Even Angels Fall (48 page)

“I didn't ask for this. It was out of my control, all of it, and I handled it the best way I could…”

“You handled it by doing things your way, by doing what was right for you, no one else, and this is what it's brought on…” Nathan shouts - and Alex slams his hands down, throwing himself forward into the path of Liam who has jumped up to block him, pushing him back.

“You son of a bitch…” He spits, and Nathan stands, squaring up to him as Gemma grabs hold of his arm, “I can't control what happens in my life but I do what I can to make it right, like I've always done… not just for me but for my friends, my family, the people I love. You think you're the only one here that loves that girl? You think this isn't fucking killing me too? I couldn't have known… I couldn't have known about Tom or Lucy or what any of this would lead to, but don't you think I'd change this if I could? I'd go back in time right now and fucking beg Marcus to kill me if it would make even part of this mess right again but I can't. I did what I did to survive… to try and keep us all together, to make things right and keep us safe, but it just kept getting deeper and deeper…” Alex gasps. His breathing is fast and ragged, his fists are clenched and his arms are tensed at his sides as he spills his heart out in a devastating confession. Nathan slumps despairingly back into his seat and holds his head in his hands as the others look on, crying silently. Liam is still gripping Alex's shoulders. At first it was to prevent him and Nathan from coming to blows but now he is holding him steady, supporting him, as he begins to lose hope and give up.

“Come on man… it's alright…” Liam consoles, and Alex takes a step back, falling against the wall and leaning forward on his knees. Abbey stands quietly in her spot by the window looking at each of her friends in turn before resting her worried gaze on Alex. He looks so helpless… and so young.

“She's everything to me…” Nathan whispers, “She's my whole life…”

Alex runs his hand across his face and looks up, not at Nathan, but at Abbey. Their eyes meet and he stares at her intensely with so much longing, fear and love in his expression that it is almost her undoing.

“I know…” He states, sincerely, without breaking their eye contact and Abbey moves slowly across the room, cautiously sitting down beside him as she places her hand in his.

It is hard to believe that only a short time ago they were actually on the verge of being happy again. Sitting here in this little room with the worn floor and the ripped seats brings about a horrid sense of despair. Abbey finds it quite shocking that this is the room where people wait for quite possibly the worst news of their lives. There isn't anything remotely warm or comforting about it.

Needless to say after nearly two hours, the walls have begun to close in around them and they are all feeling incredibly restless. The suspense is killing them and Darren sighs loudly with exasperation as he springs to his feet and strides across the room, no doubt to ask the nurse yet again what is taking so long and if there is any news? But before he can reach the door a young, blonde haired doctor enters, looking tired, drawn and very weary.

“Are you here for Lucy Blake?” Darren takes a small step forward in response to his question and the others stand expectantly.

“Yeah, I'm her brother…” He holds out his hand and the doctor shakes it once, before letting go.

“I'm Doctor Walters…” Abbey stares at his other hand which is holding his scrub cap and she makes note of how tightly he seems to be gripping it. Why is he so tense?

“How is she doing?” Nathan asks, and the Doctor frowns at Darren.

“Are you all family…?”

“As good as…” Alex responds, but he doesn't seem to accept that as a reasonable answer.

“Perhaps we should speak outside for a moment?” He gestures towards the door and circles his other arm around Darren but he doesn't move.

“They are family. Anything you have to say to me you can say in front of them…”

“Please, just tell us how she's doing… please…” Nathan begs impatiently, unable to stand it any longer, “Can I see her?” He asks, and Doctor Walters looks away fleetingly, shaking his head at the floor.

“I'm afraid not…” He replies.

“Why? When can I see her?” Nathan is becoming more and more frantic and as Abbey pays closer attention to the way the Doctor is stood, his body language and the sorrowful look on his face, she begins to feel physically sick.

