Hitting the Right Note (32 page)

T
he Molson Canadian Amphitheatre was almost empty. It had taken over an hour for the crowds to clear, for the media and VIPs to leave the backstage area, and for all the autographs to be signed. JJ had been a part of all of it. Who knew people would want her autograph?

She looked out into the dimly lit space, remembering the thousands of people who had filled the amphitheater a short time earlier. Before this week, the last time she had been here was a year ago. She had been in the audience and someone else had been performing. She never thought she would be the one onstage. And yet she was. She had sung for thousands. People had called her name. Her face had been on the screen. It was everything she had dreamed about. But it had lasted for only a few moments, and then it was over.

She swung her legs back and forth as she sat on the edge of the stage, enjoying the quiet moment. This could be her life. This could be her future. She had to admit, it wasn't half bad.

“Can't believe it, can you? That just moments ago this place was filled, and all those eyes were on you.”

JJ felt Deacon sit down beside her and she looked over at him.

“Do you ever get used to it?” she asked.

He shook his head. “Not really. Maybe I haven't been doing it long enough. I will get into the performance and forget about the audience for a while. But then I will have a moment during the show when I look out there and see all those people and realize that they are there for me. They came for me. It's unbelievable.”

JJ nodded. “It is.”

“Think you could do this for the rest of your life?” he asked.

JJ snorted. “Only a handful of people do this for the rest of their life.”

Deacon tilted his head to the side. “True. But a lot of people do it for a long, long time. And it can be a good life.”

“But you're planning to give it all up,” JJ said, looking at him again.

He smiled. “It's a good life, but it's not everything. There's more to life than this.”

His words startled JJ. There was more to life than this. She knew that. That was the doubt sitting in the pit of her stomach, the knowledge that this wasn't it. That all the stages in the world couldn't fill her with the wholeness that came from having those things that were most important: her family, her loved ones, her faith.

“It's easy to forget, you know?” JJ said after a moment. “I lost myself for a while because I forgot that. Lost my faith, my relationship with God that used to keep me grounded.”

Deacon nodded. “This business gives you a lot of opportunities, but you also lose out on a lot. You get the fame, the money, the freedom to do what you love. But in a way, you lose your freedom too. You lose the chance to love without limits. You lose the chance to find love that's real. You lose the chance to know who you really are. And that can take a toll on a person.”

JJ bit her lip. “You think you can have it all? Freedom and fame?”

Deacon squinted into the darkness thoughtfully. “I used to think I could.”

As they sat in silence, JJ realized that even though Deacon was a millionaire pop star, underneath all the expensive clothes and cars, under the Gucci sunglasses and the celebrity lifestyle, he was just an ordinary guy trying to find happiness and live a life that was worthwhile. The surprising thing was that it was probably harder for him than most.

“Did you love Cymmone?” JJ asked after a long moment.

Deacon smiled but kept looking out into the darkness. “I think I did. But I loved my career more. Things turned out better this way.”

“For you?”

Deacon stood up. “For her.”

JJ watched him as he walked back across the stage. “See you in Boston, JJ.”

“Bus is leaving in fifteen minutes!”

JJ recognized Diana's voice from backstage and sighed. Since they had come back from the break, the schedule had them leaving the city at night, after the performance, instead of the following morning. JJ suspected that Andrew had something to do with that. Probably didn't want to pay for an extra night at the hotel. Kya thought it was because he was miserable and wanted everyone to be miserable too, by eliminating the one night they would have off to celebrate.

Either way, it didn't matter. Within the hour they would be on a bus on the way to Boston. The ten-hour bus ride would put them in Boston just in time for hotel check-in. After a quick nap, they would be in rehearsal and prepping for the next concert in a day and a half.

With one last look out into the empty amphitheater, she got up and turned to go. She only got two steps.

“You should really stop sneaking up on people like that,” JJ said.

“It's not intentional,” Rayshawn said, hands in his pocket. “I thought you would hear me. Looked like you were off somewhere.”

JJ shrugged. “Just thinking.”

“About the great show you had tonight?” he asked, taking a step closer. “You were awesome, by the way.”

JJ smiled. “Thanks. Guess you saw it?”

He nodded. “That I did. Have to keep an eye on my best client.”

A silence fell between them as they considered each other. JJ took in Rayshawn for the first time in a long while: his dark pants, white V-neck shirt, gray sweater with the sleeves pushed up to expose his muscular forearms. He was something to look at, that's for sure. And for a long time JJ had enjoyed looking at him. Got a tingle up her spine when his eyes were on her. But in that moment, as she looked at him, the man she had given too much of herself to, she felt nothing.

He misunderstood her gaze. JJ knew it when he closed the distance between them and took her hands in his. When he spoke, his voice was deep and thick with something that wasn't love but that she had mistaken for love at some point along the way.

