If Not For You (8 page)

“And a guy knows the difference?” I asked, our eyes meeting when he looked up.

“This guy does.” There was a sincerity behind his words, he meant what he said he had no doubts in his mind.

“Have
you
ever been in love?” I pressed, knowing that he had to have loved his fair share of woman, look at him; he was everything a woman would want. He had hot sexy good looks and a heart of gold, well as far as I knew. But what the hell did I know?

“Yeah sure, I was in love a long time ago…with the biggest bitch on the face of the planet.” His stance changed and he whirled around to look out at the shore, disconnecting from me.

“Whoa, that was harsh. Did you get burned or what?”

I knew that feeling oh too well, I had my share of that burned feeling, charcoal burned, ashes in the wind kinda burned and my heart went out to my friend.

“I caught the whore fucking my best friend,” he spit with venom and I could only turn to face him, I didn’t want to say the usual I’m-sorry. “The night I asked her to marry me.”

Holy shit, this was some confession I was hearing, it had my pitiful love life beat all to hell. I was so glad we didn’t take bets on who on this deck was the biggest loser, I’d be broke. Not that I really thought he was a loser, just his situation seemed a lot more dramatic than me taking a long lonely walk home after being dumped for not opening my legs or giving it away to every Tom, Dick and Harry that I dated.

“Wow.” Was all I could manage to say, it sounded so childish but, it was all I could force out.

Gage started to guffaw and his shoulders shook as he practically roared with laughter, wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close. It felt so good. I could smell the clean scent of soap on his skin and his hair smelled like coconut when it swirled over my face in the wind. I could have stayed like that all night, gladly.

“You’re adorable.” He brushed my hair behind my ear and looked into my face, so close, studying me.

“I’ll tell you something…but you have to keep it a secret okay?” he whispered into my ear, I couldn’t see his face. I could feel his dimpled smile when his cheek touched mine.

“Okay,” I said a little breathy, hoping he didn’t notice.

“If I was an asshole…I would never have let you go. I would have stuck around and tried a little harder.”

I was melting into a puddle. He was so polished, controlled and had me hooked, momentarily that was. Nonetheless I feared that he was like all the rest, a pickup line here and there, some sweet talk and seduction and he’d be trying to slip his hand into my panties before the evenings end, like all the rest. This bastard had already treated me to a shot of rejection and I wasn’t going to let him prick me with that needle twice.

“Trying a little harder to get into my panties?” I asked, with a bitter tongue. I think he was shocked, the expression on his face looked like it when he abruptly pulled back. Maybe he expected me to spread my legs wide for him and moan take-me-stud?

“That’s not what I said, Tandy, and definitely not what I meant.” He was angry.

“I know what it sounded like.” I pushed away only to be pulled back against him, chest to chest, hips to hips.

“No matter what it sounded like…I meant if you were mine, I’d do whatever it took to keep you mine.”

Oh, he was good. He knew what to say, knew what a girl wanted to hear. I just so didn’t want him to be like all the rest of the horn dawgs. Gage certainly hadn’t acted like a complete jerk, yet. I figured now was the time to test the waters, throw in the bait and see if the shark took it and swam or hung around for more. Was he just playing the part of the hero or was a Don Juan under that beautiful mask of his?

“Here’s a scenario for you. I want the truth, answer me honestly, okay?”

“Okay,” Gage said, not too sure what he had just gotten himself into.

“You ask a girl out, share a few touchy, feely moments. You want to take it to the next level, what do you do when she says no and says she’s a virgin? Try harder to get into her pants? Is the idea of being the one to bag her an over powering aphrodisiac? What do you do when she says no then?”

Gage tilted his head to the side and narrowed his pretty blue eyes, “I don’t understand, Tandy. Do you really want me to answer that? Are you playing a game with me? Or is this a subtle way of telling me you’re a virgin?”

Me and my big mouth, my drank far too much big mouth. That was not the question I wanted to ask but my words were out now, no take backs for me. Why did I do that? Why would I play him like that? He looked wounded, like I had been really nasty to him, and I guess I had. Why did I feel the need to let him know about my virginity? Maybe in the vast recesses of my mind, I wanted him to be the one, the one to take my virginity and run with it, only I didn’t want him to run.

