In Your Honor (31 page)

Mama had pitched a fit. She said he'd be
grounded 'til he was dead. But weeks later, she admitted that it
was nice having her car back to herself.

A 1979 Harley XLS Sportster Ironhead, it was
kind of a piece of junk. But Blake loved on it as much as possible.
He pampered it and played with it until it ran for him alone. He
got his license and almost never got off of the thing.

Triny had agreed to let Lucy ride with him
if she wore a helmet. She never did. The seat was barely big enough
even for her tiny butt, and she had no choice but to hold on to him
for dear life. They were just kids and they encouraged each other's
crazy side. It was amazing they had lived through those years.

Blake came back to the present and tried to
start the old bike up. It wasn't as easy as all that. It took a few
hours and several curses later, but he finally got it running.

He took off down the street and
automatically followed his old route to pick up Lucy. Except she
wouldn't be waiting for him on the front porch, mad that he was
late.

He wondered if she had cried the last time
they had made plans and instead of just being late, he never showed
up. He had never asked. He hadn't wanted to know.

He didn't deviate from his course but
continued on. Not sure why he felt the need to check. To see if
maybe she was there. Maybe.

The house came into view and he slowed down
before turning onto the dirt road. Having to pick up Lucy so often
had probably been the single greatest way for him to improve his
balance and control on the Harley. Damn dirt road.

He went all the way to the steps of the
front porch. She wasn't there. No, she was on a beach in
California. With Shane. Sonofabitch.

He got off the bike, kicking the stand down
and slumped onto the steps of the porch. This is really where the
beginning of the end started. And he'd been running from the
consequences ever since.

It had been her eighteenth birthday. He was
going to take her to dinner and then down to the lake. He'd had a
tiny diamond ring burning a hole in his pocket and he couldn't wait
to give it to her. But they had had a fight of epic proportions
that day.

He'd mentioned that he wanted to go to
California to audition for this band he knew. He wanted her to go
with him, but her grandparents had gotten sick and she had taken
over helping in the diner. He asked her to choose, she said he was
being ridiculous. It only got worse after that.

So instead of picking her up that night, he
got on a bus and headed west. He didn't even call her.

He ran his hand over his face, feeling
horrible. The longer he stayed away, the easier it was to justify
what he had done. But not when he was sitting here, in the spot
where he knew she had waited. Knowing Lucy, she'd probably waited
all night. She had always had a lot more faith in him than he ever
deserved.

He heard the screen door behind him open and
he startled slightly but didn't turn around. Cowboy boots thunked
onto the porch as the door slammed back into place.

Triny Newton was a legend to his friends and
most of the town. To Blake, he was so much more than that. He was
there when his own father wasn't. He was the rock that Lucy had
been chipped off of. When he retired from the industry to have a
family, he had poured all of his intensity into it. And he'd
created a spitfire of immeasurable quality.

Blake felt Triny's gaze burning through the
back of his skull. But Triny was patient, waiting for Blake to say
the first words. He swallowed his guilt and finally asked, “Did she
cry?”

“
For days,” came the tight
reply.

Blake hung his head, bringing one hand up to
rub the back of his neck. Of course she had. But he'd known that.
He had tried convincing himself that she was happy to be rid of
him. Because lying about the truth of it was the only thing that
allowed him to live with the choice he had made that night.

The older man took a seat on the step next
to Blake and leaned his elbows on his knees, folding his hands
together. Blake had no idea how old Triny was. Old enough. His
long, rock and roll hair had streaks of gray in it, and he had kept
it in a sleek ponytail for as long as Blake could remember. His
blue eyes were crinkled at the sides, in a constant state of
mischief, and his lean frame was still fit and strong. He wasn't
tall, standing eye-level with Blake's even six feet, but Blake
usually felt dwarfed by the man.

“
At first she was just mad, stomping
around, calling you names. But when she realized you weren't coming
at all...” He shook his head and sighed heavily as he recalled the
events of that night.

