Authors: Fay Darbyshire
“I’m gonna be alright mate. I’ll keep my head down and my mouth shut. I’ll be on my best behaviour, a fucking model prisoner. You won’t need to check in on me anyway…” Tom is trying to appear upbeat and unfazed but Alex knows him better than that. This is killing both of them.
“I wouldn’t be checking in for fuck sake. I want to come and see you, because I miss my best mate, there’s no other reason to it than that… but I’m… you know it’s not…” Alex stutters and sighs in frustration as he struggles to find the right words and the guilt gnaws away at him as he knows he has to unwillingly betray Tom again.
This visit is the first… and the last. Alex’s name is now noted down on prison records and the more he comes to see Tom the more suspicion he will raise. His name will flag up on the visitor’s sheet and the police will be on the lookout for anyone that Tom speaks to regularly. They know damn well that he wasn’t acting alone. They’ve seen the CCTV footage from the night of the raid and they’ve heard the eye witness accounts from the store owner and the two nurses that saw them drop Tom at the hospital. It was also a massive risk for Alex to go and see him in intensive care and he was spotted there too. It could all stack up against him and he needs to be on the outside, for Abbey and for the others, to keep the group together. They both know that… and that is why this all too brief hour has to be the last time they will see each other until Tom is released.
“Five minutes now please…” There is a sudden buzz in the room as the 30 or so friends and relatives begin to say their cheerful goodbyes, none of which are as final as Alex and Tom’s. He wishes this was a more private moment and that he had chance to say everything he wants to say but there is no more time. Any minute now he has to walk out of those doors and leave his best friend behind.
“I’ll miss you man…” Tom whispers, no longer able to mask his sadness and pretend that he is fine and Alex doesn’t respond, too busy biting back the threatening tears.
“Start making a move please…?” The guard asks as he passes their table and Alex waits until he is out of earshot before he speaks again.
“I am so, so sorry mate…” He states slowly and sincerely, while looking directly into Tom’s eyes. This time there is no sarcastic response or light hearted joke. He simply nods knowingly in return.
The room is clearing fast and they both rise to their feet, tucking their chairs neatly back under the table before moving round to face each other. There is nothing left to say, just an understanding between them that this is necessary… and that it can’t be changed. They embrace again, with even more desperation than before.
“I love you brother…” Alex whispers and Tom pulls away, gripping both of his shoulders tightly.
“Just be safe, mate… and be fucking happy for Christ sake…” He laughs, and Alex forces a smile, “Stay out of trouble yeah? And look after Gem for me?”
“I will…” He nods, as Tom backs away from him under the watchful gaze of the security guards, pausing once more at the door with his hands in his pockets and that typical cockney grin plastered across his face.
“I’ll see you on the other side mate…” He nods - and with that he disappears out of view as the bell signals loudly and the door slides shut, locking forcefully behind him.
Abbey has never seen Alex so quiet and withdrawn. Ever since he went to see Tom in prison he has barely spoken a word to anyone. She knows how much he is struggling but as frustrating as it is, she is unable to help him in any way. Nothing can change what has happened.
Their beautiful little cottage in Ballycastle feels like a vague and distant memory and just as she suspected, things have almost completely returned to normal since their arrival back in Leeds. As far as she is aware, Alex hasn’t ended any of his arrangements with the clubs he runs drugs at and he seems more involved with Moorland than ever, no doubt partly due to the fact that he feels indebted to him for sorting out his problem with Marcus. It is beyond disappointing, as Abbey now knows what kind of life they could have together if they left all this behind and started again. She got a taste of it in Ireland and she wants more.
Although saddened that he hasn’t yet made any changes or followed through on his promise, Abbey is aware that it isn’t just Alex who needs to confront some of the issues in his life. The advice he had given her that day on the beach regarding her family has remained firmly in the back of her mind. How would she feel, if like Alex, she no longer had the opportunity to speak to her mum again? What would that do to her? Maybe he is right… maybe it is time to reach out and try and rebuild some bridges. After all, you never know which moment is going to be your last or how many chances you might get.