My mind was getting so carried away and my mouth was a step ahead of my heedless, intoxicated brain. I was being an ass and this poor guy my target for abuse. I felt sick.

“I’m sorry. I don’t feel good Gage, I need to go.” I started to turn away toward the elevators but he swung me around by my arm and I practically collapsed into him.

“I can’t talk about this…I need to go, please Gage?” I pleaded, I felt terrible, like such a bitch, I could feel the blood draining from my face.

“You really don’t feel good? Come on I’ll get you to your room.” Gage wrapped my arm over his and we maneuvered our way back through the many halls to my room.

Once inside my suite, he walked me to the washroom and I assured him I could handle getting myself showered and changed into pj’s. I felt like a fool, hoping that he would be gone when I came out and wouldn’t ask me anymore personal questions.

Gage was sitting on the sofa in the living area when I finally materialized and patted the seat beside him with a smile. When I sat, I had the sudden desire to come clean, to explain my entire life to him, the reason I was a twenty two year old virgin. As I opened my mouth to speak Gage’s index finger pushed against my lips and stopped me.

“You don’t need to say anything, your private life is your own and none of my business. I think the conversation got out of control, a bit too personal. Are we good now?” he took his finger away and handed me a cup of tea, I added milk from a crystal jug and stirred it with a spoon. Gage took the spoon and stirred his tea and sat back.

“We’re good,” I said, sitting back to join him. I was so relieved that Gage wasn’t going to push me or question me. “I’m so sorry. I’m going to blame my crass actions on the alcohol.”

“Shhh…” He shook his head to silence me.

“Want to watch a movie?” Gage asked, taking the controller from a bowl on the table and turning on the TV. “What do you think?”

“I think I shouldn’t take up all your time. You should go have some fun, find a pretty lady to spend the evening with, go dancing or something,” I suggested, quite prepared for him to take his leave of me, and curl up with a book or go to bed early.

“I have a pretty lady to spend the evening with right here” he said and squeezed my hand in his but didn’t release it and I didn’t pull away, and after a minute or so he weaved his fingers with mine making it absolute. He wasn’t going anywhere.

“You’re sweet, are you sure?”

“I’m sure, now what do you want to watch?” Gage asked, scrolling through a list on the LED screen.

A chirping sound came from his pocket and he excused himself to the balcony. I continued to scroll the TV’s listings in his absence. I could hear his voice, but couldn’t make out what he was saying. Gage was only gone for a minute at most when he returned, he looked annoyed and held his phone up into my view.

“I have to go do something right away…for work,” he said as he walked to the door and I started to get up and see him out.

“I’ll only be a few minutes okay, stay where you are…I’ll be back.”

He opened the door and slipped half way turning back in to face me. “If you want me to come back that is?” he asked with his dimpled smile.

“Come back.”

***

I slipped into my room after making sure that Tandy had stayed put. I opened the laptop and checked for emails. Apparently Mr. M had been trying to get me all day. The call from one of Mr. M’s men alerted me to check in before the old man had a heart attack.

Yep there it was, the inevitable email, the one that chewed my ass off. The old man wanted to know what she did today and wanted to know
now
. I recalled Tandy’s reference to her father, as being an overly protective bastard and I smiled to myself at her accuracy.

Rotten fucker must have made her life a living
hell
, I thought. If he was as much of a prick with her as he was with his staff, no wonder she was such an angry virgin.

Thankful that Mr. M helped me and grateful to have a job and a roof over my head, I was aware that Mr. M could be a real martinet, exceedingly demanding and contemptuous. That he had to have everything his own way and got it, he had power and money and a well-appointed security detail to solve minor or major issues should they arise. Anyone regardless of their position that got in his way, he shattered them. No fear, no apprehension and no regrets.

Still a virgin.

