Hitting the Right Note (25 page)

JJ pulled glasses and plates out of a cupboard before heading to the dining table.

“Good thing I'm not most women then.”

They ended up eating outside. They agreed that warm days in Toronto were too good to waste indoors, so they took Simon's pasta with tomato-mushroom sauce, garlic bread, and salad out to a wooden picnic table sitting in a shaded section of his backyard.

JJ tried to hold back from stuffing herself, but she couldn't. They had done an excellent job on dinner. Okay, so maybe most of the credit went to Simon. JJ knew homemade pasta sauce was better than anything off the shelf, but she was convinced that the fresh-off-the-vine ingredients brought the level up to heavenly.

For dessert, they took a bowl of strawberries—also from Simon's garden, but allowed to chill—down to the very bottom of the yard, where large stones lined a shallow creek. JJ shook her head as she settled on the ground beside Simon.

“You have a river in your backyard. Seriously?”

He laughed. “It's nowhere near a river. More like a stream. And it's dry most of the time. The rain a couple days ago is the only reason why we're seeing anything now.”

“Still, a football field–sized backyard, a greenhouse, and a stream behind your log cabin home are pretty impressive,” JJ said. “I can't believe you have all this going on. I never would have guessed.”

“Now you know something about me that very few people know,” he said, lazily leaning back on his palms. “Now you have to tell me something about you to even the score.”

“I think you know all the major points. My family, my seamstress career, my new singing career. That's pretty much everything,” she said.

Simon didn't seem convinced. “Nah, there's got to be more. Something about yourself that no one could guess, or find out on the Internet. Something unexpected.”

JJ bit her lip thoughtfully for a moment, then smiled. “Okay. Here's something.”

He turned a little to get a better view of her face.

“I almost stayed in France.”

Simon's eyebrows rose. “As in, for another year?”

“As in, indefinitely,” JJ said, loving the surprised reaction she'd garnered. “I loved every moment of the year I spent in Europe. I don't think I was really ever homesick. When I was halfway through, the woman running the company I had my internship with offered me a job. So for the last half of my time in France, I worked for her. It was enough to live on. I looked at apartments in Paris, even houses in the countryside. I started getting the documents together for a work permit. I was ready to start my life there.”

“So what changed your mind?” Simon asked.

“My dad had his first stroke,” JJ said simply. She looked off into the expanse of field before her but barely saw any of it. “My whole family seemed to fall apart. Mom went a bit crazy, Sydney had to take over the business, and she and Lissandra were pretty much swamped trying to handle that and take care of Dad. Josephine was still a teenager, Dean was still in school, and Zelia was in school and between majors. It was just chaos. I had to come home. My family needed me.”

Simon nodded. “Do you ever regret not staying?” he asked after a moment.

“No,” JJ said. “Coming back was the right thing to do. But I sometimes wonder how things would have turned out had I stayed. Life would have been so much different.” She sighed. “It's funny how one thing can change your whole life.”

“Like a sudden stroke,” Simon said.

“Or a broken elevator,” JJ replied.

Simon looked over at her, and as their eyes locked she felt herself falling into him again. He seemed to hold her in place as he traced a finger down her nose, across her bottom lip, under her chin. Then he used the same finger to pull her closer. JJ melted into him as his lips met hers. His kisses kindled a fire in her that started in her toes and spread through her whole body. What had she been doing before she met this man? Before she kissed this man? No man she had ever been with had made her feel the way Simon did. It was like he looked at her and saw her thoughts; he touched her and touched her soul; he kissed her and singed her senses.

When they finally separated, she rested her forehead against his, unable to bear the feeling of distance from him.

“Simon,” she whispered, her eyes still closed.

“Judith?”

She sighed at the effect of her name on his lips. “What happens now?”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

She pulled back and opened her eyes, waiting for him to do the same. When he finally did, she saw that he knew exactly what she was referring to.

“In less than four weeks, Sheree will have the baby and you'll be on a plane to Malawi,” she said.

“And in less than four days, you'll be on a plane back to the tour,” Simon said. He rubbed a hand over his face. “We always seem to have the worst timing.”

