Descending Surfacing (17 page)

Eric stood up.

‘
Excuse us, please.’ He made a way past the complainers and led me out into the aisle, then into the packed foyer. It was full of shrieking children and teenagers, waiting for the next showing.

‘
Excuse us, thank you so much, very sorry, much obliged.’ Eric’s extreme politeness was like a weapon people could not resist, and he cut a path through the masses to allow me to reach the Ladies. What a relief.

He was waiting when I re-emerged.

‘
Oh you didn’t have to stay. You should have gone back into the film.’

‘
No, I wasn’t enjoying it. Very unoriginal.’

‘
Let’s not bother going back then,’ I decided. Struggling through the crowd was not much fun.

So we went for a coffee in the nearest pub.

‘
Do you know if you are having a boy or a girl?’ Eric asked unexpectedly.

‘
No, I want it to be a surprise.’ I only thought about the bump as ‘the baby’, it hadn’t really occurred to me that it was a person.

‘
If there’s anything I can do to help, just let me know. I was sorry when I heard you weren’t married.’ He obviously disapproved of single mothers. ‘What I meant is that you won't have someone to support you. I suppose the baby’s father isn’t around? I mean, that’s what Julie said.’

‘
No, he isn’t around. What else did she say about him?’

‘
Nothing. Just that. It’s lucky you have some good friends. We’ll be there for you. If that doesn’t sound too much like an American sitcom.’

I laughed. Good to hear him making jokes again. At school his jokes had been so obscure that only David and I had got them. He’d obviously dumbed them down a bit.

‘
God, I feel relaxed.’

‘
So do I.’ He did look happier outdoors but then he always had done, being an archaeology addict.

We sat there, not talking much, but I felt content. The view was lovely; we looked out over the harbour and the boats creeping in and out. Seagulls wheeled, shrieking and fighting for crumbs, children chased them, also shrieking. The odd boat hooter punctuated the lazy scene, making everyone jump.

‘
The film should have finished by now. Shall we?’ He got up and ushered me away from the table, making a great show of it, like a fussy mother hen.

‘
Where have you two been?’ asked Naomi loudly as we met the others in the foyer.

‘
I felt like some fresh air. It was too crowded in the cinema.’

Before she could comment, Eric asked: ‘Was the film good?’

And we were treated to a blow by blow account of it by David who didn’t stop talking until we got to the car which was Eric’s black 4 x 4 people carrier. A family vehicle. Why couldn’t I stop thinking about happy families? Maybe it was simply an archaeology vehicle for going to digs.

‘
Was that film really any good?’ I whispered to Julie.

‘
No, only David liked it.’

‘
What, out of the whole audience?’ I giggled.

‘
Probably,’ she giggled back.

As the year wore on towards autumn, Eric invited us to his latest archaeology dig. They always ran in the summer and luckily this one wasn’t too far away, so we went at the weekend.

I sat in the shade of a vast oak tree. I was seven months pregnant now and it was more comfortable to sit quietly than rush around. Eric had brought a substantial garden chair for me because I was now so heavy I would have fallen through one of those feeble fold-up things.

Julie, Tess and Naomi drifted over to sit with me, tired from the sun.

‘
There’s a nice breeze here,’ observed Julie. ‘I thought this would be really boring, but it isn’t.’

‘
That’s because they’ve actually found some artefacts, I suppose,’ said Tess. ‘It must be so disappointing when they don’t.’

‘
And the view isn’t bad either,’ giggled Naomi.

‘
View?’

‘
Those lads.’ She indicated the archaeologists. There were four young men and two young women, two older men and one older woman, and Eric of course. The young men had been slowly removing clothes through the afternoon, and were now topless. I was uncomfortably reminded of the construction students always stripping off but quickly put the thoughts out of my mind.

‘
You are a letch, Naomi,’ tutted Julie.

‘
What? There’s no harm looking.’

It was like being back at school as we chatted. Talking about boys, our plans for the future.

‘
Do you have any ideas for baby names, Emily?’ asked Tess, breaking the spell.

‘
Not really. I dunno. I haven’t really thought about names,’ I confessed.

‘
Well, there’s not long now, perhaps you should start thinking.’

‘
There’s no rush, though. Some babies aren’t named ‘til well after birth,’ Julie said comfortingly.

There was a reason I hadn’t thought of names: it made the birth all too real and much closer. Too frightening. I preferred to carry on as I was, fat and content, meandering along through my life. My maternity leave started soon. What was I going to do for the month before the birth? Panic, I guess.

‘
Ooh, look!’ Naomi had spotted Eric, finally giving in to the heat and taking his t-shirt off. We all giggled.

‘
He’s filled out a bit since school,’ Julie remarked. ‘He always used to be a beanpole.’

‘
Looks like he’s been on a sun bed too,’ Naomi said. ‘Mr Tanned Man.’

We all giggled again.

It was quite a let down when the archaeologists finished for the day. Sitting doing nothing, being with my friends in the sun was so pleasant, so relaxing.

The month of maternity leave went by quickly as I was so busy preparing for the birth. Julie came round often with advice, ideas on what I would need to buy.

My brother insisted vehemently that he would buy some of the major items for the baby, such as the cot.

‘
I’m sorry it's not a family cot,’ he said the next time he came down. ‘I don’t know where the cot you and I had went.’

‘
Perhaps mum got rid of it.’

‘
Perhaps. She did a lot of that after dad left, didn’t she? Didn’t want to be reminded.’

