Entangled (19 page)

“Yeah, it was pretty cool. I used to go there as a kid…with my dad.” I can hear venom dripping from those words. “He actually worked in one of the buildings. He quit a couple years before the attacks.” Too bad he didn’t stay there a little longer.

“I’m sorry Noah. It sucks not having parents active in your life. I’d give anything to have my mother back. My father too.” I know too well what that feels like.

I sit up and pat her knee sympathetically. “It’s not too late. Do you want to go to Midnight and get a drink?”

“Now?” I quirk my brows in her direction. Maybe she doesn’t get out much. Or maybe I’m making her nervous. Either way, it’s obvious we both could use a drink or two. And clearly, she needs a distraction from whatever she’s going through, if only for a little while.

“Yes, now. It’s not that late and I’m thirsty.” I stand up and stretch my stiff legs. I look down at my attire and decide to change. Maddy is looking at herself as well, probably thinking the same thing about herself since she’s got on sweats. It’s nice that she doesn’t feel the need to come over in dresses and skirts with tight fitting blouses. I like the casual look. 
She’s not dressing to impress you
, a voice tells me. I want to kick the voice in the face. But I roll my eyes instead.

I like girls who are confident in their skin and like to be comfortable around me. I don’t need all the makeup, fake Barbie doll wannabe girls. I like girls who wear their hair in a messy bun, no makeup and workout clothes or just jeans and t-shirts. Natural and beautiful.

But wait, since when did I ever like anyone? Maybe that’s the kind of girl I want in my future, if I ever learn to get close enough to someone. Because the girl I was just describing is the opposite of what I always went after. But that could be the fact that all I wanted was sex and well, most of the girls that put out are the ones that dress provocatively.

Once I change into a pair of jeans and my Bon Jovi t-shirt, I follow Maddy to her apartment so she can change. Living on the opposite side of the complex still feels like a lengthy drive. I wait in my jeep and flip through my CD’s. I put Daughtry in the player and wait.

Ten minutes go by when she comes out. I watch as she walks past my jeep and quickly roll my window down. “Where are you going?” I ask confused. She stops walking, turns and glances from her car parked a few cars down and mine and then cocks her head to the side.

“I thought we were going to the bar?”

“Why would we take separate cars? We live in the same complex, going to the same bar.” Not to mention, she shouldn’t be driving once she’s had a couple drinks. Lord knows I’ve had my share of mishaps. But I don’t say any of that. She doesn’t know much about my past and I’m content to keep it that way.

Call me a hypocrite, but I only plan on having a drink and I can hold my own. Hell it takes me more than ten drinks to get tipsy. But those hardcore drinking days have been long gone, left in New York. Tonight, I want to keep an eye on her and make sure she’s okay. Not that she needs a protector or is helpless. To be honest, I don’t know why I care.
Yes you do, you care.

No matter how many times I deny my attraction to her, I know it’s a lie. The truth is, I’m highly attracted to her but I’m scared shitless. So, I won’t act on it. I’ll just be her friend and pray that’s enough. It can be enough. It has to be enough. I just can’t drag her into my problems, my emotional turmoil. She needs someone less fucked up. A therapist couldn’t even help me.

“I can drive myself.” Geez, she’s a stubborn one…or afraid of me. I ponder her statement but shake my head. No way in hell she’s driving tonight.

“Get in the jeep.” I rev the engine loudly, making her jump and she gives me the stink eye. I laugh. “Please get in; we’re wasting precious drinking time.” She sighs and relents, walking around to the passenger side and getting in.

“Alright Chauffeur…take me to get my drink on.” I laugh and back out of the complex. This should be interesting.

“You like Daughtry?” She turns up the volume, clearly surprised by my taste in music.

“There’s not much I don’t like in reference to music. I was on my own a lot so I had to rely on something to keep me sane. I found that music really helped fill some small void. Especially the sad songs. They made me feel like I wasn’t alone in the world, going through a rough life and having to get by. There are others like me, who have it worse.” Like maybe you, I don’t say. I only know small bits of pieces of her life and it seems like she’s suffered too. I wanna know more though. I wanna know everything. And then I laugh to myself, “Well, mostly sane. Are you cold?”

