Hitting the Right Note (28 page)

“H
ey, angel, how is LA?”

JJ sank back onto the queen-size hotel bed, her whole body relaxing with just the sound of his voice.

“Baby, you would never believe the day I just had.” JJ reeled off the events of the day to Simon, from Deacon's news when he picked her up at the airport, to Rayshawn's presence in her hotel room, to the events of the meeting with Andrew and the label.

“Can you believe they are actually negotiating with Rayshawn on this, all the while not knowing that Deacon is planning to leave the label in a matter of weeks?” JJ sighed. “Simon, this is crazy.”

“It is,” Simon said. “But at least you won't have to deal with it. You told Rayshawn no, right?”

JJ was silent.

“Judith, you told Rayshawn you wouldn't sign on with him, right?”

“Simon, it's not that simple,” JJ said wearily. “This is my career. And with Deacon leaving the label, there's nowhere for me to go after this tour is over.”

“There is always somewhere for you to go, Judith. You're talented and everyone knows that. You'll be singing for the rest of your life,” Simon said. “But we talked about this Rayshawn thing. You told me six months.”

“That was before I knew about Deacon leaving and about Rayshawn signing She-La on a development contract.”

“So you're okay to sign on to work with this guy for two more years?” Simon asked. “After the way he's treated you? Look how he's manipulating your life now. You don't think he'll continue to do that?”

“I won't let him,” JJ responded.

“That's easy to say, Judith,” Simon said. “But I've seen what this business has done to you, how it has drained you physically, emotionally, and spiritually. How it has caused you to neglect the things in your life that are most important to you. How it has put you in places where you are uncomfortable. How it has changed you. And you can say whatever you want about me not knowing you well enough to know you have changed, but we both know you have. And I'm not saying all the change was bad. I'm not even saying that this business is all bad. But I'm saying the direction that Rayshawn has been pushing you has not been good.”

“I'm a big girl, Simon, and I run my life. Not Rayshawn,” JJ said, an edge slipping into her voice. “I can take care of myself, and I can handle Rayshawn.”

“It's not about you being able to handle him,” Simon said. “Maybe you can do that professionally. But this man also has feelings for you. You think it's easy to just switch that off and go back to being strictly professional after your history with each other?”

“Is that what you're worried about?” JJ asked. “Simon, nothing is ever going to happen with me and Rayshawn. That is so over.”

“How can it be over when you're still working with him? When he'll still be a part of our lives?”

“Our lives?”

“Yes, our lives, Judith,” Simon said. “Don't you get it? This is what we're doing, integrating our lives together. That's what you do in a relationship. And we can't work if Rayshawn is in the middle. You've got to see that.”

“So being in a relationship with you means I have to sacrifice my career?” JJ asked. “How can you ask me to give up this opportunity?”

“How can you be so ready to jump into this opportunity without giving it some serious thought?” Simon asked. “Seriously, Judith, have you even prayed about this? What about all that talk about feeling lost? Is this the path that you think is going to make you feel at peace with your life?”

“Now who's trying to manipulate who?”

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, JJ knew they were the wrong ones. She had been angry at Simon for pointing out her failure to seek divine guidance. Everything with the contract changes had happened so fast, she hadn't had time to think about it. To pray about it. Simon was right about her not thinking it through well enough. He was right about everything. And JJ had bitten his head off for it.

She sighed. “Simon, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.”

Silence fell between them on the line. JJ wasn't sure what to say. Wasn't this what she had worried about from the beginning? That their career choices would get in the middle of whatever was happening between them? And now here it was. She couldn't understand why he was against her extending her contract, and he couldn't understand why she didn't see why. She knew they were at an impasse.

“No, you're right,” he said slowly after a long moment. “Maybe I have been trying to manipulate you. I do wish you were here more, and I guess that is part of why I wish you wouldn't sign the extension.”

His words sounded good, but JJ couldn't help the ominous feeling that began to build in the pit of her stomach.

He sighed. “If you feel that this is your opportunity to get where you want to be, then you should take it. I don't want you to be with me and always wonder if you missed out on the career you could have had.”

Coldness sliced through JJ with Simon's words. “What are you saying?”

“I'm saying that I want you to have your dreams,” he said gently. “Do what you have to do, Judith.”

She blinked back the tears that were filling her eyes. “And what about us?”

Another pause, then a rustle on the other end. “I don't know. Maybe we'll run into each other in an airport someday.”

JJ could barely breathe. Huge, silent tears rolled down her cheeks as panic gripped her chest. “So this is what it's coming down to,” she said, trying hard to keep her voice steady.

