Even Angels Fall (45 page)

Abbey reaches up and carefully closes the door of the little vanity cupboard that sits on the wall above the sink. For a very brief moment she is certain that she must have fallen asleep on her feet, as in the reflection of the mirror she can see the faint outline of someone standing in the corner behind her. As panic begins to rise in her chest the shadowy figure takes a small step into the light and Abbey swings around in sheer horror, screaming loudly as she comes face to face… with Ryan.

She drops to the floor in shock and disbelief, kicking her legs frantically as she scrambles backwards and pushes herself up against the wall. Ryan takes another slow step forward - holding his hand out as if trying to reach her - and she screams again, covering her head with her arms.

As a pair of hands grab hold of her wrists she thrashes furiously, trying to break free and wake herself up from this terrifying nightmare.

“ABBEY… Jesus Christ, ABBEY IT’S ME. Babe, it’s alright it’s me… you’re OK…” Alex pulls her forward without hesitation and she curls up tightly in his arms, shaking and sobbing uncontrollably.

“He was here Alex, he was here…” She cries.

“Who was here? Abbey, is there someone else in the flat? ABBEY…?!”

“It was Ryan. I saw him Alex; I swear to god I saw him… Ryan was here I swear…” Her breathing is ragged and she trembles with terror as Alex tightens his grip around her, concerned, confused and struggling to understand what the hell is going on.

“It’s OK, shhhh… I’ve got you, it’s OK…” He whispers in her ear, as they rock gently back and forth, entwined together on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor.

T
hose desperate hands stretching out towards her and that cold, vacant stare. Abbey is finding it impossible to shake the image of her brother out of her mind. It had seemed so real. Like he really was standing right in front of her, trying to reach her, to tell her something perhaps? But it can’t have been Ryan; there is absolutely no way that what Abbey saw was real. She is a rational person. She doesn’t believe in ghosts and ghouls or anything remotely paranormal. Therefore the only explanation she has for what happened three nights ago in the early hours of the morning, is that she has finally, completely lost it.

Alex had displayed an array of emotion while holding Abbey in his arms as she cowered on the bathroom floor. She had been so afraid to look up for fear of what she might see, that they ended up sitting there for the best part of an hour before he finally carried her back to bed. He was scared, upset and confused, and a little angry when Abbey struggled to explain to him exactly what was happening, as she didn’t understand it herself. He was frustrated that he couldn’t help, again, not coping well in a situation that was way out of his control.

Once she had managed to calm down and regain a grip on reality, Abbey spoke to Alex and tried her best to explain to him what she had seen. She cringed at her own words as she spoke them aloud, knowing how ridiculous and crazy she sounded. As always, Alex was as caring and supportive as he could possibly be but he couldn’t hide the look of genuine concern in his eyes.

Abbey is fully aware that he has every right to be worried. Who the hell can blame him for that? It isn’t every day your girlfriend starts screaming her head off in the middle of the night after receiving a visit from her dead twin brother. God knows what he must have thought?

She has spent the last few days rehashing the terrifying moment over and over, still shivering with fright at the memory of Ryan silently raising his hand to her, completely void of emotion. Abbey has no idea what the hell it says about her frame of mind but she has part rationalised it into three possible explanations.

1. She had just woken up. It could have been her subconscious projecting the vision while she was still awake? Especially seen as it was a bad dream that had woken her with a start in the first place? It’s possible… although as soon as she had climbed out of bed to find Alex she hadn’t felt tired or drowsy in the slightest.

2. The vast array of drugs that she has been taking over the past year have finally started messing with her brain. It could be the case. But she hadn’t taken anything on that particular night that would cause her to have such a disturbing hallucination?

Or 3. The stress and anguish she feels due to everything that has happened lately has seriously started to affect her. Although Abbey doesn’t want it to be true, deep down, she knows that this explanation is probably the most likely. Her family - particularly her mum - don’t exactly have the best track record in coping when things get tough.

In all honesty, the combination of all three most likely culminated in Abbey seeing Ryan. She must be far more fragile than she first realised after everything she has been through and coupled with her post sleep state and the fact she has been tampering with mind altering substances on a fairly regular basis… well, it was a recipe for disaster. Or rather a recipe for disturbing visions. At least that is the conclusion Abbey has reached, as it is the only explanation she can accept without scaring herself further. The alternative is far too awful to consider; the idea that she is slowly turning into her mother.

On a slightly more positive note, Alex’s priorities seem to have shifted considerably after Abbey’s little ‘episode’. He is incredibly attentive, constantly checking in and making sure that she’s OK after her momentary breakdown. It is perhaps the only good thing to come out of such a traumatising experience and Alex seems to have finally realised that ever since their trip to Ireland he has been throwing himself back into ‘work’ with perhaps a little too much determination. It was important for him to get back on track and reclaim some control and power in his life - plus he was keen to prove himself to Moorland after all of his help - but after disclosing this to Abbey she had taken the opportunity to remind him that family should always come first. The group is fractured and it is important that they all stick together right now. They need him and so does she.

He had been extremely receptive to her advice and was surprisingly quick to act on it; switching off his phone through the day and spending much more time at the flat than before. After this unexpected turn around - and considering that perhaps communication really is the key - Abbey had finally confessed to Alex about Lucy. He was of course angry and concerned at first. But Abbey assured him that things were improving now that Nathan had managed to talk to her directly about their concerns. It had been an uncomfortable conversation by all accounts and Lucy was highly defensive about what she was being accused of, but she eventually agreed that perhaps she had started to get a little carried away with it all and promised that she would take more care in the future.