I reach out to turn up the heat but she shakes her, reaching her hand out to stop me. “No, it’s fine.” It’s quiet aside from the music playing but even that is quiet. I glance at Maddy staring out the window. She looks lost in thought. I have to look away because I’m finding her more and more appealing. It’s dark but I can still see the way her shirt clings to her body, not too tight and not baggy either. Her long brown hair is down, hanging over her left shoulder. I have the sudden urge to run my fingers through it. I quickly avert my eyes back on the road.
Get it together, Noah. It’s not happening.

She lets out a sigh before she finally breaks through my absurd thoughts. “I’m sorry for showing up at your place, crying. I’m not sure what came over me. I’m so embarrassed. I don’t normally act impulsively.” I look at her and see a glow of the lights from the streets on her face. Her eyes look sad and I suddenly wish I could take her pain away.

“It’s okay, really. It’s not like I had anything to do. You saved me from hours of boredom, staring at the ceiling.” She giggles and it warms my heart.

“Were you counting sheep?”

“Does it work?” I ask, teasing.

“I don’t really know. I’ll have to test that theory one day.” And just like that I feel like a friendship with her would be not only possible but a necessity. I can have a gorgeous female friend with no complications, right? Did I just say gorgeous? Christ.

We pull up to the bar and thankfully it’s not crowded. I open the door for Maddy, she smiles when she walks in. We head straight for the bar.

“Do you want to play pool?” I ask before we sit down. I know once I sit, I’ll feel obligated to open up about things I’m not ready to share with anyone. But at a bar, there’s nothing to do besides sit and stare at each other awkwardly.

“Oh I just wanted a drink and sit for a little while first. Is that okay?” I always hate getting the puppy dog look from chicks. I never gave into them which pissed them off. Now I’m finding that it doesn’t bother me. It’s rather endearing on Maddy’s face.

Son of a-

“Sure it’s fine.” I smile and sit next to her, catching the scent of her perfume in my nostrils-it’s a citrusy smell and it’s making me dizzy. She orders our drinks while I observe the half empty bar. It’s a Tuesday night; I guess not everyone is sleeping-like normal people.

“Here.” Maddy hands me a beer and sits down.

“Thanks.” I smile, take a swig, letting the foamy, cold beverage flow through my system and then set it down. “Tell me something,” I start, “why aren’t you trying to get a record deal?” She laughs like I’ve said the funniest thing she’s ever heard. I’m actually serious, she’s got talent. “Okay, did I say something funny?”

“Sorry, it’s not. It’s not funny at all. It’s just that I find that an odd question to start the night with. You’re very straight forward sometimes.” She has no idea how wrong she is…I used to be straightforward, no bull shitting or beating around the bush. I can’t seem to do that with her for some reason.

“It’s a legit question. I mean you have mad passion for singing. I saw it the other night. You’ve got a beautiful voice.” She takes a sip of her beer, avoiding my gaze. Did I say something wrong?

Finally she looks at me and shifts her position, crossing her right leg over her left one. “My mother wanted to be a singer. She had a beautiful voice. She would have made it. But she never got that chance. Probably because once she had me, she put her dreams aside. After her accident I turned to music wholeheartedly to fill the void she left behind. I love music with powerful lyrics and rhythm, something that makes me feel while I’m singing.” She closes her eyes as she continues. “While I’m on that stage, I can almost feel her beside me, cheering me on.” She opens her eyes and looks at me as a tear falls down her cheek. I feel like shit, for making her cry. What a dumb shit move of me.

“I love singing, it’s like the music takes me away from here to a faraway place and I’m floating.” A smile lifts at the corner of her mouth. “But I just can’t do it, Noah. I can sing here because most people are drunk, they aren’t listening. It’s just for fun, nothing more. But to me, it’s more. And not to mention, I need to work and make a living. I don’t have time to play with something that may or may not pan out.”