“Maybe we were wrong,” he said. “We thought that seeing each other again after so long meant something. But maybe we were just trying to make something out of what was only a coincidence.”

“You and I both know that's not true,” JJ said. “What I feel for you is more than just the result of a coincidence. And I know the feeling is mutual.”

“I'm not sure what I know anymore,” he said.

JJ sniffled. “Can we at least talk about this?”

He sighed. “Maybe some other night. Right now . . . I've got to go.”

“Simon, wait—”

“Take care, Judith.”

The click on the other end of the line was final. Like the clasping of a latch, or the clicking of a lock on a door. Maybe the door to Simon's heart.

What had she just given up?

J
J woke up Monday morning in Miami with a pounding headache. After spending the weekend in LA, she had flown into Miami on Sunday night to meet up with the team for the next stop on the original tour. They still had to play Miami, Chicago and Toronto before the tour extension would kick-in and she needed to psych herself up at least for the last three stops to which she was already contractually obligated. But she still couldn't get past what had happened over the weekend with Simon.

Despite the brief length of their relationship, she had gone through all the stages of grief in mourning it. She had been in denial until several calls to him on Saturday and Sunday had proved fruitless. Simon always answered her calls, and even when he couldn't he usually called her back within the hour. But in the past two days, she had heard nothing from him except his voice mail recording. Anger had come soon after. How dare he ask her to change her career for him? How dare he not be reasonable? What about all he had said about making their relationship work? By the time she got to the bargaining stage, she realized that she needed to do what he had accused her of not doing: talk to God about the decisions laid out before her.

JJ pulled her knees up to her chest in the middle of the hotel bed and rested her head on her knees.

“God, I really don't know what to do here,” she whispered. “I love singing. I love this feeling of performing onstage. I love the opportunities it gives me to meet people, to show others like me that you can come from somewhere simple and make it big. But I know that this life is full of ugly things. I hate being around the drugs and the drinking and the promiscuity. I hate not being able to be there for my family. I hate that it's already caused me to lose Simon. But if I give this up, what am I supposed to do? I'll have no job, no money, no plan. What will I possibly gain?”

 

Her confusion continued to drag her down as she walked into rehearsal a few hours later. She soon realized, however, that she wasn't the only one struggling.

“Look who decided to show up!” Sabrina's voice echoed across the empty room from where she lay on the edge of the stage in a leopard-print romper. “How nice of you to grace us with your presence.”

JJ rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Sabrina. I'm half an hour early.”

“Yeah, well, we were here long before that,” Sabrina snapped as she sat up. “But I guess since your manager hustled the label, you think you can do whatever you want to.”

JJ sighed. She knew word would get around, but she never thought anyone would bring it up during work time. She had overestimated the level of professionalism of the team—particularly Sabrina's.

“Sabrina, the guys have barely finished setting up the instruments, and Kya and Diana aren't even here yet, so chill out.”

JJ walked past Sabrina onto the stage and grabbed her guitar, plugging it into the system herself instead of waiting for the one guy working to set it up for her. And why was one guy working? There were usually at least three sound hands that worked with them for rehearsals and for shows.

“Hey, Joe,” JJ said. “Where are the other two guys you usually work with?”

“Fired.”

“Fired!” JJ echoed. “When? Why?”

“Just this morning,” Joe answered. JJ noted that the usually friendly man didn't look up but kept his eyes on the sound board. “Management said they couldn't afford to have three guys doing that job anymore.”

“Hmm,” Sabrina said as she seated herself behind her keyboard. “Must be the cost of all those new contracts.”

JJ didn't know whether what Sabrina said was true or if she was just trying to guilt JJ. But if the latter was the goal, it was working. JJ wasn't sure she even wanted all these changes herself, but she felt responsible for them and for the trouble they seemed to be causing everyone. How she wished this all wasn't happening.

“Really sorry to hear about that, Joe,” JJ offered.

He nodded but still wouldn't look at her.

“Hello, everyone!”

JJ turned around just in time to see Kya breeze into the room, a big smile on her face. Diana came in right behind her, without as much fanfare but with just as big a smile. JJ narrowed her eyes as she watched both women. She could only imagine who they had spent their morning with. Maybe with Rayshawn, signing more contracts. A package had been waiting for her when she arrived at the location for rehearsals. She hadn't yet opened it, but she already had an idea what it was. If Diana and Kya had indeed already signed, then it meant they were waiting on her to make everything final. Well, they could go ahead and wait a little longer. JJ wasn't in the mood to sign anything.

Sabrina scowled at all of them. “Now that we're all here, maybe we can get started.”

