Desperate (Harris Trilogy Book One) (10 page)

“A young woman who dresses as a man and joins the in
fantry seems to be no innocent. I had no idea you were a virgin. I misjudged you and for that I’m sorry. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”

Kate hissed, “Sorry!
Does that give my innocence back? I thought you wanted to marry me or I would never have made love to you. I explained why I dressed as a man and left my home. I felt I had no other choice. You said you were a man of honor. I see no honor in taking a young girl’s innocence and then saying you’re sorry.” To keep her voice low, she gritted her teeth. She wanted to scream at him, she was so mad. “There are no words to make up for what you have done to me.” The disappointment crumbled her.

He took a long breath.
“After considerable reflection, I hope I have a solution to your predicament. Tomorrow we pack up and go back to Kanway Company. The battle here is over. You have to make a decision. I will contact your grandfather and you can go live with him. The other choice is my parent’s plantation in Richmond. Think about it tonight, and when we get back to our encampment, I will have you escorted where you choose.”  

She could not believe he had used her as he did withou
t considering the consequences. And now he would not even discuss the problem at hand. The pressure inside her chest made it difficult to breathe.

She
bounded off the cot, stood over him with her fists clenched tightly, and snapped, “I hate you! I will always hate you! You are a cad, a rogue, a defiler of women! I hope to never see your face again as long as I live!” She ran to the small cot in the back section of the tent. She fell onto the cot, tears soaking her pillow. She had never been so angry and hurt in her entire life. 

Kate couldn’t sleep.
How could she have been so wrong about him? She thought he was a man of honor. Hopes of marriage to him were gone along with the house full of children. Why had she started making plans for a life with him when he had made no promises? She had been such a fool. Weakness and tension took over and she began to tremble. The tears began and did not end for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, she cried herself into a restless sleep.

It was impossible to d
escribe what David was feeling. He was weary from the battle, and now he felt agony because he had used an innocent young woman because of his desires. He couldn’t sleep knowing Kate slept mere feet from his cot. He still wanted to go to her. He wanted to hold her, console her, to make love to her.

When he saw her standing in the light of the lantern wrapped in the blanket only moments ago
, he wanted her more than anything else in the world. Her classical beauty had bewitched him. Despite his feelings for Kate, he had a fiancé waiting for him back home. Inside the awkward quiet of the room, he felt terrible for the pain he had caused.

****

The next morning Kate woke to inclement weather that matched her foul mood. They were going to have to travel back to camp in the rain. Kate packed her meager belongings and waited outside in the raw air for her horse, Betsy, to be saddled and brought around. 

David
held Betsy’s reins while Kate mounted. She looked into his blue sapphire eyes and saw tremendous pain. She realized he must feel guilty for his appalling behavior. She almost felt sympathy for him. But she needed to stay angry at him, or she would succumb to the lust she still felt for him once again. Besides, the man did not deserve her forgiveness. With a light nudge to Betsy’s sides, she joined the other men already in formation. Head held high, she stared straight ahead determined not to look at him.

A heavy white mist followed them
on their journey back to camp. Kate rode in silence. Her thoughts were on the ultimatum David gave her, his plantation or her grandfather’s. Which one would be the better choice? If she chose her grandfather, she would feel like a turncoat to her mother. If she chose David’s plantation, strangers who have no family connection with her would surround her. At least he was not sending her back home to the unsavory Bob Lewis, and for that she was thankful. Ideas were swarming in her head like hornets when she was interrupted.

Irritated, she gave Lieutenant Emerson
her most menacing stare when he reined his horse in next to hers. “I’m in no mood to spar with you today so go away.”

“I noticed you and Captain Ha
rris seem to be brooding today. Lover’s spat?”

She
had to restrain from slapping the smirk right off his handsome face. She couldn’t elude him without drawing attention to herself. Maybe if she explained her predicament he would be more sympathetic. 

