Her New Worst Enemy (19 page)

She cursed him again for offering his house to Penny and Will. Trust him to inadvertently
make it impossible for them not to cross paths again. If she hadn’t known better she’d
think he’d done it to taunt her.

But she did know better. It probably hadn’t even occurred to him it would make her
uncomfortable. She was just one of his many passed-over conquests after all. He’d
probably thought he was doing a good thing at the time. That was the major problem;
he always came off looking like the good guy in front of everyone else. Well, she
wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of seeing how much he’d messed with her
head.

From this moment on, she would be an aloof, cool, ice-queen.

• • •

Gideon stared at the doorway that Ellie and her date had disappeared through, his
blood boiling in his veins. The guy even had the nerve to give him a cocky, knowing
smile as he sauntered off with Ellie on his arm.

Had she told him about their fling? Probably not judging by how comfortable the guy
seemed next to her. The thought of him snaking his arm around her back, maybe leaning
in to kiss her, made his skin prickle.

He was frustrated by how off-balance he felt.

He glanced over to where Penny and Will stood outside the front door, receiving their
guests. They both looked so happy. Penny was positively glowing with joy — pregnancy
obviously suited her. Her eyes were full of life and her body language animated as
she talked quietly with her new husband. Will obviously brought out the best in her.
Gideon stamped on the sudden flash of jealousy that came out of nowhere and decided
to go and find a strong drink to help him get through the rest of the evening.

Will glanced over as he moved away from them and strode toward him, giving Penny a
“just a second” wave.

“Gideon, how are you doing? Not regretting your generous offer already I hope.”

Gideon smiled at his new friend. “Not at all. I was off to find myself a drink before
the hordes descend and drink us dry.”

“A wise move,” Will said, giving him an amused smile.

“Are you and Ellie getting on okay now?” Gideon asked nodding toward the door she’d
disappeared through.

“After a rocky start.” Will said dryly. “I think she’s just about forgiven me for
messing Penny around so much. She’s here anyway,” he said, a sardonic eyebrow raised,
looking at the door Gideon had pointed to.

“Yeah, I see she’s bounced straight back into dating losers,” he said.

Will gave him a knowing smile. “He seems like a good guy. She’s only been seeing him
for a couple of weeks, so who knows.”

“Right. Good.” Gideon was aware of his voice rising a few notches and he coughed to
cover his embarrassing slip.

Will gave him a steady, searching look, obviously unconvinced by Gideon’s attempt
to appear unconcerned. “Listen, you gave me some pretty good advice about Penny, and
I’m really glad I listened to you, so let me do the same for you. Stop being such
a dick and go and sort things out with her. She may be slightly mad, but she’s loyal
and trustworthy and from what Penny tells me, pretty perfect for you. Don’t let her
get away.” He gave Gideon one final, cursory nod before going back to join his wife
and greet more guests as they arrived at the door.

It took Gideon a few moments for Will’s words to fully sink in before he shook himself
down and took himself off to the library for a stiff drink and a good hard think.

He knew he couldn’t go back out there and watch Ellie as she worked her way from group
to group, laughing and being generally entertaining and adorable.

It would physically hurt him to look at her but not be able to go over and touch or
kiss her or drag her away upstairs with him to some dark room and lock them in for
the rest of the weekend. Not just for sex, but for her company — her warm, kind, witty
company that made him feel like he finally had someone who genuinely liked him for
who he was and not what he could offer her in monetary or lifestyle terms. She knew
the real him.

At first he’d been affronted by her suggestion that he was a coward, putting her comment
down to her being angry with him, but the more he thought about it, the more he began
to realize she might be on to something.

There really wasn’t anything stopping him from being with her. Her family liked and
respected him — Gareth may have an initial strong reaction thanks to the ick factor
of them being his best friend and his sister — but he knew everyone would be rooting
for them in the end.