They sat in silence, staring at the water. JJ knew she couldn't keep doing this if there was no future for her and Simon. She was already in too deep, and the more time she spent with him, the more she felt like he was ruining the possibility of her having a relationship with anyone else. He was the man she had dreamed about years ago, come to life. How could she ever get over that?

“What will happen at the end of your tour?” Simon asked, still looking at the water.

“I don't know,” JJ said. “But Kate, Deacon's manager, told me to start looking for a place in LA. Plus Deacon talked about recording my song that he did on tour, so I would have to be there for that too. Honestly, Simon, I really don't know.”

“What do you want to happen?” Simon asked.

“I want to not lose you again,” JJ said.

He looked over at her, surprised.

JJ shrugged. “We might as well be honest with each other from the start.”

“Well, if we're being honest,” Simon began, “then I'll tell you, I want to see where this could go. It's insane how much I think about you, Judith, how much I care about you, and we haven't even spent that much time getting to know each other. I know that has to mean something, and I would never forgive myself if I didn't at least make a decent go of it with you . . . that's if you want to.”

JJ smiled. “I want to.”

He grinned. “Okay, then.”

“Okay.”

JJ's eyes fell to his mouth. He leaned forward to kiss her, but just before they made contact, JJ jumped back.

“What about our schedules?” she asked worriedly. “When would we see each other?”

“We're seeing each other plenty right now,” Simon said, zooming in on her lips.

“Yeah, but after next week, it's another three weeks until I'm back in Toronto,” JJ said. “And then almost right after, you're gone and who knows if you'll be back soon after . . .”

“I'll be back,” Simon said, cupping her cheek.

“But when?” JJ asked. “How are we going to get to know each other? We barely had time to talk while I was on the road.”

“Talking is overrated.”

“Simon!” JJ slapped his arm to get him to focus. “This is serious.”

He sat back and gave up on his pursuit of her mouth. “I know this is serious,” he said, taking her hand. “But, Judith, I met you five years ago in a hotel in France. We never exchanged contact information, never even knew each other's last names, but we managed to run into each other here, in a hospital in Toronto. Don't you think God might have had something to do with that?”

JJ's eyes widened.

Simon smiled. “Yes, I have been thinking that, too,” he said, answering her unspoken statement. He kissed her fingers.

“Judith, angel, we both know we want to be with each other. We'll do the best we can to make that happen, but at the same time, we both have to do the things that God has put in our hearts to do: your music, my medicine. At the end of the day, if you and I together is God's design, our efforts will be successful and it will all fall into place. But if it is not, no matter how we plan, it will never work.”

JJ took a deep breath, acknowledging the magnitude of Simon's statement.

“So what are you saying?” she asked, wanting him to clarify it.

“I'm saying, let's just enjoy the time we have with each other now and promise to make time for each other when things get crazy again,” Simon said. He leaned in toward her. “I flew out to see you once, remember?” he asked, tucking a curl behind her ear. “I have no problem doing that again . . .”

He kissed her nose. “And again . . .”

He kissed her cheek. “. . . and again.”

He kissed her other cheek.

“Okay, okay, I get it.” JJ grabbed his face and pulled him closer, finally affording him the kiss he had long sought.

Simon was right. One day at a time was all they could do, along with placing the whole thing before God. This would be new to her, praying about her and Simon. But it was worth a shot. After all the mistakes she had made so far in the relationship department, she could use a little help.

“J
J! Phone!”

JJ burrowed a little deeper into the pillows, languishing in the pleasure of not having anywhere to be for several hours. She had been out all night with Simon. But it had been completely PG as they sat on the hood of his Jeep at a lookout point near his home, waiting for some constellation that could only be seen after midnight on a few nights during the summer. JJ had thought the whole thing was a hoax to get her to stay out with him, and she had told him so. But when he pointed out the cluster of stars at around one a.m., JJ realized that Simon was the real deal—a man who was clearly interested in being with her, but could be with her at one o'clock in the morning without trying to get into her pants. He would never understand how his appeal rating had skyrocketed with just that one thing.

