Her New Worst Enemy (17 page)

Bastard.

He’d come to her. She’d already decided there wasn’t any future with him and tried
to move on.

A sudden swell of sadness took over her rage and she slumped back onto the sofa and
let the heaving sobs wrack her body, expelling all the hurt and humiliation he’d left
her to deal with alone.

A loud knock at the door made her jump in shock, and for a moment her hopes rose as
she wondered whether he’d come back to apologize.

“Taxi!” a voice shouted through the letterbox and her heart sank again. Of course,
her night out. The night she’d been looking forward to, to help her put the memory
of Gideon to the back of her mind.

She brushed the tears forcefully off her cheeks and took a deep breath. She would
go out — there was no way she was going to let him get the better of her and allow
herself to wallow in misery all night. No way was she going back to being the old
Ellie. Readjusting her clothing, she ran to the door and shouted to the taxi driver
to give her two minutes.

In the bathroom, she freshened up as fast as she could and reapplied her make-up,
putting an extra layer of bright red on her lips for confidence.

Right. She was going out. She wouldn’t think about Gideon again tonight and would
deal with the rest of the problem in the morning. Grabbing her bag, she gave herself
one last cursory look in the mirror before stepping out of the door and pulling it
firmly shut behind her.

• • •

After leaving Ellie’s flat, Gideon paced around the block to try to cool down his
overheated temper.

He was so angry with himself for getting into this position in the first place. He
knew he should have followed his initial instincts and left her well alone, but at
the same time he also knew that was rubbish — he’d hadn’t been able to stop himself.
Neither of them had.

He knew he had to go back to her flat and smooth things over with her. Virtually accusing
her of trying to get pregnant on purpose had been one of the stupidest things he’d
ever said, but apologizing wouldn’t help the fact he wasn’t sure he could give her
what she needed. She’d made that abundantly clear to him with her jibe about him making
a terrible father.

Ellie needed someone who was willing and able to settle down right away and give her
the love and support she needed. That she deserved. He didn’t know if he had it in
him to make her happy. After all, he hadn’t managed to make any of his family love
him enough to want him around. He’d hardened himself against the possibility of it
happening to him again, and he didn’t know if he could soften himself enough to trust
anyone now. He didn’t want to risk Ellie’s sanity on the possibility that he couldn’t.

The dull pain in his chest that had appeared after she’d given him the chewing out
throbbed there, adding to his discomfort.

He finally decided to stop being such a coward. He shouldn’t leave things as he had.
For the sake of his sanity — and his friendship with her family — he needed at the
very least to apologize and make sure she was all right.

Walking back toward her flat, he stopped dead as he spotted her coming out of her
door, pulling it closed behind her with a determined look on her face.

So she was still going out judging by the fact she hadn’t changed her clothes and
had applied some deep red lipstick.

Perhaps the best course of action was to leave things be, he decided. Why rock the
boat if she was apparently already over him and ready to go out and face the world?
And maybe find herself someone who was able to give her what she wanted.

The thought of all those men in the bar she’d end up in, staring at her, maybe one
of them buying her a drink with a view to taking her home with him made him clench
his fists so tightly, his nails bit into the skin of his palms. No, he should treat
this as a blessing. It would be ridiculous to chase after her now. She was fine without
him — she was a survivor.

He turned to go, before she caught sight of him, and walked quickly in the opposite
direction, away from the taxi, away from the woman who was the closest thing he’d
ever had to a true lover.

• • •

Waking up the next morning, it took Ellie a few minutes to fully come round and let
the events of the night before seep back into her consciousness. Ugh. She’d definitely
drunk too much wine trying to blot out the memory of Gideon and the “unfortunate incident”
as she was now calling it.

Despite her determination not to brood about what had happened, every time there was
a lull in conversation she’d found herself thinking about what she needed to do this
morning. The thought of it brought tears to her eyes.

Gideon would make a fantastic father.

She knew she’d gone too far telling him he wouldn’t, and she regretted her cruelty,
but she couldn’t let herself dwell on the thought. If only he’d let himself trust
someone enough to stay put and give a relationship a real go. He had everything she
could ever want from a partner: kindness, brains, a great sense of humor, security
… but not the one thing she really needed — sticking power. He’d walked away from
her without a backward glance.

Apparently a relationship with her wasn’t worth fighting for.

She sighed and rolled out of bed, groaning as her brain pounded against her skull.
In the kitchen, she swallowed down a scalding cup of tea, but couldn’t touch any food.
There was no point in delaying any longer; she needed to get to the pharmacy.

Twenty minutes later, she was back in her apartment with some headache tablets and
a morning after pill.

She stood staring at it where it lay on the counter for a few moments.

If she didn’t take it, there was a possibility she could have what she wanted. A child.
Gideon’s child.

If she fell pregnant, she could pretend she’d taken the pill and it hadn’t worked.

Her hands shook as she placed them against the counter and dipped her head, taking
deep breaths in and out.

She could trap him, just like he suggested. She could have the one thing her whole
life had been focused on for the last couple of years.

But she could never do that. She knew because the thought made her feel sick. How
low would she need to stoop to put her own selfish needs first and to hell with anyone
else? It would be a hollow victory. In fact, it wouldn’t be any kind of victory at
all.

What had she turned into?

Taking one last breath, she grabbed the pill and held it on her tongue for a second
before swallowing it down with a large drink of water. As soon as it slipped down
her throat she allowed the tears to come again, giving in to the heavy painful drag
in her chest and hunching down onto her heels, resting her head against the cupboard
door.

All that could have been swam through her head. The image of a little boy with Gideon’s
bright green eyes and jet black hair, sitting on her knee giggling as they played
Row the Boat appeared front and center in her mind, and her body convulsed with devastated
tears until she was barely able to breathe.

