If Not For You (4 page)

Day 55

Bon Voyage!

Henry finished loading my bags into the car and watched as I kissed Camille and gave her a big hug goodbye.

“You enjoy yourself honey, and behave,” Camille ordered, showing the mothering side of her.

She had to have noticed the gleam in my eye, the one that said fuck-behaving. A smile curled in the corners of her mouth and she slapped my hip. It was an I-know-you-too-well slap and I giggled mischievously.

“I will. Hold down the fort and don’t take no crap off the old man either. I’ll be back before you know I’m gone.”

“I know,” she smiled. I could see her fight back a tear when I climbed into the limo. I turned away before she could get me started.

My father left early for the office, Henry told me, far before I had woke up. He never said goodbye, left a note or even a message with Camille. I wasn’t surprised, that was just who he was. He hadn’t won the battle so he had retreated to a safe distance, never one to get too close, never the one to admit defeat. I didn’t let it bother me, not really, he was the one that would pay in the end if something happened.

I sat in the car looking at the house, the lonely, cold house and felt sorry for the staff that would be left without any form of kindness and warmth in my absence. But I couldn’t think about them now, this was it. I was leaving for my cruise with a huge smile on my face.

My life was just beginning. No thoughts of my father, no worrying about home or anyone else. The next fifty five days were going to be my most selfish, narcissistic, decadent, self-absorbed, greedy days of my life. I’d lap up every minute and smile doing it. Me, myself and I.

***

Henry handed off my luggage to an attendant, we hugged and kissed goodbye at the airport. I watched him drive off into the distance and waved, I couldn’t see him through the tinted glass, but I knew he was looking. I didn’t want him coming inside and waiting with me and then saying goodbye, he’d only make me cry.

The flight to Australia was long and tiring, thank God for first class. I knew from experience never to fly anything but first if I had to be on a plane for more than a few hours, my Mama didn’t raise no fools! I lost track of time and day, didn’t much care at this point. I was just so ready to get on that ship and forget everything, leave it all behind.

When the taxi pulled up to the cruise terminal, the driver jumped out and handed off my luggage to waiting porters with a handsome tip I insisted he give them. I exhaled a happy sigh of relief until of course, I entered the building and saw the lines, those lines where long, only leading to more lines until finally I found signs to the gangway.

There were people all around me, hugging and kissing and laughing. I felt like the only person that would be boarding alone. There were so many couples of all ages. I could pick out the newlyweds, that one was easy. They were the ones sucking face with such enthusiasm while making their way to the ships entrance.

Me? I was gazing around at everything, anything, taking it all in as I fumbled for my tickets and paperwork, in my good old faithful Dakine backpack I used as a carryon.

I could tell the folks that frequented the cruise lines too, they never hesitated, had everything ready for the greeters and their stares were firmly planted on the task to board and get to their cabins. They seemed almost weary, like it was just the same old, same old.

One couple in particular caught my attention, older, married maybe forty years, that kind of older. They proceeded along to the gangway together, but not so together. No smiles, no holding hands, not so much as a glance to see if the other may have fallen over the rail into the ocean and been swallowed up by the waves. It was just sad. I could imagine that they were the ones that fell into bed at the end of the day, facing away from each other without a word and simply going to sleep. Sex for them was probably a four letter word. The double entendre took me as funny and I couldn’t help but giggle out load.

The ships photographer snapped my picture without warning and I’m sure it was a beauty. With my hair mussed and a less than attractive smile, after far too much traveling and a need for a tall cool drink.

I was handed my shipboard charge card, paperwork and a mini map of the ship, from a more than a bit annoying overly-enthusiastic crew member. Who incidentally dared me to find my cabin on my own, I tried to laugh but at this point I could have kicked his ass with great delight. He then introduced himself as Alan, took my carryon and led the way to my stateroom.

When we stepped from the elevator onto Deck 10, called the Baja deck, waiting for us was my Stateroom Steward. He introduced himself as Philippe. Tall black hair, a Latin sort of look about him and
Mmm
hot, did I take the time to tell you just how hot? He was hot, scorching hot! He took a master keycard and held the door to my suite open while I walked in and surveyed my surroundings.