“JJ . . .”

“Where's the contract?” she asked.

His face twisted in confusion. “What?”

She pulled her hands out of his. “Where's the contract, Rayshawn? Isn't that what you came here for?”

Something she couldn't read flitted through his eyes.

“Come on, JJ,” he said. “I came to see you perform.”

JJ stepped closer and slipped her arms under his sweater, encircling him. But before he could return the embrace, she stepped back and held up the rolled-up, letter-size brown envelope she had pulled out of his back pocket.

“This is it, right?”

The look that came next she could definitely read. Guilt.

“Okay, JJ,” he said flatly. “I came hoping you would sign the contract too. Only because I know the next couple days are going to be crazy and you won't have time to think about it.”

He earnestly clasped his hands together in front of him. “JJ, this is an amazing opportunity. I have negotiated hundreds of contracts, and trust me, this is one of the best. They're giving you three years. Full label resources. Two albums and tours guaranteed. And you get to retain the rights to the songs that you write. Do you realize how amazing that is? They're giving you the world on a silver platter.”

“You can't lose with this.”

. . .
and lose his own soul.

“I figured you would need a little time after the tour,” Rayshawn continued. “You know, to see your family, spend some time at home. So we worked in a three-week break between the end of this tour and the start of the work on the contract. But after that, it will be full throttle. We got a place for you in LA where you can stay until you find something permanent. It's a great little apartment that our artists in transition use, fully furnished, of course. But once you get your advance from the contract, plus the money you made on the tour, plus the signing rights for Deacon Hill to use your song . . .”

Rayshawn was talking a mile a minute now. JJ watched his lips move, but his voice was fading away somewhere into the background. She looked down at the contract. She was holding the beginning of the rest of her life in her hands. All she had to do was sign. She thought of Sheree, about how Dean was back in her life for good, about how Sydney, Lissandra, and the rest of the family had accepted her as their own. She wouldn't have to worry about Sheree anymore. She had made peace with Jackie over her involvement in the music business. And as far as Simon was concerned . . . well, there were some things she would just have to allow time to solve. But the truth was, her life in Toronto was tied up neatly.

She took a deep breath. “Okay.”

Rayshawn stopped midsentence, his brown eyes widening in surprise. “Okay?”

“Okay,” JJ said with a nod.

Rayshawn grinned and punched the air. “Yes!”

He grabbed her and spun her around. JJ squealed in surprise. “Put me down!”

Rayshawn laughed and set her back down on the stage. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but, JJ, you just made the best decision of your life.”

He dug into his pocket. “Let me get you a pen . . .”

JJ watched him as he searched frantically for the writing instrument. Watched the man she was essentially committing the next three years of her life to.

“JJ, everyone's on the bus waiting on you.” Diana's impatient voice cut into JJ's thoughts. “We have to go.”

“Okay, okay,” JJ said. It was going to be like this from now on. People demanding her attention. Pushing her from one place to the other. Always on the move, never a moment to spare. This was what it took to be a star.

She grabbed the pen from Rayshawn, hurriedly signed in the three spots marked with an
x
, then shoved the document back into the envelope and into Rayshawn's hands.

“I'll scan you a copy,” Rayshawn called after her as she stepped away.

JJ hurried through the backstage area, barely catching up with Diana as they made their way to the bus waiting outside the arena. When they got there, the driver was loading the last bags into the luggage area. JJ paused and looked around at the dark night sky. She was at the heart of the city. Her city. She could see the CN Tower lit up against the city skyline. This was her Toronto. It would always be. But for now, it was time to spread her wings.

Climbing into the bus, she took her seat near the window and slid it open, sucking in the cool evening air. She put her fingers to her lips and blew a kiss into the night sky.

“Good-bye, Toronto.”

“I
t's time, isn't it? This baby is coming now, isn't it?”

Simon sat down on the stool next to Sheree's bed. This was a new bed, in a new room. She had been moved again the day before, when her contractions started. They knew then that any change, from a spike in her heart rate to the movement of the child, might trigger delivery, and that the process would be quick and possibly complicated. But one thing was certain: Sheree would have to have a cesarean section.

“The baby is coming soon,” Simon said, careful to keep his voice relaxed. He wanted to keep Sheree as calm as possible, especially since he was about to give her news she didn't want to hear.

“How soon?” Dean asked. He was sitting on the other side of Sheree's bed. Simon was impressed with how present the man had been over the past few weeks. He didn't know the whole story with Dean and Sheree, but from the bits and pieces he had been told by Judith and overheard during family conversations in Sheree's hospital room, he knew that their relationship was probably as complicated as her pregnancy. Whatever was unsaid between them, however, was not keeping Dean from supporting the mother of his child. He had been there every day for the past few days, asking questions, getting Sheree anything she needed, showing her something that lingered in the space between loyalty and love.