I’ll admit I was having trouble getting my tongue around that one, a twenty two year old virgin in this day and age? That was a phenomenon. The feeling of guilt that suddenly hit, when a thrill ran through me at the thought of being Tandy’s first, made me shake my head and brought me back to reality.

Mr. Manning, here’s your update. Tandy sat at the pool, had a few drinks, sunbathed and went for dinner, then back to her room. G.

A few moments later came a reply.

She’s spending all her time alone? That’s good. Have you seen anyone approach her?

What was I supposed to say, no one but me? That I had approached her and damned near rubbed up against his daughter the virgin? Hell no! I didn’t have a death wish.

I haven’t noticed sir. She spends most of her time alone from what I see, I would assume men have looked, she is pretty after all. I couldn’t say. G.

Tandy is pretty in her own way. Thankfully she’s really not the type to draw a crowd.

Appalled by the comment I just read, I was seeing red. Pretty in her own way, doesn’t draw a crowd? What was this prick saying about his daughter, his own flesh and blood? She was gorgeous, sexy and hotter than hell, what kind of a blind bastard couldn’t see that? This man was unreal and I was going to give him a piece of his mind, just as the laptop sounded the arrival of an email in the inbox.

Carter you are doing a fine job. Do me a favor and check on her a little more often. Anyone comes within a yard, take care of him. I don’t want her getting involved with anyone. There will be a bonus in it for you.

Seriously! I was shocked that the old man would ask me to do that. A bonus?
Sick fuck
, I thought, fine I’ll take the bonus; actually I’ll be more than happy to keep potential dates away.

Sure sir, whatever you think. I’ll email you tomorrow. G.

Closing the laptop I set it aside changed into sweatpants, socks and a t-shirt, grabbed a bottle of wine from the bar fridge and headed back to Tandy’s room. We shared the wine, watched a not so great horror movie and I took great pleasure in wrapping her in my arms during the scary parts. We shared a bag of pretzels and a blanket and when the night ended, I kissed the back of her hand and thanked her for a wonderful evening. She blushed, sexy as fuck and I told her I would call her in the morning.

Day 50

The ship remained slightly off shore of the coast, the view was spectacular. It was nice to be relaxing on the waves and I smiled when I remembered how sweet Gage had been to me last night, after my version of super bitch.

I still couldn’t believe that I revealed my virgin dilemma to Gage, now he knew one of my deepest, darkest secrets. I figured that he was either going to treat me with kid gloves or start making moves, the latter in my opinion seeming much more desirable.

My only worry now was whether I wanted him to keep a distance and just be friends, or was Gage the man I wanted to take my virginity. My phone rang and I reached for it on the bedside table and grinned like a Cheshire cat when I saw Gage’s name on the screen.

“Good Morning, Gage,” I said biting the inside of my lip in anticipation of hearing his sultry tone.

“Good Morning, beautiful, you up yet?” he asked. I could hear Timberlake playing in the background.

“Just got up…you like Timberlake?” I asked and he responded with a chuckle.

“I do, you can hear that?”

“Yep, I have very good hearing.”

“Good to know. So can I interest you in breakfast, Miss. Manning?”

“How does breakfast on my balcony sound? I can order us room service,” I offered, that way I could stay in my pj’s a little longer and take my time in the shower later. Spending time with Gage would put a smile on my face and start the day off with a bang.

“Sounds good, sweetheart,” he said. I could see those dimples in my mind.

I loved it when he called me sweetheart. Didn’t know why and didn’t care why. I enjoyed terms of endearment; no one else called me anything other than Tandy, besides Henry and Camille who were like a mother and father. Oh and there was that annoying Kitten thing that my father called me. Okay, so Gage was the only one that I enjoyed calling me anything other than Tandy.

“Pancakes okay with you?” I asked, taking the menu from the bedside drawer and glancing it over. “Sausage or bacon?”

“Both, and don’t forget OJ and coffee.” He reminded me like I’d possibly forget the nectar of the gods and orange juice.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, see you soon. Oh and pj’s are optional.”

“Pardon me?” He laughed a deep belly laugh and then I thought about what I said and laughed at my faux pas.