So he was the obstacle. Him and his own stupid fear of rejection. He was afraid he’d
mess it up somehow. It had been so easy, going along with his life with no one else
to consider, no one else to please and make happy, but he couldn’t be selfish forever.
Ellie was right. He would end up a sad old man, alone and miserable as he tried to
recapture his youth with women who would no longer want him because he would never
make a good father for their child. Or a good and reliable partner. He was facing
a long future on his own at this rate.

He didn’t want that, but he knew now what he did want.

Ellie.

She made him happy, which wasn’t an emotion he was very familiar with. Satisfied,
yes. Happy, no. She deserved to be happy too, especially after the years of psychological
abuse that bastard Paul put her through.

Had he left it too late? Rising panic surged through him. What if she’d decided this
guy was right for her and he’d missed his chance?

He’d have to tread carefully, because after his ridiculous performance the last time
he saw her, she would definitely be on her guard. His blood raced round his body,
speeding adrenaline to every muscle, every nerve ending. He needed to find her and
put this right.

But when he emerged from his hiding place in the library, she was nowhere in sight.

Where the hell had she gone?

Ellie stood in the middle of Gideon’s bedroom and breathed in the smell of him that
hung in the air. His spicy fragrance had tormented her when she was here the first
time, before they’d … had sex. She couldn’t think of it as making love; he’d made
it very plain that being in love was the last thing he wanted to be a part of.

She shouldn’t have come in here, but something had driven her to peek her head around
the door on her way to one of the upstairs bathrooms, and she’d been drawn inside.

A sad sense of longing pooled in her belly as she gazed down at the enormous bed where
she’d had so much fun with him. It felt like a dream now.

She shook her head, annoyed at allowing herself to feel like this again. She’d made
up her mind about moving on from Gideon, it was clear there was no future with him.
She could never allow herself to be dragged into another fling with him. It would
be too painful to let him go again. He wasn’t to be trusted when it came to a serious
relationship — she needed to remind herself of that, no matter how much it hurt.

She jumped in shock, her hand flying to her chest, as the door to the bedroom opened
with a swish against the heavy wool carpet, and she spun around to see who’d come
in.

Gideon.

Her face flamed as she realized the idiocy of getting caught in his bedroom. He’d
think she was pining for him, acting like one of the stupid women he dated and tossed
aside once he’d finished with them.

She drew up to her full height and turned to face him, ready to stand her ground and
not — absolutely not — end up a messy puddle on the floor.

“Here you are,” he said, looking at her intently, as if he were trying to find a polite
way to tell her to get out of his room and stop stalking him like a crazy person.

“Here I am,” she replied not willing to give him any help whatsoever in making her
look and feel like a total idiot.

He closed the door and moved further into the room, closer to her but still far enough
away that they couldn’t touch, even if they stretched out their arms. Which wasn’t
going to happen, she reminded herself before the longing kicked in and brought her
to her knees.

“I’ve been looking all over for you,” he said.

“Really? Well, I was trying to find a free bathroom,” she improvised, shifting her
stance to ease her aching feet in their high heels. She pushed her shoulders back
in an attempt at nonchalant disregard at his presence there.

“What happened to Toby?”

She shrugged, feeling caught out. “Ah, he’s around somewhere.”

“He seems like a nice guy.”

She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t lie to him, especially as it was likely Toby would
be going home with someone else on his arm judging by the splash he’d made with some
of the other female guests. “It’s not going to work out with him. We’ve decided just
to be friends.”

Something flashed in Gideon’s eyes. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Are you?”

He looked at her steadily for a moment. “I wanted to apologize for what happened at
your flat.”

The change in subject threw her for a second, before she steeled herself for the inevitable
conversation that she’d already been having in her head for the past few weeks.

“Why did you have sex with me that night, when we’d agreed to end things after leaving
this house?” she asked, wanting to get it over with, to hear the horrible truth so
she could finally move on.

He took a deliberate step forward and the air around her seemed to change; it was
as if an electrical storm was brewing.