All I can say is when they described it as a luxury suite; they kinda left out the compact part. It was small, small. Everything tightly packed into about two hundred and fifty, maybe three hundred square feet? But when Philippe opened the balcony door and I stepped out to look off into the distance, I no longer gave a shit; it was going to be spectacular.

Back inside Philippe showed me the features of my room, how to use the room service and gave me the ships newsletter with a list of activities on offer and a shore excursion pamphlet. He explained how to register for onshore tours and as I watched his pretty lips telling me his personal preferences onshore, I could only fantasize about him waiting for me with the bed turned down and a chocolate between those lips.

“Call me if you require
anything
.” The emphasis on anything made me grin. He nodded his head with a smile at the corner of his mouth and backed out of the room. I fanned myself and sat for a moment. Meeting Philippe had certainly been the highlight of the cruise so far. Knowing that he was going to be around for the next fifty four days was a very, very welcoming thought.

I looked around and saw that my bags hadn’t arrived yet, good thing I packed a nice outfit and some toiletries in my carryon, advice I received from a what-to-expect-on-your-cruise website. My room was actually quite nice, lots of storage areas tucked here and there. There was a nice queen size bed and bathroom with a separate toilet closet, a shower and two sinks, all a girl needed. In the living area, there was a TV, sofa and chairs and a little bar area complete with a wet bar and mini fridge.
Too cool
, I thought to myself.

It was the balcony that I was going to enjoy most. Two lounges and a few chairs with a table. Breakfast was going to be great on the balcony with my feet stretched out and no one to bother me, the good life.

Definitely time to tour
, I told myself. Tucking my charge card into my pocket and grabbing my mini map, again not a fool, I headed to the elevator. Up on deck I couldn’t get over how many people were all congregated into one area. A loud horn sounded and we were instructed to take part in the lifeboat drill, mandatory I was told and boring as fuck.

The sail away party was nothing like I expected, no streamers and confetti like depicted on the ‘Love Boat’. There was just champagne and a little buffet of finger foods. I decided I’d rather have my own party on my balcony with a little something from my bar fridge, while watching the city disappear from sight. My suite was located at the rear of the ship so I was able to see the left behind panorama, which was quite appropriate.

I leaned over the rail and a funny feeling that I wasn’t alone came over me, you know the feeling? I looked to my left, no one. Then I looked to my right and on the adjoining balcony, separated by a wall of translucent glass and steel, stood a man looking out onto the horizon with his back to me. From what I could see of him, he certainly didn’t fit the look of a suite user, I mean; he didn’t look like the type that could afford such luxury, in torn jeans and a t-shirt. Perhaps he was someone’s toy boy, a cougar’s companion I laughed. He turned quickly like he had been taken by surprise and disappeared through the sliding door before I could clearly make him out; I heard the door lock behind him.

Weird,
I thought, I went back in to change, found my seating assignment and headed to the dining room. I was starving.

In the Rigoletto dining room, I was seated at a table for four just to the left of the entrance. A nice newlywed couple sat across from each other tucked into the wall. I had no doubt that they were newlyweds, he couldn’t take his lips from her knuckles long enough to say hello. She gazed into his eyes like if she looked away he’d magically disappear into thin air. It was kind of sickening. The fourth member at the table hadn’t arrived yet and I was hoping for a nice lady who would be able to carry on a conversation. I could always ask for another seating assignment if not.

Concentrating on the menu, nothing special popped from the print to entice me. I may have been overly hungry, I would have gladly eaten the flowers from the vase on the table. When the waitress came over I ordered the fettuccini with shrimp and feta and a glass of white wine. Apparently the newlyweds had already ordered, how? I hadn’t a clue. The pair didn’t even notice I was there let alone a waitress, or food, or that they were in a dining room.

