If Not For You (6 page)

I made my way up to the Promenade deck, yeah, yeah, I know, the lovers deck. Well lovers schmovers, I was here now. I leaned my elbows on the rail and looked down at the ocean, viewing the waves curling away from the ship in graceful circles and pulled in a deep breath.

The sharp pain that shot in my head like a bullet pounded, taking me completely by surprise. I dropped to the ground and sat with my knees pulled to my chest and my forehead in my hands.

“Tandy!”

“Gage?” I heard the voice but couldn’t place it for sure, my mind was a whirl in a deep fog. I could hear people around me but it was like being in a dream state, not able to clearly distinguish what was real.

“Come on, I’ll take you to the medical center.” A strong arm wrapped around my shoulder and one under my knees and lifted me off the ground, panic set in.

“No!” I tried to struggle but I was far beyond weak and this guy was strong.

“You need to see a doctor.” The voice echoed, sounding like we were in a tunnel. I tried to open my eyes to see who was speaking but the pain was too intense, I squeezed them tight again and bit into my lower lip.

“Please. Please no…I have medication in my room.” I was practically begging at this point, tears soaking into his shirt as he carried me away.

“Okay Tandy, no Doctor.” He assured me.

I knew when we stepped in the elevator, it caused an unwelcome pressure that made me want to throw up, but I concentrated on my breathing until we were out. He adjusted me in his arms changing his grip, picked up his pace and I relaxed into his chest.

“Where’s your key, sweetheart?” His tone was soft and quiet, like he was scared to talk too load. I reached into my bra and pulled out the card and I heard him chuckle before the door clicked open.

He laid me on my bed and I was suddenly alone. There was a frightening eeriness, my sight had never been affected like this during an attack. When he returned, he placed a cold wet cloth onto my forehead and I slid it over my eyes welcoming the cool sensation.

“Your pills sweetheart, where are your pills?” he asked in a soft whisper, his lips so close to my ear I could feel his breath across my cheek.

“Bathroom counter, somewhere.”

He returned with my pills placing them into my open palm, waiting while I swallowed them down with a water chaser.

“Thank you,” I said.

And as I was about to lay back on the bed, I felt the mattress dip and this wonderful man wrapped his arms around me, cradling me into him, smoothing my hair from the wet cloth, sending shivers down my spine. I should have been scared, I should have told him to go, I should have done so many things, but all I could do was melt into his secure hold and fade away into a deep medicated sleep.

Day 53

I woke up with a body spooned against by back and something hard pressed along the split of my rear end. Hot breath on the back of my neck and a slight snore in my ear, proved I indeed had company. I slowly maneuvered onto my back and discovered Gage, fisting the tail of my blouse.

He was fully dressed as was I and obviously sporting some morning wood, something I had never experienced before, but smiled at the thought of him hard and ready. This was a first and kind of exciting.

God he was beautiful. A piece of his hair had fallen free and lay across his face. I reached over and brushed it back, he took in a deep breath and stirred pulling my shirt up as he stretched, exposing the skin at my waist.

His eyes fluttered open and he eyeballed at his hand, releasing my tangled blouse he casually stretched his arms over his head. When his eyes focused on me, he smiled brightly and brushed his hand over my cheek. A layer of goose bumps covered my skin.

“Hi, feeling better?” he asked and a memory of last night hit me. Gage
was
the one that took care of me. He was my hero; I was feeling that whole knight in shining armor deal.

“Yes,” I said, feeling slightly embarrassed. “Thanks for staying with me last night.”

“You gave me quite a scare. You should probably see the Doctor today, just to be sure.”

I appreciated his concern, but I didn’t need any more Doctors to tell me what I already knew.

“I’ll be fine. It was just a headache,” I said, scooting to the beds edge, still feeling the slight effects of the meds. I felt the bed dip behind me and then he was sitting at my side.

“That wasn’t just a headache. You were out of it. No one suffers like that from a normal headache,” he said, taking my hand in his and caressing my knuckles, I was starting to like this attention, even if it was just pity for the poor sick girl.