“I wanted to fuck you so soundly you wouldn’t give any man you met that night a second
thought,” he said, his bright eyes full of intense longing that made her stomach flip
over.

“But why?” she managed to struggle out, despite the raging conflicts in her head telling
her not to listen to his excuses, not to give him any kind of leverage over her.

He turned away, as if trying to gather his thoughts.

“You don’t want me, but you don’t want anyone else to have me either, do you?” she
said, anger and pain and hurt making her voice shake.

He opened his mouth to reply, his eyes filled with confusion and anxiety, then shut
it again, shaking his head.

She’d never seen him lost for words before and almost reached out to him before steeling
herself against the urge.

“Are you pregnant?” he asked quietly, catching her off guard.

“No. Don’t worry, your bachelordom is safe.”

“Maybe I wanted you to be.” The fierce passion in his voice made her heart pound against
her ribs.

“What?” The word came out as a gasp as she struggled to comprehend what he said. Had
she misheard him?

“I’ve been thinking about it recently, the fact that you might be pregnant, and I
realized I didn’t totally hate the idea.” He ran a hand over his eyes in agitation.
“In fact I felt excited by it. I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have as the mother
of my children.”

Ellie felt as though he’d just grabbed her head and spun it around fast on her shoulders.
“Then why the hell did you act like that then when you … we forgot the condom?”

“Because I was scared, Ellie. You’re right. I’m a coward. I’m terrified I won’t be
able to handle being responsible for someone else. I’ve spent so much of my life only
looking out for myself — and trying not to let anyone in so I can’t be ignored and
left behind again.”

“But you seem so happy with your life. You’re so sorted. Especially compared to me.”

He shook his head sadly. “You have everything, Ellie, and I have nothing.”

“What are you talking about? Look around you.”

“Don’t be so naive. Possessions, things, they mean nothing. It’s people that matter.
I’d give up my wealth in a second for a family like yours. You don’t know how lucky
you are. It’s so easy for you to push them away when they try to pry too deeply into
your life. You act like you don’t need them. I don’t have the luxury of being able
to do that.”

She felt stunned. “You’re jealous. Of me.”

“Yes.”

“That’s so … baffling.”

“Of course it is, to you. You have no idea what it’s like to be completely on your
own. You have family and friends who love you and want to keep you safe.”

“But you seem so happy to be autonomous. I thought you liked being on your own. Not
having anyone to care about.”

“Yeah well, I got to be good at acting the part when I was young and I guess it stuck.”

“But all those women … surely that wasn’t part of the act.”

“Why not?”

“I assumed you liked it that way.”

“You seem to have made an awful lot of assumptions about me without checking your
facts first.” Anger flashed in his eyes as he spoke and it nearly broke her. She was
determined not to just lie down and let him walk over her though.

“This is all based on what I’ve seen over many years, Gideon.”

“But that’s the thing. You never really knew me before, you’ve always kept you distance.”

“For good reason.”

“What reason is that then?”

She realized she’d backed herself into a corner. She didn’t want him to know how she’d
secretly pined for him since she was a child. How whenever he was around she’d tremble
with nerves and excitement. How every time he turned up with a new beautiful, glamorous
girlfriend on his arm she’d found it almost impossible not to break down into sad,
angry, desperate tears.

That was why she kept her distance, because she would never have him the way she wanted
him.

Her lack of response obviously gave Gideon the impression he was winning her over,
because he stepped deliberately closer, and his expression softened.

“Look, I didn’t come to this house that weekend expecting to make love to you, but
it happened. We’ve opened the flood gates here … we can’t just pretend it didn’t happen.”
His gaze searched her face. “Would it be so bad … you and me?”

“Yes. No … I don’t know, Gideon. I need a bit of time to process this. I don’t know
what to think.”

“Don’t be so bloody stubborn. Just because you didn’t orchestrate it doesn’t mean
it’s not a good idea.”