“Lieutenant Emerson, I
know you think my deception appalling. I really had no other recourse, but to dress as a man and join the war. A nearby neighbor tried to force me to marry him. He is a man who repels me. I will not spend my life with a man I detest. Yes, I did fabricate a lie, but I was in a dilemma. I came up with a plan to save myself a life of misery. I am sorry you feel I deceived you, but I was desperate.” Weary of always trying to explain her plight to men who couldn’t understand, she felt like screaming at him. Men could make their own decision about life but a woman had no rights. Society dictates a woman must have a man to make her decisions for her.

Sarcasti
cally, he replied, “It seems Captain Harris has lost his interest in you. Do you need another lover? I’m willing to take on the position if it is open.” 

His lascivio
us smile caused her to cringe. The man had no semblance of decency. “You treat me like I am not a lady, but I assure you Mr. Emerson, I am a lady. If you cannot treat me with respect, please don’t speak to me again!” 

Emerson
tsked his horse into a gallop. His horrid behavior left her outraged. She stared daggers at his back and wished she had something to throw at him. It was going to be a long ride back to camp.

The sun was beginning to fade when they
finally camped for the night. They had not stopped for lunch, and had been riding for hours. The only way she was still in the saddle was her determination not to complain. She was trembling with hunger and fatigue by the time she cared for Betsy. 

Kate was sitting by the campfire, eating her meager meal of cold biscuits, bacon, and jerky with her fellow soldiers
. It was not a cold night, but the warmth from the fire still felt wonderful to her aching body. Over the last three days she had used muscles she did not even know existed and now they were screaming in agony. Not in the mood to talk, she kept her head downcast as she nibbled her cold biscuits. Conversation flowed around her but she didn’t hear a word. She fought back tears as she sat feeling sorry for herself.

When David came to join her and his men by the campfire, Kate had to tamp down the urge to fi
nd a more private place to eat. Still hurt by his treatment of her, he was the last person she wanted to associate.

He
must be as exhausted as she, but he still took time to laugh and joke around with his men. They had a closeness that couldn’t be hidden. It was evident they had a fervent devotion to one another. Seeing how warm and friendly he was with his men, she had to keep reminding herself that she was angry with him because he had wronged her.

It was hard to stay angry at such a g
orgeous, devoted, caring, man. All she really wanted to do was rip his clothes off and ravish him. She had a deep and intimate interest in David Harris which she couldn’t keep under control.

D
etermined to stay away from David, she decided to sleep around the campfire since the rain had ceased earlier in the day. Laying her blanket by the fire, she looked up at the dark, cloudy night. The waning moon tried to peek through the thick clouds, but they were much too dense. She felt so maudlin, and tried to think of happier times when her mom, dad, and brother were still alive. 

She listened to the harmonica player as he played “My
Old Kentucky Home” and “Dixie.” It must be the only two tunes he knew. He never played any other songs. 

A
husky voice next to her ear interrupted her thoughts. “Please come inside the tent to sleep tonight. It would be much more comfortable, and I promise not to touch you.”

She
felt a flutter in her stomach in reaction to David being so close. Forcing herself not to look at him, she huffed, “No, thank you. I do not want to be near you. I’ll be just fine sleeping out here.”

He
reached for her hand but she jerked it away. He sighed tiredly. “Kate, please forgive me. I swear I never meant to hurt you. My desire for you got in the way of logical thinking. I wanted you, and did not stop to think about the consequences. I know I don’t deserve your friendship but I do want it.”

“Regardless of how you feel about me, I can
’t be friends with you, David. I need more, so I think we should stay away from each other. I can’t be near you because I love you, and want to touch you.” Close to tears, she took a deep breath determined not to cry.

He
leaned in close enough for her to feel his breath on her cheek. His soft whisper caused goose bumps to pop out on her skin. “I’m sorry you feel this way. I think you are a beautiful, sweet, and kind young woman, who will not have a problem finding a husband.”   

“Go away D
avid, and leave me alone.” She didn’t want another husband. She only wanted him. Steel in her voice, she whispered, “I have nothing else to say to you. This conversation is over.”

