Dark Solace (25 page)

“Why not?” a soft voice said at my
shoulder.

I jumped, and then saw it was Lash. “Shit,
you scared me,” I said angrily. “What are you—?”

Lash’s passionate kiss cut off my words as
his arms went around me, crushing my body to his. He leaned into
me, pressing me to the tree, his hungry mouth moving insistently. I
resisted briefly, then gave in, putting my arms around him.

He kissed me for a long time against the
tree. Although he obviously wanted more, he didn’t make moves to
take it further. Finally he drew back from me slightly, then kissed
my forehead.

“Why are you here?” I asked, thinking
guiltily how good it felt to be back in his arms.

His dark eyes looked into mine. “Devlin is
talking to Danial, and he sent me out here to keep an eye on you. I
think he did it mostly to get me out of Danial’s sight, so Devlin
could calm him down, tell him what to say about how I’m changed
now.”

“Did that include kissing me?”

Lash grinned, and then kissed me again. “I
promised him I wouldn’t make love with you,” he whispered. “I never
said anything about kissing you. I intend to kiss you every chance
I get.” He kissed me again to make his point.

“I thought you wanted to just be my guard,” I
said, slightly irritated. “That’s what you extolled earlier this
evening. Why the sudden change of heart?”

“Because of what you said in there,” Lash
said affectionately, cradling me against his chest. “I didn’t
expect you to stand up for me, Sar. But you did.” He swallowed.
“And besides that, I like to kiss you,” he hissed, then he kissed
me again, his forked tongue winding around mine.

I kissed him back, losing myself in him,
thinking just of how good he was making me feel. Finally, needing
breath, we separated again.

“I always liked kissing you,” he hissed,
tickling my ear with his tongue.

“Are you going to tell me about your tattoo
now?” I said with a smile.

Lash started, surprise in his dark eyes. “I
didn’t think you saw,” he said, sounding embarrassed. “I didn’t
want you to see it.”

When he had changed in my arms in the bright
motel room, I had seen something dark on his back briefly before
we’d started talking. Later, when he’d been distracted by Dev, I’d
gotten a good look, enough to see that it was a snake, a large one,
slithering up his back in coils with the mouth just under his
shoulders, the fangs bared to strike.

My surprise had been in not having noticed it
before then. While Lash and I had been intimate many times, most of
those had been in the dark, or with him partly clothed. When we’d
been in the hotel, Lash had been very careful to always face me,
when he knew I was watching him. It had been then that I’d finally
realized he was trying to hide it from me.. “It’s why you didn’t
shower with me, right?”

“
Yes,” he admitted
grudgingly.

“It’s a cottonmouth, isn’t it?”

He nodded. “When I was eighteen, I had it
done,” he said shyly. “I thought it made me look fearsome. You know
how it is, when you’re eighteen.”

“I do indeed.”

“I wanted to be a badass,” Lash said,
grinning ruefully.

“You succeeded,” I affirmed. “Though I think
the tattoo was just window dressing.”

Lash looked at me uncertainly. “You don’t
think it’s...well, dumb?” he said hesitantly. “I mean, I’m already
a snake. I should have gotten guns and a skull, or an eagle or a
dragon, anything but a snake—”

“I think you should kiss me again,” I said,
smiling. “Right now.”

“Why?” Lash said with both pleasure and
surprise. “You can’t like it—”

“I like it and I like you and I like you to
kiss me,” I said with a eager smile, looking up at him. I ran my
hand up his shoulder to hold his face, caressing him gently. “Is
that enough of a reason?”

“You know it is,” Lash growled, and then he
was kissing me again avidly, his hands going into my hair to tangle
in it, his body leaning into mine, pushing against mine
tightly.

When we separated again a few minutes later,
Lash gave a reluctant sigh. “We need to go. But before we do, I
have something for you, and something to say.”

Here it comes, the love confession. “What?” I
asked.

Instead, I was caught completely by surprise.
“I want you to know I am really sorry about what happened, the
first time we were together,” he hissed, changing in his upset. “I
would have done oral on you then, if I’d had any idea, Sar.” He
paused. “Tell me you know that...that I didn’t...I didn’t not care
I might make you sick. I wouldn’t have done that to you purposely,
not ever. I thought I was okay, that you’d be safe, because I
thought I was...um, clean.”