“
She stood out in the road, screaming
your name like a fool until she lost her voice. Then she took a
sledge hammer to that old tractor that I used to have. Beat the
shit out of it. I was scared she was gonna hurt herself. But you
know Lucy, she'd spin like a storm cloud 'til she was
exhausted.”

Blake ground his teeth together. He had
pictured something similar, but having it confirmed hurt like hell.
He didn't want to know anymore. He wanted to get up, walk away, go
back to pretending that she had handled it with class and stoicism.
Things she was not known for. But he had to keep going. He had to
face it all.

“
Every time you came back, she'd be
hopeful for a few days. She'd talk about how it was going to be
different this time, that your love could get through anything.
Watching you break her heart over and over again, I really began to
hate you.”

Blake's eyes closed at Triny's declaration.
He deserved that. He actually deserved worse. He sure as hell
didn't deserve the calm explanation coming from the rock legend's
lips.

“
You never had to see it. Never had to
watch her fall apart and shatter.” Triny's words were forced.
Strained. Blake suspected that if Triny had been a lesser man, he'd
have already broken his jaw. “You never had to watch her cry until
she couldn't cry anymore. Watch her blame herself for your idiot
behavior.”

“
That's why I'm back. I'm trying to
face all the things I haven't yet,” Blake said heavily. “I know I
can never make up for what I've done.”

“
You have a lot more to face than what
you've done to Lucy,” Triny reminded him gruffly.

“
I know,” Blake responded with a quiet
sigh.

Both men sat silently, letting the prairie
wind blow across their still forms. Blake's mind was moving too
quickly for him to keep up. He'd spent so much energy avoiding even
simple thoughts about home, and now that his defenses were down, he
was bombarded with every bad choice he'd ever made. Every person
he'd wronged, every ill-conceived plan he'd devised. Lucy was a
major part of it, but she was just the center of a shit storm he'd
started the day he was born.

“
I know you think that she moved on
with Frank...” Triny's voice cut through his thoughts. Blake
inhaled at the mention of Lucy's
fianc
é
.
The
thought of her marrying that guy still made his blood run cold.
“But she never loved him. It was only solace. She was lonely, and
Frank paid attention to her.” Triny's words sent Blake's head
spinning. If she didn't love him, then why did she agree to marry
him? Why had she defended him that night when Blake came to get
her? She had seemed so... sure.

“
She had accepted the fact that this
was her life now, and Frank offered stability,” Triny explained
tightly, as if reading the questions in Blake's mind. “You'd been
gone a long time again. She'd placed you in the same box as the
rest of her dreams that she had decided were too farfetched to come
true. It was an attempt at moving on. But that marriage was never
gonna happen. I would have figured out a way to stop it before it
did. The day she shot him was one of the best of my
life.”

Blake couldn't hold back his chuckle, and
Triny joined him. The tension around them eased and Blake's
laughter deepened as he pictured his sweet Lucy feigning innocence
in the situation. “I wish I could've seen it.”

“
I hated that rat bastard way more
than I hated you,” Triny confessed, his face more relaxed than
before. The tightness gone, a lopsided smile taking place of the
grim expression he had worn a few minutes prior.

Blake looked at Lucy's father with respect
and appreciation for the details he'd been able to provide instead
of sending him on his way. “I'm so sorry, Triny,” Blake finally
said, tasting bitterness in his mouth as he admitted his wrongdoing
out loud. “I never deserved her love.”

“
Love isn't about deserving,” Triny
countered. “If that were the case, none of us would be able to
experience it. It's a gift greater than we can understand. It's
simply our job to obey it.”

Blake felt a burning in his chest in the
place he suspected his heart resided. Triny's words held a truth
that set fire to the frayed edges of his soul. And it briefly gave
him hope.

“
You know...” Triny's voice suddenly
grew thick. “Lucy's not the only one you ran out on.” Blake looked
into the older man's eyes, now glossed over with tears.