“Be sensible. In the morning you are going to be stiff and sore from sleeping on the damp ground. Come inside and sleep where it is more comfortable.”

Instead of giving him an answer, she turned her back to him.

It was impossible to describe what David was feeling as he slowly walked back to his
tent to turn in for the night. He considered forcing Kate to sleep in the tent so he would at least know she was safe, but then angry as she was, she would probably make a scene. Then how would he explain her conduct to his men?  

Despite his feeling for her, he had an ingrained sense of
duty to his family, and fiancé. It did not matter how much he desired her, they had no future together. Thoughts of her having a life with another man tore at the pit in his stomach. As he lay trying to go to sleep, all he could see in his mind was the lovely, sad face of Kate Monroe.

Chapte
r Five

It was late when the troops of Kanway Company finally arrived at their encampment. They had been victorious against the North in the Virginia wilderness known as Chancellorsville. It was one of the bloodiest battles of the Civil War.

The men were exhausted from the atrocities of the battle
, and the two-day travel to get back to camp. The camp was quiet after everyone was settled. Some soldiers played cards around the campfire, some circulated bottles of whiskey, while others discussed their victory. 

Adam had recovered enough to re
turn with his comrades to camp. Kate cut away the dressing on his leg while he lay on his cot. “I think you are recovering nicely, Adam. I don’t see any sign of infection.”

“Thanks to you, Jake,
I’ll never forget what you did for me.”

“Really Adam, forget it.” She could see how thankful he
was by just looking into his young eyes. 

Just as David predicted, she was sore and stiff from sleeping on the ground last night. Then sitting in the saddle for hours didn’t help her aches and pains.
Tired, Kate stretched and yawned loudly. “I’m exhausted. I think I’ll turn in, goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Jake.”

Sprawled on her back, Kate stared at the canvas ceiling of her dog tent. Even though she was exhausted, she couldn’t sleep. She would be leaving in the morning so she felt the urge to talk to David for one last time. She waited patiently until she heard Adam snoring, and sneaked out of the dog tent they shared. 

With caution
and the cover of darkness, she skirted the backs of the tents until she felt it was safe to duck into David’s quarters. His room would have been pitch, dark if not for the moonlight filtering through an open window. She could just make out his silhouette as he lay on his back. In the dim light she could see his eyes were open and he was deep in thought.

Kate quietly and
shyly spoke, “David, it’s me. Can we please talk?”

He
sat up and looked in her direction. “You are taking a chance coming here this late. Are you sure no one saw you?”

A
s soon as she heard his rich voice, she felt a fluttering in her stomach. “I was careful. No one saw me.”

“What decision have you made, Kate?  Are you going to allow me to contact your grandfather, Roy Talbert, or do you want to s
tay at my parents’ plantation? Those are your two options, which will it be?”

She
had given a lot of thought to her situation. She couldn’t bring herself to forgive her grandfather, so living with him was out of the question. “I have decided to go to your parents’ plantation, but only until I find employment. Under the circumstances, I don’t think it would be very wise if I stayed for a long period of time. After what happened, I need to put some distance between us. I could teach at a school, or be a governess. I will look for employment as soon as I get settled.”

He let out a long breath.
“You will leave in the morning with an escort. Lieutenant Emerson will be escorting you with two other soldiers.”

“Are you
crazy?” Why would he send the man that almost raped her? “Isn’t that like leaving the fox in charge of the hen house? You know he would ravish me if given the chance.”

“Lieutenant Emerson is the only oth
er person who knows your true gender. He will have strict orders not to touch you in any untoward way. Lieutenant Emerson is a good man Kate, and he will follow orders. He will keep your secret until you arrive at your destination. I have already talked to him and I promise you will be safe with him.” His voice softened. “I would never put you in danger.”