“Lucy took a massive overdose of an extremely potent brand of ecstasy…” He begins slowly, now talking directly to Darren, “She also had traces of cocaine, alcohol and marijuana in her blood stream. Her body was unable to handle the amount of conflicting toxins that she had ingested and as a result, she went into shock. The seizures were brought on by her body fighting back and ultimately the stress this caused meant her heart and lungs shut down… and she stopped breathing…”

The room suddenly becomes darker, quieter, as though someone has pressed pause on life and everything beyond this hospital simply fades away into nothing.

Alex is gripping Abbey's hand painfully tight but she can barely feel it. She is numb to everything… everything apart from the doctor and what he is saying. She has to fight to concentrate as her heart beats loudly in her ears and everything sounds like it is being played on a time delay. Every word he speaks takes a few seconds to register properly, almost as if her subconscious is trying to block it out, to mute it, because from the very moment he entered the room part of her already knew exactly what he was going to say.

Sophie stands next to Darren, holding onto his shoulders supportively and Liam and Gemma flank Nathan. They don't touch him, but remain close by his side as he rocks silently from foot to foot with agonizing anticipation, urging the Doctor to tell them good news and reassure them that she's going to be fine. But the dark, heavy cloud that seems to have descended over them tells Abbey that she isn't the only one who's hope is rapidly draining away.

“We had three doctors working on her for well over an hour…” Dr Walters' voice has dropped to a sombre whisper as he stares sorrowfully into Darren's eyes, “We tried everything… we did everything we possibly could. But I'm afraid it wasn't enough to re-start her heart. I'm very sorry… but she died, half an hour ago…”

And everything stops. ‘She died, half an hour ago'. The words echo around Abbey's head, obliterating her thoughts and completely destroying everything happy and joyful inside of her. She is holding her breath, only realising when she begins to feel faint and her legs buckle beneath her. She drops into the nearest chair and places her hand to her chest. Alex has already gone down. He is slumped on the floor with his back against the wall and his knees pulled up towards him. He is grasping at his hair and his shoulders are heaving as if he is sobbing uncontrollably, but Abbey can't hear him… or anyone. Everything is silent and moving very, very slowly.

Nathan is on his knees with his arms wrapped around his waist, leaning forward as if he is buckling with actual physical pain. Liam and Gemma both hug him tightly as they cry heartbroken tears of their own and Darren simply stares at the Doctor, unable to process anything. He cannot accept what he is hearing and simply frowns, shaking his head as if there has been some terrible misunderstanding. Sophie rests against his arm in despair and his breathing gradually turns into frantic, grief stricken gasps as the reality slowly sinks in.

“I am so very sorry for your loss…” Doctor Walters continues sincerely, “I appreciate that this is a terrible time, but the police will be with you shortly, to ask a few routine questions…” And with one more rueful smile, he leaves the room, shattering their whole world in his wake.

“No… She can't leave me. She can't fucking leave me…” Nathan sobs hysterically, his hands and voice shaking with raw, crippling anguish as Alex quickly staggers over to him and Darren collapses into Sophie's arms.

“Get up mate… come on…” He gestures to Liam and Gemma backs away as they both pull Nathan to his feet. He stumbles slightly, his face soaked through with tears, but he manages to remain upright.

“She can't leave me…” He sobs again.

“We have to go…” Alex states and the others look on, scared and confused as Nathan shoves him away forcefully.

“No! I want to see her… I need to be with her…”

“There isn't time Nate… you heard what he said. The police are on their way, if they catch up with us now it's over. We're done. We need to get out of here…”

“Darren can't leave…” Sophie reasons, “He has to stay, to speak to the doctors and sort things out; to prove he's her next of kin. It'll look wrong if he just disappears…” Alex runs his hands through his hair and paces the room for a minute; momentarily leaning against the window as he thinks things over, before reluctantly approaching Darren.

“I am so fucking sorry mate, but you and Soph are gonna have to deal with this right now. If we're here, they'll ask for my name and address; if they ask for my address they'll come round and check things out. We could all get done for possession… they might even think we had something to do with Lucy…” Darren looks up, heartbroken and distant, as if he isn't quite seeing Alex kneeling in front of him. Sophie rubs his arm tenderly, as Alex gently grabs hold of his face, “Daz… do you understand what I'm saying? This can't be linked back to mine. If they start looking in to it god knows what they'll find… not just the drugs, or the dealing… but the raid. They might piece it together somehow and there's no way we can risk that. I need to know if you can handle this brother?” Darren simply nods once and swallows hard, composing himself for a moment as he stares numbly at Alex.

