Having Faith (22 page)

Faith, who had been quiet up to this point, cleared her throat.  “Then he’s already won,” she said, her voice too calm.  “He must know I can’t afford to travel back to Georgia to have the tests done.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Kieran said.  “We’ll get you there if that’s where you need to be.”

Faith was about to argue, but Shane spoke again.  “You might not want to.”

“Why not?” Kieran demanded.  “It’s about time the bastard did right by his son.”

“Therein lies the problem.  If Faith proves that Matt is indeed Nathan’s son, then he might be able to claim some parental rights himself.  Visitation, custody, - ”

“NO!” Faith said vehemently, shooting to her feet.  “Give me the waiver.  I’ll sign it right now.”

“But Faith - ”

“No!” she repeated, searching frantically for a pen.  “One million dollars is nothing compared to losing my son.  We’ve made it just fine without him or his money.  He can keep it, and shove it right up his arrogant - ”

“Mom.”

Faith looked up in horror to discover Matt sitting at the base of the stairs.

“Matt!  How long have you been sitting there?”

“Long enough.”  He stood, looking much older than he had only a few hours ago.  “Don’t sign anything yet, Mom.”

“Why not?  I have no intention of putting you through that, Matt.  No amount of money in the world is worth that.”

“I don’t care about the money, Mom,” Matt said carefully.  “I’ve thought about it and... I want to meet him.”

“What?!”  Blood turned to ice in her veins at the very thought.  She would
not
lose her boy.

“I want to meet him,” Matt repeated evenly, watching her with guarded eyes.  “I want to see him for myself.”

“Absolutely not.  I forbid it.”

He smiled, and Faith wondered exactly when her son had acquired Kieran’s smirk.  “He can’t hurt me, Mom.  And he could never take me away from you.”  He looked at Shane.  “He couldn’t, could he?”

Shane looked thoughtful.  “By law, he could claim certain rights as your biological father.  As a lawyer, he would know this.”

“But we live in Pennsylvania now.”

“True, but he could petition for joint custody or at the very least, regular visitation.”  Shane hesitated.  “There are ways, of course, to delay things, drag them out over the course of several years until you turn eighteen and it becomes a non-issue.”

“Absolutely not,” Faith said again adamantly. 

“But... to do so would also mean that Nathan has been shirking his responsibilities for a long time.  I imagine the interest alone on fourteen years’ worth of child support is staggering.  It might make him a little reluctant to pursue something too aggressively.  He’s probably counting on the fact that Faith wouldn’t know that, though.”

“You can do that?”

Shane shrugged modestly.  “There is some precedent for it.”

Faith was shaking her head.  “No.  I don’t want anything from him.  Give me the paper.”

“Mom, please.”  Matt’s voice was so much more composed than hers.  “I won’t do the blood test if you don’t want me to.  And I’m okay with you signing the paper.  All I’m asking is that you wait a couple of days.”

“Why?  What’s going to change in a few days?”

Matt shifted his feet.  “I want to meet him first.”

All of the fight drained out of Faith; she felt numb.  “Why, Matt?” she asked.

He shrugged.  “I don’t know.  I just know it’s something I have to do.  You can understand that, can’t you, Mom?”

Faith looked at her son.  When had she lost her little boy and gained such a strong young man?  She might not be accepted by her family anymore, but at least she knew who they were.  She knew them enough to understand why they had made the decisions they had, even if she didn’t agree with them.  Didn’t Matt deserve the same thing? 

She sighed heavily.  She had to do this.  No matter how much she wanted to protect him, she had to face the fact that he was growing up and old enough to understand the situation.  And damn it, he had a right to meet his father. 

Matt was right.  She wouldn’t lose him by allowing him to meet Nathan.  But if she forbid it, it might drive a wedge between them.  At least this way, she could ensure she was right there with him. 

“I suppose I can.”  What she didn’t know was how she was going to make it happen.  She’d have to take time off work; he’d miss school.  Their car might not survive another trip down to Georgia and back; it was about a thousand miles each way, give or take, and she was already at the point where she offered up a silent prayer of thanks when it brought her safely home from work every day. 

Lost in those thoughts, it was a while before she realized the Callaghans had it all figured out.