She
tried to relax and not worry, but felt she was taking a calculated risk traveling with Lieutenant Emerson. It didn’t help matters any that she couldn’t tolerate the man’s company. He always made her so furious with his lewd remarks. Nevertheless, she decided not to push David to anger since this was probably the last time she would ever see him. “Alright David, if you trust Lieutenant Emerson I guess I should also. It seems I have no other choice. I can’t very well stay here.” Now that she had made her choice, she didn’t see any point of staying. She had said what she came to say. With a heavy heart, she turned intending to go back to her tent. 

“Wait, Kate.”

S
he paused at the door but didn’t turn around to face him. The logical thing to do was keep walking, but she could not seem to control her body. The slight sound of his bare feet on the board floor as he padded across the room had her heart pounding. His fingers tightened on her arms before sliding down to her wrists. She leaned against him. Power and strength vibrated through his body when he touched her causing her to melt. Completely nude, he pressed his shaft against her bottom and she could feel his desire.

With one swift movement
, he twirled her around. He lowered his face toward hers and she held her breath in anticipation. Hard muscles rippled when he wrapped his strong arms around her smaller frame. The moment his lips touched hers all control flew right out the window. She had gone past the point of no return. She pressed her body into his as his hands molded over her buttocks. She opened her mouth and felt his tongue slip inside. Between her thighs an intense throbbing started, and she could feel the moisture. Mesmerized by the pleasure of his tongue meshing with her tongue, she wanted more. Hands pressed against his chest, she moaned.

Bef
ore Kate had time to protest, David picked her up and laid her on his bed. He removed her clothes with haste. The bindings concealing her breasts were the last as he quickly unwrapped, setting them free. The cool air on her nipples felt wonderful. It would feel great to scratch her chaffed skin, but didn’t think that would be very romantic. 

Next to her ear,
he whispered, “I can’t believe you were able to keep your exquisite breasts hidden so well. Something this beautiful should not be kept a secret.” 

Her nipples puckered as soo
n as he touched them. She arched her back and pulled his head tight to her breast as he began to suckle. The sensation was extremely arousing. “That feels heavenly.” Her heart raced with excitement as he tried to take more of her breast into his mouth. Her brain was mush as she tangled her fingers in his hair and ground against his mouth.  

He lowered himself on top of her until his chest wa
s pressed against her breasts. She could feel David’s arousal pushing against the junction between her legs. The heated pleasure was almost more than she could bear as his tongue thrust deep into her mouth and took possession. Weary and feeling a bit dizzy, she gave in to the kiss. She squirmed with pleasure as his hand moved to her thighs. Shivers shot down her spine when he pressed his hand against her. A finger slipped into her sensitive spot, and she arched against him. At the same moment he sucked on her tongue causing her to let out a squeal of pleasure.

She inched her hand over his chest, his stomach, and stopped at his shaft. With a strong grip she wrapped her hand around his stiff, hard, member. His groan of pleasure was so erotic it gave her a feeling of power. 

David spread her legs and entered her. He waited as if asking Kate to make the next move. She spread her legs a little wider, and began to thrust her hips frantically with need. He matched her thrust with wild abandon. Delicious sensations raked her body. She trembled and groaned under him. Blood pumping, she left a trail of kisses over his neck. Thighs clenched around him, her whole body jerked as wave after wave of an orgasm erupted. It seemed to go on forever. With a cry of surprise and delight, she wrapped her legs around him and held on for dear life.

Unable to hold back any longer, h
e released his seed into her with several hard thrusts. He collapsed on top of her breathing heavily. He kissed the tip of her nose before rolling off of her. Exhausted from so many emotions, she took several deep breaths to slow her racing heart. 

David raked his fingers over her arm leaving goose bumps on her skin
. Neither spoke as they lay entwined together for several minutes. Finally Kate was the first to break the silence. “That was magnificent. I have never experienced anything as amazing as the feelings you stir in me.”

“I feel the same way, Kate.
Even though I am engaged to be married, I still need you in my life. Would you consider being my mistress? I promise to give you the best of everything. You will have the best house, clothes, and servants. I will make sure you are well taken care of.”

