Descending Surfacing (19 page)

‘
So how is Adam feeding?’ asked Fiona, the marketing director opposite me.

‘
Oh, fine.’

‘
Has he started solids yet? My Charlie has just started on baby rice. He loves it.’

‘
Oh, no Adam doesn’t seem to want anything but milk yet.’ I thought babies weren’t supposed to start solids until six months old, but what did I know about it?

Fiona started talking about Charlie’s progress and I switched off again. Anneka was enjoying herself at the end of the table, laughing with the others.

Finally, Fiona finished her monologue and turned away to Karina. So did Mandy, which left no one talking to me. That continued for the rest of the evening, so I ate in silence.

‘
I thought Mandy was really rude to you,’ said Anneka when we went back to her house.

‘
What do you mean?’

‘
She turned her back on you, and never spoke to you.’

‘
I wish I could have sat next to you.’

‘
Next time we’ll arrange it better.’ She gave her elfish smile.

I had to get used to this: I needed mummy friends with little babies. Honey and Tess didn’t have much in common with me now, and Julie’s kids were older. I’d have to put up with a bit of rudeness from the mummies.

I got a text a few days later.

‘
can I see the babey. my mum wants 2.’

I’d forgotten I’d kept Jamie’s number on my phone, or had I kept it for old times’ sake? It would be only fair for him to see Adam. And his mum should too.

So I replied that evening.

‘
Saturday 10th Feb. 2.00. My flat.’

The day dawned. I felt like I was facing a firing squad but nothing would ever be as bad as giving birth.

Jamie shuffled into the flat, glancing round as if trying to remind himself of the layout. A dark haired woman followed.

‘
Hello,’ she stepped forward, holding out her hand. ‘Stacey Kemp.’ She was heavily made up, in a glamorous outfit.

I shook her hand. ‘Emily Walker.’

This was terribly uncomfortable. We were the same height and eye to eye. Stacey’s expression was unfriendly.

‘
My husband’s parking the car. He’ll be here in a minute.’

Jamie was absently fiddling with things around the flat, like he used to.

‘
Can I see my grandson?’ demanded Stacey.

‘
Of course. He’s asleep.’ I led her into my room.

Jamie trailed after his mother. He obviously didn’t want to be there.

Stacey peeped into the cot and exclaimed with surprise. Her face softened.

‘
You looked just like that when you were a baby,’ she turned to her son. ‘Go on!’

He hesitated, looking this way and that but, in the end, curiosity won and he peered over the side. Right at that moment, Adam decided to wake up and glared at him. Jamie jumped and his expression changed. To what, I wasn’t sure: shock, pride, fear? He backed away a little.

‘
My fifth grandchild,’ said Stacey, turning to me. ‘I thought you were lying Emily ‘til I saw him. A proper little Sanchez.’

I picked Adam up, too worried about him to wonder what on earth she meant.

‘
I have to feed him.’ I went to the lounge. I wasn’t going to break his routine just because Jamie had turned up. Unfortunately I wasn’t quick enough, and the door buzzer went, setting Adam off crying. Stacey hurried over.

‘
Hurry up, and be quiet,’ she hissed into it.

A few minutes later, a square, thickset man with a crew cut came in. For an awful moment I thought it was Mr Norton.

‘
Hello love,’ said the man. He had a soft Hampshire accent, it reminded me of a farmer’s.

‘
This is my husband, Trevor. I’ll make a cuppa.’ Stacey bustled into the kitchen.

‘
I’ll help you.’ Trevor followed her as if he was in a walking race.

Jamie was trying not to watch me breastfeeding but couldn’t stop himself, so went to look out of the window.

‘
Jamie, come over here,’ I ordered. He hovered by the sofa uncertainly.

‘
I’ve got something for you.’ He got an envelope out of his tight jeans with some difficulty, and put it next to me. ‘Well, it's for him.’

‘
What is it?’

‘
Money. It’s a hundred.’

‘
Oh! Thank you. But I don’t need it, it's alright.’

‘
You do. I’m not gonna - I’ve got to face up to my responsibilities.’

‘
Is that what your mum said?’

‘
No. Trevor said. He said that’s what a man with kids does. Mum doesn’t know I’m giving it to you.’

‘
Sit next to us.’ I patted the sofa. So he did.

‘
You can look you know,’ I indicated Adam suckling on my breast. ‘You have seen my boobs before, even though they are much bigger now.’

He gave an uneasy laugh and watched curiously.

Stacey and Trevor came out with the tea.

‘
My fifth grandchild, as I was saying,’ she began. ‘My Tanisha’s got Spencer and Chantelle, and my Sonny’s got Jade and Kayleigh. It’ll be nice to have another boy. What’s his name?’

‘
Adam.’

‘
Oh, that’s nice.’ She straightened some things on the coffee table. ‘Are you alright for baby clothes, love? I can get you some from Matalan-‘

‘
Mum. He’s my son. I’ll get clothes,’ interrupted Jamie.

‘
You haven’t even got a job, you lump.’

‘
I’ve had interviews. It won’t be long.’

‘
So you didn’t get that one when we met that time?’ I asked.

‘
No. I was a bit too… shocked.’ He smiled ruefully.

‘
Sorry.’

‘
Can’t be helped. Can I hold him?’

I handed Adam to his father and was amazed that he held him properly.

‘
Aw, bless,’ said Stacey. ‘He’s held so many babies.’

‘
Been lumbered with them, more like,’ said Trevor, the first time he’d been able to get a word in.