‘
You’ve got a good memory. I didn’t think you noticed anything after dad left.’

‘
I did notice. I just didn’t say anything about it.’

‘
I suppose you were just being a man and suppressing it all.’

‘
Yes. Anyway, never mind that. This is a new start. A new baby. It will help you to have a baby, Em. Your life will be transformed.’

My little brother had changed so much.

Chapter 4

My baby was born on a cold November night. He cried once, looked annoyed, then stared into my face intensely as the midwife, bless her, asked: ‘Do you want to breast feed?’

I faintly nodded, so the baby was put on my breast.

I wanted to shriek ‘What’s that? Take it away!’ but the moment passed. I was pleased with him but too exhausted to even feel any other emotion.

Thank God Tess and Lesley were there, as I didn’t have a loving husband. Tess looked drained, I suppose I did too. I was covered in blood, exhausted, but relieved it was over. I’m not one to go into gruesome birthing details, don’t worry, but it was something I will never forget. Producing a human being from yourself is beyond description.

Hormones are blessings to women because they wipe our memories and we go on to have more children. If we remembered the awful bits, every woman would only have one child. But I suppose I will only have one child; no one’s going to want me now.

The next six weeks passed in a blur of sleepless nights, crying, milk, nappies and complete confusion. I was so lucky that my friends rallied round as I had no mum.

Julie, having had two children herself, was an oasis of calm and knew what to do. Tess didn’t know what to do, but spent hours taking baby Adam for endless walks through the changeable autumn weather to get him off to sleep when I was exhausted.

Honey spent hours cooking. She couldn’t cook many things but saved my life on lots of occasions by serving up sandwiches or fish fingers when I was too exhausted to move, or when I couldn’t move because I was feeding Adam. I never realised how immobile you were when feeding a baby. You couldn’t go to the loo, eat, drink. You had to concentrate on the baby completely. Not that I wanted to do anything else. Adam was the most gorgeous creature I’d ever seen.

One day Shane insisted on coming round to see Adam. I was too tired to resist.

The door buzzer went and I hobbled over to it. Why couldn’t he take no for an answer? Adam started crying and I screamed with frustration. He’d only been asleep for half an hour!

‘
You woke him up, you idiot!’ I shouted, as Shane stepped through the door. ‘I’d just got him to sleep.’

He nodded. ‘Sorry. I wanted to meet him, it's been a while.’

He picked up the bawling Adam without flinching and rocked him, whispering sweet baby nothings to him. He gave a few cross squawks, then dozed off and began to snore.

‘
How do you do that?’ I asked jealously.

‘
I’ve got more nieces and nephews than I can count. Babies always like me. I’d love to have my own kids.’

I felt sorry for him through the thick fog of exhaustion. I was lucky, really. I could produce a child more or less at will whereas men can’t; they need a woman.

‘
He does look like Jamie, doesn’t he?’ Shane mused, peering down at Adam. ‘Have you told him?’

I shook my head. ‘I’m not going to. It's not fair on him, he’s only a kid. He’s got his life ahead of him.’

‘
Christ, Emily! He deserves to know! He might be pleased. I would be. I’ll tell him if you like.’

‘
Are you still in touch with him, then?’

‘
Not really, but I know people who are.’

‘
I’ll think about it.’

Whatever Shane said, I was sure Jamie would not be pleased.

*  *  *

It was Christmas next week. My first one with a baby. Last Christmas seemed unbelievable, like another Emily’s life. I had been still working at the college, wondering about Jamie’s unpredictable behaviour. That all seemed so silly now. Why had I let him get to me? But, of course, if I hadn’t I wouldn’t now have Adam. Life was certainly strange.

Anyway, the preparations for Christmas were all-consuming. Gareth and family were coming down for Boxing Day. Last year my brother and I had only exchanged Christmas cards but now he was back in my life.

I had so many visitors before Christmas, all bringing a gift for Adam and helping me put up the decorations. I had never had so much attention.

On the twenty-third, Julie came round. ‘Mulled wine?’ She had brought a packet of the ready made spices. ‘I’ll make it.’

‘
I haven’t got any wine.’

‘
But I’ve brought my able assistant with me,’ she giggled.

‘
Good evening,’ David stepped in behind her. He was carrying three bottles of red wine.

‘
How much do you think I’m going to drink?’

‘
Fear not, fair damsel,’ declaimed David. ‘I bring reinforcements.’ Eric and Naomi appeared.

‘
I was just parking the car,’ explained Eric.

‘
We decided you should have a Christmas Eve Eve party,’ said Naomi.

‘
Is this a party then?’ I asked. ‘How nice.’

Adam was wearing his Santa’s Little Helper outfit and chuckling away to himself in his nest of cushions.

‘
Rather cute,’ observed David. ‘Never liked babies but yours is pleasant.’

‘
Thank you so much.’ I caught Eric’s eye and suppressed a giggle. David was like an alien sometimes.

The Eve Eve party went along easily, with no awkwardness and lots of laughter. I liked the way my flat was decorated: tinsel over the pictures, a small fibre optic tree, dangly gold and silver ornaments everywhere, which fascinated Adam.

I was sad when Naomi said she had to set off to visit her parents.

‘
Look, Naomi’s standing under the mistletoe,’ observed Julie nudging David towards her.

‘
Dear me,’ he coughed, blushing slightly. ‘Never liked mistletoe.’

The offending plant had been a gift from Shane- ‘You never know who might come round,’ he had said ambiguously. I didn’t know whether he was referring to a boyfriend for me or himself.