Logically she knew there was no guarantee she would have become pregnant this time
anyway, but that didn’t stop the deep, ache of loss that pummeled her now. But it
wasn’t just the loss of the phantom child, it was the fact all hope of making anything
happen with Gideon now was gone.

She was in love with him and there was nothing she could do about it.

She stayed crouched against the cupboard door until the sobs lessened and she felt
like her legs wouldn’t give way if she stood up. She needed to pull herself together
and make a plan for the rest of the day, to keep the sadness at bay. There was no
way she was spending the weekend mooching around on her own feeling sorry for herself.
He may have proved to be totally untamable, but Gideon had at least given her a lesson
in how to drag herself up by her boot straps and start living her life again.

As she pulled herself up to make herself a strong cup of coffee, the phone rang and
she reached to pick it up.

“Hello?”

“Ellie, it’s Penny.” Her friend’s voice sounded light with excitement.

“Hey Pen, how’s it going?” She struggled to make her voice sound as normal as possible.
If her friend asked her what was wrong she’d only break down and she was determined
not to do that again.

“It couldn’t be better actually. He’s back. Will came back.”

Ellie closed her eyes and blew out a relieved sigh. Thank God.

“Oh, Penny, that’s great.”

“Can I come over?”

“Sure, I’m not busy today. Come over whenever.”

“Great, I’ll be there in half an hour.”

“Okay,” she said, grateful for at least a few minutes to put herself back together
and transform herself from the tragic mess she must look like. She didn’t want to
distract Penny from her excitement by having to explain swollen eyes and blotchy skin.

• • •

Half an hour later, they were sitting on Ellie’s sofa drinking cups of tea.

“So, he turned up looking awful and apologized for leaving and begged me to take him
back. I gave him a pretty hard time, but he refused to let me kick him out,” Penny
said, her cheeks pink with happiness and her eyes more alive with joy than Ellie had
ever seen them. “I think he genuinely wants to make this family work. He was scared
he couldn’t do it, that he wouldn’t be a good enough father and husband, but it’s
okay now. It’s going to be okay.” The exuberance in her voice was catching and Ellie
found herself beaming with happiness.

“I’m so pleased for you, Penny,” she said, and she realized she meant it. All she
wanted was for her friend to be happy.

“So the wedding is back on,” Penny continued, “and we’ve decided to have it in England
after all. Will said he wants me to have the wedding I really wanted all along, which
means I can have my friends there to celebrate with us.”

Ellie twisted her fingers together, her breath catching in her throat as she waited
for her friend to say the words she’d been anticipating since the conversation began.

“I want you to be my maid of honor, Ellie.”

Ellie smiled through the tears that now welled in her eyes. “I would love to. Thank
you.” She pulled Penny in for a hug and held her tightly.

So this was it. Her friend was getting married and starting a family, and Ellie would
no longer be the most important person in her life. Pushing away the jealousy that
niggled at the corner of her mind, she steeled herself against it. This was about
Penny now, not her. She would be fine. Absolutely fine. It was time for her to grow
up and start acting like an adult.

• • •

It had been a week since Gideon had last seen Ellie and he was still waking up each
morning with a sinking feeling that he couldn’t shake. His concentration was suffering
as a result and he decided to take a few days away from the office to try to work
the melancholy out of his system. He filled his time visiting friends and tried to
get her out of his head, but she refused to budge. Typical Ellie.

He spent a weekend alone in his Cotswold manor, wandering from room to room, reliving
the painful childhood memories. Without Ellie there, the place once again felt cold
and unfriendly. He decided it needed more than just a cosmetic makeover.

It needed new memories.

Later that afternoon, he found Penny locking her front door as he tramped up the driveway
to her house.

“Gideon!”

“Hello, sweetheart, how are you?”

“I’m great. How are you?”

He took a deep breath before answering. “You heard about me and Ellie, right?”

She gave him a puzzled smile. “No.”

“She didn’t tell you what happened?” He felt a thud of sadness that she hadn’t even
told her best friend about what had gone on between them. So she’d written him off
completely then.

“Is this about the weekend at your house? I wondered if something was going on with
you two.” She broke into a beaming smile, and he put up a halting hand to stop her
from getting the wrong idea.

“Don’t get too excited because it’s all over now.”

“Oh.” Her face fell at the news. “What a shame.”

He shrugged and tried to appear nonchalantly unconcerned, but apparently it didn’t
work because Penny gave him another sad frown.

“Do you want to come in?”

“Thanks.”

Penny opened the door and led him into her living room, gesturing for him to sit down.

“So Will tells me he bumped into you.”

“He told you about that, huh?”

“Not that I’m not grateful, but why did you go and see him?”

“Because I could see what a huge mistake he was making, walking away from something
so good.”

She looked at him for a moment and he could feel the weight of her underlying question
about why he’d walked away from Ellie. She chose not to push him on it though. “Well,
thanks. Whatever it was you said to him did the trick.”

“He knew what an idiot he was being, he just needed it reaffirmed for him.”

Penny laughed and swiped her fringe out of her eyes.

“Well, thanks for making him feel like an idiot.”

“It’s one of my great talents, apparently,” he said, giving her a wry smile.

He paused for a moment and rubbed a hand across his eyes. “And I thought it was about
time I did something for someone else for a change. I seem to have become so insular,
I forgot what it’s like to do something without having an ulterior motive.”

“Ellie’s really got to you, hasn’t she?”

He smiled at her uncanny ability to see straight through him. “I made a real mess
there, Penny.”

“I suspect she’ll give you another chance if you ask her.”

He raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Maybe. But I’m not sure I can give her what she needs
right now.”

“You’d be great together
,
Gideon. Paul really leached the confidence out of her, but that weekend at your house
she was more like the old Ellie than I’ve seen her in a long time.”