Determination (2 page)

“It’s okay, kid, we’re almost there,” the guy on my left said quietly in my ear as we moved up yet another step. My vision may have been tunneling, but that light at the top looked really far away. My heart pounded in my chest, and there just wasn’t enough air in the small space for me to breathe. I couldn’t get my lungs to pull the air in anymore, and I started to wheeze.

“His breathing is getting worse. Hey, Alex, you need to get in front, slide in around Andy, and get his legs.” I couldn’t tell who had said it. The stairwell had started to spin, but we stopped moving, and I felt them crowd close to me. A small body moved past one of the guys, and my feet were lifted off the stairs. They carried me the rest of the way up and then halfway down a narrow hall. Alex dropped my legs long enough to unlock the door and open it before the two guys took me in. They dropped down on either side of me on the bed and then Determination

5

pushed me back onto something soft. The van driver—Leo—put his face right in front of mine, and I tried to focus on it.

“Breathe, Jamie. Slow breaths in and out…. Come on, kid,” he said and took a few deep breaths as if he wanted to show me what to do. I locked my eyes on his and sucked the air into my lungs. As he released his breath, I blew mine out, and then again. After a moment, my vision started to clear, and I could see we were in a small bedroom.

It looked completely wrong for the warehouse-style building I thought I saw as we drove up, but I couldn’t trust anything right then. Tired, overwhelmed, and messed up on drugs, I just didn’t have the ability to think.

“That’s good, just relax.” I closed my eyes and kept breathing in and out in synch with Leo. Until his phone rang. My eyes popped open, and I saw him check the display before answering.

“Yeah, babe,” came his curt answer as he held the phone up to his ear. “Yeah, he’s in the kid’s room. We just got him in.” Leo paused to listen to the tinny voice on the other end of the line. “He’s okay too.

Are you guys on your way?” As he paid attention to the conversation, his eyes snapped up to Alex, and he nodded. “Okay, here, kid.” I thought he would hand the phone to me, but instead he gave it to Alex.

“Mike?” Alex said quietly. “Yeah, I’m okay. What about you guys? He didn’t hurt you, did he?” I couldn’t quite focus on what he said after that. My chest hurt, and I still felt so dizzy. Instead, as his mouth continued to move, I tried to breathe.

“Jamie, hon, Brian’s coming. They’ll be here in a few minutes,”

Alex said as he handed the phone back to Leo. I felt happy again because Brian would be there soon. I tried to watch Alex as he moved over to the dresser and opened one of the drawers. After a minute of moving things around, he came back with a little computer. “He wants to video chat with his dad when he gets here. He told me to boot it up and try to start the chat,” Alex told no one in particular as he opened the computer. I couldn’t even care enough to be curious.

“I’m here. Is Brian there yet?” a low voice asked from the computer’s speakers. It sounded familiar, but the pain had started to come back, and I didn’t feel so good.

6

Jamie Mayfield

“No, Dr. Schreiber, he’s on his way. What can I do?” Alex asked, and I looked up to see him staring intently at the screen. That’s right.

Alex had said Brian wanted to talk to his dad, who was a doctor. I hoped Brian wasn’t sick.

“Turn the computer around so I can see him,” Richard instructed, and soon I was looking at Brian’s father on the screen. “Okay, Alex, I need for you to get his clothes off. Cut them if you have to. I need to be able to see his injuries.”

“Leo, do you have a big pair of scissors?” Alex asked, but before Leo could answer, I sat up and pulled my shirt up.

“I can undress myself,” I said and hissed when the material stuck to the burn on my stomach. Very carefully, I pulled the cloth away and felt it separate from my skin. When I pulled my shirt over my head, I heard a sharp sound but ignored it because I knew how my body looked. As much as I hated it, Alex had to help me get my jeans off, exposing just how weak I was. I couldn’t get the button undone because of the way my hands shook, and it was hard to lift my ass up to pull them down. Everything hurt, and I just had no more strength.

While I reclined back against the pillows, Alex held the laptop over my body with that damn camera on me as he helped Richard with his inspection. After he’d seen my feet, Richard asked me to roll onto my side, which I did with difficulty, and Alex repeated the process with my back.