“I get terrible headaches, I take my meds and sleep it off. It’s nothing.” I was trying to be convincing, but by the look on his face he wasn’t swayed at all.

There was this dubious look on his face. “Headaches, Okaaay…I’m going to go.” He stood and I followed him to the door.

Taking a pen from his jacket pocket and grabbing my hand, he proceeded to write on my open palm. I took a look at the numbers scrolled on my skin.

“My cell number, if you need me I’m a call away.”

Swallowing back the lump in my throat, he took my face in his hands and stared into my eyes. My heart was racing and I braced myself. He leaned forward and swiftly kissed his lips to my forehead and left, closing the door behind him.

He kissed me on the forehead as if I were his sister. He slept with me all night and all I got was a kiss on the forehead? Okay we were fully dressed, but he was so gentle and kind last night and here I was, a woman in a bed and he didn’t try a thing. He didn’t so much as cop a feel, or grind his morning wood against my thigh, nothing!

Ah fuck him. He’s probably gay
, I concluded. But I keyed his number into my phone anyway.

After a leisurely shower, I got dressed, called room service and headed to my balcony. It was rather windy today, but the wind was warm and the sun felt great. I sat and drank my coffee and thought about last night. I had never shared my bed with a man before, it was nice to wake up wrapped in a man, being able to feel every crevice and every vein as they rippled across his body leading to the hard erect prize that had pushed into my back. Okay so I shared my bed with a man while I was in a drug induced coma, but it was certainly a first in my book. The girls would shit themselves when I told them.

I picked my words carefully; secrets and lies were certainly weaving me an intricate web.

A bigger truth was at no time told: ‘If you never lie, then you never have to remember.’

Hey! Hey! You’ll be glad to know that I finally slept with a man. Didn’t lose my V and I was sedated at the time, (just headache meds) but I slept with my dining hottie. Won’t go into all the boring details but I had a headache and he stayed with me, nice guy. Love Ya! Tandy.

WHAT? Girl, are you crazy? That would have been too fast even for me. I know I said you should get laid, but slow down girl, take it easy. And you can’t spring that on me without details! Spill! Tess.

Relax! I had a headache. He helped me back to my room and stayed with me. Fully dressed. (Sad face) He was really sweet. Gave me his cell number too. I don’t think anything will develop, just a nice guy doing the Good Samaritan thing. Tandy.

Do you even know this guy’s name? Tess.

Yes, Gage. Tandy.

Ok. I’ll back off now. But be careful and if you do get laid, I want every detail that’s what besties do! Lol Tess.

I’ll share it all just don’t be holding your breath for a sex text anytime soon! Love you bye! Tandy.

I crawled back to bed; this attack had taken a lot more out of me than I had thought. I closed my eyes in hopes of needed sleep and steamy dreams.

***

Staring at the keys on the laptop unsure what to tell the old man, I was as near to a heart attack as a man my age could get. I hadn’t checked in and there was an angry email to deal with. I could tell him that I lost the signal or experienced a crash he would never know and it would possibly save my ass from a beating. I hated to lie and God knows there were enough lies already.

Closing my eyes I saw her in my arms, felt her snuggled into me, remembering the sultry curve of her hips and the tantalizing rise and fall of her breasts as she breathed, I could almost smell her perfume and the clean fresh scent of her hair. I was screwed. Hell I could still taste her skin when I licked my lips. I was totally screwed. There was no way I could help but talk to her at dinner, but inviting her to rock climb with me, that was just plain stupid. I was so screwed.

Spending the night with her, that was suicide. I was a dead man if Mr. M found out. But when I saw her collapse onto the floor, there was nothing to do but rescue her. She was totally helpless and I wasn’t so sure I believed the headache bit, it was a lot of pain to be in.

Just a headaches my ass

Should I tell Mr. M? I asked myself. Or was it best to leave the incident out of my email? Leave it out I reckoned, definitely leave it out.

Sorry sir battery died, won’t happen again. Miss. Manning stayed in her room most of the day, ate in her suite except for dinner in the dining room. Went for a walk then retired to her suite for the night. I haven’t seen her this morning. G.