“Sean says he can fly you guys down Friday night,” Shane said, tucking his mobile back into his pocket, “and have you back by Sunday night.”

“What?” 
Sean could fly a plane?  He had a plane?

“It’s only a two hour flight,” Kieran explained.  “We’ll have all day Saturday and most of the day Sunday.”

“What?” 
Kieran was going, too?

Kieran offered her a patient smile and turned to Shane.  “Want to come along?”

“I’ve always wanted to go down South,” Lacie said with her usual gentle optimism.  “See the big plantation mansions, maybe get some fresh peaches and Vidalia onions.”

“Looks like that’s a yes,” Shane grinned, kissing Lacie’s cheek.  “Besides, if it’s alright with Faith, I could act as her legal counsel.”  He looked expectantly at Faith; she barely heard him over the loud buzzing in her ears. 

“Faith?”

She blinked, and Kieran laced his fingers with hers.  “Of course it is.  Right, Faith?”  She looked at him blankly.  “You’ll let Shane handle the legal stuff, right?”

She blinked.  He took that as a yes.

“Awesome.  We’ll meet you at the private airport Friday?”

“Yeah.  Sean said to be there around six.”

“Done.”

“NO!” someone yelled, and Faith realized it was her.  Everyone’s eyes turned to her, surprised. 

Kieran’s face was a mask of concern.  “Faith, what - ”

“But Faith - ”

“No.  No more hand-outs.  No more charity.”  She looked at Kieran, trying to summon the courage to say what she had to say.  “No more
anything
.”

The silence was deafening as the meaning of Faith’s words sunk in.  “What are you saying, Faith?” Kieran asked.

“You know what I’m saying,” she said, forcing the words out, praying she could hold back the bile in her throat at what she was doing.  “We can’t be your little cause anymore, Kieran.” 

The words tasted like acid in her mouth; the hurt in his eyes nearly had her on her knees.  But this was for the best.  She had to do it.  For him as much as for her.

“You don’t mean that.”  He whispered the words.  “You can’t mean that.”

“I’m not who you think I am, Kieran.  I can’t be what you need.  Stop wasting your time and find the one who can.”

Matt stepped forward, his face just as stricken as everyone else’s.  “Mom, no.  Don’t do this... ”

“Go to your room, Matt.”

“But Mom - ”

“I said go to your room!  I am still your mother, and you will do as I say!”

Matt’s eyes widened for a moment before he turned around and ran up the steps two at a time.  Faith’s hand came up over her mouth.  She’d never once yelled at him like that before.  A slight movement reminded her that she was not alone.  Kieran was moving toward her slowly, as if she was a frightened animal.  She put her hand up to stop him.

“Please.  Just go.”

She couldn’t look at him anymore.  Couldn’t bear to see the look in his eyes and know that she had been the one to put it there.  Sometimes doing the right thing was painful.  That’s how you knew it was the right thing.  The wrong things, the bad things, they were always easy.

She walked past all of them into the kitchen, closing the door behind her.  She heard the murmur of soft voices – Kieran’s and Shane’s and Lacie’s.  Then it was quiet again until she heard the sound of gravel as two vehicles made their way out of her driveway.

M
att didn’t speak to her for several days.  That was okay.  She didn’t know what to say to him anyway.  Her heart felt as if it had been shredded; but that was nothing new.  There was enough precedent for her to know that she would survive it, no matter how much it felt otherwise.

Disappointment and heartache were part of life, and no amount of pretty words or good intentions could change that. 

It was a hard lesson to learn, but Matt was strong.  He’d make it.  Even if he didn’t understand it now, someday he would, and hopefully he’d be able to look back and know that she had done what was best.  Someday he’d understand what it meant to love someone so much that you would sacrifice nearly everything for them.

She’d loved Matt that way from the moment she found out she was pregnant.  He was a precious Gift, and everything else was second to that.  She suspected she loved Kieran that way, too.  It was exactly why she couldn’t allow herself to be selfish.  To constantly take and never be able to give back. 

A few phone calls confirmed her initial thought that she could not afford air fare to Georgia and back. 