“
Triny...” Blake didn't know what to
say. It was true, they had been close. Triny had filled a void in
Blake's life after his own dad had died. He had never stopped to
consider that he'd hurt Triny as well when he'd left. Blake left a
path of destruction wherever he went, it seemed. “I'm... I'm
sorry.” The words sounded stupid and weak. Especially with the way
Triny was looking at him, like he'd lost a son. “I can't make up
for the things I've done, the people I've hurt.”

“
No, you can't,” Triny agreed, driving
the knife deeper into Blake's gut. “But you were young and
reckless... it's time to be a man now.”

“
What if I don't know how?” Blake's
fears found a voice and he couldn't believe he'd said it out
loud.

“
You do,” Triny answered simply. He
cleared his throat and stood up, signaling the end of their
conversation. He walked down the last couple of steps and turned
towards Blake. “Keep going, Blake. You're on the right
track.”

***

Blake felt worse than when he had gotten up
that morning. He knew that's not what Triny had intended, but it
was hard for him to feel any other way. He was finally starting to
understand the cold, hard truth of what his greedy stubbornness had
created as he fled out of town.

He drove over to the diner on autopilot.
Every building, every stop sign, every friggin' landmark, activated
a different memory. Some good, some bad. It was such a mixed-up
mess in his head, he was getting frustrated. Some memories were
crisp and clear while others were a foggy mix of reality and his
own perception of what had happened.

Mac made eye contact with him briefly as
Blake scouted out his old booth in the back of the diner. It was
empty so he slid into it, his fingers dragging under the table's
edge and feeling the scratch marks of his and Lucy's names carved
into the wood.

He smiled to himself. That had been a good
day.

Mac came over and slapped a menu down on the
table.

“
Hey, Mac.” Blake looked
up at the scowl above him. He wondered if Mac would even serve him.
He'd never really approved of his and Lucy's relationship. Or was
that his perception clouding reality again?

“
What can I get you?” Mac
asked curtly.

“
How about some waffles?”
Blake involuntarily smiled. Waffles were Lucy's favorite. She'd
always make him bring her to the diner for some late at night.
Especially when she was feeling anxious.

“
Sure thing,” Mac muttered
under his breath, and walked away.

Blake leaned back in his seat and surveyed
the lunchtime crowd. He recognized most of the patrons, but they
either didn't see him or didn't remember him. He was okay with
that. As he studied the aging faces, another wave of nostalgia
washed over him. Just because he'd been gone didn't mean that time
had stood still. It was a grim thought.

He glanced out the window to his left,
seeing the hotel where he had rented a room for their prom night.
Blake was suddenly overwhelmed with a crystal clear replay of the
events leading up to that night.

“
So are we going to prom
together or do you want to skip it?” Blake tossed the
Coke
bottle at the waste
basket next to Lucy's desk from his perch on her window sill. She
didn't look up from the paper she was trying to finish as it
bounced off the edge and then hit her leg. “They're playing
Rebel
at the drive-in
again this weekend if you want to see that instead.”

“
Tina Jacobson is telling
everyone that you're taking her,” Lucy replied stiffly.

“
Tina Jacobson wishes,”
Blake scoffed indignantly. “Can you believe she keeps calling the
house? Mama threatened to whoop my ass for 'leading that poor girl
on.'”

“
Maybe you should stop
making out with her then,” Lucy retorted. Her face was still
pointing at her homework and he couldn't read her expression, but
he probably wouldn't like it. He didn't know she knew about that
part. He tried to keep his dalliances from her knowledge. But this
town was too small to get away with any kind of indiscretion; no
one had secrets.

Sighing in annoyance, he rolled his eyes up
to the ceiling. “Whatever. I'm not taking her to prom.” He waited
for her to respond, but the only sound was the scratch of her
pencil on the paper. “C'mon, Lucky. Let's either go together or get
drunk and go vandalize the water tower again.”