“Jamie, how did you sustain the burn on your stomach?” Richard asked as Alex held the laptop next to me. My eyes flickered to the angry blisters on my stomach and then to the computer screen.

“Lasagna.”

“What does that mean?” Richard asked, sounding confused. My eyes closed again as I tried to think, and then I opened them and held Alex’s gaze, willing him to understand.

“He hit you with hot lasagna?” Alex asked with a slight nod, and I nodded back.

“What did you take, and how much?” Richard’s voice sounded businesslike as it came through the small speakers. I tried to think, to come up with an answer to his question.

Determination

7

“We were at the apartment, and he told me I had to shoot. My stash was gone. It hurt so much. I went in the bedroom to get dressed and found two Es and took those.”

“Did you take anything else?” Alex asked gently. “Did Steven give you anything?”

“Yeah, he said I needed to work. He gave me coke, a lot of coke.”

“How many lines, hon?” Alex stroked my hair as I looked at his face. His eyes looked so scared. I didn’t want Alex to be scared.

“Uhm… three, I think. I started to feel sick after two, but he told me not to be a wimp and just do them. But….”

“But what, Jamie?” Richard asked. It helped that he sounded concerned rather than angry. I didn’t know if I could explain if he were mad. I didn’t want anyone to be mad at me.

“But I don’t feel it. I feel confused and tired and sad. Why don’t I feel high? Is it because I’m… I’m gonna die?” The question was out before I could stop it. Alex’s face went from caring to horrified in an instant.

“No, that’s not why you don’t feel high.” Richard paused like he was trying to decide how to explain. Relieved even though my head was spinning, I tried to focus on his voice. “The cocaine is canceling out the effect of the ecstasy. You have a lot of drugs in your system, and that’s dangerous, but it’s the type of drugs you took that are making you feel that—” The bedroom door opened, and suddenly Alex jumped off the bed as Brian and Mike hurried into the room. Brian and Alex charged past each other, and Brian put his hands on either side of my face. Alex hurried over to Mike and threw his arms around Mike’s neck.

“Are you all right?” Mike asked Alex and kissed him gently. Alex nodded and pulled Mike to the bed, where they sat at the end.

“Oh God, Jamie,” Brian whispered against my neck as he held me. “I thought he was going to kill you. I’ve never been so scared.”

The room fell silent, and Brian kissed my forehead before wiping the wetness from his face.

“I’m okay,” I told him, trying to make him feel better. I didn’t want my Brian to feel bad. I loved him so much.

8

Jamie Mayfield

“Brian, he’s not okay,” Richard said from the computer, and Brian’s head turned to look at the screen. “You need to get him to a hospital.”

“Dad, they could call his father. O’Dell could have someone checking the hospitals, looking for him. We can’t take him to a hospital unless there’s no other way.”

Richard and Brian looked at each other over the computer screen, and finally Richard nodded. “Okay, son, but you’re doing to have to clean and dress his injuries. Can you do that?”

Brian nodded. “For Jamie, I can do anything.”

“I’ll send you a list of the supplies you’re going to need. But judging from that burn alone, he’s going to need stronger pain medication than I can prescribe across state lines.” At that, Leo took a step forward. With a deep breath and a look around the room, he spoke.

“I can get you street oxy,” he said, while Brian and Mike stared at him. “What? I work with a lot of addicts at the center. You think I don’t know any dealers? Besides, oxy isn’t Jamie’s drug of choice; it won’t show up on anyone’s radar. Will that do, doc?”

“That wouldn’t be my preferred way to do it—you can’t count on the strength or quality of illegal drugs—but if you refuse to take him to the hospital, it’s the most humane. Brian, you’re going to have to debride that burn, and it’s going to hurt him badly. He’s going to need something.” Brian looked at Leo and nodded. Leo pulled out his phone and started to dial as he left the room.

“We can’t give him that stuff while he’s already got so many drugs in his system, can we?” Brian asked as his hand slid down into mine, linking our fingers together. I loved how that felt. It made me happy.

“No, you can’t. When would he have taken it?”