“That's actually what I'm here to talk to you both about,” Simon said, turning his gaze to Sheree. “Both your and the baby's heart rates are good, your pressure is stable, and you are doing much better than you were earlier in the week. This is a good window for you to deliver.”

“So you want to induce?” Sheree asked.

Simon paused. “Because of the extent of the separation of the placenta from the uterine wall, the safest option for you and the baby right now is a C-section.”

Tears pooled in Sheree's eyes almost immediately, and although Simon kept his face relaxed, he felt like a hand had tightened around his heart. He had spent so much time with Sheree and her family in the past few weeks that he had formed an emotional bond with her, and he hated seeing her upset. But he knew this would be best for her.

Simon watched Dean take her hand and her fingers tighten around his.

“But you mentioned that you were trying to avoid that,” Dean said.

Simon nodded. “And before last weekend, it might have been possible. But with the level of blood loss you experienced, Sheree, we believe that the separation may now be severe. This is the best way to ensure that both you and baby come out of this with the best health possible.”

Sheree nodded, swiping at tears that rolled down her cheeks. “Okay. If you say this is the safest way, I believe you. When can we do it?”

“We booked tentatively for you early tomorrow, but if you think you could manage it, we would like to try for this evening. I have contacted the anesthesiologist and the surgical team, and they can be available.”

Simon avoided mentioning his other worry, that Sheree was showing preliminary indicators of declining kidney function. If unchecked, that could lead to a new set of health problems that would make delivery even more complicated and dangerous if delayed much longer.

“I can have everything ready for you to sign off on in a couple minutes, and then the nurse will prep you for the surgery,” Simon explained. “We're going to have to move you to an operating room, but that's just down the hall. If there's anyone you want to call, you should do so now.”

“JJ,” Sheree said, turning to Dean. “I want to talk to her.”

Dean glanced up at Simon at the mention of his sister's name. Simon met his gaze blankly. He knew less about where JJ was and what she was doing than the rest of them. And as he prepared to take Sheree's and her baby's lives in his hands, he couldn't afford to be thinking about JJ even a little.

“She's gone,” Dean said, dropping his eyes back to Sheree. “You know that. She got on the bus to Boston two days ago.”

“I know,” Sheree said, the tears rolling down her cheeks. “But I need her. Can you try to call her again? Please? I just need to talk to her . . .”

Simon knew he didn't need to be here for this. He stood up.

“I'll just be outside.”

He pushed through the hospital door and strode down the hall, trying to push the thoughts from his mind. This was one of the times he wished he was better at separating himself from his patients. Nigel was excellent at that, at compartmentalizing everything. That's what made him great with MSF. They could send him into situations that went completely against his morals, that challenged every fiber of his being, and he would go in and do his best work. Simon? Simon's emotions were a little less flexible. They were like a river constantly running through him, which he sometimes found difficult to dam up.

“Nurse Thompson, can you call Dr. Brighton and let him know the surgery is a go for this evening?” Simon said, stopping at the nurses' station. “And can you call the anesthesiologist and let him know he can come down in about forty-five minutes? You should be done prepping Mrs. Isaacs by then, right?”

“Should be,” Janice said. “Shouldn't take long.” She gave Simon a sympathetic look. “So you finally broke it to her about the C-section.”

Simon nodded. “I really hoped we could have done a natural birth. She's young, and it's her first child.”

“Who's going to be born alive and at full term, thanks to you,” Janice said reassuringly. “Don't beat yourself up. You've been great for her. She's lucky to have you. All of them are.”

Simon chose to ignore the last comment. “I'm gonna go put together the consent forms. I'll see you down there in a bit.”

Tension slipped into Simon's shoulders as he walked into the doctors' lounge. He had known for a few days that this might be necessary, but he still didn't like it. There were so many risks with a C-section. Potential injuries to the bladder or bowel, higher risk of infection, longer recovery time. He would do his best, but there were so many things that could happen.

Glad that the room was empty, he sank onto the couch, put his head back, and closed his eyes. This was his God time. He didn't know if he would have time for it again before the surgery, so he had to get it in now. He needed it. Needed the peace that came from just those few moments with the God who was in control of everything. Simon already knew that he wasn't doing this surgery; the one who knows the intricacies of every human being was doing it. He was just using Simon's hands.

In the stillness of the room, he remembered all the times that God had used his hands to do so much more with so much less. So many times he had delivered babies with nothing more than clean towels and hot water. Times when he had correctly diagnosed conditions just like Sheree's, without ultrasounds or extensive blood tests. That voice of quiet assurance had guided him in those moments, and it would guide him now.