“I'll say I found her at ours… that you guys had only just got there when we brought her outside…”

“That won't work…” Sophie sighs, tearfully, “You told the Doctor in the lobby that it had been ten minutes since we found her, it takes at least twenty to get here from ours…”

“We were all in shock…” Alex argues, “A mistake like that can easily be made in a panic, we just have to hope they don't ask too many questions. Lucy took the drugs without us realising or knowing about it, we found her afterwards, that's all true… you won't be lying, Daz, not about that… only about where she was when it happened…” Darren simply nods again while staring at the wall in front of him, completely blank and extremely pale.

“For god sake, how the hell can you even think about this right now?” Gemma snaps and Alex turns towards her with a frustrated and resigned expression fixed firmly on his face.

“Because somebody has to…” He frowns, knowing that once again, he has to be the one to step up and take control of the situation. To keep the others out of trouble and shield them from the police, any possible interrogations and any further heartache. He knows that none of them can take much more. Darren will speak to the doctors and then he can come home, where they can all grieve openly together. But right now, Alex has to be the one to put his emotions aside and thinks three steps ahead. Despite the fact that he wants to crumble and break down just as much as the rest of them.

“You better go… they'll be here in a minute…” Darren confirms, distractedly, and Alex nods in agreement as he and Liam lift a broken Nathan to is feet again before dragging him forward.

“Let's go…” Alex orders, and Abbey and Gemma follow hurriedly behind. They reach the end of the corridor and approach the main elevator, which is thankfully empty when it arrives. Alex is fairly certain they haven't been seen by anyone who matters but the faster they get out of here the better. As he quickly punches the button for the ground floor, two police officers appear in view and discreetly enter the waiting room, at the very same moment the lift doors slide shut.

The following days all merge into a constant, confusing blur and Abbey is only able to pin point certain moments that stand out in her memory for all the wrong reasons. Like when Darren went missing for nearly twelve hours and Sophie was utterly beside herself. The day that Nathan drank himself into oblivion and trashed the flat in a blind, grief filled rage. And the moment she lay silently on the bed, burying her face into a pillow as Tom made his monthly call to Alex and he had to break the devastating news. That was by far the worst. Every other passing hour seems totally irrelevant in comparison. The time in between has no form, meaning or purpose and she hardly knows what day it is, let alone what time. All she does know; is the date they're all dreading, keeps edging ever closer.

The questioning that Darren had endured at the hands of the police turned out to be fairly tame and they thankfully seemed to accept most of what he told them about the events of that night. The fact that he was in shock and had only just found out his little sister had died meant they went easy on him, plus Sophie had been there to back up his story. Only time will tell if anything more will come from the enquiry, but as far as they are all aware, it is simply being recorded as an accidental overdose and a tragic misadventure.

Once Lucy's body was finally released, Darren had set about the heart-breaking task of arranging her funeral. A few family members have been invited but it will mainly be friends gathering at the graveyard this coming Tuesday to lay her to rest. Perhaps most upsetting of all is the fact that Darren doesn't know how or where to contact their parents. Not that Lucy would want him to. She had accepted a long time ago that she would never share a conventional, loving relationship with her mum and dad, and after they walked out on her and Darren at such a young age without a second thought for their safety or welfare, the general consensus is that they simply don't deserve to be told.

‘Strange…' Abbey muses, sadly, ‘to think that they are out there somewhere, completely oblivious to the fact that their only daughter is no longer alive…' It makes Abbey wonder how long it would take for the news to reach her family if something terrible happened. It isn't a welcome thought and she quickly dispels it. She has been thinking about them a lot lately. What with all the pain and loss she is suffering at the moment it is only natural that she would reassess her life and begin to appreciate things more. Even though Abbey has never been so cut of and isolated from her family, she is incredibly grateful that she does - at least in a sense - still have them.