“When did he get to the studio?” Brian asked Mike and Alex, who looked at each other with blank expressions. I didn’t even know what time it was then, so I couldn’t answer.

“Wait, check your phone. What time did you call Leo? He would have gotten to the studio about ten minutes earlier, and it takes twenty minutes to get to the studio from their building. We can safely say no Determination

9

later than half an hour before you called Leo,” Mike explained, and Brian pulled out his cell phone.

“It’s been about two hours since he took the drugs,” Brian told his father.

“Okay, you’re going to need to wait at least four to six hours before you give him anything. You can’t debride the burn until he’s been given pain meds. I’m going to e-mail you the list of supplies.

Someone is going to need to be with Jamie every minute to monitor his breathing and make sure he doesn’t choke on his vomit. Do you have someone that can go to a pharmacy and pick these things up for you?”

Richard asked, and Brian looked up at Mike.

“Of course I will,” Mike said without hesitation.

“I’ll go too,” Alex offered, but Mike shut him down.

“You will not. If he followed me and Brian, he could be out there.

I’m not letting him anywhere near you,” he said fiercely, and Alex laid his head on Mike’s shoulder as they sat on the bed holding hands.

“Will you stay on with me while I do what you need me to do?”

Brian asked, his voice trembling.

“I’ll be right here,” Richard assured him. “But Brian, if he stops breathing, you have to call an ambulance and you have to tell them exactly what he took. Do you understand? If you don’t, his father or this other guy won’t matter, because he’ll die. He has enough drugs in his system to stop his heart.” A tear slid down Brian’s face as he told Richard he understood.

The computer dinged, and Brian sat up. He did something to the computer and then looked up.

“Okay, my dad sent the list of stuff we’re going to need. Mike, can you take my laptop downstairs and hook it up to the printer? Dad, we’re going to disconnect until we get what we need. I’ll call you when we’re ready,” Brian said, taking charge. He said good-bye to his father before handing the laptop to Mike. Mike, Alex, and the other two guys from earlier all left together. Leo hadn’t returned, so Brian and I were alone. He continued to sit next to me on the bed, holding my hand. I rested my head on his shoulder just to be closer to him.

10

Jamie Mayfield

“No matter what happens, promise me you won’t ever forget,” I told him, and he squeezed me tighter, making me wince. If there really was a chance that I could die, I had to make sure he knew that. I didn’t want him to wonder how I felt—ever. I loved him so much.

“I’m not going to let you die, Jamie.” The pain in Brian’s voice told me he was just as scared as I was. He could say the words all he wanted, but he had no more control over the situation than I did.

“I’m so tired,” I said and closed my eyes. Brian shifted on the bed, and after a minute, I heard him talking, but it wasn’t to me.

“Dad, can he sleep?” I opened my eyes, blinking slowly, and saw him on the phone. “I won’t leave him. I’ll sit right here with my hand on his chest.” Brian’s voice cracked, and the bad feeling came back. I had made Brian sad. “Thanks, Dad. I’ll text you and check in every hour…. Yes.”

“Honey, Dad says you can sleep if you want to,” Brian whispered, and a chuckle bubbled up from my chest.

“What?” Brian asked and tilted my face up so I was looking at him. His answering smile was angelic, and I moved my face closer to kiss him.

“You called me ‘honey’… I like that,” I told him with another short laugh.

“You get through this, and I’ll call you whatever you want, sweetheart,” he said, suddenly serious. He stroked my face lightly, and I scooted down a little in the bed to rest. I laid my head on his hip and he began to play with my hair.

“I love you,” I told him but fell asleep before I heard his reply.

Determination

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Two

MY HEAD pounded, and I tried not to open my eyes even though the room was dark and cool. I had no idea if it was really late or really early, but I had the feeling I’d slept for a very long time. The fact that Steven hadn’t woken me felt ominous. A weight pressed on my chest, but it was almost comforting, like when my mom used to put her hand on my forehead if I had a fever. As I struggled for consciousness, I tried to think of the last thing I remembered. We were getting ready to go to the shoot, and I took some E, but I couldn’t remember going to the studio or being in a scene.