Peace flowed quietly over Simon in waves so gentle they rocked him into a calm state only shades away from sleep. When he finally opened his eyes and stood up, the tension was gone. His limbs were relaxed, his body and mind refreshed.

By the time he got back to Sheree's room, it was full. All of JJ's sisters were there, even one he had never met before but recognized from JJ's descriptions. JJ's mother was clasping Sheree's hands and saying something quietly to her. On Sheree's other side sat a very tall gentleman who Simon had never seen before but whose resemblance to Sheree declared him to be her brother. Sydney's hands on his shoulders confirmed that he was also the fiancé that Simon had been told about over JJ's kitchen counter. The whole family was here.

“Whoa, looks like we have a full house,” Simon said, barely able to get into the room.

“Hey, Dr. Massri,” Sydney said. “We know we can't stay, but we just wanted Sheree to know we're all here for her.”

Sydney's fiancé stood and Simon had to look up a bit.

“I'm Sheree's brother Hayden,” he said, stretching his hand out to Simon. “I hear you've been taking great care of her. Thank you so much.”

Simon nodded. “God's been taking care of her. So has this amazing family that you're marrying into.”

Hayden smiled and exchanged a look with Sydney. “I know.”

With the forms signed and everyone kicked out of the room, the anesthesiologist arrived to give Sheree a spinal block to numb the lower part of her body for the surgery. Once she was all prepped, it was time. Simon opted to walk with her as they wheeled her into the operating theater. Dean was nearby, dressed in scrubs, looking more nervous than Sheree.

“You guys are doing great,” Simon reassured them. “The whole thing should take an hour, and then your baby will be here.”

However, as they began the process of transporting her from the room, Simon could see the panic start.

“Wait.” Sheree's breathing was accelerated as she gripped the sides of the gurney. She shook her head. “I can't.”

“Yes, you can,” Dean said, leaning down. “You're almost there.”

“No, I can't . . .” She was crying now. Simon slipped his fingers around her wrist, checking her pulse. He glanced up at Nurse Thompson and shook his head. It was racing slightly. This was not good.

“Sheree,” he began in the calmest tone he could muster, “I'm gonna need you to try and relax. Try taking a deep breath . . .”

She was still sobbing. Dean looked up at him helplessly. Simon took a deep breath of his own. This was not what he wanted to be happening right now.

Just then the door to the room flew open.

“I'm here, I'm here. Has she had the baby yet?”

Simon felt like someone had knocked the wind out of him as Judith burst into the room. Her cheeks were flushed, as if she had been running, but her eyes were bright as they swept the room, pausing a moment on him but ultimately settling on Sheree, whose face broke into a huge grin.

“JJ!”

Sheree reached out and grabbed the woman's arm like a lifeline. JJ managed to embrace her sister-in-law without pulling out any of the cords attached to her. They both were crying.

“Thank God you're here!”

“I couldn't miss this. I'm so sorry I wasn't here before, hon.”

“It's okay, you're here now,” Sheree said between sniffles.

“Oh, I can't believe you're having the baby!”

“I know! Oh God, I'm going to be a mother!”

“I know!”

Simon cleared his throat, hating to interrupt the two but knowing that there was an operating room full of professionals, prepped and waiting to perform the surgery.

“We have to go,” he said gently to Sheree.

JJ untangled herself from Sheree. “I'll be right outside, honey.”

“No!” Sheree gripped JJ's arm so tightly Simon could see her fingers pressed into the woman's flesh. “You have to come with me.”

“Sheree, I can't,” JJ said, glancing between Simon and her sister-in-law. “You already have Dean.”

“No, I need you too,” Sheree insisted, her voice bordering on hysterical. “Dr. Massri, please, please let her come in with me. I can't do this without her.”

“Please, Doctor,” Dean added. “JJ's been here through all of this. I know Sheree would feel more relaxed during surgery if she was there.”

Simon took another deep breath then glanced toward the clock. They were already a few minutes late. He looked over at Nurse Thompson. She shrugged, silently telling him it was up to him, but he could see the slight smile that played at the corner of her lips.

“Alright,” he said with a sigh. “But you need to be in scrubs. And we can't wait more than five minutes for you.”

JJ's face broke into a smile that nearly did Simon in.

“Thank you.” She jumped up and rushed back through the doors.

“Go to—”

“I know!” he heard her reply from the hallway. His eyebrows lifted in surprise.

“She volunteered here all through college,” Nurse Thompson explained. “She probably knows more about where everything is than you do.”

Simon sighed and nodded toward the door. As they wheeled Sheree out of the room and down to the OR, he said a silent prayer for Sheree, for the baby, and for himself. They were all going to need God if they planned to make it through the next hour.