She closed her eyes and tried to picture his face, the angle of his jaw, the curve of his lips when he smiled. The feel of his lips when he . . .

“JJ, I think it's someone from the tour,” Sydney said, sticking her head through JJ's bedroom door and tossing her the cordless. “Where is your cell phone?”

JJ shrugged and took the call off hold. “JJ Isaacs speaking.”

“JJ, this is Andrew.”

“Hi, Andrew,” JJ said with a smile as she rolled over onto her back. “How is it going? Enjoying your week off?”

Andrew harrumphed. “It's more on than off. There's so much happening here, which is actually why I'm calling.”

JJ's chest tightened. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Andrew said. “Have you checked your e-mail this morning?”

“Uh, no,” JJ said, sitting up and glancing around the room for her cell phone. “Did you send me something?”

“My assistant should have e-mailed you your electronic ticket,” Andrew said. “I know I told your manager anytime tomorrow would be fine, but turns out we need you here in the morning.”

The tightness turned into a heavyweight. “Wait, you spoke to Rayshawn? You need me back tomorrow? Why?”

“The extension of the tour,” Andrew said with a touch of impatience. “We need you to sign the new contracts and submit the original music for the new song so we can get our production people working on it. Plus we want to firm up some dates for recording. Didn't your manager tell you all this?”

No. Rayshawn had not told her anything. In fact she had not spoken to him since the Monday morning when he had peeled away from her front curb. How could he make all these arrangements without telling her? She dug through her purse for her iPhone.

“Why didn't you call me directly?” JJ asked, bypassing Andrew's question.

“We did,” Andrew said. “My assistant was trying to get you on the phone all afternoon yesterday.”

JJ pulled out the phone and sighed. The battery was dead. Just like it had been yesterday afternoon while she was with Simon. She had been so sleepy when Simon dropped her off, she had forgotten to plug it in.

“When we couldn't get in touch, we called Rayshawn and set everything up.” She heard Andrew sigh on the other end. “Is this going to be a problem?”

JJ bit her lip. Of course this was going to be a problem! She was supposed to have a whole weekend more at home with her family, with Simon. Her vacation wasn't supposed to be over so soon! But what kind of professional would she sound like if she said that to Andrew?

She took a deep breath. “I actually hadn't planned to be back until Sunday . . .”

“We know,” Andrew said. “That's why we are covering the cost of the earlier ticket.”

She heard a voice in the background and Andrew put her on hold. As she waited, JJ tried to think of all the ways she could get out of this tour extension and salvage the last remaining days of her time off. When Andrew came back on the line, she thought she had something.

“Look, Andrew, I know you need me back but—”

“JJ, I have to go,” Andrew said distractedly. “I'm just about to step into a meeting. Just check your e-mail and make sure you have the ticket. If not, call my office and they will take care of everything.”

“But, Andrew, I can't come back tomorrow!” JJ protested. “Andrew? Andrew?”

He was gone.

She fell back on the bed and closed her eyes. This was turning into a terrible day.

“Trouble at work?” Sydney asked, stopping at JJ's bedroom door as she buttoned up her blouse.

JJ flopped an arm over her eyes. “They want me back in LA tomorrow.”

“I thought you were here till Sunday!”

“I'm supposed to be,” JJ whined. “But they extended the tour, and they need me to sign contracts for the use of my song, and Rayshawn agreed to all of this without even telling me!”

“Rayshawn?”

“Yes, Rayshawn,” JJ growled. “My ex-boyfriend, current manager Rayshawn. Ugh, I could kill him!”

Sydney shook her head. “You know why he's doing this, right?”

JJ groaned. “Yes.”

“You need to find new management,” Sydney said, rolling up the long sleeves of her shirt. “That man is going to have you over a barrel soon, if you don't.”

“I need to find a lawyer first, to get me out of that contract,” JJ said, getting up. “But first I need to check my e-mail.”

“Good luck,” Sydney called as she disappeared down the hallway.

JJ crawled across the bed to the travel bag in which her laptop was still resting—probably uncharged. She was hanging off the side of the bed when Sydney stuck her head back in the room.