She
couldn’t believe their lovemaking had not changed anything. She gave herself to him for nothing but pleasure. He still had not changed his mind about marrying her. “I can’t believe I did it again. I let you take advantage of me a second time. I am such a fool. I should have never come here.”

“Is that wh
y you came to me tonight? Did you think I would marry you if we made love again? Maybe you orchestrated this whole interlude.”

A
ngry that David thought she would seduce him to get him to marry her, she snapped, “No, I swear I came only to talk. You have some kind of power over me. I hate that you do. I can’t seem to control myself when I am alone with you. I promise you one thing, it will never happen again.”

“Hold on just a minute. Calm down so we can discuss our feelings like two adults.”
             

Kate poked
her finger into his chest. “I have no more to say to you. Don’t ever come near me again! I can’t wait to be away from you! Your handsome face will never take advantage of me again, you blackguard, you scoundrel!” She stood and began dressing with her back to him. Her jerking movements gave credence to the fact she was fuming mad. She turned to leave with as much dignity as she could muster. 

Before she
could leave his quarters, David replied sadly, “You might as well stay here tonight. You are leaving in a couple of hours, long before the drums announce reveille. Take my bed and I’ll sleep elsewhere.” 

Without giving her a chance to argue, he
gathered his clothes and left her standing in the middle of the room. Waiting until he disappeared through the door, she plopped onto the bed and cried into the pillow. She beat the pillow with her fists as she thought how unfair her life. Not only had she lost her family, but now to lose the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with was devastating. The weight of the last few days was just too much to bear.

****

It seemed as if Kate had just dozed off when David stood over her gently shaking her.  He looked haggard as if he had not slept. Face grim, he stuffed his hands into his pockets. It tugged at her heart for a second, until she remembered he had used her again last night. The man did not deserve her empathy. 

He stepped away from her
and announced in a weary voice, “Your escort is waiting. Lieutenant Emerson will help keep your fabrication until you arrive at my parent’s plantation. He will protect you and keep you safe until you get there. I know you don’t trust or like him, but he is a loyal friend. Here is a note explaining your predicament to my mother. She is a kind woman who will help you make the right decision about your life.”

She opened her mouth to tell him she didn’t need anyone to help her make decisions about her life, but decided to remain silent. Maybe she didn’t use good judgment when she decided to join the Civil War.
She stuffed the note in the pocket of her pants hanging over a chair.

His voice softened.
“Remember my offer is still on the table if nothing else works for you.” His hand wrapped around her wrist, his thumb resting against her pulse. “I think we would be happy together.” 

She stared directly into his
eyes. “Go to hell.”

Disappointment showed on his face. “Let me know if you change your mind.” With that said he left her to get dressed.

Minutes later Kate walked out the entrance to David’s quarters with her head held high. She mounted Betsy, and rode away without looking back. Lieutenant Emerson saluted Captain Harris and followed her with the other two soldiers.

David watched her ride away
with a heavy heart. If only he would have met her before he pledged marriage to Abigail. Kate’s passion, devotion, and beauty made him want to spend the rest of his life with her. Maybe he could find a way to keep her in his life.   

****

The sun was setting before Kate and her escorts stopped for the evening. Famished and weak from not eating all day, she couldn’t wait to have a meal and then go to sleep. Emerson helped her dismount causing curious stares from the other two soldiers from Kanway Company. Her legs trembled with fatigue as Mike led her into the small barn where they planned to spend the night. Not fully recovered from the two day ride back to their camp, her body screamed from the abuse of being on horseback all day.

Strong hands began to massage
her legs until they began to feel better. Her face turned crimson when Lieutenant Emerson’s hands brushed the insides of her thighs. She tried to push his hands away as the memories of almost being raped by him surfaced. “I prefer you don’t touch me.”  

“Believe me yo
u will thank me in the morning. It will help get out some of the soreness.” He peered into her eyes as he touched her legs.