In Your Honor (32 page)

He dropped his eyes to her hand that paused
writing. She sat still. He knew what he was asking, did she? Last
week they'd painted indecent words and images on the water tower
and split a six-pack. Not their first time. But it felt
different.

He had almost kissed her that night. And for
almost a week he'd been wrestling with his disappointment in not
doing it. He had backed out with the fear of ruining their
friendship forever if he crossed that line. But he couldn't get it
out of his head. And he knew deep inside, it would take a lot more
than a sloppy, ill-timed kiss to ruin what they had.

“
Ryan Carlson is taking
me, so...”

Aaand sucker punch. Blake frowned in an
effort to fight off the queasy feeling in his stomach. “Ryan
Carlson? Did you lose a bet or something?”

“
No. He asked me. I
thought it sounded like a good idea.”

Lucy didn't like Ryan Carlson. Did she?
“That guy has slept with every girl in our class. He's the male
equivalent of Tina Jacobson. Maybe those two should go together.”
Blake crossed his arms over his chest, his frown deepening. “He's
going to expect you to put out.”

“
I know.” She had gone
back to writing. Like what she had just said didn't leave him with
a sucking chest wound the size of Tulsa right through the middle of
him.

“
What do you mean, you
know?” His voice came out angrier than he intended. But seriously,
what the hell? Lucy might not be Blake's girl, but she was sure as
shit too good for Ryan Carlson! Here he was, thinking about trying
to kiss her and maybe taking their friendship to a whole new level,
and she was talking about giving it up to that jackwad?

Lucy sighed and finally turned to face him.
But it wasn't her usual face. It was like someone had borrowed her
face and pushed it into a much braver expression than she was used
to wearing. It was fake and not his Lucy at all. Then she said
words with her voice that were clearly from someone else. “I think
it's about time I lose my v-card, and Ryan is more than happy to
take it off my hands.”

Where was this coming from? Blake couldn't
breathe. Or see. Or think. He tried to pull oxygen into his lungs
without looking like he was gasping for life. But wasn't he?

“
No.”

Her eyebrows went up at his one-word reply.
“Excuse me?”

“
Oh, hell no.” Now that
he'd said it once, he became more forceful in his
delivery.

“
I don't remember asking
for your permission.” She glowered at him and then went back to her
paper.

Blake realized through the din of his
overreacting pulse rate that he was shaking. “You can't be serious.
This is some sick joke, right?”

“
So you're allowed to go
out with every slut-bag-ho that you can find, but I have a
legitimate date and suddenly it's a sick joke.” Her words were
dripping with scorn and he didn't understand what she was thinking.
Nothing about this made sense.

“
Ryan Carlson is a
scumbag. You're not going with him.”

“
Again, thanks for your
opinion, but it's my decision to make.”

“
I won't allow it,” he
said through clenched teeth.

She whirled around, her face flushed. “You
won't allow it? Are you kidding me?”

“
You're barely seventeen!
This has got to be the single dumbest idea you have ever had!” He
wanted to stand up and shake her, but he was so upset by the
thoughts racing through him that he was afraid he wouldn't be able
to keep his balance. So he sat stiffly in the window sill as she
glared daggers at him. The age argument was grasping and he knew
it. But he needed to buy time to get his head on right before he
started saying things he couldn't take back.

Her dark hair fell past her face as she
ducked her head in embarrassment. This was territory they had never
entered before. Not really. She had been more than vocal with her
opinions on who he chose to date and what kind of character those
girls tended to have. But no conversation had ever veered into
including Lucy as being sexually active. She was off limits as far
as Blake was concerned. To everyone. He'd spent a good deal of time
making sure that the guys around them knew that too. It came as
quite a surprise that Ryan Carlson had the balls to even attempt
what Lucy was suggesting. The idea of that lowlife putting his
hands on her was enough to make him see red.

Blake had assumed, stupidly, that she was
going to live and die a virgin. He had placed that part of her in a
box in his head marked 'NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.'

“
I'll tell your daddy,” he
threatened quietly. Again, trying to buy time.

She raised her eyes to his and he could read
her thoughts in an instant. She was beyond pissed. She was
livid.

She suddenly jumped up, giving him no time
to react before she pushed him out the window. He landed on his
back in the dirt with a thud and stared up at eyes that were filled
with angry tears and something else he couldn't identify.

“
What's going on with you?
Why are you acting like this?” he snapped as he scrambled to his
feet quickly.

“
I realize this is a huge
shock for you, but I like boys and I want to have sex. It's become
nearly impossible for me to even have a conversation with a guy
without the threat of you pummeling him into oblivion. If you want
to tell my daddy, then go right ahead. Maybe we can all sit down
and talk about it like grown-ups. Because whether you like it or
not, Blake, it's going to happen eventually. So you better get on
board real quick.” And she slammed the window down, locked it and
closed the curtains.

Blake stood there for
several minutes slack-jawed before trudging to his bike. This
didn't make sense.
She
didn't make sense.

He couldn't understand why
she was insisting on this thing with Ryan. Why couldn't she just go
to prom with Blake and have a nice,
safe
time. The idea of her first
time being with some nobody shredded his insides. What if he was
mean to her? What if he hurt her? No, Blake couldn't let that
happen.

He left the bike parked where it was and
stomped back to the house. The front door wasn't locked and he
didn't bother knocking as Triny wasn't home. Blake strode
purposefully to the back of the house, whipping open Lucy's bedroom
door.

She jumped in her chair, and his anger
dissolved at the tears running down her face. He couldn't handle it
when she cried. He dropped to his knees in front of her.

“
Why are you crying?” He
wiped his thumbs over her cheeks as more tears spilled from her
eyes.

“
Why do you have to be
such a jerk, Blake?” she asked, shaking her head.