I was staring at my hands in my lap, trying not to notice that he was now licking her fingers, the slurping sound quite grating on the nerves, when our fourth dining companion took the seat across from me. I gawked at the gentleman dressed in a casual navy suit jacket and baby blue dress shirt, which set off the watery blue of his eyes. His blond hair was tied back and he had the nicest pair of lush full lips I’d ever seen. I think I was staring at this point, no, I’m pretty sure I was, as he put out an open hand.

“Hi, I’m Gage,” he said in the most low sensual tone, which gave me the impression that he may fit into the category of a potential bad boy, bad ass deal.

“Tandy,” I responded, shaking his hand over the flowers. He blessed me with a sweet two dimpled smile and butterflies burst into flight in my stomach.

He looked familiar somehow. Crazy thought though. Sitting on a ship on the other side of the world, what were the odds?

“Nice to meet you Tandy, I guess we’ll be dining together for the cruise?” he asked, and I was suddenly very happy to be seated at this table and the fact that our dining companions were so preoccupied.

“Looks that way,” I smiled back, as the waitress came over to take his order.

“Let me see…I’ll have the fettuccini with shrimp and feta please and a glass of pinot noir.” He handed the menu back to the waitress and she regarded him for a few moments before thanking him and moving away. She seemed quite taken by him; he undoubtedly had that effect on every woman he came into contact with.

Gage nodded in the direction of the newlyweds and I shrugged my shoulders, we laughed. No more needed to be said as he watched the pair feeding each other across the table. Our dinner arrived and we ate in silence during most of the meal, we both ended up ordering cheesecake and coffee and shared a little casual conversation.

“Where are you from?” I asked.

“The States,” his answer was elusive, not too much being given away. Maybe he was uncomfortable with me, not knowing me well enough to spill, not a biggie. We were sharing dining room seating not a bedroom.

He didn’t ask where I was from, strangely enough. He chose to eat his cheesecake. I chose to drop the subject.

“Any plans to tour onshore?” I inquired while enjoying the most heavenly cheesecake, scraping off the blueberries pushing them to the side of my plate, I hate blueberries. I noticed that Gage had done the same,
strange
.

“No, I haven’t had a chance to look the pamphlet over yet…you?” he asked, pushing away his empty plate, except for the blueberry slurry and stirring cream into his coffee.

“I was thinking of touring Penang…but I don’t know. That’s still pretty far away.” I wasn’t sure why I said Penang. That was the only name I remembered from my leaf through of the pamphlet. I was having trouble making conversation suddenly. I had never had trouble talking before, I practically interrogated people as part of my job, but he was making it difficult. I felt it was time to depart.

“Well, I’m going to say goodnight. It was nice meeting you Gage. Perhaps I’ll see you again.” I said as I stood and he quickly rose from his chair.

“See you at breakfast,” he said in that low sultry tone and I almost found myself agreeing before catching myself.

“No. Not tomorrow, another morning maybe.” I said and then headed out of the dining room.

Suddenly I was standing on the Promenade deck of all the decks I had to find myself on, it had to be the most romantic deck on a ship. It was famous for its lovers. Couples holding hands, embracing, smooching and fondling each other, I was going to puke, and then I saw a sign thank God.

‘Movies under the Stars’→ Lido Deck →

I almost took off at a sprint in the direction of the arrows. I noticed that the movie had already started once I got up there, but took a seat anyway. Surprisingly there were not a lot of people and the movie playing was ‘Only the Lonely’, a comedy. I could use a good laugh, I thought, relaxing into a plush lounge as I was handed a bag of popcorn, I ordered a glass of wine. There was even a blanket at my feet in case I got chilly, this was great!

When the movie ended, a few lights came on to illuminate the area and I noted that not too many of us had stayed to the end. I raised my arms into the air and stretched with a yawn, bedtime, it was definitely bedtime. I stood and turned seeing that Gage was seated near the back of the theatre area, I waved, he didn’t move just sat watching me.
Weird
!

Back in my room I stood on my balcony, took a deep cleansing breath and looked up at the stars. Funny, it seemed like the stars were brighter and closer on the open water. The air felt fresher and the world calmer somehow.
Silly bitch
, I thought to myself and went to bed leaving the sliding door open so I could hear the hum from the engines.