JJ sighed and picked up her guitar. It was going to be a fun rehearsal.

Sabrina tortured them with her brutal rehearsal regimen for the next two and a half hours. JJ sang until her throat felt like it was about to go hoarse and played until her fingers felt like the tips had been rubbed raw. If Sabrina wanted to establish who was in charge, she had made her point very clear.

JJ was sure they would have continued in like manner if Deacon had not interrupted so he could get JJ to rehearse with him. Sabrina scowled and pretended to be annoyed, but everyone knew there was nothing she could really do, and so JJ shook her head, grabbed her guitar, and followed Deacon into his own rehearsal space.

“Thank you,” JJ breathed as she dropped onto a stool in the smaller room.

Deacon grinned. “Sabrina going a little psycho on you?”

“You have no idea.”

Deacon chuckled and settled down onto the piano stool. “Don't worry about her. She's just marking her territory.” He looked up at her, his eyebrows drawing together to reflect the concern in his eyes. “I bet she's giving you a hard time about the new contracts too.”

JJ took a deep breath, ready to defend herself. “Honestly, Deacon, I had nothing to do with that. That was my manager and his bosses. I knew nothing.”

“I know,” Deacon said, raising his palm to let her know she could relax. “I know. It's just part of the business. Everyone who's been around long enough knows that. Even Andrew, who's walking around barking at everyone, knows this is just the way things are.” Deacon snorted. “He's probably pissed he didn't think of the whole thing first. But I guess he didn't know you guys would be so popular.”

“If he only knew how soon all of it is going to end,” JJ said dryly.

Deacon shot her a knowing look. “You haven't—”

“No,” JJ said, shaking her head. “I gave you my word. I won't.”

Deacon nodded. “Good. 'Cause I suspect the label wouldn't be signing this new contract with your boy if they knew what was coming up soon.”

“So you're going for certain,” JJ said. “Are you even gonna do the tour extension?”

Deacon shrugged. “Not sure yet. Depends on what my lawyers say. But if I do, those will be my last shows with Sound City. Probably my last shows for a long while.”

JJ shook her head. “Ticket holders for this tour have no idea how lucky they are, do they?”

“Nope,” Deacon said, running his fingers over the keys. “It's a shame that the fans are the ones who will have to suffer. That's why I want to make these last shows the best possible.”

And JJ could see he meant every word as they went through the rehearsal. He was more meticulous than she had ever seen him, going over every detail until their duet sounded perfect.

“Hey,” he said, stopping suddenly. “Let's try something. Let's switch instruments. You play the lead and sing it. I'll play the guitar.”

JJ's eyes popped open as he reached for her guitar.

“Deacon, no!” she protested. “I told you, my piano playing is terrible.”

“Yeah, I heard that,” Deacon said as he removed the strap of her Fender from around her shoulders. “But do it anyway.”

Once Deacon had placed her guitar over his shoulders and began testing out the strings, JJ knew there was no point arguing. With a sigh she sat down in front of the piano and put her hands on the keys.

It was a gently used instrument. The padding under the keys seemed to be worn down well enough that there was little resistance when she pressed down. That was good. It had been a while since she had played. At least she knew she wouldn't have to lean into the keys to get a good, solid sound.

“I'm gonna need some time to warm up,” JJ said. “It's been a while.”

“Do what you gotta do,” Deacon said distractedly as he played around with her guitar. She suspected that it had been a while for him also.

She picked through the chorus until her fingers remembered the progression, then played through the whole song, humming as she did. When she finally felt confident, she started from the beginning. She didn't try to play it the way Deacon did. There was no way she could do that. Instead, she played it the way she remembered and sang it the way she remembered. Deacon picked up the accompaniment on the guitar, coming in a bit cautiously at first, but finding his confidence around the second verse.

The difference was baffling. With JJ singing and playing the lead and Deacon accompanying and picking up the harmony, it sounded like a totally different song. It felt like it too.

“That was interesting,” Deacon said with a small smile.

“It was,” JJ said.

“I like it,” Deacon said, standing up as he removed her guitar. “Let's play it that way tonight—you playing the lead on piano, me singing and playing guitar.”

JJ's brows furrowed. “Deacon . . . are you sure? I mean, my playing . . .”

“Is fine,” Deacon said. “It's not bad, it's just different. And I like something different. Besides, I don't know when I will be on tour again, so I'm going to enjoy it as much as I can.”

JJ sighed as she realized that the same went for her. The way things were going, who knew if she would ever be onstage again after this. She might as well enjoy the experience.

“Okay,” she said with a cautious smile. “Let's do it.”