He pulled her forward and she folded into
his chest, sobbing quietly.

“
I'm sorry I'm a jerk. I
don't mean to be.” He smoothed her hair down her back and kissed
the top of her head. He couldn't buy any more time. It was now or
never.

He pulled back and looked into her dark
brown eyes, eyes that he never got tired of looking at. He used
both hands to cradle her face so she was looking directly at him.
“It's gotta be me, Lucky. You can't go with anyone else.” Her eyes
closed slowly and then reopened.

“
Blake, you can't keep me
locked up forever,” she whispered. She didn't understand, he was
going to have to explain it.

“
No. The reason I'm being
crazy about this is because... I think it's obvious.” He searched
her face, hoping she got it. “You're my girl, Lucky. You kind of
always have been. I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you. If you're
hell bent on being reckless, then be reckless with me.”

A small smirk began to form in the corner of
her mouth. “You're pretty sure, huh?”

Blake grinned. “Fine, I'm in love with you.
Are you happy now?”

She took a deep breath, her tears drying up
as excitement replaced her confusion. “What about what you said
about high school love not being real love?”

“
That's for everyone else.
You and I are different. We always have been.” He looked at her
lips. Lips he had yet to kiss for the first time.

“
I love you, too,” she
confessed simply. That was all it took. Blake ran a thumb over her
bottom lip gently before capturing it with both of his. Her sharp
intake of air caused his blood to ignite and he knew nothing would
be the same again.

That's the night he carved their names under
the table.

He was jolted out of his reverie as Mac
placed the plate on the table in front of him.

“
What are you doing here?”
Mac asked, brow furrowed in suspicion.

“
Trying to make myself a
better person.” Blake's honesty was starting to shock
him.

Mac grunted, but something in his expression
softened. He walked away, leaving Blake to eat in peace. Or what
Blake could count as peace, considering his relentless
thoughts.

But he was determined to get through this.
To face the truth head-on and not dive straight into the nearest
bottle of whiskey.

That summer, the first summer of them being
together in all the ways that implied, was amazing. They ran like
wild horses, completely oblivious to the surrounding world. Lucy
had dubbed it the “Summer of Love” after her favorite song from a
silly little band they had seen together when they'd traveled north
for an impromptu adventure.

No one, and that included all the
celebrities and socialites he'd crossed paths with over the years,
could make his heart race like that girl. She was excitement
incarnate. A swirl of color, passion and overwhelming love.

He finished his waffles and went up to the
counter to pay for his meal. Mac stepped behind the register to
ring him up.

“
You know, we're all proud
of you,” Mac said, causing Blake to raise his eyebrows. “We just
never understood why you left her behind.”

“
She's pretty fantastic,
isn't she? Just goes to show how much of an idiot I am,” Blake
agreed. He took his receipt and left quickly, not wanting the small
talk with Mac. Besides, he had another stop to make.

***

Can a man have a complete turnaround in one
day? Can he truly take an honest look at himself in a mirror, not
like what he sees, and make it different?

Blake's thoughts were becoming more
philosophical and introspective by the minute. His fingers were
itching to hold a bottle with a black label, but he forced the
feeling away. He wasn't a punk kid anymore. It was time to see if
he could handle facing the choices he had made without any chemical
counselor to spin the truth of it for him.

The Harley growled beneath him as he sped
out of town. He knew the route by heart, not even thinking as he
took the side road and then the next one. Streets were unmarked and
houses began to space themselves out.

Lucy had thought that he had lied about
loving her. About wanting to be with her forever. His actions
beginning on the night of her eighteenth birthday had dictated that
much. But a couple of years ago, Blake had stumbled upon the
opportunity to change that. He'd just never had the courage to
follow through. And now it might be too late.

He parked the bike and dismounted, breathing
in the fresh air and surveying the enormous plot of land. The house
still stood proud against the blue prairie sky and he smiled with
satisfaction.

This was his secret. No one knew, not the
band, not Lucy, not even Mama. Just him and the attorneys involved
in the sale.

When Lucy's grandparents had passed away a
few years back, a few days apart from each other, the family had
had to sell the land to pay the taxes and keep the diner going.
Blake had come home for the funeral. He hadn't told anyone. Lucy
was already engaged to Frank, and she had asked him to stay away.
He had intended to. But he knew that she was hurting and he needed
to be near her. To share in her grief. Like when they were
kids.

In his effort to hide his presence, he'd
accidentally bumped into the lawyer in charge of the estate and had
gotten the whole story. So Blake did what he knew he must: he
bought the house and the land it was on. Paying above the asking
price, making sure that it was enough to cover all the taxes and
keep the diner intact.

He had intended to gift it to Lucy for her
wedding to Frank, sort of a peace offering after having broken the
guy's nose once, and her heart so many times. But his vindictive
jealousy had taken over and he'd kept it a secret.

He pulled the key out of his pocket and
unlocked the door. Walking inside, he was bombarded by the ghosts
of he and Lucy running through the halls and down the stairs.
They'd spent most of their childhood in or around this house. Her
grandparents had treated him like one of their own. He and Mama had
been included in family holidays and special occasions. He'd never
lacked for love and acceptance.

So why the hell was he such a dick?

Was it possible for a person to choose to be
screwed up all on their own? Regardless of circumstance and
upbringing?

Obviously, he had excelled at it. He had had
a massive chip on his shoulder, but as he wandered through the old
farmhouse he accepted the fact that he didn't have a reason for it.
He was just a dick. All on his own. It really was that simple.

He ran his hand over the smooth banister
leading him to the upstairs. Her grandfather had built the house
with his bare hands. It had withstood countless storms and
tornadoes, and the connection wasn't lost on Blake. The house
represented everything he loved about Lucy too. Strong, steady,
beautiful. It's probably why he hadn't let it go yet.