“I know that,” I said, hugging him and
resisting the urge to tell him I found his struggle for words
endearing. “I knew it when you went that night to check yourself
out at Camlyn’s.”

“I want you to know, if the opportunity ever
comes again...well, that won’t ever happen again.” He looked at me,
and then quickly away. “Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good.” Lash took my hand and put something
made of smooth metal in it.

I looked at him oddly. “Another knife?”

“Sar, the first knife I gave you is more
ceremonial that functional. I’m glad you liked it, but I intended
you to just keep it as a memento of me. This one is more
functional. And you can slip it in your pocket easily. You don't
have to have on a belt to carry it.” He flicked his hand, and the
blade flipped out. “It’s sharp, so be careful,” Lash said
seriously. “But you can carry it in your purse, and if you need a
knife, you’ll have one.”

“Are you going to teach me how to fight with
one, too?” I joked.

He gave me a faint smile. “No. You need to
fight someone with a knife, you call me, and I’ll do the fighting.
This is just for emergencies, like phone cords or snarled
hair—”

My face split into a wide smile. “You
ass!”

I gave him a shove. Lash was laughing so hard
he fell down on his ass in the dirt. He just sat there for a while
and laughed, looking up at me. I laughed, too, then offered him a
hand up.

We walked back to the house together. When we
arrived, Devlin was still “talking” to Danial, and from the loud
yelling that was going on, neither of us wanted to go in. Also, I
was both tired and cold.

“Lash, can you go inside and tell Dev I’m
teleporting back to Hayden? I’m exhausted, and I need to get some
sleep.”

“Just go ahead and go,” Lash said, giving me
a quick kiss on the forehead. “I need to stay here, but you go get
some rest. I’ll let him know where you went, when they’re
done.”

I nodded, and teleported to Hayden, ending up
in the kitchen. No one was there, though Serena’s baking stuff was
all put away. I took my second shower of the night, and then put on
a fresh nightgown, and crawled into Devlin’s bed. I fell asleep the
moment my head hit the pillows.

I awoke hours later, when Devlin slid into
bed beside me and took me in his arms.

“Danial agreed to stick to our story. But he
said if Lash should fail again, he wasn’t going to donate any blood
to save him. But I’ll get him to change his mind,” Devlin said
determinedly. “Somehow.”

I awoke at dusk. Immediately, I felt a heavy
weight on me, and it wasn’t Devlin, though he was laying on my
chest. Today I needed to go home and face Theo. If I waited too
much longer, Danial would tell him about Lash and I, and I didn’t
want him to find out that way.

I got up reluctantly, and got dressed. There
was no sense putting off the misery.

Devlin stretched happily. “You know, in a few
days I won’t need an eye patch anymore.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” I said, smiling
briefly. “Though I find you a very sexy pirate.”

“I’ll still wear it sometimes for you,” Dev
promised. “Are you off to bake with Serena?”

“No, I’ve got to go see Theo and get the big
confession over with.”

“Shouldn’t you shower first?” Devlin said,
confused. “You smell like me, Sar. Theo will be angry with you just
for that—”

“I’m done with that,” I said, interrupting
him. “I’m done with taking showers every other minute, so as not to
offend him. It makes it seem as if I’m sneaking around with
multiple lovers. You all know where I am at any given time, who I’m
with, and what we do when I’m there. Anyone who doesn’t like how I
smell, they don’t have to get close enough to me to let it bother
them. And that includes you, too.”

Devlin said nothing for a moment. “I
understand. You found more than Lash that night you saved him,
didn’t you, my Sar?”

“Yes. I found myself. I have spent this whole
last year trying to balance everybody else’s needs. I just ended up
driving myself crazy. I’m not going to do it anymore.”

Devlin sat up. “If you need someplace to go
later tonight, you know my home is open to you. Danial’s is as
well, even if he’s still upset with you.”

He was offering because he thought Theo might
tell me it was over between us. It was a real possibility. I should
prepare myself for it, and make some contingency plans.