The drugs had been a coping mechanism, she took them to block out the things that were hurting her but now, as far as Abbey is concerned, she doesn’t need to strive for that numbing effect anymore. Not when she can turn to her, or Nathan or any one of the others instead. She just needed reminding that her friends are here for her to talk to and confide in no matter what and now that they all appear to be on the same page, Abbey truly feels like things will work out.

Needless to say the revelation about Lucy, along with Abbey’s frightening melt down, seems to have shocked Alex into focus. He understands better than anyone how tough it has been lately and even though things appear to be improving, it’s about time they forgot about all the bullshit and got back to what they do best. And that’s drink, laugh and party in style. It’s time they started a new chapter and before they can do that, they all need to blow off some serious steam.

By 8pm on Saturday night enough alcohol has been drunk to sink a small ship. Alex has gone all out, supplying booze, food and limitless drugs. The music is turned up full and they are all in high spirits, looking forward to the night ahead. He has even turned his phone off again - refusing to deal with anyone work related in his down time - and has organised guest list entry to one of the best clubs in town. He has missed this. Abbey can tell. He is laughing and joking with the lads like a typical 28 year old and his relaxed, care free demeanour is firmly back in place… at least for now. Truth be told, Abbey has missed it too. She remembers so clearly how much of an escape this was when she first met her friends and became part of the group. They saved her. They gave her hope and support when she needed it most and it meant the world. Things may not have stayed quite so simple and complications arose, but that’s life. And it is to be doubly expected when you live a life like they do.

Tom is missed by all of them. It feels strange not to hear his loud, cockney accent bellowing across the room, cracking jokes and telling his hilarious stories. But he would want this. He would want them to be happy and to rebuild the bond that has been damaged lately, by their on-going problems and the resulting separation. It feels good to be back together in this way and Abbey is comforted, knowing that if they can make it through all the bullshit that the last few months has thrown at them, then their friendship really is strong enough to survive anything.

Alex stands by the CD player, scanning through a stack of albums while trading insults and banter with Nathan from across the room and Liam skilfully divides a small pile of cocaine into several lines, laughing as Darren dives over the sofa onto Gemma and Sophie, breaking up their conversation. Abbey watches them all fondly, feeling a slight pang of concern as she is reminded that someone else other than Tom is missing out on the fun.

Lucy told Nathan that she needed to be on her own for a little while, whatever that means, but it has been half an hour since she left the room and she still hasn’t re-joined the party. It is strange behaviour for Lucy as she hates missing out and is terrible in her own company. She gets bored instantly with no one there to mindlessly chatter to.

Abbey stands discreetly and moves over towards the door, glancing back just in time to see Nathan flash a brief and appreciative smile. He is obviously anxious but is trying hard not to make a fuss, as it would inadvertently cause Lucy to feel even guiltier about making him worry.

After checking her and Alex’s room and finding no sign of Lucy in there, Abbey knocks lightly on Tom’s bedroom door before pushing it open, pausing on the threshold as she smiles quizzically at her best friend. Lucy is laid on Tom’s bed with her head hanging off the end of the mattress. Her wild, blonde hair dangles loose with the tips almost touching the floor and she tilts her head back further as she smiles in greeting.

“What are you doing?” Abbey laughs in amusement.

“Just thinking…”

“About what exactly…?”

“You know… stuff. I’m trying to get a bit of perspective…”

“By hanging upside down…?!” Abbey quips.

“Everything’s been pretty messed up recently. I figured maybe if I change the way I’ve been looking at it all, it might start making sense…?”

“So… let me get this straight…” Abbey smirks as she moves further into the room, “Because, in a manner of speaking, all the changes that have happened lately have turned your world “upside down”, you thought that if you literally turned yourself upside down, things would be the right way up and would make sense…?!” She frowns at her own explanation.

“Exactly…” Lucy states nonchalantly and Abbey moves over to the other side of the bed, fighting back her laughter as she lies down beside her. She fans her hair out from underneath her shoulders and drops her head back so that it is hanging off the mattress in the same position as Lucy’s. They both turn to look at one another, laying there in silence for a brief moment.

“You’re really weird…” Abbey states affectionately and Lucy breaks into a huge grin.

“It’s taken you all this time to figure that out…?” She laughs.

“No… I just thought it should be said…” They smile at each other and Abbey rolls her eyes, before staring back up at the ceiling, “Do you want to tell me why you’re really in here…?” She presses, cautiously and Lucy sighs in response.

“It just feels weird… without Tom…”

“I know. I keep looking for him and then remembering…”

“Do you think he’s OK?” She asks in a pained whisper.

“I really hope so. He can look after himself Luc, you know that…”

“It isn’t fair though. He should be here…”

“I know…” Abbey completely agrees but she shifts uncomfortably, unsure whether Lucy’s opinion of it being unfair is also her way of implying that it should be Alex in prison instead.

“It’s just not the same…” She adds, sadly.

“It’ll take time, but we’re all trying. Everyone’s here tonight, having a laugh together and we’re missing you in there. Having fun again doesn’t mean you’re abandoning Tom. Do you really think he’d want you moping about in here instead of enjoying yourself?”

“I suppose not…” Lucy smiles, “It used to be me giving you the pep talks didn’t it?!”