The idea of texting Janet out of the blue after all this time is an incredibly daunting one, so Abbey decides it will be much easier to reach out to Peter first. After they had spoken over that brief drink at The Locke she had admittedly felt a fleeting notion of hope. He appeared much calmer, much more understanding, and he actually listened to her for the first time since god knows when. It does seem like he has changed and is genuinely ready to sort things out and after thinking about everything long and hard, Abbey realises she wants that too. Her family are her family after all, despite how dysfunctional they may be.
After sending a message apologising for not being in touch and explaining that she had been away, Abbey asks Peter if he wants to meet up again and his response is quick.
‘We definitely need to talk. What time and where? Not The Locke…’
OK. Not exactly the reply she was expecting. He seems overly tense and she has no idea what he could possibly have against The Locke, but she needs to be reasonable and meet him half way.
‘Tomorrow? We can meet at The Coffee shop by the train station? X’
‘That’s fine. I’ll see you there at 12pm.’
Perhaps she had imagined how well their last meeting went? Was the difference she had noted in her brother nothing more than wishful thinking? These texts certainly aren’t as receptive as she was hoping they would be, but it is difficult to accurately read emotion through a message and she really needs to stop being so paranoid. She won’t know for sure until she sees him face to face.
Her nerves start to kick in and she is suddenly anxious about the impending meeting. Luckily she has a pleasant distraction in the form of Lucy; and spending time with her best friend again definitely makes being back home much easier to handle. They always seem to be surrounded by unavoidable drama, yet it is easily forgotten and pushed to one side with Lucy. She is an eternal optimist, always the joker, making everyone laugh and cheering them up. It is exactly what she needs.
“So it’s two table spoons of this stuff, right…?” Lucy frowns, rubbing her face with the back of her hand and leaving a smudge of sauce underneath her eye.
“I don’t know…” Abbey giggles, “This is your concoction, not mine!”
“Fat lot of use you are Miller, you’re supposed to be my able bodied assistant…”
“I am not taking any responsibility for poisoning our friends…” She laughs, and Lucy wrinkles her nose in disapproval.
“I just want a nice family meal around the dinner table, is that too much to ask…?” She pouts, and Abbey reluctantly jumps down from the kitchen unit where she had been perching away from all the mess. Lucy passes her the recipe book and she dutifully scans through the instructions.
“Yep, two table spoons… then some crushed garlic and some black olives…” Lucy grins enthusiastically and Abbey rolls her eyes at her child like excitement. Darren clearly isn’t the only one in the family who gets pleasure out of cooking. Whether Lucy’s cuisine will be quite as successful remains to be seen - it is definitely questionable at this point - but Abbey knows the real reason why she is doing all this.
Lucy had really struggled being separated from everyone. She and Darren were on their own for so long after their parents abandoned them and as a result this is the only family she has ever known. Losing that even for a few weeks, has really shaken her up. The thought of no longer having that love and stability there is a notion that terrifies her and it brings all the fears and insecurities that she felt as a child rushing back to the surface. This group dinner is a way for her to mark the occasion and officially bring everyone together again.
“OK… I think that’s it. Now it just has to cook for an hour…” Lucy grins triumphantly, as if making an Italian chicken dish is the greatest achievement known to man. She then proceeds to fly around the kitchen in a blur, loading the dishwasher and wiping down the sides as she chats in her usual animated tone about anything and everything. Abbey has missed her so much and it certainly feels good to belly laugh again.
“Do you want a line?” Lucy asks, as she empties her pocket of a note and half a bag of cocaine.
“No thanks, I’m good for now…” Abbey frowns slightly; she can’t recall ever seeing Lucy do drugs through the day before but it is nearing 5pm; perhaps she’s just over excited about the night ahead?
As Lucy sets out four lines and takes them one after the other Abbey finishes tidying up, drying her hands and dusting herself off as Darren, Sophie, Liam and Nathan file into the kitchen with bags of food and drink.
“My god am I seeing what I think I’m seeing?!” Darren scoffs, “My little sister in an apron?!”
“Shut up Daz…!” She yells, whipping it off, screwing it up and throwing it at him, “You’re not allowed to make fun. I tried really hard didn’t I Abs?”
“She definitely tried…” Abbey grins and the others laugh affectionately.
Darren ruffles Lucy’s hair as he and Sophie make their way through to the living room and Liam takes a seat at the table.