“I know,” I said, shooting him a grateful
look. “Thank you for that. I may be back tonight, if things go
badly.”

“Good luck,” Devlin said, lying back in bed,
and folding his hands behind his head.

“Thanks,” I said opening his bedroom door.
“I’m going to need it.”

* * * *

When I arrived at my house, Theo embraced me
immediately. Then he caught Devlin’s scent, and gave me a cold
look. “Why didn’t you shower?”

His attitude just made this easier. “Come in
here, please,” I said wearily. “I have things to tell you.”

I sat him down on the couch and told him
everything, condensing the time Lash and I spent together after I
saved him into that when I had saved him, we’d had sex.

“Did he force you?” Theo growled. “Or did you
want him?”

I wanted to lie, but I didn’t. I wasn’t going
to lie to him, no matter how much easier it would have made things.
“I wanted him.”

There was silence for a full minute.

“Are you going to leave me and our baby, and
go live with him and Devlin?” Theo asked, real fear in his tone
that the answer would be yes.

“No.”

Theo’s fear immediately changed to fury, his
fangs erupting, slurring his words. “Are you going to fuck him
again?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered. “Devlin
expressed an interest in him being with us—”

“Don’t tell me another word about your
deviant sex games,” Theo growled menacingly.

I went quiet.

“Just the thought of you and him, the thought
of him in you, that you wanted him there, really wanted him—”

“Theo—”

Theo roared, so much rage, misery, and
despair that I shrank back from him on the couch. He leapt up and
left, slamming out of the house. The noise woke Devon, who began to
howl from our bedroom.

I went in and comforted him until he was
purring again. “I’m sorry, Devon,” I said, hugging him. “Whatever
happens, I love you. I’m not leaving you. That isn’t going to
change, ever.”

I lay there for a while with him, listening
to him purr as I sniffled and felt sorry for myself. Then I dried
my tears and told myself to be strong. This was the price. I’d
known it before I’d left here. And if I had it to do over again, I
would still go to save Lash. And when given the choice of being
with him, I’d still look into his dark eyes and say yes.

Leaving Devon sleeping on the bed, I
showered, then had dinner, giving Devon some wet cat food for a
treat. Then we both went to bed.

Just before dawn, I felt Theo slide into bed
beside Devon and I. But he stayed on his side, and didn’t touch me.
I didn’t know what to say, so I waited in silence.

“I’m sorry I left how I did,” he said
finally. “I needed to get out some of the rage I was feeling. I
drove to Danial’s land, and killed a deer. I didn’t eat it. I just
ripped it to shreds.”

I was horrified, even though by his tone he
was ashamed of what he had done.

“I showered at Danial’s. I talked to him for
a while about everything. Devlin had told him, he said. He was
upset, though not as much as I was, or am. Some of what he said
made me feel better.” He paused. “And some of what he said made me
feel worse.”

Danial had told him his supposition that what
had happened was more than just sex. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” I said
finally. “Can you forgive me?”

Theo was silent a long, long time. “Sometimes
there is just too much to forgive,” he said finally. “Isn’t that
what you said, Sar?”

About Dev and Catherine. “Yes.”

“That’s how I feel.”

I faced him, pushing away the guilt. “Do you
want me to leave? If you do, I will. I don’t want you to have to
take our child from his home, and this is your home more than it is
mine now. You are the one who’s been here taking care of—”

“I don’t want you to leave. But I can’t
forgive you either.”

“Then what do you want me to do?” I said,
exasperated. “Tell me, Theo.”

“I want you to stay, and for us to go back to
counseling,” he said softly. “I meant what I said, when I gave you
my word not to ever leave you. I love you. But you broke your
promise to me, Sar, and I don’t trust you, not anymore. And I can’t
be intimate with you if I can’t trust you.”

“Okay,” I agreed. “I understand.”

“It matters to me that you told me. It
matters that you could have hid this from me, and you didn’t,
knowing that I might never find out. Dev, Lash, and Titus would
never have told me. Danial would not have either, knowing how much
it would hurt me. But you did, because you cared enough about me
not to keep this a secret. You told me the truth, when you knew I’d
probably turn from you because of it. That means something to
me.”