So many students I’d worked with came from large families with a constant stream of babies, and so many students actually had their own babies. Perhaps Jamie was more accustomed to them than I’d thought.

‘
What did you mean “a proper little Sanchez”?’ I asked Stacey.

‘
Oh, I come from an exotic line,’ she preened herself. ‘Spanish grandparents, very glamorous.’

Trevor caught my eye resignedly. I guessed he’d heard that story many times.

‘
What do you do now?’ I asked Jamie.

‘
I’m at the college near my mum’s: Greenleaze. I’m doing carpentry and joinery, but I want a part time job too.’ The pride in his voice was obvious. ‘I left Stonefield. It was crap, and anyway, the others-‘

‘
They wound him up something chronic ‘cos of you,’ interrupted Stacey, glaring at me.

‘
Sorry.’ I gulped. Now the inquisition.

‘
Mum-‘ Jamie said quietly, trying not to disturb the cooing Adam who was chewing on his finger with his toothless gums. Perhaps not a good idea to chew on a carpenter’s finger, but I stopped myself commenting.

‘
But it's done now. I was angry with you at first love, but time heals.’ Stacey gave a faint smile. ‘I think you’ve had enough to cope with. I had my Sonny before I married Tanisha and Jamie’s dad. It's hard doing it all by yourself.’

‘
I’ve been really lucky, Mrs Kemp. I’ve got some good friends who’ve helped me no end.’

‘
Stacey, please. Yes, you need help on your own with a new baby.’

‘
Carpentry sounds good.’ I turned back to Jamie. Couldn’t I think of anything more original to say?

‘
Yes,’ said Trevor. ‘His teacher says it calms him down.’

I nodded. A teacher at Stonefield had told me the same thing about another student with a fiery temper; carpentry took such concentration and care that it kept him cool.

We chatted for a little longer, then they had to go.

‘
Keep in touch, love. I’m sorry- I thought terrible things about you but now I’ve met you, I- I’ve changed my mind,’ Stacey blurted out as we parted.

‘
It’s all water under the bridge,’ said Trevor. ‘No point holding grudges.’ What a calm man, I thought. Just what Jamie - and Stacey - need.

‘
We’ll see you at the car, Jamie.’ Trevor directed his protesting wife out of the door.

‘
I’ll tell you the real reason I left Stonefield,’ Jamie said the minute they’d gone.

‘
Do I want to hear this?’

‘
No…. but I’ll tell you. You know that time Aaron got you in the locker room?’

‘
Ye-es?’

‘
I’m bigger than him now, so I beat the sh-‘

I covered Adam’s ears.

‘
Er- the You Know What out of him because of that and they chucked me out. But Greenleaze had to take me ‘cos I never got charged and they said I deserved another chance and their course was better and-‘ he ran out of breath. I’d never heard him talk so much.

‘
So you were defending my honour.’

‘
Yes. Aaron deserved it, he’s a- well, you were right about him. But I’m done with all that now. I wanna have a proper career and do something with my life.’

‘
You’re lucky you never got charged, you know. With your record.’

‘
I know I’m lucky. Trevor said that too. I’m not gonna risk it again.’

We smiled at each other.

‘
Did you know the rails on Adam’s cot are loose? I could come over and- fix them if you like?’

‘
Okay.’

‘
I don’t mean- I’m not chatting you up or nuffing, I’ve got a girlfriend. I just mean as a friend-‘

‘
Oh, get over yourself! I’m not that desperate.’

Luckily he laughed, and I couldn’t help joining in.

‘
What does your girlfriend think of you having a son?’

‘
I haven’t told her yet.’ He avoided my eyes. ‘She knows something’s up, but she’s cool. Trevor said I should wait ‘til I sorted it out with you.’

‘
What’s her name?’

‘
Amy.’

‘
So you’re Jamie and Amy?’ I laughed.

‘
Yeah, everyone says that.’

‘
One more thing. Where did you get the money from?’

‘
Don’t worry, I didn’t nick it. I sold some stuff.’

I liked the new happy Jamie. He’d have to be in my life now he knew about Adam, but it was still a bit weird.

The money Jamie gave me for Adam came in handy. I bought him a highchair, clothes and a little rocking baby seat to help him sit up, or lull him to sleep when he was fretful. But the money soon went, and Adam kept eating, and growing.

Chapter 6

I heard of another group, at the local school. Perhaps Adam would go there one day. What a scary thought that my tiny baby would one day be a school child. Surely he would stay a baby, I told myself cosily. I suppose everyone was a tiny baby once.

So I went to the school group. I didn’t have much hope for it, it was just something to do to fill the time.

I went in and was greeted by a cuddly, curly haired woman, smiling.

‘
Oh, what a little darling,’ she cooed over Adam. ‘Are you here for the baby group?’

I nodded.

‘
I’m Mrs Bunton, the year R teacher. This way, dear.’ She ushered us into a large school hall, well lit by the large windows. Toys were set out on mats where toddlers played. Their mums sat in a group on chairs in the corner, so I sat away from them, tired of making the effort to be friendly. They were bound to be as judgemental as the others were.

But one came over.

‘
Oh, how sweet. What a tiny little baby,’ she smiled. ‘I’m Lisa. That’s my little girl over there, Hannah. She’s two.’

‘
Adam is nearly twelve weeks.’

‘
Oh, bless. Come and sit over here with us.’

She introduced me to Becky, Jeanette, Carly and Shanice. They were all friendly and didn’t ask me anything about Adam’s feeding or sleeping habits.