“Did you actually manage to get any of the meal into the oven?” Nathan laughs sweetly, as he approaches Lucy and wraps his arms around her waist.
“What do you mean?” She asks, confused, and he smiles again, kissing the tip of her nose, “You have a little bit of sauce just here…” He points to the smudge underneath her eye.
“Oh…” Lucy giggles as she pulls her sleeve down and rubs it vigorously across her face, “Gone…?”
“That bit has…” Nathan grins, “But the sauce down your other cheek, on the side of your neck and in your hair is all still there…” Lucy smacks him playfully in the stomach and sticks her tongue out.
“Very funny! I’ve only just finished my masterpiece I haven’t had time to clean up yet…!” She skips across the room and down the hall towards the bathroom, shouting about how they will all be eating their words later when they are begging for second helpings. Abbey shakes her head in amusement and places the recipe book back on the shelf before helping herself to a beer out of the fridge.
“Abbey…?” Nathan says her name so quietly, that for a brief second she is unsure whether or not he even spoke.
“What’s up?” She smiles and he glances over at Liam who quickly stands, quietly closing the kitchen door so that the three of them are alone, “What’s going on?” She asks again, suddenly alarmed.
“It’s nothing too serious…” Nathan begins, but his tone along with the worry that is radiating from him, says otherwise, “I just need to talk to you about Luc…”
“What about her?” Abbey frowns, confused.
“When you guys were away, you know she took it pretty hard, us all being split up…?” Abbey nods. She had spoken to Lucy about it numerous times since they got back and she is well aware of how difficult she found it, “She was pretty lonely and worried I think, that things weren’t going to be the same again. So to make herself feel better, I suppose for comfort, she started doing way more drugs than usual. I tried to reassure her but she still kept using more regularly…”
“Earlier, just before you guys got here she racked up some lines. I thought it was strange but I didn’t think it was anything to worry about…” Abbey confesses, and Nathan and Liam exchange a glance.
“It probably isn’t anything to worry about…” Liam adds, shrugging it off and moving over to stand with them, “But it won’t hurt to keep an eye on her, you know?”
“Yeah sure…” Abbey nods, placing her hand on Nathan’s shoulder, “I’m sure it’s fine mate, you now Luc she’s always OK… and she’s smart…”
“I’m probably worrying more than I need to but she’s been taking more and more, constantly, throughout the day. I told myself that once you guys were home it would stop but it hasn’t. I’m just scared it’s gonna get out of control…”
“It won’t…” Abbey reassures him sternly, “We won’t let that happen…” Nathan nods gratefully but his accompanying smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He is genuinely scared for her, which makes Abbey question whether she should be scared too. Was she really so naive to think that she could come home from her blissful trip to Ireland with Alex and everything with the others would be totally fine? Did she really imagine that none of this would affect them at all? Things are never that simple and she feels as though she has let her friends down with her ignorance, but at least now she knows how bad things have been, especially for Lucy and she is determined to make it right.
The group dinner goes down surprisingly well and despite the obvious discomfort caused by the empty seat at the end of the table where Tom should have been sat, everyone is in relatively high spirits. The set up afterwards is just the same as always, with the lads gathered around the TV screen battling it out on the Xbox while Abbey, Lucy, Sophie and Gemma sit together, chatting drunkenly on the sofa. There is the usual level of alcohol and drug taking and Abbey cautiously notes what and how much of it Lucy is participating in. Nathan was right. She seems to be racking up lines every ten minutes or so, even smoking more weed than usual, and she is positive that she saw her drop ecstasy at one point in the evening too. She usually saves the harder stuff for when they go out clubbing, especially pills as they are much more of a social drug, but not this time. She is taking almost anything she can get her hands on. Abbey had hoped that Nathan was over reacting but it quickly becomes clear that he has a right to be concerned.
As Abbey walks hastily through the train station on her way to meet her brother she runs the events of the previous night over and over in her mind, quickly reaching the conclusion that this issue with Lucy is something that needs to be discussed. An intervention would be incredibly confronting and a little dramatic, so she decides that it is probably best if she has a conversation with her alone first, just to test the water. Lucy has always been there for Abbey throughout her constant family dramas and she is clearly struggling herself now due to all the upheaval in the last couple of months. It is time for Abbey to return the favour and be there for her, if and when she needs the support.