Better not happen again! M.

Mr. M’s words were curt, no questions asked and no answers needed.

Stripping out of my extremely wrinkled suit and setting it on the chair by the door with a scribbled note for the steward to have it dry cleaned, I peeked out onto Tandy’s balcony finding it deserted. The door was open signaling that she was definitely in.

Since there was little chance of Tandy going anywhere anytime soon, I spread out over the mattress happy for a bit of much needed sleep. I spent most of the night watching Tandy, once the medication had kicked in and she had fallen into a deep sleep, she barely stirred and I studied her the whole night. Her long lashes lay in her cheeks fluttering only during times of REM sleep and a soft snore escaping between slightly parted lips had me mesmerized. Several times I contemplated leaving, but didn’t want her waking up alone in fear that she would wake ill and require help. Secretly I wanted to be the one to care for her if need be.

Lying back on the bed, I touched my knuckles against the headboard wall that the suites shared and sighed. She certainly had me fucking things up and risking everything. Instead of making good on my promise to Mr. M, I was letting my dick persuade me otherwise. Letting the thought of being buried between her warm thighs make me act like an idiot. Forcing myself to remember what I was being paid to do, watch her, guard her and keep her safe from predators, not to become the predator.

“Distance,” I chanted. “I have to keep my distance.”

Day 51

I spent the last few days in my room recovering, I was feeling a little house bound, certainly too house bound to spend another day locked away. A big deal Captain’s Tour giving a full day of exploring the ship’s underbelly, the engine rooms and bridge etcetera, was the fun thing offered for today. I had no interest. I was heading to the pool with my book, suntan lotion and i-Pod in hand.

It was busy. I figured that most people would have gone on the tour, but to my chagrin, I don’t think anyone went. I also came to the conclusion that everyone decided to congregate around the Riviera pool. I spread out my towel on a lounge chair not too far from the pool, I wanted to be close by. The idea of all these eyes watching as I made my way into the water was a wee bit daunting. I finally figured what-the-fuck no one knew me, and besides they could close their eyes if they couldn’t handle looking at a real woman.

I slipped my denim shorts off and pulled my t-shirt over my head, folded them and set them on my flip flops, tucking them under the lounger. Wearing my plain black one piece, I walked over to the pool sat on the edge and slid into the cool refreshing water. It felt so good. The sky was hazy and the air heavy, but a bright day all the same and a little on the hot side so the pool was the right choice. I swam a few laps and then made my way back to my lounge. Towel drying my hair, I did a little nosing of the herds.

Well, there certainly was a cornucopia of variety in this group. I could pick out the hoity-toity rich and not so famous, they were the loud need-to-be-heard groups, with large floppy brim sunhats and barely there swimsuits, on excessively surgically-adjusted bodies and far too much makeup practically melting in the heat.

There were a few male physiques drawing in quite a bit of attention at the bar, yummy to say the least and a few male physiques that should have reconsidered the speedo option all together, yuck! The usual older men covered thick with hair and a huge belly, swaggered past me like Mr. Mc Hot-pants. He checked out every woman that walked by, like the man had half a chance. Not. It just made me smile at the silly bastard.

An old couple beside me held hands while sun bathing their leathery, already sun baked skin, believe me it wasn’t pretty, but they were cute, still in love after a hundred or so years. A shiver ran up my spine. A less than appropriate thought of their wrinkly old bodies tangled together in the throes of passion totally creeped me out.

A scream from the pool pulled me out of my horrifying thoughts and back to my observations as I brushed out my hair and tied it in a loose knot on top of my head. That’s when I saw them, my newlywed couple sucking face in the hot tub, just off to the side of the pool. Man they were in love, really going at it and being left very much alone, as people with the idea of jumping in got a load of them and quickly changed their minds.

Out of all the people gathered in the area there really weren’t that many perfect specimens. A few bikini clad eat-a-burger-bitch goddesses, appeared among the throng of average-sized, average middle aged regular folk. I certainly wasn’t the only chunky monkey in the crowd either. I was probably the youngest chunky monkey, but I fit in pretty well.