“Hey, wait. Did you say the tour was extended?” Sydney asked.

“Uh-huh.”

“But that means you won't be here for—”

“Sheree's delivery? Yeah, I thought about that,” JJ said. It was actually the first thing that had come to her mind when she heard about the extension. When the tour was first announced, she had worried about how close the end of the tour was to Sheree's due date. If she went into labor early, JJ might not be there. But now, with the additional tour dates, it was almost certain that she'd miss the birth.

“Oh, JJ, she really is counting on you,” Sydney said, worry creeping into her voice. “I mean, Dean is more involved than before, but you're the one who's had the best relationship with her through this whole thing—”

“I know,” JJ said, cutting her sister off. “Trust me, I know.”

JJ sighed and flopped down on the bed, suddenly tired. In less than ten minutes, her day had gone from awesome to awful. Last night, she had been looking forward to her weekend. This morning, the thought of it brought her a headache.

Sydney leaned against the doorway. “You're not looking forward to going back, are you?”

JJ didn't have the energy to fake it. “No, not exactly.” Sydney bit her lip. “JJ, when the thing you love to do starts feeling like a burden and brings you anxiety, you should ask yourself if the way you're doing it is the right way. You love singing. The fact that you're dreading going back to a job that allows you to make a living doing what you love is something you should seriously think about.”

A couple minutes later, as JJ scanned through Andrew's e-mail on her computer, the weight that had been sitting on her chest since she spoke to Andrew seemed to double. They had extended the tour to six more locations: Boston, Memphis, New Orleans, Houston, Denver, and then back to LA to end the tour. Furthermore, the tour extension stops were scheduled merely a day apart, as opposed to the more relaxed two-stops-a-week schedule that the previous section of the tour had run on. This meant they would play in Boston on Saturday and Sunday nights and then play in Memphis Tuesday and Wednesday. Friday and Saturday they would be in New Orleans. All six additional stops were crammed into two-and-a-half weeks.

Five-and-a-half more weeks of living on a tour bus and occasionally in hotels. Five-and-a-half more weeks of keeping Deacon's secrets. Five-and-a-half more weeks of being antagonized by Sabrina, of avoiding drugs and alcohol, of not seeing her family, of not seeing Simon. Five-and-a-half more weeks. Could she do that? She wasn't sure. Sydney's words came back to her. When had she stopped loving, and started dreading, her job? Was it when Sabrina cut her guitar string? Was it when she was out that night looking for Deacon? Or was it when she was lying sick on a hotel bathroom floor in New York? When had this lifestyle lost the glitter that it once had? When had it become a burden?

She needed to talk to someone. She needed someone to help her make this decision. To tell her that this was her dream and that she shouldn't let the tough moments overshadow the good ones. Someone to tell her that her voice was a gift from God and she had to use it. Someone to tell her that he would be there for her no matter what she decided, that he would come for her whenever she needed him.

But her someone was probably sleeping in, like she had planned to. And the truth was, she needed to make this decision on her own, with a clear head. For herself. For her future. Sure, her career wasn't comfortable right now, but she had to start at the bottom and keep climbing until she got to a point where she could go it on her own, set her own rules, and make things the way she wanted them to be.

She closed her eyes and leaned back against the bed's headboard.

“God, I don't know what to do. You opened this door for me, allowed me to have a chance in this industry. But I've gone through so much hell so far. Now I have to make this decision: keep my promise to Sheree, or keep this commitment to my job. I want to do both, but I can't. And then there's Simon. I don't know how we could ever work if we're never in the same place. And I want to be where he is, but I want my career too. I don't know what to do. Help me.”

She kept her eyes closed and waited. Waited for a light to shine above her head. Waited for the perfect solution to pop into her mind. Waited for something. Anything that would tell her what to do. But it was silent except for the faint sound of her sister in the bathroom down the hall.

She opened her eyes and slunk out of bed. Maybe the answer would come at some point, but in the meantime she had some people to see, and she was pretty sure none of them would like what she had to say.