes, I really would have. I guess the question is, would you have even come back to me again or accepted when I told you no?”
Jaylin sucked in a deep breath; then he let it out. “I know it's hard for anyone to believe, but I never would have betrayed Nokea again. As for you telling me no, you wouldn't have had to.”
I wasn't sure if I believed Jaylin, but I knew that I didn't want to spend our night discussing Nokea. His mood had been just fine, and I definitely didn't want it to change. Already naked, I hurried off the bed and opened one of my drawers. I pulled out a box of feminine wipes. When I knelt behind Jaylin again, I gave the box to him.
He laughed. “What in the hell is this?”
“Read it.”
“âAlways Feminine Wipes. Feel fresh and clean all day and every day. Perfect for freshening up during your period, before and after sexual intercourse with Jaylin, and they're flushable.”'
We laughed as Jaylin made up his own words on the label and tossed the box over his shoulder. He laid me back on the bed, easing in between my legs. I wrapped them around his waist. “I haven't been able to use those wipes on a regular basis,” I said, pouting. “I miss your spontaneous visits to see me. By any chance, can we work on getting your visits to increase? Just a little.”
“We may have to see about that,” he said, smirking and playfully biting my neck. “My kids just keep me so, so busy andâ”
“And your kids claim you've been spanking them. Shame on you. I wish you would use some of that energy you got spanking me, instead. You would get so much more in return, and you'd have a lot of fun doing it too.”
Jaylin turned me over, not spanking my butt, but massaging it real good. He lowered his pants; but like the last time we were together, I noticed that his dick was in no way hard. That was a serious problem; so I got off the bed and turned on some soft music. As I stood in front of the bed, he sat up against the headboard. My long hair was covering my perky breasts, so I moved my hair aside so he could see my hard nipples. His eyes lowered to my near hairless slit and to the gap that he had created. I could tell he was hungry for me, but it was rare that his dick wouldn't cooperate. I crawled onto the bed. After minutes of intense dick sucking, I was in business. Jaylin slid into my wetness with ease. He stroked me at a slow pace. When I ordered him to fuck me harder, he did. He released a load into me that night. If I had not been faithfully taking my birth control pills, he could have possibly made himself another baby.
By morning, Jaylin was gone. I was stretched out in bed by myself. I was getting so used to this, and it was all about me accepting the situation that I had helped to create.
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As expected, for the next couple of weeks, Jaylin had not given any consideration to increasing his visits to me. Things were left as they were, and how I expected them to remain for quite a long time to come. Yes, this was definitely Jaylin's World. I was the one who dared to live in it!