“You’re good enough, Maddy. I think you could make it. You just have to believe in yourself.” She shakes her head. I wonder if she’s ever really listened to her own voice. She’s fucking amazing.

“I enjoy singing here, for fun. That will have to be enough.” She jumps up out of the chair. “Let’s shoot some pool.” Thank God. I finish the last of my beer and follow her. Conversation over.

Maddy

I was doing so well, so damn well. After showing up at Noah’s apartment and crying my eyes out, I felt better. I was not only crying because of the bomb Andi dropped on me but also because I’d been missing my mom a lot lately. I get it; I was young when she died. I didn’t know her that well. But I knew her enough to still miss her every day. Her blood runs through my veins. Growing up without your mother really sucks and on top of that, not having your father around sucks too. But then to have the closest person to a father figure become ill with cancer? Well that is just the suckiest news. And then to make things worse, Noah brings up singing of all things. I want to hole up on the bathroom floor and sob.

The truth is, singing has always been a part of me. I have videos of my mother and me singing together. She’d tell me that I was gonna be a star one day. It was her dream for me to be what she wanted to be when she was a child. I was singing everywhere; the car, bathroom, shower, inside, outside, park…everywhere. She taught me the exercises Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So, La, Ti, Do. I never forgot it. But it doesn’t matter anymore.

“Okay, who’s racking?” I grab the triangle from under the table and begin racking the balls.

“I guess you are.” Noah says, chalking his stick. He finds me a pool stick and we both simultaneously lay both sticks on the next table and twirl it to make sure they’re straight and not bumpy. I grab the chalk once Noah is done using it. He walks to the other side to break, which thank God, I suck at breaking. He sinks in three balls and works on another one. I turn away and remember I never brought my purse with me from the previous table. I wonder what time it is.

“Shit!” I frantically search for my purse, panicking. I spin around and look around the tables.

“Your purse is under the table.” I glance down and sure enough it’s next to the chair on the floor. I reach for it and pick it up but it slips out of my hand and the contents fall out onto the floor with a loud crash. I hurry to clean the mess. Damn, how much did I drink? It couldn’t be that much, I’m just emotional and clumsy. Noah is at my side, helping me. “It’s okay, I’ve got it.” I say frustrated. I’m shaking, why am I shaking?

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He says above a whisper. I fall to the floor, and draw my knees up to my chest, defeated. My emotions are overwhelming me and I can no longer contain them. I lean my head against the chair of the table. The pool game still going on, but I’m not feeling up to playing anymore.

“Hey listen, you can tell me anything.” He says but I still sit in silence, wishing I was curled up in my bed. “Then answer this one thing at least, has Landon ever made you do something you didn’t want to do?” Why is he bringing up Landon? My eyes narrow, defensive.

“Are you serious?”

“It’s a legit question.”

“Well, I’m not answering your “legit” question.” I know I’m being mean but he doesn’t need to go there right now. It’s his fault I started crying again. I just wanted to have some drinks and have fun, but he brought up some tough topics that made me feel puny because all I want to do is cry. As I’m thinking all this in my head, I know I’m being unreasonable and blaming it on him when it’s really not his fault.

“I’m going to assume then-“ He starts but I interrupt him.

“Take your assumptions and shove them. I don’t have to answer you.” I’m done crying so instead, I resort to anger.

“Why can’t you answer the question?” I shake my head, closing my eyes. “Maddy, please. I just want to know. Did he upset you? Hurt you?” Tears are streaming down my cheeks. I tune him out…coming here was a bad idea. Or maybe it’s the alcohol.

Before I know what’s happened, Noah’s taken me in his arms. They’re wrapped firmly around my back. My tears soak his shirt but he doesn’t seem to care. “Maddy, I need you to talk to me.” I swallow, hiding my face in his shoulder. I feel safe, protected in his comfort of warmth.  I shake my head but don’t look at him.

“I can’t right now. Please don’t make me talk about it right now.” I mumble.

“But he’s never-“ I shake my head more forcefully so he’ll get the message and maybe shut up.