She cursed softly as she drove through Pine Ridge in search of a garage, alternately coaxing the wipers and the defroster in turns, since running both at the same time played havoc with the electrical system.  The earlier warm front had long since moved on, plunging the temperatures back to where they should be. 

Faith released a sigh of relief when she finally pulled into the brightly lit station.  It was a testament to how distracted she was that she didn’t realize who owned it until a large, muscular man with jet black hair and all-too-familiar blue eyes came out to speak to her.  He looked exactly like Shane – if Shane had suddenly developed a badass attitude since the last time she’d seen him.

Sean Callaghan wiped the grease from his hands and walked into the customer waiting area, looking like a doctor forced to give bad news.  Faith’s eyes looked up when he entered, but the little bit of hope she had died quickly.

“Faith, right?”

She nodded.  “Did it pass inspection?”

She knew it was a silly question, but she asked anyway.  The look on his face said it all.  His eyes darkened, and his jaw clenched as if holding back what he really wanted to say.  But she had to hear the words.

“No, I’m sorry,” he said. 

And there they were.

Her hope faded, but she wasn’t all that surprised, not really.  She took a deep breath, straightened her shoulders and looked him right in the eye.  “What will it take to make it passable?”

“A miracle,” he said honestly.  He started to explain when she held up her hand and stopped him.  “I’m not a mechanic,” she said.  “In English, please.”

He took a deep breath.  Faith almost felt a pang of sympathy for him; he was clearly trying to soften the blow.  She appreciated that, but in her opinion, it was better to just say it and get it over with. 

“The only thing that’s good for is the junk yard.”

It wasn’t the first time she’d heard that.  The middle-aged fry cook she’d bought it from had said the same thing when his conscience nagged him at the last minute.  So had every other mechanic she’d dealt with since.  Despite their words of doom, they’d always been able to find a way to make it last a little longer.  They didn’t have all the shiny, fancy equipment Sean Callaghan did, so they’d had to get creative.  But surely, with all this high-tech gadgetry he could do
something
.

“You can’t fix it?”

He scratched the back of his head and exhaled.  “I can, but it would be a hell of a lot cheaper to buy a new one.  The truth is, I would have sold it for parts years ago.”

“How much?” she persisted.

Sean named a figure that had her eyes widening.  She swallowed hard.  Blinked once.  It would be cheaper to fly first-class to Georgia and back.

“Well, thank you, Mr. Callaghan,” she said quietly, her face pale.  “I appreciate your honesty.”

She held her hand out for the keys.  “Sorry, Faith,” he said, sounding like he really was.  “I can’t let you drive that home.”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s not safe, Faith.”

“But it’s all I have,” she sputtered before she could think better of it.  “How will I get home?  How will I get to work?  How will I pick up Matt?”

“I have a loaner I could give you till you find something.”

The words hit her like a slap across the face.  It was charity.  More charity.  Just like all the home improvement materials.  The labor.  The MMA classes.  Offers of flights to Georgia and free legal counsel.

And she was
so
done taking charity from these people.  The trembling stopped, and she stood taller again.  “No, thanks.  How much do I owe you?”

Sean waved her off.  “Nothing.  I feel awful about - ”

“
How much do I owe you?
”

“
Nothing
.”  Sean stood up to his full height and crossed his arms over his chest.  He towered over her, fixing her with a laser-like stare that told her he was used to being obeyed.  Faith bit her lip, then reached into her purse for her wallet anyway. 

* * *

S
ean snorted, though he had to respect her spirit.  There was no way he was taking money for telling Kieran’s
croie
that her car was a piece of shit and confiscating the keys to the damn menace.  He was going to have a word with his younger brother, though, for letting Faith and her son drive around in the screaming metal death trap in the first place.  Oh, he’d seen where some minor repairs had been made – Kieran’s doing, no doubt – but the truth was, the car was finished.

Had it been anyone else, Sean would have laughed.  He could hardly believe the thing even made it down the mountain.  If she had been a man, Sean would have ripped him a new one for being stupid enough to allow that deathtrap on the road. 

He turned and went back into the bays, reasoning that she couldn’t pay him if he wasn’t there to take it.  He’d call Kieran - he knew her best – and let him handle it.